One of the best-selling authors of the 20th
Century, and the 6th most translated author worldwide*, Dame Barbara
Cartland wrote a grand total of 723 novels in her 98 years on earth, and holds
a Guinness World Record for Most Books Published In One Year (191 in 1977).
*In case you’re
wondering, Agatha Christie is at
#1, Shakespeare is at #4, just below Jules Verne, and I’ve never heard of the televangelist “author” at #2. I was at least
pleased to see Enid Blyton keeping Barbara out of the Top 5.
Just as I’ve never read any Henry Miller, I’ve never read
any Barbara Cartland either. So Barbara, what would you say is the biggest
difference between you and Henry?
“My heroines are always virgins; they never go to bed without a ring on their fingers—not until page 118 at least!”
No wonder Princess Di was such a fan. I wonder if the former
Lady Spencer owned a copy of Babs’s debut LP, recorded in 1978 with the Royal
Philharmonic Orchestra…?
You might not expect Barbara to inspire quite as much
devotion from the world of rock ‘n’ roll as Henry did… but you might be surprised.
The most obvious Barbara Cartland fan in rock is Bob Geldof.
Of course. Here she is in one of my favourite Boomtown Rats songs…
Oh, everybody tries
It’s Dale Carnegie gone wild
But Barbara Cartland’s smile
Long ago perfected the motionless glide
Boomtown Rats - Diamond Smiles
Robbie Williams, on the other hand, is trying a little too
hard to shock when he sings about being a Teenage Millionaire.
Bothered Judy Garland
When I buggered Barbara Cartland
Champagne in my bidet
The press all had a field day
20 years earlier, that might have been shocking, Robbie. By
1997, nobody gave a monkey’s…
Robbie Williams - Teenage Millionaire
New York folkster Christine Lavin seems a far more
traditional Barbara Cartland fan…
We’ll read Barbara Cartland novels
Cry at the end of every chapter
With heaving bosoms, the lovers
“Lived happily ever after”
We’ll believe it when she writes that
Christine Lavin - Please Don't Make Me Too Happy
Perhaps the most amusing reference I found to Ms. Cartland though comes from a changed lyric in a famous cover version. When Abba originally recorded The Day Before You Came, Agnetha makes reference to reading the work of radical feminist author Marilyn French to help her get to sleep…
I must have read a while
The latest one by Marilyn French
Or something in that style
However, when the song was covered by Blancmange a few years
later, Neil Arthur clearly found that a little too heavy for own his bedtime
reading…
I must have read a while
The latest one by Barbara Cartland
Or something in that style
Blancmange - The Day Before You Came
You could write a book about the difference between Marilyn
and Barbara… but I haven’t got time. Because I’ve got 80s punk band The
Gymslips to listen to. Who better than to pay tribute to the delightful Dame
Babs?
I vaguely recall that Barbara and Lady Di were distantly related in some way. And great to hear The Gymslips. I used to have that album before it went the way of all flesh. Their version of Connie Francis' "Robot Man" is a cracker.
ReplyDeleteAh, I saw your post's title and came rushing over armed with the Blancmange lyric change to The Day Before You Came. But you already had it - well researched as ever!
ReplyDeleteLady Di’s stepmum was Barbara Cartland’s daughter - she probably got freebie novels. Can we call them that? In 1977 she churned out one every two days.
ReplyDeleteDidn’t know Blancmange changed that lyric. Ditto what Martin said.
Alyson