Celebrity Jukebox #8: Joan Crawford

We're back with another one of George's suggestions, but I knew I'd have little problem coming up with songs about Lucille Fay LeSueur. Four years ago (can it really be that long?), way before the Celebrity Jukebox was even built, I composed a Top Ten Bette Davis Songs. At the time, George asked me to follow with a Top Ten Joan Crawford Songs and I even started compiling a list... then life got in the way. Anyway, better late than never.

We have to start with this one, because I know it's on of George's personal favourites...

I should stop there, because clearly we're not going to beat a song with the chorus

Joan Crawford has rise from the grave!

But just in case there's anyone out there who doesn't share George's deep devotion to the Cult of the Blue Oyster... try these instead:

John Vanderslice - Letter To The East Coast

Being Joan Crawford at 21

Was easy

Living in new haven in 1925

Was simple and kind

Like you and me at the start

It's right and bright at the top

But the rook's not to blame

For those who didn't have an endgame

Iggy Pop - Little Miss Emperor

You're not giving an inch

You're strung like wire

Your open arms they flinch

Joan Crawford style

Treated like a towel

Inside you howl

How bad would it really be to be treated like a towel though? Better a towel than a toilet brush, surely? 

David Wilcox - Barbie

She was the secret daughter of Marilyn Monroe

You couldn't guess the father if you don't know

Joan Crawford adopted, called her baby Jane

We all knew her by a different name

Barbie, the untold story

Just remember, you heard it first from me

Barbie, the untold story

I'll tell you the truth for a phenomenal fee

Somehow I doubt that one will be featured in the soundtrack of the upcoming Barbie movie. 

Lou Reed - Halloween Parade

There's a Crawford, Davis and a tacky Cary Grant

And some Homeboys lookin' for trouble down here from the Bronx

Arguably the best Lou Reed album features quite a few celebrity guests. I'm sure we'll hear from that record again soon. 

How about something a bit more recent? How about a band who describe themselves as "Angry and miserable post-punk music from Italy"? Surely you want some of that?

The Black Veils - Lamourlamort

Vous avez dit l'amour? Vous avez dit l'amour?

Am I Bette Davis? Are you Joan Crawford?

There's a difference between 

The butcher and the lover 

Next up we have a current favourite around these parts, with a CD I have on memory stick rotation in the car at the moment...

Chuck Prophet - A Woman's Voice

Yes, a woman's voice can drug you

So spend it while you can

Yeah, you may not believe me

But she used to call me 'Senator'...

Just like Joan Crawford

She let me know who was The Man

But as we're clearly never going to find a song that beats George's favourites, maybe the best we can do to close this post is choose a song about one of Joan's most famous roles?

Your suggestions welcome. Otherwise I'll just keep going through George's list...