Snapshots #430: Underwear Songs!

Heidi Hi, campers! 

Welcome back to this week's Snapshots – songs about underwear! Ms. Klum is famous for walking about in her skivvies, though she did agree to keep her kit on for propriety’s sake. It was either her or Biggie Smalls…

15. Crazy, Hippy Lit.

Crazy Chick was a song by Charlotte Church. Hippychick by Soho. And Chick Lit by We Are Scientists.

The Chicks - Tights On My Boat

14. Tanya Donnelly. (Donelly. Donnelly. Donnelly.)

Tanya Donnelly was the lead singer of Belly. (Belly. Belly. Belly.)

Echobelly - Pantyhose and Roses

13. It’s not unusual to be a very patient man.

Tom Waits - Pasties And A G-String

12. Chinese troops in a skirmish.

“Chinese troops” was an anagram.

Stereophonics - More Life In A Tramp’s Vest

11. When it comes to not throwing stones, these guys are the rulers.

People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones… but imagine you lived in a Crystal Castle?

Crystal Castles - Through The Hosiery

10. Sounds like a Yes Man to me.

His namesake is Jon Anderson from Yes.

John Anderson - Do You Have a Garter Belt?

Think this was originally a Tony Joe White tune, but Tony appears here regularly.

9. Show me to my seat.

Usher - Lingerie

8. Dado, shags Patti.

Da do Ron Ron… Sex with (Patti) Smith.

Ron Sexsmith - Late Bloomer

7. It takes a bright man to be captain of the England cricket team.  

Sarah Brightman and Michael Vaughan.

Sarah Vaughan – Shiny Stockings

6. Needs ironing out.

The Kinks - Mick Avory's Underpants

Yeah, OK, it’s only an instrumental – but you find a song with underpants in the title!

5. Most stories contain one - Add Me On Snapchat!

Most sTORIes. The Snapchat thing is an acronym that the young people use. Apparently.

Tori Amos - The Power of Orange Knickers

4. May, Kennedy and Wilson, like the cattle.

Three Bri/yans and Highland Cattle.

Bryan Hyland - Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini

Just be glad I didn’t choose the Timmy Mallett version.

3. Brown, South and Jackson get in the ring.

Three Joes, boxing.

JoBoxers - Boxerbeat

2. Frank takes a Scottish wife, in hashtags and angel eyes.

Frankenstein wanted a Bride, though he wasn’t fussed whether she was a Mc.

In hASHtags and angeLEYes.

Ashley McBryde, Caylee Hammack, Pillbox Patti - Brenda Put Your Bra On

And yes, Ashley has some help on that track… but how long do you want my clues to get?

1. REM's 11th album gets a mixed response.

REM’s 11th was the LP UP. Anagram!

Pulp - Underwear

 

Something less pants next Saturday.

Saturday Snapshots #430

What’s new, pussycats? It’s Saturday morning – time to Help Yourself to another round of Snapshots. Can I have A Minute Of Your Time to ponder who the folk below might by… and why, why, why their songs might be connected?

15. Crazy, Hippy Lit.

14. Tanya Donnelly. (Donelly. Donnelly. Donnelly.)

13. It’s not unusual to be a very patient man.

12. Chinese troops in a skirmish.

11. When it comes to not throwing stones, these guys are the rulers.

10. Sounds like a Yes Man to me.

9. Show me to my seat.

8. Dado, shags Patti.

7. It takes a bright man to be captain of the England cricket team.  

6. Needs ironing out.

5. Most stories contain one - Add Me On Snapchat!

4. May, Kennedy and Wilson, like the cattle.

3. Brown, South and Jackson get in the ring.

2. Frank takes a Scottish wife, in hashtags and angel eyes.

1. REM's 11th album gets a mixed response.

I've a feeling this one won't last long...

See you tomorrow.

Modern Life Is Rubbish #3: Some Things Just Don't Mix

This isn't an AI mock-up. This is an actual product that one of my colleagues bought and brought into work yesterday. What is wrong with people?

I can't swear to it, but the person responsible may well be the same person who brought in the lobster flavoured popcorn a few weeks back... which turned out to be the worst thing I have EVER tasted in my life. And I grew up on a farm. In Yorkshire. In the 1970s. The ghost of its pestilence still stains my tongue. As a result, there was no way I was going anywhere near this stuff. Even taking the photo was too close.

I like mayo.

I like gravy.

But if ever the two things are on the same plate, I go out of my way to make sure they never touch. The thought of mixing them together makes me physically ill.

It also reminded me of this...

 

Here are some songs about mayonnaise (ignoring all the tracks in my library that come from Simon May sessions)...

Shana Cleveland - Mayonnaise

Smashing Pumpkins - Mayonaise (two 'n's, please, Billy)

War - Cinqo De Mayo

OK, that last one's a cheat. But it's still a good song.

And now here's a wall...

...followed by some songs about gravy.

Varetta Dillard - Good Gravy, Baby

Kelis - Biscuits 'n' Gravy

John Zacherle - Gravy (With Some Cyanide)

(That sounds more appetising than mixing it with mayo.)

Gov't Mule - Greasy Granny's Gopher Gravy (Part 1)

(So does that.)

Beck - Nicotine & Gravy

(And that.)

The very best song about gravy though is this one. It is a Christmas song, sort of. But it's one of the few that I can listen to at any point in the year.

The Best Medicine #1: A$$hole Dog

I’m struggling to feel inspired at the moment.

I can do the regulars – Snapshots, Namesakes, Songs For Dead People – but while I have a bunch of other post ideas… I really can’t be bothered to write them up. New Year blues, I guess.

Here’s a new series which might get forgotten after its first post, or might just turn into a list of HMHB tunes. Songs that have made me Laugh. Out. Loud.

If I do write further posts, maybe I’ll discuss the thorny issue of why certain members of the musical cognoscenti believe there’s no place for humour in a serious pop song.

Or maybe I’ll examine why I find it so hard to laugh these days. I remember in my youth, laughing till the tears rolled down my face… nowadays the most I manage is a “tut of amusement”.

Maybe I’ll even find something to ponder about the incredibly subjective nature of humour – how it divides our tastes even more than music.

In the meantime, here’s a song that did make me laugh out loud the first time I heard it, earlier this week. The general theme of the lyrics provoked a recurring “tut of amusement”, though my liberal / snowflake / prudish tendencies weren’t sure about the repeated references to the dog biting his Mum’s bits. However, what raised this song to a genuine guffaw level was the twist in the middle, when he takes the dog to the vets.

Subjectively, this may not work for you at all. However, if it makes one other person laugh the way I did, if I can share out the endorphins, dopamine, serotonin etc… if only for a moment… then this will have been a good post.

Celebrity Jukebox #67: Brigitte Bardot (Part 3)

OK, I realise this is a cheap way of filling blog posts on my first week back at work, but don't blame me - blame all these songwriters who were obsessed with the late Ms. B.

Last lot today, I promise. Though I did leave a load out... and probably missed a bunch too.

We'll start with a suggestion from The Swede, which I'm kicking myself I didn't remember...

Will Serge's own 'Initials BB' will be making an appearance?

And the reason I'm kicking myself? I'm a big fan of the Mick Harvey version...

On with the show... and I suppose we have to get this one out of the way...

The Bollock Brothers - Brigitte Bardot

Now let's move up to something with a bit more class.

I'm in love with Sophia Loren
I'm in love with Bridget Bardot
I'm in love with the whole dumb scene

The Psychedelic Furs - We Love You

Zig-zag, walk like Marilyn Monroe
Zig-zag, talk like Brigitte Bardot
No stone gonna be unturned
When you're out there, walkin' and a talkin'
Baby, doin' the Zig-Zag Walk

Foghat - Zig Zag Walk

You know what, you're a supersonic flight
A song by Lennon and McCartney
A Mohammed Ali fight
You're like Brigitte Bardot
No way Danny La Rue...
But most important of all
You are you

Gilbert O`Sullivan - You Are You

Marilyn, Sophia, Danny La Rue... who else might Brigitte get compared to?

She smiles like Richard Nixon
Walks like Brigitte Bardot
And I love her, but I can't trust her

The Bad Examples - She Smiles Like Richard Nixon

That's the problem with being an icon. You can choose your lyrical bedfellows. Still, given what C said about Brigitte's latter-day politics, maybe she'd appreciate spending time with Tricky Dicky?

Well you may not look like Brigitte Bardot
But you got rhythm in your big black toe

Colin Blunstone - Pay Me Later

That's got to be the weirdest lyric yet. Can Noddy beat that?

I get weird imaginin's about all different kinds of things, but I always try
To get fantasising thoughts, maybe Bardot in her shorts, like a natural guy
So I took a trip to Tutankhamen's tomb
He was alone and said he hoped I'd come back soon

Slade - I'm Mad

Of course he can.

Bobby boy's full of bravado
His girlfriend looks like Bridgette Bardot

You know, I wouldn't normally lower myself to the Menswear level, but credit where it's due - that's one of the better rhymes I've seen since starting this list.

Menswear - Stardust

Can anyone find a better rhyme for Bardot?

I should be raising the bar high, avoiding the bar low
I'll write a million songs for you as if I was Barlow
'Cause you're my Bridget Bardot, my precious cargo
I'm tryna speak my mind but I don't get very far though

Example - Millionaires

Alright, show-off. After that, let's go for a really basic one...

The first time that you saw Bardot
Inside you really glow
But I feel better than that
(I feel better than that)

Miles Kane - Better Than That

Lots of blokes squeezing her into their songs? What about a lady for a change?

Every time I see you, I see Paris in your eyes
A hint of the forbidden, Brigitte Bardot style
Every time I dream of you, I dream that distant land
Where I once held tomorrow in my hand

Janis Ian - Paris In Your Eyes

And another female perspective... from a male songwriter.

'Cause when I was a little girl, you'd dress me like Bardot
And the hallway'd become a catwalk, and you'd watch me go to the show
Said, "All the little girls were pretty, but I was pretty like fresh flowers"
I was a superhero, mama, with superpowers

Kevin Morby - US Mail

And to close - this really is the end of our Bardot tribute, I promise! - here's the theme to Eurotrash, by Francis Lai... and a certain Ms. Bardot.