My Top Ten Martial Arts Songs

A man may listen to many records, grasshopper. But only these songs will karate chop his soul.


10. Shitdisco - I Know Kung Fu

Of course, you're always going to get extra marks for calling your band Shitdisco...

9. Zoey Van Goey - You Told The Drunks I Knew Karate

...probably more marks than you get for calling your band Zoey Van Goey. Still, that's not to say you can't earn those marks back by writing cracking songs. Great video too.

I do the dumbest things for you
Why do I do the dumbest things for you?
I almost broke my collar bone
I didn't care; you were the most exciting thing I'd every known.

8. Tenacious D - Karate

Well, it made me laugh. Could also have made it into my Top Ten MF Songs.

7. Fight Like Apes - Do You Karate?

No one uses profanity in their lyrics better than FLA. Well, apart from John Grant. Take THAT!

6. Soulwax - Overweight Karate Kid

Soulwax were a great band who decided they preferred being DJs. Shame.

Like an overweight Karate Kid 

You could moonwalk over my heart

5. Curtis Mayfield - Kung Fu

Johnny Cash's dad named him Sue. Curtis's mum called him Kung Fu.

4. Brad Paisley - Karate

Why did nobody tell me Brad Paisley had a new record out? Do I always have to find these things out myself?

Wheelhouse could be his best album yet...

3. Ash - Kung Fu

This record is 2 minutes 10 seconds long (plus 7 seconds of karate kicks at the beginning). Which is a hell of a lot shorter than the songs in my last post.Yet it's better than all of them (with the possible exception of the Gershwin).

Ah, 1996... how I miss you.

2. John Grant - Black Belt

It may only be June, but I'll be hella-surprised if Pale Green Ghosts isn't my Best Album of 2013 come December. The bar has been set pretty high by John Grant, can anyone top it? 

What you got is a black belt in B-S
But you can't hawk your pretty wares up in here anymore
Hit your head on the playground at recess
Etch-a-sketch your way out of this one, reject

1. Carl Douglas - Kung Fu Fighting

Had to be, didn't it? For a novelty record, this still sounds fresh. Or perhaps I've just been hit in the head a few times too many. And if this isn't cool enough for you, check out Robyn Hitchcock's cover...





Hiiiiii-ya! Which one makes you want to walk the earth like Caine?