Hot 100 #9

Nine below Zero for your band this week, Rol, or Nine Black Alps? asked Charity Chic.

Neither, as it happens.

Here, have some Trent Reznor.

Nine Inch Nails - Hurt

Although you may prefer the Johnny Cash version... I think even Trent Reznor does.

Johnny Cash - Hurt

One final 9 band was suggested by Jim in Dubai...

9 Steps to Ugly - Eddie Lopez Lives in Slough

Which brings us to the 9 songs...

36 comments and counting from last week, as I begin to type this up. To be fair though, most of them were from George, who doesn't even like this series. Here's his first suggestion...

John Lennon had a really truly awful single in the mid 70s called Number nine dream. Don't include that in your list.

Well, since you asked so nicely, George...

John Lennon & The Plastic Ono Band - #9 Dream

I've got to say, I'm with George on that though: that is bloody awful. Don't watch the video either, unless you want to catch Yoko Ono in leather hotpants. I'm sorry, but I'm siding with Paul on this one.

At least the REM version doesn't have Yoko in it. Or her hotpants.

REM - #9 Dream

Let's call on The Swede to return us to sanity...

'Nine Funerals of the Citizen King' - Henry Cow

Y'know, it's really help me if you listed the artist first, Swede. Just saying. Otherwise, every week, I have to do this...

Henry Cow - Nine Funerals of the Citizen King

And you can save yourself the trouble of typing the inverted commas too, if you like, since they're not in my style guide.

Oh, hang on, here's Brian.

How about that early bird they call the Swede? How does he do it? I bet he sat in front in school (and he's tall!) and was never tardy too. 

I know, Brian. But let's not interrupt him when he's in full swing.

Sun Ra - Rocket Number Nine

Floyd Tillman - Each Night at Nine

Meat Puppets - Nine Pins

Whenever I heard the name Meat Puppets, I expect them to be some kind of industrial metal / goth band... not a million miles from Nine Inch Nails. I never fail to be amazed by how they actually sound.

Caravan - Nine Feet Underground

There's 22 minutes of my life I won't get back.

Which seems an appropriate time to interrupt The Swede's list (again) and bring up this suggestion from John Medd...

Emerson, Lake & Palmer - Karn Evil 9 

All 29 minutes of it!

Bloody good call John! says The Swede.

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! says George.

Now much as I like the idea of torturing George, I'm afraid I have to agree with him again on this. Which makes twice in the same week. I am now officially worried for my mental health.

And the perfect lyrical opener for next weeks column... says Rigid Digit.

Trust me, I listened to the opening lyrics... and I couldn't make head or tail of them.

Welcome back, my friends

To the show that never ends

We're so glad you could attend

Come inside! Come inside

Really? Is that what he was singing? Why can't he enunciate? He was so much nicer when he was singing about Father Christmas.

Speaking of properly enunciating: back to The Swede's list...

The Fall - Nine Out Of Ten

Didn't we have that last week?

Moon Mullican - Nine Tenths of the Tennessee River

World's Experience Orchestra - Nine Degrees and Cold

The Mighty Diamonds - Cat-O'-Nine

I think this was The Swede's last suggestion this week. I don't think I missed any out...

The Studio One Band - Nine Pence

Can't find that last one anywhere on t'internet, but I'm sure it's a belter. It's got to be better than John Lennon and ELP anyway. Eh, George? Go on, old pal, it's you and me against the world this week. What else have you got for me?

Before Charity Chic posts it: 

Dolly Parton - 9 To 5 

Now that's more like it! Who doesn't get excited by the opening bars of that solid gold classic? Gives me shivers, it does.

And does the Sheen Easton song count, as the 9 to 5 bit is in brackets? 

Sheena Easton - Morning Train (9 to 5)

Of course it does... just listen to that intro too! Blimey. Makes me want to do high kicks. I've got half a mind to let you take over this feature, George.

But first, here's Swiss Adam...

Jesus and Mary Chain - 9 Million Rainy Days

Although strictly speaking, that's not 9, it's 9,000,000.

Yeah, but it's a great tune, so I'll let you have it.

All my time in hell is spent with you

Sounds like someone's getting sick of lockdown!

Lynchie's up next, and it looks like he's trying to outdo George's opening suggestion this week...

For next week there's The Beatles with the truly horrendous "Revolution 9"

The Beatles - Revolution 9

Yes, Revolution 9 is a perfect example of why the Beatles had to split up. Weird, really, since the same title (minus the 9) produced one of my all time favourite Beatles songs.

The Beatles - Revolution

Revolution 9 is much worse than #9 Dream though, so Lynchie wins that one. What about some decent suggestions instead?

Bob Seger & the Silver Bullet Band - Nine Tonight

Alice Cooper - Public Animal #9

Much better. Anything else?

It's probably against the rules but there's the fabulous "Wicked" Wilson Pickett song "634-5789" (and Ry Cooder did a tremendous cover of it!)

It is against the rules, but I let Swiss Adam break the rules for the same reason... just don't try and use it repeatedly over the new few weeks.

Wilson Pickett - 634-5789

And finally from Lynchie...

Charity Chic's mention of the band Nine Below Zero reminded me that they're named after a blues song - "Nine Below Zero" by Sonny Boy Williamson.

Sonny Boy Williamson - Nine Below Zero

Now, it's been at least 7 songs since I let George have a word. What else does he have for us?

The Clovers - Love Potion Number 9

Belter.

Wow, Rol, your Hot 100s are getting longer and longer, says C. I suspect this trend is set to continue for a few more weeks...

What doesn't kill you just makes you stronger, C. As we're all supposed to be discovering at the moment.

I'll go with 'Nine Plan Failed' by Adam & The Ants from his arty Dirk Wears White Sox days.

Adam & The Ants - Nine Plan Failed

Martin was straight in when he saw that suggestion...

Don't forget Apollo 9 by Adam Ant, from his solo days!

Adam Ant - Apollo 9

How could we?

Well, whoopsin-a whoopsin 

Jan jan jammering 

Yabba-yabba-ding-ding 

Delta hey max nine

Anything else, Martin?

Prince and TNPG - Love 2 the 9s 

I reckon Prince might feature quite a bit over the next few weeks.

The Breeders - Drivin' on 9

That was Brian's first thought. It is a top tune. And very un-Breeders.

They Might Be Giants - Pirate Girls Nine 

Love those guys.

The Kinks - Nine To Five (not that one)

Three great songs called 9 To 5. Who would have thunk it? And here's another one... not quite in the same league.

Slade - 9 To 5

Then, of course, there's his...

The Ramones - It's Not My Place (In The 9 To 5 World)

Oh look, Charity Chic's back.

Dave Alvin - Nine Volt Heart

That's a good one! says Lynchie.  And it is too. I've been listening to quite a bit of Dave Alvin lately - his voice is a great comfort. But I didn't know that one, so thank you.

Has George finished yet?

Merle Travis - 9 Pound Hammer

Jim Reeves - Wreck of The Number 9 

Roxy Music - Three and Nine

Apparently not.

Marie (can't link to you this week, Marie, your blog has disappeared again) sided with George on the Nine Pound Hammer, also suggesting this version...

The Monroe Brothers - 9 Pound Hammer

And, in similar vein, this...

Joe Simon - Nine Pound Steel

Ooh. That's nice.

Here's Rigid Digit...

Dr Feelgood - There's A Riot Going On In Cell Block Number 9

Patti Smith - Nine

Aerosmith - Nine Lives

There's an album I've seen in a lot of charity shops.

Bryan Adams - Cloud Number 9

Hard to believe that's the same Bryan Adams who recorded Summer of '69. It's like he's been airbrushed out of existence.

And then came Alyson...

This post reminds me of one of the most epic of epic Chain posts over at Jez's place.

One of my inspirations.

Talking of The Chain he used to have a Worst Record of the Week award so I'm going to nominate song Nine Million Bicycles by Katie Melua. She has a sweet voice and looks stunning but those Mike Batt lyrics drove me mad and I wrote about them over at my place.

Katie Melua - Nine Million Bicycles

Alyson then goes on to explain in detail her issue with this song, but she forbids me from reposting it here (even though it might have helped me beat Jez's record for longest blog post ever). You can read her cutting analysis here though.

Then Lynchie joined in with his own analysis of the Beijing bikes issue:

Fair point about those alleged 9 million bicycles in Beijing, Alyson.
As you suggest - it was closer to 9 and a half million back in 2005 when the Katie Melua song was released.

But, bicycle use in Beijing has dropped from about 60 percent in 1986 to 17 percent in 2010. At the same time, car use has grown 15 percent a year for the last ten years. (Note - these statistics come from a study of cycling in Beijing conducted by Jinhua Zhao, an urban planning professor at the University of British Columbia.

You can find more about the De-Bikification of Beijing here.

I have to admit, I quite like that song though, despite all your objections. My biggest problem is with the video - she's going to ruin that lovely jacket. What a shame.

I bet George is a big Katie Melua fan too. Speaking of George, here's one final suggestion from my new co-writer this week...

Jimi Hendrix Experience - If 6 was 9 

Thanks, George. The cheque's in the mail.

OK, who's left? Oh yes, Douglas...

With all the suggestions above, I hesitate to add to your sifting burden frivolously. But I have always tried to inject a small Canadian element to your rundown, and though Bryan Adams has been listed already, I feel Canada deserves a more fair and balanced representation than just that one...song. So my musings have turned up a short 1 minute exuberant little ditty I hope you will accept, "Song Nein", by Gunnarola. Its lyrics, though nonsensical, are certainly no moreso than "Song 2" by Blur, which surely must feature prominently in a few weeks time. My favourite lyric is the line "Ich habe Sauerkraut in meinen Lederhosen!" And before you look at the Teutonic spelling in the title and cry "Nyet!", I suggest he certainly intends at least a pun on the Nummer Neun, as indeed it comes in its due and proper sequence following numbers einz and zwei all the way through to seven and eight.

For those interested, Gunnarola is a young Youtube artist from London (not of course in England, wherein the Queen lives, but London, Ontario, a gritty industrial town a couple hours west of where I live). He reached his pinnacle of popularity in 2009 with his song "Canadian, Please", which elicited 5 million views for its saucy lyrics extolling the virtues of life in Canada.

Gunnarola - Song Nein

Thank you, Douglas. That made me chuckle.

From Canada, we drift back below the border, stateside, to Brian...

Michael Nesmith - Nine Times Blue

I think it's fair to say Mike Nesmith has a more respectable post-Monkees career than either Lennon or McCartney, post-Beatles. Ooh, little bit of controversy there.

Candy Opera - Nine Times Out of Ten 

That's lovely. I just had to go buy that album from Bandcamp, Brian.

REM - 9-9 (Now that's a winner! I love this era of the band.)

The Ocean Blue - 9pm Direction

That's rather lovely too. But I had to hold off on spending any more money for the moment.

I'm going to miss this series.

Well, that makes one of us, Brian. I do have an idea for what'll replace it though. Hopefully something that doesn't offer up quite so many potential songs every week...

And finally this week, it's over to Jim in Dubai...

Not much left this week but here's what i can add.

London Beat - 9am (great song)

Y'know what, Jim? When you suggested that, I shuddered slightly. Then I listened to it again and... bloody hell, you're right. I'd forgotten what a fine pop song that was.

The Snips - 9 O'Clock

Golden Silvers - True Romance (True No.9 Blues)

That's worth watching at least until 1:04 in the video.

The Thyme Machine - Nine Hundred and Ninety Eight Pieces

Two weeks in a row if you can handle them :-) 

Couldn't find that online, Jim... but after last week's effort, I'm not searching too hard. Thanks anyway.

OK, on with the regular trawl through my own dustbin of sound. Let's see how long that takes this week...

George Harrison - Cloud Nine

See, John? That's how to stay classy post-Beatles.

John Martyn - Number Nine

The Twilight Singers - Number Nine

The Moldy Peaches - Lucky Number Nine

Drive-By Truckers - Nine Bullets

The Fuzztones - Nine Months Later

Here's one for George...

Joe Bethancourt - Nine Yards of Other Cloth

And here's one for Brian...

The Granite Shore - Nine Days' Wonder

So I would dance from here to Norwich in the rain

As long as crowds came out to see me in my triumph and my pain

Speedy - Nine O'Clock News

The Charlatans - Nine Acre Court

E - Tomorrow I'll Be Nine

Class.

Mum - I'm 9 Today

Buxton - Boy Of Nine

Scissors For Lefty - Nine Clouds

Stereophonics - Step On My Old Size Nines

ZZ Top - Big Shiny Nine

Comet Gain - A Million & Nine

Boo Radleys - Upon 9th & Fairchild

NRBQ - Rocket Number 9

Jimmie Rodgers - Blue Yodel #9

The Damned - Plan 9, Channel 7

Camper Van Beethoven - 9 Of Disks

Frightened Rabbit - Square 9

Hot Chocolate - Heartache No. 9

Ian Dury - Bed O' Roses No. 9

My Life Story - March 9th

Tom Waits - 9th & Hennepin

Well, it's Ninth and Hennepin

All the doughnuts have names that sound like prostitutes

And the moon's teeth marks are on the sky

Like a tarp thrown all over this

And the broken umbrellas like dead birds

And the steam comes out of the grill like the whole goddamn town's ready to blow

And the bricks are all scarred with jailhouse tattoos

And everyone is behaving like dogs

Todd Rundgren - If 6 Was 9

Tony Joe White - 9 Foot Sack

Cat Power - 3 6 9

Ben Folds - Claire's Ninth

However, I have to hand it to The Swede again this week, for being the first to suggest what he called "surely a massive contender". Because, yes, it was.

Even before The Temptations start singing, this was the winner...


8. Eight. 8th. Help me please.