10. Shot in Sarajevo.
9. You're on your own in court.
8. Clocking off time.
7. What time is it, Mr. McGoohan?
6. Found confused in a nerd alley.
5. A wee insect.
4. This is a fiery Topic.
3. Stars of the small screen.
2. Ask Rik when he's got himself back together.
1. Hedge and Thicket.
Answers tomorrow morning.
In case you've just arrived from another planet, iffypedia tells us that, "Jelly Babies are a type of soft sugar jelly sweets in the shape of plump babies, sold in a variety of colours." Something about the use of the phrase "plump babies" in that sentence makes me consider Jelly Babies in a far more sinister light than I ever have. If you have just arrived from another planet, please note that we do not eat human babies, no matter how plump and tasty they might look.
To make matters worse, Jelly Babies were originally called "Unclaimed Babies". I'd like to reiterate... we do not eat human babies, claimed or unclaimed.
Jelly Babies were a big favourite of Tom Baker's Doctor Who...
When Beatles fans found out that George Harrison liked the odd Jelly Baby, they started chucking them at the band. But they didn't have Jelly Babies in the USA, so when the band went over there, people chucked Jelly Beans at them instead. Which were a lot harder.
George Harrison on Jelly Beans.
Even more dangerous is the popular school science experiment, The Screaming Jelly Baby. Luckily nobody ever chucked one of those at The Beatles.
There were a couple of bands named after Jelly Babies, but I could only find music by one of them...
The Jelly Babies - The Pleasure Of Her Company
Beyond those guys, who else likes their Jelly Babies in the world of pop...?
Let's start with a classy B-side from Hot Chip...
1982 was a great year for music. And then there was Johnny Demestos...
Johnny Demestos – Leave My Jelly Babies Alone
Did you know that Barbra Streisand once sang a song about Jelly Babies?
OK, that's not strictly the truth. However, once you've read the lyrics below, you might wish that was what the song was about...
Barbra Streisand - Guava Jelly
I always thought Babs was such a sweet young thing. Like butter wouldn't melt. Then I saw the cover of the album that came from...
...which has surely got to be one of the worst album covers ever. You call your album ButterFly, and that's the image you decide to go with, Babs?
I subsequently learned that the album was solely produced by her then-boyfriend, Jon Peters... so I'm guessing clear heads might not have been involved in the cover selection process.
Guava Jelly was originally recorded by Bob Marley. And somehow, his version seems a lot less sordid...
But I've gone off on a tangent as I'm pretty sure neither Bob nor Babs were thinking about Jelly Babies when they sang that song (although the white powder the sweets are often covered in might have been of interest to Jon Peters).
Here's a whole shop full of sweets, including Jelly Babies, Rhubarb & Custard and a quarter of Sherbet Lemons...
But today's best tune comes from Ipswich punks The Adicts (originally known as Afterbirth, until wiser minds prevailed), from their 1985 album, Smart Alex. If only because it includes the lyrical couplet below...
They don't write 'em like that anymore.
What are you doing at the party, Sam?
Karaoke.
Yeah? What are you going to sing?
Some of my favourite songs that are modern and you won't know.
Huh. You want modern songs? I'll give you modern songs, son. Look, I made you a CD!
Boomtown Rats - She's So Modern
Idlewild - A Modern Way Of Letting Go
Neil Diamond -A Modern Day Version Of Love
Ben Kyle & Romantica - How to Live in a Modern World
Terry, Blair & Anouchka - Ultra Modern Nursery Rhyme
Jesse Malin - In The Modern World
Daryl Hall & John Oates - Method of Modern Love
Charm School – Excerpts from the Modern Song
The Humdrum Express - The Curse Of The Modern Musician
Belle and Sebastian - This Is Just A Modern Rock Song
Jefferson Starship - Modern Times
Actually, wait, seriously... here's a song that was only released last week. You don't get more modern than that, do you?
Bleachers are from New Jersey. They're the brainchild of guitarist and producer Jack Antanoff, who used to be in Fun. They have featured here before, but this is their latest single, and it's pretty damned good for a modern pop song... even though it does harken back to the 70s and 80s, like most of their stuff.
All irregularities will be handled by the forces controlling each dimension. Transuranic heavy elements may not be used where there is life. Medium atomic weights are available: Gold, Lead, Copper, Jet, Diamond, Radium, Sapphire, Silver and Steel. Sapphire and Steel have been assigned.
If ever anyone calls me a "glass half empty kind of guy", I usually respond that the glass has been dry for years and is currently shattered into a million pieces that lacerate my feet whenever I cross the kitchen floor.
Nick Lowe - I Love The Sound Of Breaking Glass
Being a grumpy old git, and playing on it, has been my default setting since I was a teenager. It usually raises a laugh, and then I get the social validation that comes from people reacting in a positive way to something I've said. Don't look at me like that, we all know that's how it works - you get a smile or a laugh from a friend, a colleague, or even a total stranger, and you get that little dopamine hit that keeps you going.
Little Man Tate - Half Empty Glass
But as part of my Cynical Self-Help Programme, I'm challenging everything now. And I've started to wonder if playing this part all these years has been a self-fulfilling prophecy?
Well, d'oh.
Frank Sinatra - Glad To Be Unhappy
The question is, can I still get the same response from others by being a happy person? I mean, as we all know, there's nothing more annoying than... well...
When I started this series, I toyed with the idea of calling it Positive Thinking For Negative Bastards. How do you turn that frown upside down... without being the kind of person who says things like "Turn that frown upside down"? Because you know how annoying those people are.
Courtney Barnett - Debbie Downer
Part of the answer is not to preach.
But what are you doing here right now, yiu hypocrite?
Oh look, there's the voice of my intrusive thoughts again. I'm going to call him Ian. Ian Trusive. I think it's important we acknowledge him when he has something to say.
Patronising git. Isn't the very act of blogging about this subject preachy? Come read Rol's great sermon on how to be a better man?
"Oh woe is me, and just listen to how smug and sanctimonious I am about it..."
Maybe so, Ian. But I'm not writing this series for anybody other than myself. It's nice if people do read and occasionally leave a comment (all hail the dopamine hits!), but that's not why I'm writing it.
At the end of his album Peace Queer, Todd Snider talks about how some people have accused him of getting more and more opinionated in his songs. He replies with a line I'm going to steal, because it perfectly sums up this series...
Todd Snider - Ponce Of The Flaming Peace Queer
Whether the glass is half empty or half full is only a matter of perception. And like a lot of the things we think, it's a matter of choice. I'm trying to choose the other path - and if Ian and his pals consider that the high road, well fair enough. I'll still be in Scotland before him...
10. Leg, Suit, Dream.
Wet Leg, Wet Suit, Wet Dream...
Wet Wet Wet - Sweet Little Mystery
9. Spider-Man's son?
Spider-Man is Peter Parker. Shh. It's a secret identity.
That's the original. Long before Elvis got his hands on it.
8. Fair Lady who likes to smooch fish.
My Fair Lady is Eliza Doolittle. If she smooches fish, she might be doing some gil kissing.
Eliza Gilkyson - Mister Mystery
7. Frank n Barry, after a punch up.
Frank Black 'n' Barry Blue get into a scrap, end up looking...
Video of the week. Why wasn't that a hit?
6. You'll find them in Hell or Heaven.
Hell or Heaven.
5. Two blogging pals get together in a Trojan Hymn.
John and Martin (or Martyn) get into an anagram...
John Martyn - Sweet Little Mystery
4. Humbug, baloney, twaddle.
What a load of tosh.
3. Sounds like Paul and Randy... but not the same.
Sounds like Paul and Randy Newman, but not quite the same...
Gary Numan - We Take Mystery (To Bed)
2. Get into ya house, young lady.
Get into ya house.
1. Is he Basil's mate or similar to a buffalo?
Basil Brush's mate was Mr. Roy. Or (a) bison?
Bono wrote this. Proof that even a stopped clock is right twice a day.
Roy Orbison - She's A Mystery To Me
10. Leg, Suit, Dream.
9. Spider-Man's son?
8. Fair Lady who likes to smooch fish.
7. Frank n Barry, after a punch up.
6. You'll find them in Hell or Heaven.
5. Two blogging pals get together in a Trojan Hymn.
4. Humbug, baloney, twaddle.
3. Sounds like Paul and Randy... but not the same.
2. Get into ya house, young lady.
1. Is he Basil's mate or similar to a buffalo?
Just one more thing... I'll be back here tomorrow morning with the answers...
Some of the many causes of low self-esteem may include: Unhappy childhood where parents (or other significant people such as teachers) were extremely critical. Poor academic performance in school resulting in a lack of confidence. Ongoing stressful life event such as relationship breakdown or financial trouble.
Say positive things to yourself. Some people like to do this in front of a mirror. It can feel strange at first, but you may feel more comfortable the more you do it.
If you don't love yourself, you won't be happy with yourself. If you can't love yourself, you can't love anyone else. You can't make anyone love you without loving yourself first.
But where I come from, Kemi, there's nothing worse than someone who loves themselves. We call that arrogance, egomania... or being just like Kevin.
The Undertones - My Perfect Cousin
In my head, loving yourself goes hand in hand with not giving a shit about anyone else. And I've spent my whole life fighting against people like that. Or at least getting exceedingly pissed off by them.
The Legend! - Arrogant Bastards
How then to find the right balance? Well, much as I would like someone to send me to work in a top restaurant for a week so that I can learn how to like myself, it's probably not going to happen. Mind says, "Try to avoid comparing yourself to others." So I'll put Cousin Ritchie out of my mind.
The Big Sound Authority - Be True To Yourself
I started this post with the original version of Respect Yourself by The Staple Singers. It's a fine song. A classic. But you know what? The 1987 cover version by Bruce Willis means much more to me. As I've mentioned before, it was the first 7" single I ever bought. Many people are ashamed by their first record purchase and make excuses for it, saying things like, "I was really young and I hadn't developed my musical taste..." I could say the same... but honestly, I listen to this now and it still makes me smile the way it did when I was 15. And I guess I respect myself at least enough to admit that to you.
Ben bought me the C86 book by Nige Tassell last Christmas and I finally got around to starting it over the summer. It's an absorbing read, with a chapter devoted to every band who featured on the NME's legendary C86 cassette, catching up with them, finding out where they are and what they're up to now. Beyond the ones that are obviously still around - like Primal Scream, The Wedding Present and Half Man Half Biscuit - many of the others are still involved in music in one form or another, and most (with the exception of Bobby Gillespie, natch) are very down to earth about it.
Most music books deal with the big names, the stadium giants who live a life we can't imagine and talk about music like it's a kind of alchemy (and I guess if it takes you to that level of success, it is). The interviews here feature everyday people having a cup of tea in their front room, walking their dog in a graveyard, or getting up early to go bird-watching... and as such, it demystifies the music industry and you realise that pop stars are just like you and me. Some of them get lucky, but most of them enjoy (or completely bungle) their 15 minutes and then shuffle off to get on with the rest of their lives. Amusingly, quite a few of the bands lament the song they chose for the C86 compilation, saying they feel they had far better tracks to offer, but either didn't realise how significant C86 was going to be or just couldn't be bothered. (Stump, for example, blew most of the £500 the NME gave them on nights out, then recorded a really crappy version of one of their best tunes which didn't do it any justice.)
(That's not the version they gave the NME.)
Although I'm not even halfway through the book due to my usual snail's pace at reading anything these days, the most interesting observation thus far came from Dave Newton of the Mighty Lemon Drops who was explaining why he thought his band went on to enjoy more success in the States (where he now lives) than in their home country. He put this squarely down to what he calls "tribalism"...
"Over here, it's amazing how many people who like us or the Bunnymen also like Van Halen. I don't get that. Some Americans think I'm not telling the truth about bands like that - or that I'm some kind of snob. No, it's just not conceivable that in the UK you'd like Wah! Heat and Bon Jovi. But you see it here on kids' schoolbags where they've written both Rush and the Sex Pistols. Really?! How can you love both?"
And as soon as I read this, I realised where I went wrong as a kid. And where I still go wrong today, as a blogger. The closest I can get to tribalism is to say that I don't really care for dance music post 1987, but I think that's more to do with the way I process music - lyrics first. When I was a kid, I liked most pop and rock music, from any era. Then, as I began to discover alternative music, I kept on enjoying all the other stuff. I didn't go off down one path and close the door to all the other stuff. And while I wasn't cool enough to be buying the NME when C86 came out, one thing that surprised me from reading the book was how many of the bands didn't really see themselves as particularly alternative anyway, they just wanted to make pop music and have a good time.
The Wolfhounds - Feeling So Strange Again
Anyway, I figure this is why the musos don't get me, and why this blog will never really find its niche. Because one day I might be writing about Pulp, and the next I'll be writing about Barry Manilow. And there's no distinction in my head. If I like something, I like it. And all these years, I've been made to feel guilty about that, like it's a bad thing. Maybe I should have grown up in the states...
Because I couldn't find a picture of Herb Alpert taking a photo, here's Herbie the car. He's going bananas for today countdown of songs with herbs in them...
(Oh, and in case you were wondering about Marlene yesterday, the surname "Dill" is apparently "from a pet form of the personal name Dietrich", according to the people who know about such things.)
10. Makes a lot of parkin.
Parkin is a ginger cake. Some debate on the interweb about whether ginger is a herb or a root veg. That doesn't matter though, because we're not here for the ginger, we're here for the basil...
9. Sure-footed ungulates.
Ungulates are large mammals with hooves.
The Mountain Goats - Wild Sage
8. Death-, Funny-, Mountain-.
Death-wish, funny-bone, mountain-ash.
7. Lost in fatheadedness and obscureness.
FaTHEadedness and obsCUREness.
Yes, obscureness is a word. Seems pretty obscure to me.
Bob looks particularly bonkers in that video.
6. James Moir on an open fire.
James Moir is better known as Vic Reeves. Chestnuts go on an open fire.
5. Joan's cocktail, mixed with Punch.
The cocktail is a Joan Collins. Punch mixes with Judy.
Judy Collins - Wild Mountain Thyme
4. They've been on the Shari.
Shari Lewis had the puppet Lambchop on her hand.
3. Thomas built this to keep the ships safe.
Edison Lighthouse - Love Grows (Where My Rosemary Goes)
2. Half blonde bombshell and king of the jungle.
Half of Marilyn joined onto a lion.
1. I'm Son and Fluke Gran.
Anagram-tastic!
Although it's not in the title, this track was obvious from the outset...
1. Simon & Garfunkel - Scarborough Fair