Last week, I bemoaned the fact that I came away from my recent Billy Bragg gig feeling ever so slightly short-changed, for which I blamed myself more than Billy. Afterwards, I was reminded of a Lloyd Cole lyric...
The Young Idealists Careering through the markets to the Mall Venturing that we could have it all Still supposing we could make a difference And then the markets fall And the heavens open And there's no synergy at all The synergy is broken So maybe now I'd take that wholesale revolution We were talking about Maybe now I'd take a future we can breathe in
...and once again, I felt like I was getting too old for all this shit: gigging, nightlife, being out in the world.
So when it came time for my second gig in less than a week, Half Man Half Biscuit at the same venue where Billy had left me wanting more, I found myself having another little existential crisis. It didn't help that I'd been out the night before to see Sam performing in a choir concert at Huddersfield Town Hall, and that I had to get up early the following morning for a football tournament that took up most of Saturday. Did I really want to spend my Friday evening standing on my own among a crowd of middle-aged men wearing T-shirts Mark Radcliffe would not approve of? Much as I love the Biscuit, I had serious second thoughts.
But I forced myself to go, and I'm glad I did. Because while I found it hard to connect with Billy's idealistic devotion this time round, Nigel Blackwell's cheeky Birkenhead cynicism was enough to banish the mid-life crisis for a couple of hours. As soon as he and his gang walked on stage to a singalong of Rhinestone Cowboy... it felt like I belonged.
Like Billy, Nigel is as entertaining between the tunes as when he's actually singing... unlike Billy, I never felt like I was failing to live up the expectations of the man on stage. Instead, he left me much to ponder...
Have you ever seen Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen and Dave Grohl in the same room?
Was that really Jodie Comer in the corner?
What do they call the sliding tray device used in overnight garages to pass things through to the cashier (or vice versa)?
The answer to that last one is a Chuckle Brother, in case it was going to keep you awake tonight.
However, getting a good pun into a song title is much trickier than hiding one in the lyrics of your song. Rock music is full of dreadful puns - much as I might try to defend the reputation of REO Speedwagon, there's no excuse for their 1978 album title, You Can Tune A Piano But You Can't Tuna Fish.
Although it does contain one of their better songs...
Meanwhile, I've seen it suggested online that the song Bruise Pristine by Placebo is a pun on Bruce Springsteen. Not a very good pun, if that's actually true.
No, I'm talking about this forgotten classic from Johnny Cash's former backing group, The Statler Brothers. The great thing about this song is that when you hear the title - You Can't Have Your Kate and Edith, Too - you figure there's no way the song is ever going to live up to it. And then it does, with a hilariously touching tale of two-timing and jealousy and the mildest curses you'll ever hear, considering what this guy is putting up with. If I were him, I'd be using words a lot stronger than "you rascal, you!".
I did an online test via Psychology Today to see just how angry I am - and here are the results...
You may have problems managing your anger
Your score indicates that you likely struggle to recognize triggers, calm down, communicate with others, and process your emotions in a healthy way; your anger may sometimes turn into aggression.
Well, I mean, I guess that's not telling me anything I didn't already know... but it's still scary to see it written down. (I thought I'd been quite moderate in my responses too.)
Still, my overall score was 71 out of 100, which means I'm just dipping a toe into You may have problems managing your angerand I've only just risen above Could do better. I'm not sure that's cause for huge celebration (especially as I took care to moderate my responses) but you know me - I'm a glass half full kind of guy...
Oh, but the boffins at Psych Today weren't finished yet. They had advice too - lots of it!
It’s important to learn how to manage anger, because continual anger, and the stress hormones that accompany it, can harm your physical health. Unmitigated anger can also lead to problems in one’s career, finances, and relationships.
This started me wondering just how my physical health might be affected, and I realised the main thing is: I'm knackered. Partly that's the long commute and the hectic business of being a parent and a home-owner... but could it be related to my anger as well?
Yes, according to a report I found by some more boffins, this time from Kent State University...
Too much adrenaline can exhaust the capacity of the brain to manage stress. Fatigue, illness, and chronic pain can follow.
What else did the Psych Today computer have to tell me?
Anger or aggression plays a role in several mental health disorders, such as intermittent explosive disorder, oppositional defiant disorder, conduct disorder, and borderline personality disorder. It may also be involved in manic episodes, ADHD, and narcissism.
Well, I've ruled out the last three, but the rest are distinct possibilities. I like the sound of Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Isn't that just refusing to be part of the crowd?
Certain personality traits are linked to the tendency to become angry, research suggests. These include high neuroticism and low agreeableness.
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Anger tends to result from a combination of three factors: the trigger event, the personality of the individual, and the individual's appraisal of the situation.
This is the kind of sentence that makes me just go: No shit, Sherlock.
Anger can be directed outward or inward. Anger expressed outwardly may take the form of yelling, meanness, or physical aggression. Anger expressed inwardly may take the form of suppression, withdrawal, and self-criticism.
So I'm mostly an inwardly angry person, unless I'm confronted by an Audi driver.
We've got Reds under the bed on this week's Namesakes. Which Fifth Columnists will be a SMASH hit with you?
THE FIFTH COLUMN #1
"Joe Egan and Gerry Rafferty were a duo known as Stealer's Wheel when they recorded this Dylanesque, pop, bubble-gum favourite from April of 1974 that reached up to number five, as K-Billy's Super Sounds of the Seventies continues..."
So says the wonderful Steven Wright in Reservoir Dogs. And if Steven Wright had his own radio show, I would listen to it a lot more than I listened to Steve Wright In The Afternoon. But I digress...
Before they became Stealer's Wheel, way back in 1966, Paisley's Joe Egan and Gerry Rafferty (along with Dennis Bell) were known as The Fifth Column. This was their only single...
US new wave / indie band from 1987 who clearly had been listening to Talking Heads. This is the b-side of their only single to be found on discogs, the a-side appears to have blown away with the sand of time...
Some disappointment at Top Ten Towers that I was unable to find the abrasive death metal band from Queensland now calling themselves The 5th Column, having changed their name from Maggot Infested Fuck Pit. There were a few other 5th Columnists I couldn't locate, but none left quite the same hole in my heart.
But which Fifth Column would persuade you to join... and which would you grass up to the authorities?
Martin and Khayem already paid their respects to the late Donald Sutherland, and there's little I can add to their fine tributes... except a few songs that mention him by name. Starting with this fine tune from a band with a terrible name. Don't let that put you off.
Martin paid particular attention to one of Donald's finest roles - the 1978 remake of Invasion Of The Body Snatcher, as pictured at the top of the page. And here it is in a song...
They're Body-Snatchers. Life is imitating art now And Donald Sutherland, I guess I'm playing his part, now That everyone is out to get me
Over at Dubhead, Kayhem mentioned Donald's guest appearance in a Kate Bush video, in which he plays the part of German psychiatrist and philosopher Wilhelm Reich. Here's a little bit more about that dude...
Red fascists kicked him out of Oslo Donald Sutherland Portrayed him in a Kate Bush video Bitter love, preaching human dignity Wrote a book about Nazi sexuality
Apparently Donald initially refused to lower himself to taking part in a silly pop video... until Kate Bush turned up at door in person. And then he changed his mind. Can't imagine why...
Remember the days of the old
schoolyard We used to laugh a lot, Oh, don't you remember the days of
the old schoolyard? When we had imaginings and we had All kinds of things and we laughed
Here's a confession: I didn't have Sky TV when I was younger either. When the BBC stopped showing The X-Files, I had to save up and buy the DVD box sets. I didn't have a big fancy camera like Rishi to take my snapshots with either...
Who are the stars of popular music pictured below?
How are their songs connected...?
10. The cast of Lost.
(Lost was another show I had to watch on DVD, Rishi!)
9. Don't suck old sweets.
8. Cabernet Sauvignon.
7. Keep drinking and you'll become one.
6. American G.I. gets lost in the subtext.
5. Deano takes it easy with a brand new key.
4. Proving Del Amitri wrong.
3. One Frou, near the top of Frank's New York ascent.
2. Straight out of The Bible.
1. Big Daddy, found near the Statue of Liberty.
Fortunately, you won't need Sky TV to get the answers - they'll be here tomorrow morning.
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