Positive Songs For Negative Times #8: Splendid Isolation

Someday we'll look back on this and it will all seem funny, Bruce sang on his debut record. And I do hope that's true of our current situation. In the meantime, I want to keep recording my own personal memories of this time. Sam's school has sent through My 2020 Covid-19 Time Capsule, which all the kids are being encouraged to fill in because they're living through history and it's important to capture that for when they're older. So rather than just whinging and spilling out my anxiety all over this page... here's a few things that I might look back on and find funny.


1. Sam is following the Prime Minister's instructions to sing Happy Birthday to you twice while washing his hands, to get the optimum clean. Only for some reason, he sings Happy birthday, Jonathan Quickly, Happy birthday to you. We have no idea who Jonathan Quickly is. I'm guessing it's just a name he's made up... although a google search throws up the fact that Jonathan Quick is an epidemics expert and former head of the Global Health Council who's been warning governments to take the whole situation a little more seriously for some time.

2. This week, one of our cats, Millie, who is particularly hairy and fluffy, has been constipated. I know, Too Much Information, but bear with me. This morning, the dam broke and as a result she ended up with certain substances stuck to the hair all around her bottom, which, being a cat, she then dragged along the kitchen floor to try and wipe off. We tried cleaning her up as best we could, but it quickly became apparent a specialist was required. The local vets are on "emergency calls only", but after pleading with the receptionist they agreed to get one of the veterinary nurses to clean her up and give her the... appropriate grooming. And so I drove to the vets with Millie and sat in the car park alongside lots of other pet owners who were doing the same. Eventually a lady made her way round the cars and asked us some questions from the appropriate distance. Does anyone in our household work for the NHS? Is anyone in our house displaying any symptoms? (Well, I've had an on & off cold for the last six months, but it's never turned into anything else.) A little while later, a nurse came out and took Millie away, returning her after five minutes or so with a shaved posterior. After which we drove home. This is the new normal.

3. Social distancing in the supermarket is not that big a problem for me - I've been practising it for years. If I see an aisle that has more than two shoppers in it, I move on to the next aisle. And there are only two things that really get my goat in a supermarket - firstly when someone is stood for ages right in front of the shelf I want to get something from, and secondly (conversely) when I'm looking at something on a shelf and someone barges past me to get something from right where I'm standing. (I have got into some particularly sarcastic confrontations in situations such as this, and I'm not proud of it.) My point being, I actually like social distancing in the supermarket and it's one thing I'd like to keep once the coronavirus buggers off. That said, there appear to be two kinds of shoppers presently roaming the aisle of our local Co-op. The first is the hyper-vigilant, throw yourself into the empty pasta shelves rather than come within 20 feet of you, kind of shopper. The second is the "I'm not worried about the virus, I just want my beans" kind of shopper who happily ignore all 2 metre recommendations and just ploughs on regardless. It's amusing to watch them clash.

I'm sure I'm not the first person to play this track in recent weeks, but any excuse for a bit more Warren...

Michael Jackson in Disneyland

Don't have to share it with nobody else

Lock the gates, Goofy, take my hand

And lead me through the World of Self

 


Keep smiling.