This was the summer of the wasps.
On the first day of the summer holidays, Sam and one of his school friends were building a den in some bushes next to the local playing field while their two dads chatted in the sunshine. Suddenly the boys ran screaming from the bushes, chased by wasps. Both were stung repeatedly. For the rest of the summer, Sam has gone full Tasmanian Devil at the first sign of a wasp... which has been something of a pain while on holiday, because there are more wasps than ever this year. "Britain" is "under attack from 'drunk' German wasps that 'go nuts' and sting for no reason," says The Daily Star, so it must be true. Always nice for a national newspaper to find a way to stir up racist sentiment even in a story about wasps. Stan Boardman would be proud.
Wherever they came from, there's no doubt that the wasps are in abundance right now, and they're out for blood. I was stung myself last week while visiting a nature reserve. First wasp sting in 45 years: on holiday as a young boy, I picked up a fallen apple from in an orchard and took a bite... only to find a wasp hiding inside...
Wasps often get bad press, though scientists argue they bring important ecological benefits. But frankly, I've grown bloody sick of being surrounded by them whenever I open my sandwiches this summer. Buzz, quite literally, off!
Who better to play today than Sting?
Here are a few answers to that question...
The Candle Thieves - Catching Wasps
Sufjan Stevens - The Predatory Wasp of the Palisades Is out to Get Us!
"Who better to play today than Sting"
ReplyDeleteANYONE, literally anyone. Springsteen, the Clash, Meatloaf, the Nolans, Brotherhood of Man, Peters and Lee, Aztec Camera, Yes......
U2?
Deleteeven U2,
ReplyDeleteNot on this blog.
DeleteU2 worse than Sting???
ReplyDeleteIndubitably.
DeleteAh, I am a self-appointed wasp ambassador / PR woman, they are marvellous little things, but I do get how awful and traumatic that must have been for Sam and his friend, and also for you on holiday (I'm sorry). Did you know, only the females have stings, as with bees? - but I realise you don't often get the chance to check their sex when you're biting into an apple...
ReplyDelete....so what are the signs that tell us the wasp is male? (sweaty, smelling of fags, swearing, farting?)
DeleteYou never seen them, because they're letting the women do all the work. Lazy gits.
DeleteBoth of the above, of course...
DeleteAlso - she's got a stinger and he hasn't!