My Top Ten Wrestling Songs

Easy! Easy! Easy! Easy!


10. Does It Offend You, Yeah? - The Wrestler

I'm getting too old for this shit.

9. Reverend & The Makers - The Wrestler

The Reverend gets pinned down by his conscience.

8. Hot Chip - Wrestlers

The gloves are off...

Hang on, do wrestlers wear gloves?

7. Superman Revenge Squad - Kendo Nagasaki

You may be surprised to learn that this is not the only song about Peter Thornley in this Top Ten.

I don't often steal an entire song's lyrics... but these are worth repeating.

I caught myself crying in the mirror

I was pathetic, I was the angriest dog in the world, 
I was Kendo Nagaski looking back over a lifetime just spent sweating in the ring, in a mask, and feeling ashamed.

I put your postcard on the side

And it makes me happy that you're not happy – it makes me smile

Was in your top eight friends on myspace for half a week, but Thursday night I'd disappeared, but you made me feel special for a while.

I guess everything leads to loneliness
And Weatherspoons meals are cheaper when there's two
We're gonna gather all the lonely people, let them enjoy the two-for-one
Then go back to being strangers when they're through
And maybe one or two won't be strangers anymore

And it makes me happy that you're not happy – it makes me smile

Find out more about Superman Revenge Squad here.

6. Jill Sobule - Mexican Wrestler

Sometimes I wish that I was a wrestler
A Mexican wrestler in a red vinyl mask
And I might grab you, body slam you, and maybe cause
Physical harm

No, really, it's a love song.

5. Art Brut - Unprofessional Wrestling

Art Brut have just released a two-disc best of compilation. Great - like I don't have little enough money as it is. (Unprofessional Wrestling isn't on it, by the way.)

4. Frightened Rabbit - The Wrestle

Apparently, this is about sex...

I'm torn limb from limb
There is bone, there is gristle, and spit
In the clotheless wrestle
The clotheless animal
Animal, animal, animal 

..I must be doing it wrong. (Thankfully.)

3. Carter, The Unstoppable Sex Machine - Is Wrestling Fixed?

Am I un H A P P why?
Does a new born baby cry?
Did Little Red Riding wear a hood?
Did the three bears shit in the woods?
Was Humpty Dumpty fat?
Does the Pope wear a funny hat?
Is wrestling fixed?

Probably.

2. Bruce Springsteen - The Wrestler

One of Bruce's best songs of the 21st Century, hard not to picture a battered Mickey Rourke when you hear it.

1. Luke Haines - Inside The Restless Mind Of Rollerball Rocko / Big Daddy Got A Casio VL Tone / Haystacks In Heaven / Gorgeous George / I Am Catweazle / etc.

Only Luke Haines could write an entire album about spending Saturday afternoons watching wrestling on World of Sport (as I did, in my distant childhood). If you don't believe me, I suggest you track down a copy of Nine and a Half Psychedelic Meditations on British Wrestling of the 1970s & early 80s.



Which one takes you down?