I'm not a big one for selfies,
but this seemed like an occasion that needed to be marked.
There are certain points in your life that mark a transition. A moment which changes you as a person forever, which draws a line on your life's calendar that can be marked pre- and post-, B-something and A-something. Leaving school. Starting your first job. Moving out of your parents' house. Becoming a parent. As Brad Paisley sings in his song Last Time For Everything (already featured on this blog, otherwise I'd have posted it as tonight's main tune), these are the moments which define our transition into older.
On Friday, I passed one of those markers, one which many people my age won't pass for another 20 or 30 years... if they ever do. I became bionic.
My hearing's not been great for years. In crowded rooms, or at a distance, I'll generally miss a third of what you say. I've been bluffing about this for a long time now. Nodding or smiling at things I hope a nod or a smile's the right response to. Saying, "Sorry?" more than most. Not being able to answer the question about "What song is this?" in a busy restaurant: not because I don't know the answer, but because I didn't even know there was a song playing.
I've made a couple of weak attempts to get doctors to take my hearing seriously in recent years, but the furthest I'd got until a few weeks ago was a syringing and some nasal spray. Finally though, I got a GP to submit me to the Ear, Nose & Throat specialist for proper testing. He took one look at the results and recommended me for two state of the art hearing aids. He did wonder if I'd actually get them though: as with most things in the ever-squeezed NHS, I got the feeling they're being rationed these days. I think my job stood in my favour. The audiologist who tested me, having seen the results before the doctor, asked me one question: "you're a teacher, right?", ticking a box on her form when I answered in the affirmative. Perhaps if I'd just been working an office, they'd have sent me home with a flea in my ear instead of a hearing aid. Or at least off down to Boots where the same aids will cost you a grand a pop.
And so here I am, with an aid in each ear, actually able to hear what you're muttering about me for a change. Clear as a bell. The tests showed I have the fairly common high frequency hearing loss which means I can hear a conversation well in a quiet room, but as soon as there's background noise, higher frequencies (most voices) become harder to pick out. The aids are programmed to adjust to this, boosting higher frequencies while keeping the rumble to a minimum. So far, I can definitely notice a difference.
Higher frequency hearing loss has a number of causes, including ageing, genetics (both my parents and my older brother have hearing aids, although my dad's had one of his since a very young age after mumps affected one of his ear canals as a child) and exposure to loud noises... so, yeah, if I wanted to be really rock 'n' roll, I could tell you it was down to all those loud indie gigs I attended in my 20s and early 30s. To be fair, they probably didn't help (particularly the Silver Sun one), but I reckon the first two explanations are probably more likely.
The first thing Louise said when I came home with the aids in was, "with your hair over your ears, nobody will even notice you're wearing them". And while I understand the stigma that's attached to any kind of disability, I've never really been one who understood vanity. I couldn't give a monkey's if anyone judged me because I'm wearing hearing aids now. My initial reaction was entirely positive: this will help me at work (no more asking students to repeat themselves), at home (no more aggravating the other half*), in every aspect of my life.
It was only later, in the wee small hours of the morning, when it finally hit me about the line being drawn on my calendar. Last week I was a man without hearing aids. (OK, I've needed them for years, but that's not the point.) Now I am a man with hearing aids. I cannot go back to that person I was before. That's the worst realisation about getting old, the thing that makes it so hard. That's what causes the mid-life crisis. You can't ever go back once the line has been drawn...
#7. The Dead Weather - I Can't Hear You
A bit of Jack White and co, played very loud through the headphones, seems about right now. Maybe I'll do a whole hearing Top Ten a bit later in the week...
(*If only.)
Great to hear that the NHS came up trumps with the aids - And, a fine excuse for a selfie! All these mid-life crises posts and you look like a mere slip of a lad. Enjoy being that person again who can name whatever song is being played in the background.
ReplyDeleteBut, I beg to differ re the not being able to go back once the line is drawn - I know many people who were very unfit at 35 who had become supremely fit by 45. These lines in the calendar can be fluid - It’s not all downhill after 45, trust me.
Health is fluid, you're absolutely right, Alyson. But there are some lines which can't be undrawn. You could argue that once you leave your parents' house, you can always go back... or when you leave school, you can always return to education. But neither is the same once that line has been drawn. The original experience has been lost, never to get back.
DeleteWith regards my hearing, I suppose some new technology might come along in the near future that will restore it to its youthful state (as laser eye surgery might stop a person needing glasses), but until then, this feels like something that has defined a definite shift in my life.
Ooh, we're all being very deep for a Monday but yes I do see where you're coming from and no it's never quite the same returning to education or leaving home for the second time (although I would argue it could be a better experience) but the big one for me is LOVE - I have always maintained that you can only fall head over heels in love once and that's often when you are very young. If however it goes wrong and you don't end up with that person for the duration, you never enter into anything else with quite the same gay abandon as first time around, but ironically, these often turn out to be the relationships that work best for the long-term. Oh dear, really gone off on a tangent here but why I warm to love-songs so much I think as that line tends to be drawn very early on in life and from then on the "feeling" can really only be relived via music, film and books (unless of course you become a serial adulterer, but as you would probably guess, I never have!).
DeleteI agree with that last line of Alison's. You're young enough that you can still make adjustments that will aid your physical well being. Not worrying about mid life crises is also a good way to go, if you want to keep your mind healthy too.
ReplyDeleteI'm starting with the man in the mirror...
DeleteSounds like you made the right decision with the hearing aid, hope it all goes well.
ReplyDeleteAs in above comments, it's all good news about the hearing aids/NHS and your restored sense of hearing, particularly with you being so into music. Good to see you too (and I do love a quiff!)
ReplyDeleteI wish I could persuade a friend's ex-husband to pursue help with his hearing, it's been duff for decades and he refuses to seek any advice. He has got into the deeply ingrained habit of making facial expressions and noises that will suit any occasion, very ambiguous gestures which could be equally interpreted as either "Yes!", "No!", or "Maybe!" so it's incredibly frustrating to try and have a conversation with him! You could ask him if he'd like to fly to the moon with you on your next trip and he'd make the same noise/face response as he would if you offered him some chips.
Re. age and those lines being drawn, I know what both you and Alyson mean, a lot of things can be restored or reversed but yes unfortunately some can't. I have a little situation a bit like that myself and I've had to accept that it simply is part of life and being mortal, some things are just not going to be what they were before. We have to become stronger psychologically in these circumstances, work on our priorities, and perhaps in a bizarre way become all the better as people for knowing that and understanding the vagaries of life.
Ooh, sorry bit deep for a Monday morning!
And I should add, for fear of what I've just said above sounding terribly sanctimonious, that yes getting older sometimes feels fucking shit too!
DeleteAh C, we can always depend on you not to let things get too saccharine or self-righteous! You are right though, it can sometimes feel f**king shit, but thankfully not ALL of the time. Happy days!!
DeleteMy first real before/after moment came when I finally caved and had my eyes checked a few years ago. Two days after taking delivery of my first pair of glasses, I realised that I wouldn't be able to make it through another day in my life without having them close to hand. I honestly don't know how I coped for so long.
ReplyDeleteI echo the previous comments and, as always, salute the NHS. Embrace the hearing aids as enhancements to your quality of life.
I've only just seen this post but sorry to hear about your hearing / congratulations on getting the hearing aids. Don't grow your hair to hide them. It's nothing to be embarrassed about and I doubt anything will ever make you look old, even though you may feel old.
ReplyDeleteWell done Rol. I've been worried about gradual deteroration in my hearing for a while now, but never had the balls to do anything about it as I fear the GP will simply advise 'stop listening to music with earphones in'. Couldn't bring myself to such drastic action....
ReplyDeleteGoing to monitor things for next 6 months and if doesn't get any better, then I'll follow your example.
JC