10. Chas & Dave - Rabbit
Because I promised / threatened Dick Van Dyke.
One thing I never got about this song... when was the last time you saw rabbit in Sainsbury's?
9. The Coasters - Yakety Yak
Clive Anderson, all is forgiven.
8. Transvision Vamp - Tell That Girl To Shut Up
Look, I know you were expecting Shut Up by Madness, but I just didn't have room for it. Call it #11. If you're wondering how this made the chart when that didn't, the simple answer is... I never fancied Suggs when I was 16.
7. Elvis Presley - A Little Less Conversation
No need for the JXL version here when the original has a video (from the movie Live A Little, Love A Little) as groovy as this.
6. Talk Talk - Talk Talk
One day I might compile a list of songs named after the bands that sing them. Will this be Number One... or Living In A Box?
All you do to me is talk talk
5. Squeeze - Trust Me To Open My Mouth
I need a gobstopper to keep my trap shut
Should have kept my nose clean
Why's it me that gets the bad luck?
4. Deep Purple - Hush
Written by Joe 'Games People Play' South and originally recorded by Billy Joe Royal (no, me neither). You may be more familiar with the Kula Shaker version. I won't hold that against you.
3. The Smiths - Bigmouth Strikes Again
The next time Morrissey says something designed to get the collective knickers in a twist, everyone should consider one of his most honest lyrical declarations...
Sweetness, sweetness I was only joking
When I said I'd like to smash every tooth
In your head
Oh ... sweetness, sweetness, I was only joking
When I said by rights you should be
Bludgeoned in your bed
Bigmouth strikes again
And I've got no right to take my place
With the Human race
2. Elvis Costello - Mouth Almighty
One of my favourite Costello songs from his best album, Punch The Clock.
This town belongs to you and your tricks of confidence
All the pavements for miles around are littered with your footprints
Now every girl I get close to seems to be wearing your perfume
And the clock strikes the letters of your name
Both midnight and noon
I wish I'd never opened my mouth almighty...
1. Julian Cope - World, Shut Your Mouth
It may be flying in the face of fashion... but, beat this!
These are the songs I sing when I want someone to pipe down. Which one are you singing back at me right now?