My Top Ten Mondegreens

Mondegreens. Misheard lyrics. You'll find them all over the internet, but here are ten GENUINE ones from my past. I honestly thought these were the actual lyrics... until finally, often many years later, I discovered the truth.


10. Kim Wilde - Chequered Love

What do you want for tea, Kim?

"Chicken, love."

Possibly the earliest mondegreen I ever encountered... or at least, the earliest one I can remember. She just can't get enough chicken, love. I still hear that today...

Chequered Love!

9. Madonna - La Isla Bonita

"Young girl, with eyes like potatoes"

This is one of the ones you'll see a lot on websites that discuss mondegreens. Most of the other examples they quote sound preposterous to me, apart from Bohemain Rhapsody's famous "Beelzebub had a devil for a sideboard". But this... this was exactly what I thought Madonna was singing in 1986. Apparently, a lot of people also thought the opening line to this song was the racially offensive, "Last night I dreamt of some dago". Poor old Madonna. Enunciate, luv.

Young girl with eyes like the desert

I'm having a hard time accepting Madonna will be 60 this year. Bad enough that Kylie just turned 50.

8. Tori Amos - Professional Widow

Honey, bring me a toaster pie

Honey, bring me toast to my lips, yeah

Must be what they call Pop Tarts in America, I thought at the time. A Toaster Pie. That made perfect sense to me.

Honey bring it close to my 

Honey bring it close to my lips, yeah

Not far off, actually. And I still think she's singing about a Toaster Pie.

7. Erasure - A Little Respect

"What will you do to make me

Call Martin Scorcese's number?"

I've been planning this particular Top Ten for a while now and whenever I heard a song from my youth with a lyric I just couldn't explain, I had to go and check out the real thing. I swear I always thought Andy Bell was asking for Martin Scorcese's number in this song. I have no idea why.

What religion or reason

Could drive a man to forsake his lover

Now I've read the real lyric, I can't even hear the Martin Scorcese bit anymore. It's gone.

6. Bob Marley - Is This Love?

"We'd be together

With a roof rack over our head"

What a nice romantic image that is, Bob. Somewhere to store your tandem bike when you're on the road, presumably.

We'll be together

With a roof right over our heads

Oh. One word can change your whole interpretation of a song.

5. Michael Jackson - Don't Stop Till You Get Enough

"Keep on - to the Post Office

Don't stop till you get enough"

Enough what, Michael? Stamps? Airmail stickers? Postal Orders? (Do they even have Postal Orders anymore? Probably not. Another archaic item from our past.)

What did Michael want from the Post Office?

Keep on

With the force don't stop

Don't stop till you get enough

Really? What is that, a Star Wars reference?

You know, I think I prefer my version.

4. Boston - More Than A Feeling

"I see my derriere walking away..."

For many, many years it always baffled me how The Bloke Out Of Boston (do you know his name?) could possibly see his own backside if he was walking away. Was he looking over his shoulder into a mirror? Wasn't he looking where he was going? Accident waiting to happen, right there...

I see my Marianne walkin' away

3. Eurythmics - There Must Be An Angel (Playing With My Heart)

"No one on earth could be like me

I'm running, overgrown with fleas..."

Somebody get Annie a flea collar - stat!

No one on earth could feel like this

I'm thrown and overflown with bliss

2. Meat Loaf - Bat Out Of Hell

"I'm gonna hit the highway like a battering ram,

I'm a Cilla Black fan, am I!"

You might wonder why Meat was such a big fan of Our Cilla... I certainly did. Then again, BOOH was written by Jim Steinman, who is officially BARKING MAD, so why shouldn't he throw in a reference to Cilla? Maybe he was after a blind date...

I'm gonna hit the highway like a battering ram,

On a Silver Black Phantom Bike

When I found out the real lyrics, I was just as confused? Is that a Black Phantom bike that's painted silver? Or is it Silver-Black? What the hell is Silver-Black, Jim? Is that even a colour?

1. Elvis Costello - The Angels Wanna Wear My Red Shoes

These may not be as amusing as some of the ones above, but they speak to how I spent a large part of my late teens and early twenties: headphones on, sat beside the stereo, listening to Elvis Costello albums and trying to write down the lyrics. There were never any lyric sheets in Elvis's records and the way he spat and twisted and punned his way through the language was endlessly fascinating... but also a little frustrating when I just couldn't work out what he was singing. Even now, almost 30 years later, I can still remember the time I spent puzzling over this one song in particular...

"Our love got fractured into echo and suede"

Our love got fractured in the echo and sway

"But since you got in my pumps, you just suspend my sentence"

Ever since you got me punctured this has been my sentence

Fortunately, the greatest lyrical couplet this song has to offer was clear as a bell...

Oh, I said, "I'm so happy I could die"

She said, "Drop dead" then left with another guy...

Your turn! There must be a misheard lyric or two in your back catalogue. Do share.