Seriously, guys, hate is such a negative emotion, m'kay. Can't we all, like, just learn to love one another...
(Special mention - tying into last week's post - to the song I Hate You recorded for the soundtrack of Star Trek IV by fictional band The Edge of Etiquette.)
10. The Monks - I Hate You
60s garage rock classic from a bunch of American GIs who were also a band. Immortalised because it's one of the songs playing in the bowling alley in The Big Lebowski. You mark that frame an 8, and you're entering a world of pain, Smokey...
9. Symposium - The Answer To Why I Hate You
Clumsily lumped in with the Britpop crowd, though they were much louder and more energetic. Maybe Damon got the idea for Song 2 from this lot? (Probably not.) Still, I never hated them.
8. Honeyblood - Super Rat
You are the smartest rat in the sewer...As opening lines go, you know this love song isn't going to end well.
7. The Stranglers - I Hate You
The Stranglers go country: excellent!
6. Little Man Tate - Mann I Hate Your Band
Sadly remembered now as riding the coat tails of fellow Sheffield poets the Arctic Monkeys, I always felt LMT had the potential to step out of Alex Turner's shadow. But they obviously had some pretty negative experiences in the music industry... as this track illustrates.
See also the even angrier I Hate Your Band by Keith Top Of The Pops & His Minor UK Indie Celebrity All-Star Backing Band.
5. Green Day - Platypus (I Hate You)
Don't worry, platypus, I'm sure Green Day don't really hate you...
Dickhead, fuckface, cock-smoking, motherfucking asshole
Dirty twat, waste of semen, hope you die...
On second thoughts... maybe it's your duck's bill? Some people are so duck's bill-ist. It makes me sick.
4. Erasure - Love To Hate You
Because we should always try to find time for a little Erasure in our lives.
I love to read a murder mystery
I love to know the killer isn't me...
And check out that video - they really don't make 'em like that anymore.
3. The Beautiful South - In Other Words I Hate You
The b-side to TBS's only Number One, A Little Time, this is crammed with typically Heaton barbs.
Those winter nights just spent indoors
That criminal fizz in the drink he pours
We smooch all night to "The Theme From Jaws"
(In other words I hate you)
See also I Hate You (But You're Interesting), a haunting response to their own I Love You (But You're Boring).
I went to see a doctor and she said 'Yes, go ahead'
'Throw yourself into the sea'
I wrote a will for my friends
And this is how it read
'Me, me, me, me, me, me, me'
No friends, everything for me, me, me
No friends, just me, just me
I love the way that one switches from haunting acoustic guitar to jaunty seaside piano and back again
2. Kelis - Caught Out There
Yes, it's a female empowerment anthem, and infidelity is a horrible thing so Kelis's hatred is well justified... but you've got to spare a thought for the bloke. No, wait, hear me out... you've got to have some balls to go messing around behind a woman like Kelis's back. I mean, she will cut them off in a heartbeat, sunshine.
Oh, sorry, was he not all there? My bad.
(P.S. Kelis, honey - you need a bigger bath towel.)
1. Ugly Kid Joe - Everything About You
What I liked about this song - and felt UKJ could have developed further rather than resorting to bizarre Harry Chapin covers and a fast slide into obscurity - was its bouncy sense of fun. There wasn't a lot of that going around in rock music at the time. Fun had pretty much died out in the late 80s (apart from when we were laughing at Axl for being a dick) and grunge nailed the coffin shut. Imagine if Nirvana had had a sense of humour... only I guess they wouldn't have been Nirvana, wouldn't have surfed the zeitgeist as they did, wouldn't have sold half as many records... but Kurt might still be with us. Is it better to live fast, die young and leave a miserable-looking corpse... or still be around 30 years later (the Uglies apparently reformed in 2010) even though most people only remember you as a one hit wonder?
Which one do you hate the least?