Conversations With Ben #27: Mocking The Elderly

Ben: Same age as you.

Rol: Thank you for that reminder. I'll be more careful with the drugs.

I think you need to move over to some downers. Balance it out.

I'm pretty good at handling the down part without chemical assistance.

This is what Ben sent me for my birthday. 
Along with a card that read "Old Man Like Old Man Music."

Thank you for the present, by the way, but you shouldn't mock the elderly.

The irony is, I still think of Britpop as modern music.

Old man.

I'm not sure even I have heard of some of the bands on those cards. Whiteout!?!

Question for you...

Pulled Apart By Horses. Trampled By Turtles. Can you think of any other bands that are named after getting hurt or killed by animals?

Here's a better one for you.

List of bands where if a person said they were their favourite you'd be suspicious of them.

Examples...

If someone said Simply Red were their favourite band, you'd think that they just hadn't really listened to much music.

They're a good band.

But even their Greatest Hits has some filler on there and compared to other bands they have limited deep cuts.

Also... Creed.

Chas and Dave.

Fine Young Cannibals.

The Breeders.

Wang Chung?

First, Simply Red are awful.

And Mick Hucknall is a tool.

Second, this reminds me of the I Just Called To Say I Love You bit in High Fidelity.

If someone told me Chas & Dave were their favourite band, I'd just think they must be a Cockney.

And at least they haven't fallen for Damon Albarn's sham.

I got a free ticket to see The Good The Bad and The Queen a number of years ago. Second most boring concert I've been to. And it would have been the most boring for most people but the most boring was a niche one. Second time seeing Godspeed! You Black Emperor. The first time is interesting and a novelty but it's a one and done thing.

In the list of Damon Albarn's crimes, being dull and sanctimonious for the last 20 years ranks much higher than 5 years of pretending to be a Cockney scamp, guvnor

Would you trust someone to babysit Sam if they said Think Tank was their favourite Blur album?

I wouldn't even let them in my house.

Louise's old boss loved Hue & Cry. He got them to play live at his 50th. Apparently they hate each other and argued the whole time.

Other than Ordinary Angel and Looking for Linda, what else have they got, really?

You forgot their big hit! 

Ben sends a photograph of his newly-mowed lawn.

Now I feel like drinking a beer in the middle of the week and watching football.

Why are you mowing grass that hasn't yet started growing?

It was knee height.

To a grasshopper.

Shut up

Am man now.

Drink Carling.

Tell Mrs. Ben there be trouble if tea not ready.

Watch futkik.

Get mad when Team A beat Team B.

I think you're more middle aged than macho man.

Am man!

Listen to Oasis.

And Kaiser Chiefs.

Give you a thump.

Finally get Mrs Brown's Boys.

Is funny coz man in dress.

Is this the first time you've ever experienced manual labour?

I used to be quite literally a site labourer.

And I'm using my ex-workmates as influence for this character.

Or...

Shurrup, soft lad.

One time back when I worked in radio, a colleague of mine had driven to work in really bad snow and basically dumped his car in a snow drift outside the building. Later that night we looked out to see if it was still snowing, and there was some random bloke sat in his car. We went out to ask him what the hell he was doing, and he said:

"I was cold. And I don't work in a fancy radio station like you guys. I'm a manual labourer. Look at my manual labourer's hands! Look, I've got calluses and everything!"

That sounds genuinely terrifying.

It was. But also kind of surreal. In the end, he just buggered off.

Are you sure he hadn't escaped from the local psych ward?

It was Bradford. Most people in Bradford have escaped from some kind of institution, or are on their way into one.

Have you seen that Anti Racist baby is in the news?

Ted Cruz went on a rant about it as a black judge was elected to the Supreme court.

Well, I guess it'll sell a shitload more copies now. I'll have that first edition back that I gave you for your birthday.

Heard the new Craig Finn song?

No.

It's good.

Yes. It is. 

Seriously though... how are you?

Well, I've not died a drug overdose yet... or been punched by Will Smith. So I guess I'm doing better than a lot of 50-somethings...

I can't believe you've listened to Simply Red's Greatest Hits all the way through.