My Top Ten

Thursday, 16 April 2026

Mid-Life Crisis Songs #134: Honeymoon

We were lucky that Sam and I had misaligned holidays this Easter, so while he's back at school this week, I'm still off... allowing Louise and I the rare luxury of getting away to the Peak District for a couple of days peace and quiet. (Sam is being looked after by appropriate adults, in case you're on the phone to Child Services.)

So this is what passes for our Honeymoon. Appropriate (and inappropriate) tunes will follow...

Elvis Costello & The Attractions - The Long Honeymoon

Homer Banks - Before The Honeymoon

Roy Clark - Honeymoon Feeling

Bob Hope To Die - Honeymoon

Bruce Springsteen - The Honeymooners

Be Bop Deluxe - Honeymoon On Mars

City Boy - Honeymooners

Magazine - The Honeymoon Killers

Kim Carnes - Gypsy Honeymoon

Gorky's Zygotic Mynci - Honeymoon With You

Robert Earl Keen - Gringo Honeymoon

The Wake - On Our Honeymoon

Bill Callahan - Honeymoon Child

Jackie Leven - Honeymoon Hill

Robert Palmer - Honeymoon

Langhorne Slim - The Honeymoon

Daniel Takes A Train - Honeymoon

Always - My Honeymoon Hell

Paul Hampton - Two Hour Honeymoon (Definitely the most bizarre thing you'll hear today!)

The Cruel Sea - The Honeymoon Is Over

I will, of course, be following the advice below to the letter...

Don't ski naked down Mt. Everest

With lilies up your nose

Don't punt up the Ganges in a vest

And holler 'Thar she blows'

Don't fish for tunny in Meat Madras

With blotting pads as bait

Don't converse with shrimps of higher class

About the church and state

Don't dance the polka in a dhoti

Arid whistle the right of Spring

Don't recite Hamlet's soliloquy

While munching onion rings

Don' t plant a stickleback in a field

On St.Augustine's Day

Don' t sharpen your sword and beat your shield

And somersault up a brae

Don' t build a pyramid on the pole

With Frosties packets and glue

Don' t serve rubber bullets in a bowl

And call it Irish Stew

Don' t change all the water into wine

And walk on the Dead Sea

Never sing the Song of the Golden Rhine

With an augmented flea

Wednesday, 15 April 2026

Modern Life Is Rubbish #7: Only The Names Change

This post was inspired by a new song from Stephen Wilson Jr., an Americana artist I’ve only recently discovered. He’s worthy of further investigation if this sort of thing is your bag.

Anyway, the chorus informs us, “There ain't a lot of boys named Gary these days”, a reminder of how birth names fall in and out of fashion. (Amusingly, they’ve got the actor Gary Sinise to star in the video… although it doesn’t end well for him.) This got me thinking about the names of the kids Sam goes to school with… versus the ones I went to school with.

I have a nephew called Gary. He’s about ten or twelve years younger than me. But there are no Garys in Sam’s school. Neither is there a Neil or a Sean, the names of my other nephews.

I started to think about the most common names of kids I grew up with.

Sam doesn’t know any Richards. No Ricks or Rickys either. And while he probably knows a few dicks… there are definitely no Dicks.

Billy Bragg - Richard

He also doesn’t go to school with anyone called Paul.

Landspeed Loungers - Paul

Steven? Stephen? Steve? Stevie? Not a one.

Billy Reeves - Steve

Andrew… he knows one Andy. There must have been a dozen in my school.

Fantastic Negrito – A Boy Named Andrew

Most shocking of all though… Sam doesn’t know anyone called David.

No Daves!?!

Everyone knows a Dave – surely?! Two of my best mates are called Dave – and I only have three and a half friends.

Boomtown Rats - Dave

No Darrens, no Phils, no Jasons, no Brians, and definitely no Kevins.

The Undertones - My Perfect Cousin

He does know a heck of a lot of Georges though… he told me he could count 15, but he might have been exaggerating. Slightly.

Edwyn Collins - Gorgeous George

Other common boys’ names in Sam’s school?

Harry.

Sham 69 - Hurry Up, Harry

Arthur.

The Kinks - Arthur

Albert.

Essential Logic - Albert

Isaac.

Bear's Den - Isaac

Frank.

The Monochrome Set - He's Frank (Slight Return)

Eli.

Three Dog Night - Eli's Coming

Alfie.

Dionne Warwick - Alfie

(Sorry, Cilla's version goes right through me.)

The weird thing is, I didn’t go to school with a single one of those. In fact, if you’d asked me when I was a kid, I would have told you they were all old men names. Harry Bamforth was an old farmer who lived across the fields from us. So was Arthur Lockwood. And Frank Shaw. Albert Tatlock and Alf Roberts were old blokes on Coronation Street. Eli and Isaac were names I only read about in Old Testament RE lessons.

I wonder if, in another 20 years’ time, the classrooms will be full of Garys, Darrens and Daves again? There probably won't be many Donalds... but I could be wrong.

A final word today from Nigel (no Nigels in Sam's school either)...

A woman who described herself as "a little bit 'Bridget',
A little bit 'Ally', a little bit 'Sex and the City'"
And chose to call her baby boy Fred
As a childishly rebellious attempt at a clever reaction
To those who might have expected her to call him Julian or Rupert
Bit of advice, call him Rupert, it fits, and besides it's a good name
Don't be calling him Fred or Archie
With all its cheeky but lovable working class scamp connotations
Unless you really do have plans for him
To spend his life in William Hills waiting
For them to weigh in at Newton Abbot

In case you're wondering - yes, there will be a follow-up to this post about girl's names.

Probably next week some time.

Tuesday, 14 April 2026

Namesakes #184: The Times

Boo, Rupert Murdoch, right wing rag, etc. etc.

But unlike the paper, I'm not here to tell you how to think... you can make your own mind up which band called The Times is best.

Have you got The Times for all these? Let's see...

THE TIMES #1

We start this week in Australia, with a three piece beat band on Perth label Clarion Records in 1965.

The Times - Glad Not Sad

THE TIMES #2

The Warrington Times, from 1966, featuring Alan Taylor, Gordon Struthers, Kenneth Crank and Malcolm Unsworth. Proper rock star names, all of them. This was their second, and presumably last, single. Where did all the good Times go?

The Times - (She Can't Replace) The Love We Knew

THE TIMES #3

Dennis Burlage and his two brothers (plus a couple of mates) came from Norfolk, Virginia in 1967 and produced this "psychedelic masterpiece" / ripped off The Byrds.

Dennis & The Times - Flight Patterns

THE TIMES #4

Irish "show band" (not sure what a show band is - presumably a band that plays shows... but don't they all?) from the late 60s and early 70s.

The Times - Looking Through The Eyes Of A Beautiful Girl

THE TIMES #5

I first became aware of Edward Philip Albert Tome Ball when he released the solo track The Mill Hill Self Hate Club, a Brit pop favourite from the glorious year of 1996. It was only later that I realised Ed Ball had been at this pop music lark for quite a while, starting in 1977 when he was a member of Television Personalities. As the 80s arrived, he formed his own band called The Times, featuring a rotating membership of musicians from the Wham! Records label (run by Ed and his mate Dan Treacy). The Times continued to release records on and off for the next 20 years. This tribute to The Prisoner is probably their most fondly-remembered tune...

The Times - I Helped Patrick McGoohan Escape

THE TIMES #6

Also known as The U.S. Times, this Louisiana "dance band" were a'changing with the times in the early 80s.

The Times - Hip Isn't It

TIMES #7

Post-punk electronic band Venus In Furs hailed from Sussex in the early 80s. They started out as a four piece, then came back as a two piece, before eventually becoming a one man solo project. The man behind all these ventures occasionally called himself Jeremy Christ, but most of the time he went simply by the name: Times.

Venus In Furs - Memento Mori

TIMES #8

Good times from Cleveland, Ohio in 1982.

Times - Tuesday The 12th

THE TIMES #9

Knock Three Times! More power pop from 1982 - this time via Nashville.

The Times - I Didn't Know

THE TIMES #10

South African soul group, and part-time jeans models: a sign of the times from 1990.

The Times - Lonely Man

THE TIMES #11

And finally today, this Malaysian indie rock band were practising their Times tables in the noughties.

The Times - Spektakular

Eleven Times to choose from... but do you agree that Even The Bad Times Are Good?

Monday, 13 April 2026

The Enigma of CD87: Part #5

More tracks from the 87th in-car CD compilation I made for my son, Sam, in order to introduce him to as wide a variety of old pop music as possible in his formative years, before I lost him to Young Boy With A Broken Neck et al.

Track 15: The White Stripes – The Hardest Button To Button

Watching this video, which uses stop-motion to make Meg White play an endless line of drums – a new one appears after every beat – I started to wonder what had happened to Meg once the band broke up and Jack ploughed on with his solo career.

Remember how back in the day, there was a big mystery over whether Meg and Jack were brother and sister or husband and wife? I’m not sure they’d be able to maintain that level of mystique in this day and age. It finally transpired they had been married in the early days of the band’s career, but divorced before their breakthrough in 2001, staying together for the music. Jack’s only called White because he took Meg’s surname when they married… his real name is Jack Gillis. (Neither Louise or I changed our names when we tied the knot last week, in case you were wondering.)

The White Stripes broke up in 2011, not through any major disagreement, but purely to preserve their legacy… and maybe because Meg had had enough. She hated the limelight, was always a very shy person, and suffered from both acute anxiety and low self-esteem. It’s a miracle she was able to get up on stage for as long as she did, and I hope she’s found some peace and prefers her life as it is now. It’s kind of incredible that she’s considered one of the best drummers of her era, yet she only learned to play when she first met Jack in 1997.

Track 16: Billy Joel - You May Be Right

This would normally be the point where I get all defensive and start trying to justify my love of Billy Joel… but sod it, if I’m not bored with all that by now. Listen without prejudice, as I’m trying to teach my son to do, or be damned. I ain’t changing my position.

You May Be Right was a Top Ten hit in the US and Canada but didn’t chart at all in the UK. It’s from the 1980 album Glass Houses, and the single that everyone remembers from that one is It's Still Rock and Roll to Me, but there’s plenty more great songs. I’m not sure when my Billy Joel obsession began, but I bought all his albums on CD (though I’m pretty sure I had Storm Front and Greatest Hits on vinyl, so that suggests it was 88/89, probably not long before I got my first CD player).

I’m part-way through watching a Billy Joel documentary that came out recently, and it’s refreshing to see so many people discuss his work with respect. Almost makes me feel justified. Then I checked out a couple of the sniffy reviews for Glass Houses that are referenced on iffypedia, and I could feel my hackles starting to rise again. The Rolling Stone critic at the time remarked, “Billy Joel writes smooth and cunning melodies, and what many of his defenders say is true: his material's catchy. But then, so's the flu.” Way to turn a positive into a negative, you dick. Meanwhile, self-confessed muso-snob Robert Thomas Christgau bleats, “it's all rock and roll to [Billy], but to me it's closer to what pop meant before ironists and aesthetes, including yours truly, appropriated the term. Closer than any skinny-tie bands, that's for sure: gregarious, shameless, and above all profitable. Of course, if it doesn't make up in reach what it lacks in edge, ironists and aesthetes needn't notice it's there.” Careful there, Bobby, you almost said something nice, but I think you managed to pull it back at the end by reminding us that you’re above this sort of thing, so we probably should be too. God, I hate music critics. Or, to quote Billy himself…

You may be right
I may be crazy
But it just may be a lunatic you’re looking for

I know I certainly was, but unlike some people - Robert Thomas Christgau - I’m not ashamed to admit it.

Track 17: The Fountains Of Wayne - It Must Be Summer

Another artist that fills me with unashamed joy whenever I hear them, New York power-pop heroes The Fountains of Wayne, named after a garden furniture store in New Jersey that sadly closed in 2009…

That joy is tempered with sadness though, since half the band’s driving creative force, Adam Schlesinger, died of COVID-related unhappiness a few years back.

It Must Be Summer is taken from the band’s second album, Utopia Parkway from 1999. It’s the perfect summer anthem – sunshine mixed with sadness – and if it’s a little power-pop-by-numbers in the tune department, well, we can forgive that because power pop is ace.

Oh, and remember what I was saying about music critics? I only hate them if I disagree with them. Here’s a quote from the Entertainment Weekly review of 1999: “Oasis would give up a week's worth of pints for any one of these pop hooks, though they'd never manage the humour or warmth.” That’ll do, pig.

Track 18: John Lee Hooker - Boom Boom

I probably don't need to tell you anything about Boom Boom, other than it was written after something a bartender kept saying to John Lee Hooker when he was consistently late for a gig.

Being a child of the 70s/80s, my first thought whenever I hear this is... of course... Basil Brush. Boom Boom, Mr. Rodney / Mr. Derek / Mr. Roy / Mr. Howard / Mr. Billy*.

(*Delete as appropriate, depending on your age.)

Sunday, 12 April 2026

Snapshots #443: Sad Songs

All the best songs are sad songs... discuss.

15. She has natural recall.

"Natural recall" was an anagram.

Laura Cantrell - Pile of Woe

14. Wilson, Eagle and Confessor.

Jackie Wilson plus Eddie the Eagle Edwards and Edward the Confessor.

Jackie Edwards - I Feel So Bad

13. Switched on Doors album.

The Electric Soft Parade - No Need To Be Downhearted

12. Ocean getaway.

Billy Ocean needs a holiday.

Billie Holiday - Gloomy Sunday

And while we're on the subject of Billy Ocean, this came very close to inclusion but was judged too obvious by the selection committee...

Billy Ocean - There'll Be Sad Songs (To Make You Cry)

11. Foreigner Lou meets opinionated NME journalist.

Foreigner's lead singer is Lou Gramm. The opinionated NME scribe was Tony Parsons.

Gram Parsons - Return of the Grievous Angel

10. A spell-catcher... a bit like Wilson.

A witch, a bit like Wilson Pickett.

Pickettywitch (It's Like A) Sad Old Kinda Movie

9. This meths has really messed me up.

This meths was clearly an anagram. And yes, I know The Smiths only appeared here a few weeks ago, but they had two excellent songs to share. First, the really obvious one...

The Smiths - Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now

And then this one...

The Smiths - Unhappy Birthday

Plus most of the rest of their back catalogue.

8. Someone get the key to help Henry out.