Tuesday, 22 February 2022

Conversations With Ben #26: Cowboys, Wrecking Balls & Cheugy Scones


Ben: Where was this advice last Thursday?

Rol: Was it L'il Nas X?

Nah, he comes round for a chocolate digestive and a cup of lemon and ginger tea on most Wednesdays. Thursday's he's travelling back to Hollywood.

Must have been Billy Ray then.

He did keep going on about his heart. I just called an ambulance, though.

Don't get on the wrong side of him. His family owns a wrecking ball.

Please tell me you get other people to come and teach similes.

How was that a simile? It didn't have like or as.

"I came in *like* a wrecking ball."

They don't own construction equipment.

She is clearly swinging on a huge fucking wrecking ball in the video I've seen. I watched it repeatedly, just to make sure.

I'd guess that it'd be cheaper for the budget if they rented one.

I don't think budget is something the Cyruses worry about.

You should have said, "Don't get on the wrong side of him. His family clearly has the free capital to rent a wrecking ball as and when needed."

I maintain that they have the free capital to *buy* a wrecking ball. Tell me you wouldn't buy a wrecking ball if you could afford one. I know I would.

I think my main concern is storage. I don't want to have to buy a big enough hangar to store it.

It'd probably make sense to turn it into a business.

But then I'd have to employ someone to deal with it.

It's too much hassle.

Rent it. Do the job. Return it.

You just need one of those really big garden boxes. Watch out this weekend, there'll probably be a few flying around.

Pretty sure my neighbour's fence is about to fall over. It's swinging around.

Swingers?

I thought we'd moved on from discussing the wrecking ball?


What does 'scone' rhyme with in your world view?

Cone.

Anything else is clearly wrong.

And they shouldn't be allowed around children.

Wrong answer.

You're just posh and over-privileged. Kind of like the Prince Andrew of Scones.

I'll call the police on you.

Oh yeah? Your mates on the force? Say no more.

Are your employers aware of your stance on this?

My employers are of the opinion that 'gone' is the correct answer. I was treated to a scone with jam and cream today. Although it did have those little bits of crystallised sugar on top, which are also wrong.

Does Louise know?

Louise is on the dark side in this matter. But then she also puts toilet rolls on backwards, so there's no hope.

Let's not start with the toilet roll again.


How can a new album be iconic?

I don't like Charli XCX, nor think she's any good, so that's the first issue I have.

I also think iconic has had a bit of a change of meaning for Gen Z.

I think it means "really cool and unique" or something.

Idiots.

Why?

Language is elastic.

Just because I don't understand it doesn't make it bad.

You're just defending your contemporaries. From a nearly-50 Gen X perspective, everything you weirdos do is wrong.

Alcoholism, teen pregnancy and STI rates plummeted after your generation. Issues like that continue to decrease with Gen Z teaching adulthood. I think things are going OK.

Is most of the above due to the fact that they're all addicted to Internet porn?

Everyone rushes to say how shit kids are, but really, they're improving on the last generation mostly each time.

Spin doctor.



OK, then... define "cheugy".

Pronounced 'choogy'.

I guess phony or poser is the word you might be more familiar with.

Like a try hard.

 Isn't there a generational element to it though?

Yeah. I meant the opposite of it. Like it's natural.

Now I'm more confused than I was before I asked you.

So Jarvis Cocker would be cheugy. But every fanboy who tried to look like him would not be. They'd be try hards.

Morrissey isn't cheugy because with him it's calculated.

Tom Waits: cheugy.

Every impersonator: not cheugy.

So cheugy is a compliment!?!

Nope. I've just checked the internet. It's the opposite of what I said.

Tom Waits: not cheugy.

Morrissey: cheugy.

Ha! You aren't down with da kidz!

Old man!

I was right the first time.

I'm a mid millennial.

Not Gen Z.

You're just cheugy.



2 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. When even Ben finds himself out of touch with the yoof of today, there's no hope for the rest of us, C.

      Delete