Wednesday, 31 May 2023
TV On The Radio #10: Last Of The Summer Wine
Tuesday, 30 May 2023
Namesakes #36: Space
Monday, 29 May 2023
Celebrity Jukebox #90: Martin Amis
Sunday, 28 May 2023
Snapshots #294: A Top Ten Songs You'd Find In A Toolbox
Whose image could be more appropriate for a Top Ten songs about Tools than the voice of Buzz Lightyear, American comic Tim Allen? Not because he's a colossal tool... because he was the star of "hilarious" 90s sitcom Home Improvements. Of course...
10. What you'd call three J-Los.
A trinity of Lopez...
Trini Lopez - If I Had A Hammer
9. Alecia Moore Angry!
Alecia Moore is P!nk. These guys look pretty cross.
8. I'm Ezra Kelt, very confused.
"I'm Ezra Kelt" is an anagram for...
Mark Eitzel - Fresh Screwdriver
7. Sounds like a subtle, non-aggressive advertising campaign.
They're using the soft sell technique.
Look, you may not have a torch in your toolbox, but all the online guides recommend one. A lot of research goes into this feature, you know!
6. A Blur of Fruit Pastilles.
Fruit Pastilles are made by Rowntrees. Dave is from Blur, but was also a Labour councillor from 2017 - 2021, hence the tie.
5. Distant relatives of Phil, Joan and Lewis?
Phil Collins, Joan Collins and Lewis Collins might be distantly related to Ansell Collins... but not to Dave, whose surname is Barker.
Dave & Ansell Collins - Monkey Spanner
4. Might be hard men when they grow up...
...but they were just Soft Boys.
3. What the monks drink when there's a storm outside their house... and they're Making Plans for Ellie.
When there's a gale outside the abbey, the monks drink mead. We're making plans for Nigel and Ellie Goulding.
Abigail Mead & Nigel Goulding - Full Metal Jacket (I Wanna Be Your Drill Instructor)
2. Two men, a drum machine and (occasionally) a trumpet.
Ian and Will were the main Bunnymen, with their drum machine was called Echo... or was it? There's definitely a trumpet on this track though...
Echo & The Bunnymen - The Cutter
1. UFOs.
Get tooled up for more Snapshots next Saturday...
Saturday, 27 May 2023
Saturday Snapshots #294
Welcome to a Room with a View of ten pop celebrities. Identify them all and work out what connects their songs. None of them have anything to do with Helena Bonham Carter, but here she is holding a camera anyway...
10. What you'd call three J-Los.
9. Alecia Moore Angry!
8. I'm Ezra Kelt, very confused.
7. Sounds like a subtle, non-aggressive advertising campaign.
6. A Blur of Fruit Pastilles.
5. Distant relatives of Phil, Joan and Lewis?
4. Might be hard men when they grow up.
3. What the monks drink when there's a storm outside their house... and they're Making Plans for Ellie.
2. Two men, a drum machine and (occasionally) a trumpet.
1. UFOs.
View the answers tomorrow morning...
Friday, 26 May 2023
Celebrity Jukebox #89: Tina Turner
Thursday, 25 May 2023
Mid-Life Crisis Songs #93: Older Than Inspector Morse
As mentioned previously, I’ve been rewatching old episodes of Inspector Morse lately. John Thaw is still excellent, and I’ve discovered a fresh appreciation of Kevin Whately. It’s strange watching TV from the 80s though – the cameras are all fixed and rarely move, not even to pan across a room. The shots are long and slow and don’t cut between multiple angles in a scene. It’s made me realise just how fast-moving the direction is on modern TV and film, probably something to do with our rapidly-decreasing attention spans. That said, there’s something quite relaxing about the wonderfully languid pace of Morse, it’s perfect pre-bed TV, even if the exposition feels a little clunky in places due to the nature of Colin Dexter’s crossword-puzzle plotting. Those lengthy explanations work better in novels than they do on TV.
A horrific realisation smacked me in the face during the latest episode though. I’m midway through Series 2 at the moment, which I originally watched with my parents in 1988 when I was 16. Back then, Inspector Morse seemed a very (grumpy) old man to me… but actually, John Thaw was but a strip of a lad in the grand scheme of things. He was 46. Which means that I am currently five years older than Inspector Morse. This is more than my head can cope with.
Even harder to process is the death of Andy Rourke, aged just 59. I’ve no time for any obituaries that use Rourke’s death as a further excuse to cancel Morrissey; we should be able to respect the glory of The Smiths and all they meant to us without getting dragged into another debate on the latter day crimes of the lead singer. The thing about The Smiths is, they were far more than the sum of their parts. A chemical reaction occurred when Morrissey, Marr, Rourke and Joyce were together, elevating each band member far beyond their individual talents, creating true alchemy. Let's celebrate Rourke's life by remembering the good times...
Wednesday, 24 May 2023
TV On The Radio #9: A Question of Sport
It seems bizarre now, how much we all sat around the TV of an evening when I was growing up, watching whatever was on, even if the show in question held no interest for me. Case in point: A Question of Sport, hosted by human Spitting Image puppet David Coleman, with team captains "cheeky" footballer Emlyn Hughes and the world's least charismatic rugby player, Bill Beaumont. Why did I watch it week after week when I had no interest in sport, couldn't answer any of the questions, and had no idea who any of the contestants were, unless it was Steve Davis or Ian Botham?
It seems even more bizarre that A Question of Sport is still going. I understand there was a bit of a scandal recently when the BBC sacked longtime presenter Sue Barker for being too old. To add insult to injury, they replaced her with 3D-printed "funny man" facsimile Paddy McGuinnes, a quizmaster who makes David Coleman look like Magnus Magnusson. You can probably guess I don't still watch it, 40 years later.
I was sure Depeche Mode must have done a song named after A Question Of Sport. After all, they did give us...
Depeche Mode - A Question Of Time
...and...
Depeche Mode - A Question Of Lust
...but clearly Martin Gore (who wrote both) isn't a sports fan.
When this next one cropped up on my lyric search, I thought it was a song called Courting by the London "indietronica" band Grand National. (I wish I'd made that genre up as a joke.) But no, it's a song called Grand National by Liverpudlian post-punk band Courting...
It's just a question of sport, we’re all just setting the course
We're all just cracking the whip with some incredible force
The late great Cathal Coughlan, formerly of Microdisney and The Fatima Mansions, appears to be someone else who forced himself to watch A Question of Sport...
I learned to tell jokes,
answer Questions Of Sport,
I would run for charity.
Cathal Coughlan & The Grand Necropolitan Quartet - Best Say We're Not Serious
Here are three songs named after the world's dullest quiz programme (some of you may care to disagree, alternate views are permitted), each of them guaranteed to be more thrilling than half an hour guessing What Happened Next?
Whirling Pig Dervish - A Question Of Sport
Bureaucrats - A Question Of Sport
Citizen Cain - Question Of Sport
Today's top tune comes from the world of folk though... a little bit of (historical) political commentary from Eliza's dad...
Now the first that I met when I came into land
Was the Grantham grocer's daughter
She cried aloud, "How sorry I am
There wasn't anybody here for to caught you"
She crooned in my ear like I knew she could
Her Cabinet briefing on the misunderstood
Bathed my wounds in my very own blood
Calling on the world press to support her
Tuesday, 23 May 2023
Namesakes #35: The Flies / Flys
THE FLYS #5
Monday, 22 May 2023
Celebrity Jukebox #88: April Stevens
I'm guessing Caroline Vincinette LoTempio changed her name to April Stevens because she was born in the fourth month of the year. Sadly she passed away April just gone, aged 93. With her brother Nino Tempo, she had a big hit in 1963 with a song that would later name a famous rock band...
Nino Tempo & April Stevens - Deep Purple
A few years earlier, she'd caused quite a scandal with this raunchy solo hit...
April Stevens - Teach Me Tiger
The Celebrity Jukebox remembers April through two fine tunes, both referencing her tiger cub days, firstly from another of our Canadian pals...
You be April Stevens, I'll be April Wine
You be Israel, I will be Palestine
Come on "Teach Me, Tiger", come on and show me tricks
Let me take my time and take a couple lazy licks
And secondly from our old pals Tullycraft...
From a mic stand on a milk crate
To a rhinestone Butterfield 8
Audition tapes play on
The house band plays behind her
A pinned-down "Teach Me Tiger"
The stage lights flicker on
The barkeep whispers treason
And lights a flame for April Stevens
And the Nino Tempo fanbase
As he defends and counts the reasons
The pavement shows on her skin
Like the distant sounds of Berlin
He's convinced to death that she’ll fail
Still she paints her toenails red for him
Sunday, 21 May 2023
Snapshots #293: A Top Ten Boyband Songs (sort of)
10. He Felt different in new material...
That's Lawrence. He was in Felt. Then he changed to...
And if you're going to get picky and tell me that Marie wasn't a boy, well, I did my research, and Marie wasn't really in The Osmonds. She had a solo career and duetted with Donny, but "the group had its best-known configurations as a quartet (billed as the Osmond Brothers) and a quintet (as the Osmonds)."
To be fair, it feels like cheating, including Crazy Horses.
9. A Stewart is a Scott.
Patrick Stewart + F. Scott Fitzgerald gives us...
Patrik Fitzgerald - The Backstreet Boys
Backstreet Boys - Everybody (Backstreet's Back)
8. The People's Fiend.
Obviously Chuck and Flavor were not fans.
7. Crowd of kilts.
This was a band put together by Nick Lowe and Rat Scabies as a way of helping Nick get out of his record contract.
The Tartan Horde - Bay City Rollers, We Love You
Bay City Rollers - Bye Bye Baby
6. This sounds like Rachel's.
Rachel's sounds like Ray Charles, to these aging ears...
My favourite of the boy bands featured today.
5. Living next door to a howler.
Living Next Door To Alice, who's a real Wolf...
4. How you might greet Bruce, John and Jeff.
Hey, Waynes!
The Haywains - New Kids On The Block
New Kids On The Block - You Got It (The Right Stuff)
3. Enoch, Jill, Tim: Amalgamated.
Amalgamate the letters from Enoch, Jill, Tim and you can spell out...
2. Mind them.
Mind the gap!
Big Fun - Blame It On The Boogie
1. In demand. Sort of.
One anagram of demand is... Damned!
The Damned - Take That
Saturday, 20 May 2023
Saturday Snapshots #293
10. He Felt different in new material...
9. A Stewart is a Scott.
8. The People's Fiend.
7. Crowd of kilts.
6. This sounds like Rachel's.
5. Living next door to a howler.
4. How you might greet Bruce, John and Jeff.
3. Enoch, Jill, Tim: Amalgamated.
2. Mind them.
1. In demand. Sort of.
If any of these prove Unbreakable, the answers will become Obvious tomorrow morning...