Herman’s Hermits – No Milk Today
In response to last week’s searing indictment of school dinners, Alyson commented…
When I was in Primary School we still got a bottle of milk to drink every morning. In winter it was ice cold but in summer it was very warm and not so nice at all. I remember our teacher standing over one girl every milk time forcing her to finish her bottle of and we all had to wait as it took her a long time, going down only an 1/8th of an inch (pre-decimal times) every minute. Wouldn't happen nowadays of course - not been milk since the days of Thatcher the Snatcher and of course so many children now have intolerances to dairy.
Billy Bragg – The Milkman Of Human Kindness
This opened up a whole can of memory worms for me… but a couple of things first...
Kids do still get school milk – it’s just not free anymore (and not in bottles). Parents have to pay for it – unless they can’t afford, in which case it’s supplemented. Sam’s 10 now and still gets milk at school. He also drinks any leftover cartons he can get his hands on.
(Sam and his mates have likewise formed a Leftovers Club at dinner time. They make sure they’re the last in the dinner queue, then they’re more likely to be offered seconds after everyone’s finished their lunch.)
The Handsome Family – The Sad Milkman
Speaking of an intolerance to dairy though, Alyson… this is exactly what I had when I was a kid. I still do, though it’s a rather odd variety of intolerance. I just can’t drink milk, especially if it’s cold. If I try, it makes me throw up. I’m fine with anything else dairy-related – cheese, yoghurt… no problem. I’m also OK with boiled milk, in certain circumstances. That’s how my mum used to serve me cereal – Weetabix, Frosties, Coco Pops etc… always with hot milk. If I tried to eat them with cold milk… bleurggghh! I’ve never been able to drink milk shakes either. Not without gipping. Sorry, Kelis. You milkshake wouldn't bring me to the yard.
I’m not sure I was aware of all this when I started Primary School, and I doubt my mum thought to mention it. On the first day of school then, out came the school milk bottles… “Drink up, children!”
Bleurgggghhhhh.
My first teacher, Mrs. Kay (picture Julie Andrews, but slightly more posh) was a shrewd lady who quickly realised I couldn’t keep milk down, so she stopped offering it to me. (Saved her having to clean up her classroom every day.) When the school milk came out, I was excused.
And then I moved up a year. That’s when I met Mrs. Tebb.
Mrs. Tebb did not like me. That’s pretty much all I remember about her. Every other teacher at my junior school, I got on with OK. Not Mrs. Tebb though. She hated me. And maybe that’s because of what happened on the day I arrived in her class… but if so, she only brought it on herself.
“Time for your milk, children!”
“But, Mrs. Tebb, I don’t drink milk. It makes me sick.”
“Nonsense. Milk is good for you. It’s good for your teeth and your bones and your everyday health! Milk is nature’s perfect food!”
“But, miss, it makes me sick!”
“Nonsense – get it down you.”
And so, I drank my milk, almost immediately puking it right back up… all over Mrs. Tebb.
“I told you it made me sick, miss.”
Saint Etienne - Milk Bottle Symphony
Back in 2007, Sheffield band Tiny Dancers put out their only album on the back of opening for Bob Dylan's UK tour the year before. The LP was called Free School Milk. This was their debut single, released on my 35th birthday.
I could drink my 1/3-of-a-pint bottle of milk only if it had been left under the teacher's desk in a square of sunlight for the 80 minutes or so until it was served up around morning playtime. So I needed it to be warmed up a bit - cold milk left me, well, cold. Still does really.
ReplyDeleteThat doesn't sound particularly healthy.
DeleteWhile you were obviously the wronged party, I can sort of see why Mrs Tebb might have taken against you.
ReplyDeleteThere's no room for Mrs Tebb Sympathisers here.
DeleteA favourite Saint Etienne song there, love it.
ReplyDeleteAh, if only Mrs Kay could have had word with Mrs Tebb about you in the staff room. What with those Nazi Dinner Ladies and the mushy peas as well you must have had a tough time with your school victuals.
Apart from the too warm / too cold issue my other memory of school milk is that there was too much of it. I know they were only little bottles, but we were only little people.
I don't think Mrs Kay liked Mrs Tebb. Mrs Kay was a woman of fine breeding.
DeleteThanks for sharing your experiences of school milk. Funny how I only liked the cold milk with a scattering of ice on the bottle whereas in summer - yuk.
ReplyDeleteIt strikes me that you and Martin could have worked out some kind of time-share...
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