Celebrity Jukebox #81: Jane Russell

Sometimes I avoid the bigger names on this feature because I reckon there will be hundred of songs about them and it'll take me all week. Jane Russell is one of the names I've been steering clear of for a while now. I mean, she was such a huge sex symbol, surely she'll have inspired plenty of songwriters to shuffle off a namecheck or two? 

I was surprised then, and a little disappointed, that Jane didn't crop up more than she did. Before we get onto today's offerings though, let's hear from the lady herself...

Andrew Coady gets points for mentioning plenty of famous actresses in this song... part of me wonders if he wrote it just so I'd have to feature him here repeatedly?

Do I sound prejudicial because I can’t look at you and not be nonplussed?
Do I sound superficial because I can’t ignore your Jane Russell bust?

Andrew Coady - Only One You

Here's 12 and a half minutes of Roger Waters, surely enough to make most people's blood run cold... though I can't really argue with his sentiment...

America, America, please hear us when we call

You got hip-hop, be-bop, hustle and bustle

You got Atticus Finch

You got Jane Russell

You got freedom of speech

You got great beaches, wildernesses and malls

Don't let the might, the Christian right, fuck it all up

For you and the rest of the world

Roger Waters - Leaving Beirut

Here's a song about murder and bra sizes...

Now I tell you why

I was stopped for a speeding ticket

I was so embarrassed

I was a happy homeworker in my sheltered world

All the shame forced me to kill and join the other girls

Jane Russell and Marilyn will greet me

Won't mistreat me!

Lunachicks - Hope To Die

Pussy Tourette was a 90s drag queen with a penchant for opera. 'Nuff said.

He speaks of Jane Russell

And how he loves The Hustle

Talks like Liberace

Walks like Wilma Flintstone

Pussy Tourette - I Think He's Gay

If you thought Pussy Tourette would win the best bandname of the day... think again. Here's Pig With The Face Of A Boy...

Now hark and you'll hear of my latest collection:

I'm fetching all food chains who've ever been Texan

My favourite toenail is now more like a claw

It's handy for stabbing the bugs on the floor

I take a great interest in Jane Russell's breasts

As her nipples count 1 – 2 – 3 – 4

Pig With The Face Of A Boy - Howard Hughes Blues

After that, we need a bit of class. So here's some classy licks from Pat Burton...

Pat Burton - Jane Russell #3

Followed by some weird instrumental noodling...

A Small, Good Thing - Jane Russell

The best I can come up with today is some "Irish Skronky Tonk" from Oh Boland...

Oh, sweet Jane... you deserved better.