Memory Mix Tape #23: Memento Mori

Last Friday, I wrote about how my dad was a smoker when I was growing up - first cigars, then a pipe... and then he quit, immediately, when the doctor told him he had to.

On Saturday, I went to see my mum (as I always do) and she said she had something for me. I couldn't believe the synchronicity when she showed me what it was... my dad's old cigar case and one of his pipes. This was just one of those moments... I'm sure I don't need to say anything else.

She also asked if I wanted any of his old tools. Dad was a joiner by trade and had lots of tools, but most of them will be more use to my nephew who's followed in his grandad's footsteps. All I took was the saw and the ruler above, because I haven't got either, but also because they both contain powerful memories. The ruler in particular, Dad would carry it with him in his overalls at all times. It'd always be sticking out of his pocket. This is years ago, he hadn't done any joinery in over a decade, but it's good to remember him as he was before, rather than an old man who struggled to even get up out of his chair. 

When Louise and I moved into our first house, I was pretty clueless about DIY. (Louise will tell you I still am, but I've learned a few things.) Dad came round and helped me put up a few shelves, just the basics, but it was a start. For years I'd watched him tinkering away and never really took any of it in. But I started to try when we got that house. One day the lock went on our old wooden front door. Dad came round, cut it out and fitted a new one. I can still see him standing there in the sunshine, with his bag of tools beside him on the doorstep. It wouldn't be long before he couldn't do that kind of thing anymore, but I know it meant a lot to him, to be able to help us while he could.

I asked Mum if there was one more thing I could have. The copper bracelet my dad wore to help with arthritic pain. Now, various studies say there's no proof these things help relieve arthritis in any way - hey, I've got the internet, so I checked! - but I've been getting pain in my wrists and thumb joints for some time now and I figure it won't hurt to try. There's another reason I wanted this bracelet though, and it's a much more morbid one, I'm afraid. 

When the undertaker came to take my dad away, she asked me if I wanted to remove any jewellery he had on. He'd stopped wearing his wedding ring some years back because he was scared it would he'd lose it. So all he had on was this bracelet. The last thing I did for my dad, the very last time I saw him, was to take this bracelet off his wrist. And now I'm wearing it. 

Martin wrote about BC Camplight back in April. He was a name I'd heard bandied about but not paid a lot of attention to. I still haven't got around to buying his new album (largely because I've just had to pay £480 for brakes and tyres), but I've been listening to this track a lot on one of my walking compilations. It reminds me of John Grant, and it's already a shoe-in for one of my songs of the year... my dad loved Die Hard too.

I am almost through watching Die Hard 2 for the 38th time

I would go insane

On a burning plane

I gotta block out most of the pain just like John McClane does

I wanna look myself in the eye and be a normal guy

And say some clever shit when I’m about to die

I told my Mom I wanted to kill myself

She said, "Brian, grow up

You're 40 years old, ain’t it time to stop that shit?"

But I can’t save the world

And by the way, Mom

I’m 41 and I’ve just begun