My Top Ten Albums of 2015 - Number One

Shoo-do-bop-bop, shoo-do-bop-bop...

We need more shoo-do-bop-bops in contemporary popular music, of that I have know doubt at all.

My very first thought on hearing John Grant was realising a new album... Will it be as good as Pale Green Ghosts? Will it be my album of the year (as that was in 2013)? Can he do it again?

The weight of too much expectation is never a good thing when it comes to judging new music. When an artist delivers an album that makes us laugh, cry and see the world in a different way, they're damned when it comes to the follow up. So while Grey Tickles isn't quite the album Green Ghosts was, it's still an amazing piece of work from an artist with one of the most individual and entertaining voices in music.

The record opens (and closes) with the popular Corinthians wedding reading, "Love is patient, love is kind..." and certain tracks suggest that Grant is a little more happy and settled in his love life than on the previous album...

Sure, I like to see the fellas
Skateboard in their Vans
Stripped down to their shorts
So they can work on their tans
I know I shouldn't care
'Cause I'm a taken man
But I guess you can look
Nobody said that you can't...

That's from Global Warming, a typically sly and witty JG number in which he also wonders how he can possibly live in a world without Madeline Kahn (to be honest, I didn't even know she was dead, but it was 16 years ago, so you'd think he'd be over it by now) before complaining that "global warming is ruining my fair complexion". I found myself wondering if this was the kind of song Morrissey might write if he'd finally step out of the closet and lighten up a bit. We'll probably never know.

So, yes, there are love songs here. Most notably Disappointing (with guest vocals from Tracy Thorn) in which Grant lists everything he finds disappointing "compared to you"...

Frances Bacon
And the Dolomites
Ballet dancers
With or without tights
Central Park on an Autumn day
Will always be stunning
And never cliche...

"There's nothing more beautiful than your smiles as it conquers your face" is a cliche, but one written and delivered with the punch of poetry. And that's what makes Grant stand out as the best lyricist of the 21st Century.

Elsewhere, he brings the lust on Snug Slacks, coming on like a gay Prince and out-camping both the Scissor Sisters and Stephin Merritt in the process. It is the filthiest song you'll hear all year (yes, I know I said that was Philomena by The Decemberists... but I had to reconsider), but also one of the funniest, particularly when John tries to woo his fella by getting him tickets to see Joan Baez...

Oh, I guess I misunderstood
I've never heard of Joan As Policewoman
But I do love me some Angie Dickinson
And let's be clear: Joan Baez makes
GG Allin look like Charlene Tilton

OK, so the references are pretty obscure, but if you get them, you'll be howling. And if you don't, it really doesn't matter: it's all in the delivery.

And then comes Voodoo Doll, the finest 'cheer up, it'll be all right' song you'll hear this year. If only we could use a voodoo doll to make our sad friends feel better as John does here. It'd be a much more positive use of creole magic than sticking pins in your enemies...

I made a voodoo doll of you
Then I gave it some chicken soup
Did you feel any warmth down deep inside?
Did you feel how your blues went away and died?

However, if you think all this means John has left behind the arch bitterness and cynicism that marked much of his previous work, you can rest assured you'll find plenty of that here too: most notably on the stunning You And Him (featuring Amanda Palmer: damn, but he sure knows how to pick his collaborators) in which he suggests a new beau for his ex-boyfriend...

You and Hitler oughta tie the knot
You could do it at Taco Bell
To spice up the plot
Get on the phone
And call your buddy Pol Pot
You could play some Twister
And watch Heavy Metal Parking Lot

(I had to google Heavy Metal Parking Lot to check if it was a real thing or just the product of Grant's wicked imagination. I'm not sure which would have been better. Sadly, although it does exist, it's not a reality show where Lemmy, Lars and Clownface from Slipknot work as valet parking attendants... with hilarious consequences. But it ought to be.)

I could go on, but the fact that I could write about - and heavily quote - just about every track on this album should be enough to convince me. John Grant has done it again. He may have Grey Tickles (an Icelandic expression for middle age) and Black Pressure (Turkish for nightmares) but he'll forever have my respect and admiration.

Now I'm really scared about his next record...





And that was my year in music. Which of your favourites did I miss out? Do let me know. Happy Christmas. See you in '16.

My Top Ten Albums of 2015 - Number Two

Consistency can be a great thing, but it's also a little dull to write about. Earlier this year, Frank Turner released his sixth studio album, and it was no better nor worse than any of the previous ones. Which is to say that it was uniformly excellent throughout: inspirational and life-affirming, lyrically rewarding and fist-pumpingly anthemic. In a just and sane world, Frank Turner would be a household name rather than a well-kept secret indulgence. Still, I think he's probably quite happy doing his own thing with the support of a devoted army of worshippers (a little too zealous for some: a Turner gig can be a daunting prospect for anyone who's only casually acquainted with his back catalogue, especially when everyone else knows every lyric and wears the best of them as tattoos).

As an album on its own, Positive Songs For Negative People does exactly what it says on the tin. If 2013's Tape Deck Heart was his heartbreak disc, this is the recovery record. Virtually every song is about coming out the other side and getting on with your life, and if you were to boil the whole record down to one lyric it would be this...

I'm trying to get better, because I haven't been my best
She took a plain black marker, started writing on my chest
She drew a line across the middle of my broken heart and said,
"Come on now, let's fix this mess..."
We can get better - because we're not dead yet.

Nothing can defeat Frank Turner on this album - from heartbreak to demons to a particularly tough tennis opponent... to death itself. Yes, as he reveals on Silent Key, he's not even worried about the big sleep, not since the secrets of the afterlife were revealed to him via ham radio when he was four years old. He even manages to write a tribute to a suicidal old friend and remain positive. I think I'm going to keep this CD in the car permanently; then, whenever I've had a bad day, I can put it on and get better... because we're not dead yet.



Which brings us to Number 1, perfect for lovers of voodoo, tickles and matching sweaters. My wish, granted.

My Top Ten Albums of 2015 - Number Three

Most of the artists on this list are my age or even older, but the combined age of the guys in Slaves is probably younger than all of them. Which is reassuring to an old muso who thinks he might be falling completely out of touch with teenage pop culture. Circa Waves, The Bohicas, Drenge, Wolf Alice... there's been a brace of interesting new guitar bands this year (let's face it: there is every year, though they rarely trouble the mainstream any more) but Slaves are by far the most exciting.

On the surface, they follow that minimalist guitar 'n' drums approach that worked for The White Stripes, adding lashing of snotty, punky attitude and most important of all, two things that are missing from the majority of contemporary chart music (pay attention James Bay, et al.): A SENSE OF HUMOUR and SOMETHING TO SAY.

Everything kicks off with the wonderfully belligerent The Hunter in which Laurie & Isaac (not the most punk rock names, but in their own strange way they're more punk rock than Johnny Rotten ever was) bemoan the "experts" who are making money out of global warming before spitting out their mission statement...

The feeling is mutual 
You don't like what we do 
Because we say what we are thinking 
And that shocks and frightens you

Next comes a long-awaited dig at the capital... with the indisputable Video of the Year (see below).

Cheer up, London
It's not that bad
Cheer up, London
You're already dead and it's not that bad
Cheer up, London
It's not that bad
Cheer up, London
It's really really not that bad, is it?
How can it be
So bad
When you're already dead?

I've already featured track 3, the glorious Sockets (The Clash meets The Evil Dead), but shortly after that comes the sublime Do Something in which the band turn all Tyler Durden on our asses before forgetting their own second verse. 

Your worries and your fears
Manipulating you
The ringing in your ears
Is self-inflicted, too
Doing damage to your health
To get the instant fix
It really is incredible
How people get their kicks
Looking at the floor
Won't get no answers there
The product in your hair
Or her lacy underwear
Are you happy?
Or are there things that could be done?
Whether you're midway through the process
Or you haven't yet begun, come on!!!

And there's what surely must be the Student Anthem of the year: Wow!!! 7AM. (They can't remember the last time they saw that time of day.)

To be honest, the second half of the album can't quite live up to Side A, but it doesn't matter. Slaves did more to grab me by the throat on those first seven songs than any other band of urchins or whippersnappers this year... and I have high hops for their future.

You're not stuck in traffic...
You ARE traffic.
Move.
Do not overtake on a bend.
Cheers.

Next, at Number 2, let's be frank: plenty of pluses and no minuses at all.

My Top Ten Albums Of 2015 - Number Four

It's been a while since I paid much attention to The Decemberists. The Crane Wife was an excellent album but that was nearly ten years ago now and they'd slipped of my radar a little since then. I'm not even sure why I bought What A Terrible World, What A Beautiful World... I quite liked Make You Better when I heard it on 6Music, but I think it's probably the name of the record itself which tipped me over the edge and got me to give it a shot. Rarely has an oxymoron been so true.

The record opens with a sly wink to the band's devoted fanbase, particularly anyone who thinks about criticising their new stuff as "not as good as the old stuff".

We know, we know we belong to ya.
We know you built your lives around us.
But we had to change some...
You know, to belong to you.

In its own way, it's as sarky as the Manics singing 'You Love Us', but this is a much older (and wiser?) band, with very little of the piss and vinegar Nicky, Ritchie and James Dean had on their debut. Then comes the second single, 'Cavalry Captain', the closest thing to The Crane Wife here: it's folk with a capital F, but still poppy as hell. Things really start to get interesting with 'Philomena' though, probably the muckiest song I've heard all year, it's a Shakespearian ode to cunnilingus. Fantastic.

Elsewhere, songwriter Colin Meloy is still in thrall to Morrissey on 'Lake Song'...

And I, seventeen and terminally fey
I wrote it down and threw it all away
And never gave a thought to what I'd paid.
And you, all sibylline, reclining in your pew
You tattered me and tethered me to you
The things you would and the things you wouldn't do...
To tell the truth, I never had a clue.

'Reel Around The Fountain', anyone?

Then there's 'Better Not Wake The Baby', no doubt inspired by the early months of his second child, Milo Cannonball Meloy (kudos), addressing an issue you don't often hear rock star dads singing about: the difficulty of practising your vocation in a house with a young child...

How long will this go on? 
How long indeed?
Bang your drums till the money's all gone
But it better not wake the baby!

The album's title comes from the penultimate track, 12/17/12. Written in reaction to the Sandy Hook Elementary School massacre, it finds Meloy holding on tighter to his own son to shield him from the horrors of the world... without depriving him of its beauty. Maybe that's why I liked this record so much: it's not an album for teenagers, it's an album for parents. Embrace middle age!

(Plus they got Ron Swanson to star in their video.)



Next, the Top 3 kicks off with a pair of yobboes who left me feeling very satisfied. 

My Top Ten Albums of 2015 - Number Five

Midway through Belly of the Whale, the eighth track on Guy Garvey's debut solo album, the jazzband accompanying him break into an off-kilter rendition of George Michael's A Different Corner. As well as being a crafty wink at the moment when a frontman finally goes it alone, this jaunty little intermission also sums up perfectly what's so refreshing about Courting The Squall: it's the sound of Guy letting his hair down.

When asked earlier this year why the time was right for a solo album, Guy explained it away jokingly as a mini mid-life crisis, but also revealed that because every Elbow album is a negotiation with the entire band, each song meticulously crafted to perfection, there was no way to become more prolific with those guys. So while Elbow will continue at their own pace (indeed, this year they've released some of their best material to date, albeit not as an album: The Lost Worker Bee EP was a glorious 4-tracker, while What Time Do You Call This?, the theme to a Simon Pegg romcom, was their best single since One Day Like This), a solo career also allows Garvey the opportunity to get a few more songs out of his brain and into the world before he "dies".

There's a freedom to the tracks on this record then that you might not find amid the shimmering beauty of an Elbow album. Sounding at times like 80s Peter Gabriel with a splash of Paul Simon, Garvey experiments with world music, jazz and orchestral pop (plus a wonderfully smoky Cole Porter impersonation on Electricity)... but however he dresses them up, his lyrics still shine with pure poetry. I have a theory that Guy keeps a notebook at his bedside where he collects "Words you don't often hear in pop songs": and then, he puts them to work. And so we get lines like these...

Love came down like a cooling tower...

Life stands still at an unmanned till...

(Yesterday)

In the hills it's an overcoat colder

(Courting The Squall)

And I'm flip and indignant and then again, ten again
Your voice is an opium smoke plume
And the room melts away in a velvet irrelevance

(Harder Edges)

Elsewhere you'll find gingerly, barnacles, Tupperware and Eton Mess, but my favourite verse comes in Juggernaut...

Years on, in a winter cafe window
Proper Hopper in the hurry home gloom
As the tail lights spidered through
You were cursing the folly of a three dollar brolly
In your after work make-up and still-at-work shoes
When you blustered through the room...

Which is as good a verse as Simon Armitage ever wrote - and I'm a huge Simon Armitage fan.



Next, at Number 4, the end of the year brings both beautiful and terrible things...