You know when you're having a bad day, and you switch on the radio and hear a tune that turns it around? It might be an old favourite... or it might be something you've never heard before that speaks directly to you, and sends you scrabbling for a pen to write down the title and the artist for further investigation.
American Aquarium know that feeling... and lead AA-man B.J. Barham has written a song to celebrate it.
I turn the radio on
And out comes a song I didn't recognize
The way the singer was singing
My heart was connected, I was hypnotized
How can something that I've never heard in my life
Pull me back into the light
To be honest, the video rather over-sells the idea, but it's a great tune despite that. The new American Aquarium album was crowd-funded in just under 2 days. More power to the people!
"Wondering who else is going to pop up in this series now," said Alyson in last week's comments. "I know of one song where Peter Lorre is mentioned but surely there can't be many more. Maybe time to prove me wrong."
Well, I do like a challenge. And Casablanca was on TV this weekend... though Lorre has a better role in The Maltese Falcon, in my humble opinion. He and Bogie were mates, apparently.
Let's see if I can find the song Alyson was referring to...
You wake up in the morning and you're feelin' blue
Because Vicki is gone and your money is too
She's more sinister than Peter Lorre
And this is just two of 8 million stories
Probably not the one Alyson was referring to though. Are there any songs actually named after Mr. Lorre? Turn out: yes... this one even has 80 views on youtube!
This one, however, actually comes from my own record collection...
Peter Lorre, Peter Lorre
He's a brick, he's a brick
You can count on him in trouble
Even if it's really thick
Any crisis, he'll be there
Like a little squidgy bear
Peter Lorre, Peter Lorre
He's a brick
Peter Lorre, Peter Lorre
Runs a nightclub way downtown
Peter Lorre, Peter Lorre
Always wears a evil frown
Don't spit on his shoes
Or mess up his hair
Or he will shoot you dead
And go back upstairs
A real gentleman
Never bad and never rude
Never mad and never crude
Just like Sydney Greenstreet
Just like Sydney... Green...street
In any crisis he'll be there
Like a little squidgy bear
That's Peter Lorre, not Sydney Greenstreet
You know I'm going to declare that today's winner, don't you? Even though it's not the song Alyson was referring to. Let's call that a worthy runner-up...
On a morning from a Bogart movie
In a country where they turn back time
You go strolling through the crowd like Peter Lorre
Compared to a lot of my friends, we didn’t get a video recorder
till quite late – probably 1985 or ’86. Not soon enough to record the first
series of Moonlighting when it aired, but I taped and kept every episode from the
second season on. An even bigger thrill was in store at the weekend...
By the time I was 15, I was regularly baby-sitting on a
Friday or Saturday night for my brother or sister’s kids, so a trip to the
video shop beforehand was a must. I’d usually grab two or three films: a
blockbuster (small ‘b’ – we didn’t get a Blockbuster near us till the 90s), a
teen movie (I must have watched Ferris Bueller fifty times before it became
available to buy) and the worst 80s horror flick I could find. I worked my way
through all the Halloween & Friday The 13th movies and their
ilk, developing an abiding love for the slasher movie, though I never really
dug Freddie Krueger. I mean, it was all just a dream!
There is no greater symbol of 80s nostalgia than the video rental shop. Within a decade, video had been replaced by DVD, video shops
had been replaced by online DVD rental (remember how Netflix started out? DVDs
mailed to you in the post!) and within the blink of an eye, we were all swamped
with choice fatigue by the streaming platforms. Everything you could ever want
to watch available whenever you want to watch it (except when it’s not). Things
were so much simpler back in the good old days…
I don’t have anything particularly revelatory to add to this
post, no specific anecdotes to illustrate the excitement of a Friday night
trip to the video shop, when compared to the mundanity of flicking through
endless online options. Still, this delightful little time capsule from Moxy
Früvous, released back in 1993 at the height of the video rental boom (hard to
believe, but DVD didn’t come along till 96/97) does the job for me…
Don't be too confused by the
little reviews On the back of the box, just pick
up the boxes, all the boxes you can use The hipedi-hoppest videos in the
land Maybe something foreign, maybe
something panned, maybe something formerly banned Perhaps it's something you can
watch with friends, or something that inevitably lends Itself to shapely curves and bends
of exploited women and their friends Perhaps it's "New York, New
York" with Liza Minnelli and Mickey Rourke No. That's not right... It was
Robert Deniro, everyone's favourite video… hero
If you can name more than one Ursula Andress role, you're better than me. Still, if you're going to be famous for only one part, at least make it iconic. There's no doubt that Ursula's bikini-clad entrance in Dr. No went down in history... to the point that they even had Daniel Craig parody it in his first Bond film. Which was probably the best bit of any of his films. It was all downhill from there.
Likewise, I knew of only one song that featured the first ever Bond girl... though it turns out she has more than one song named after her. The one I didn't know, mercifully, was this: from a Nu Metal band so obscure, I can't even find them on iffypedia...
"Love is a gun..." That's what she says... While I'm crying with a gunshot on her bed... On and oh, she's shooting near to me And I'm bleeding on her bed And she doesn't care... On and oh, she can clean her sheets, She could erase her head, With detergent
I'm really hoping that English isn't their native language, otherwise there's no excuse for those lyrics.
Slightly more palatable... but only just... is Ursula's lyrical appearance in the 90s Broadway musical Violet, described as "the story of a young disfigured woman who embarks on a journey by bus from her farm in Spruce Pine, North Carolina, all the way to Tulsa, Oklahoma in order to be healed." I'm guessing it's pretty worthy.
MONTY: You should ask that preacher for some Ursula Andress legs. VIOLET: No, I think my legs are fine. MONTY: No, but rising outta the ocean in that white Dr. No bikini... VIOLET: What's a matter wit my legs? MONTY: Well, nothing. They're long. VIOLET: Well why did you bring them up at all?
I bet that's right up George's street.
Ursula also gets a mention in a live album by The Kingston Trio, though it's an intro section, not an actual song. Still, so far this is the winner...
I just chose to sit in my velour overalls and build a Revel kit of Ursula Andress,
A few glue marks but a good job otherwise...
As for an actual song... I guess this one might just count, from a Brooklyn band described on youtube as "L7 meets the Dandy Warhols"... can't say I find their chosen band name particularly endearing though.
But enough of all that. There was one song good enough to get Ursula a starring role in this feature. And the rule is: I only need one. Here's London-based Americana outfit Curse Of Lono, with a stand out track from last year's album People In Cars...
Wo Ho My My, we're sipping margaritas on the back seat
And she's singing to the radio
My My Hey Hey, Honey's just a dream
And she feels like Ursula Andress when she's stoned
In a desperate effort to move this blog away from wall-to-wall misery, self-pity and middle-aged grumpiness, here's a new feature in which I pay tribute to celebrities who have been immortalised in song.
I don't know why I chose to start with Robert Mitchum, other than I wanted the list to be random and he was the first person who popped into my mind. When I was younger, and a huge Humphrey Bogart fan, I never liked Robert Mitchum. I found him rather wooden compared to Bogie: given they both played Philip Marlowe, it was hard not to line them up together.
In later years though, I grew to appreciate Mitchum's performances more, and I could see why he was considered a very cool dude. In modern times, I felt the same way about Keanu Reeves at first, thinking him a one-note actor (that note being Ted "Theodore" Logan), but over time I developed a lot more respect for him. Like Mitchum, he has real screen presence. And that indefinable cool.
Julian Cope was the first person to immortalise Robert Mitchum in song...
The part in Ryan's Daughter when you lose your wife
I've never seen a more dignified man in my life
But when you start looking for Bob Mitchum songs though, you'll be amazed how popular he is...
Before we get onto this week's winning tune, it's worth remembering that Mr. Mitchum had a short-lived musical career of his own... and I'm guessing a certain Mr. B. Springsteen might be aware of it...
Now I can't guarantee that every week I'll find quite so many songs about one celebrity... I'm sure there are plenty with only one to their name. But when I first thought about starting with Robert Mitchum, this was the song I knew I'd finish with. Because it's almost as cool as he was...
It's been a bit of a miserable week on this blog, and I'm not going to harp on about that any more, other than to thank you all for your kind and supportive comments. They're more appreciated than I can say without sounding insincere.
Thanks also to Frank Turner, who appears to understand this weltschmerz very well...
I got a brand new name for an old, old friend
The doctor said it's anxiety
And it makes a lot of sense 'cause I've been so tense
Some days, I find it difficult to see
'Cause I've been hemmed in, penned down, struggling to find myself
Caved in, cut down, scared of everybody else
Dragged in, dragged down, searching for a reason to live
Don't you ever wake up and suspect
That you were simply never cut out to be
The kind of person they expect
The person you intended to be?
And I keep it all in with my idiot grin
And I'm doing my best but there's very little left
So cut me some slack if I crawl back into my shell
I haven't been doing so well
Couldn't you tell?
And if self-loathing was a sport, I'd be Muhammad Ali
'Cause I can sting like a butterfly and sink like a bee
But they don't hand out medals to monsters like me
At 10.30 on Monday evening, I got a call from the local vet's. I couldn't work out why they'd be ringing at that time and I was convinced they'd got the wrong number. Sadly, not the case. They were calling to tell me that Cosmo had been run over. Some kind soul had at least taken him to the vets so they could trace him through his tracking chip... otherwise, he'd have just disappeared and we'd never have known he was dead.
Cosmo was a very independent animal. He treated our house like a hotel where he'd come and snooze, top up on biscuits, and then head back out on his adventures. He would announce his arrival with a short "Breep" and trip you up until you filled his dish. If it was raining, he'd barge in while you were watching TV and demand you towel him down. He wasn't an affectionate cat, didn't like being picked up, would occasionally bite you if you tried to stroke him... yet he had a surprising bond with Sam. He would bash down Sam's bedroom door early in the morning and cuddle up with Sam on the bed.
He could lie down like no other cat I've ever known. As though he was stretching himself out as far as he could go. Like one of those rugs with a lion's head at one end.
He would even hang off the banister like this... and make it seem comfortable. There's a poem by Eleanor Farjeon called Cats Sleep Anywhere. If I didn't know better, I'd think she'd written it about Cosmo.
Cosmo considered the cat flap the best invention ever. Before we had it fitted, he would need to constantly pester the humans to let him in and out. With the cat flap, he truly was a free spirit.
This is the last photo I took of Cosmo, on Sunday. There was a competition in Sam's magazine to send a photo of your pet with a copy... I never got round to emailing it. Probably for the best.
I didn't want to call him Cosmo, but I was out-voted. He wasn't named after Cosmo Jarvis, although Sam does like a few of that Cosmo's songs. Especially the rather bawdy one below...
Cosmo was only two years old when he died, but he leaves a big hole in our lives.
I've been feeling pretty down lately, though that's hardly anything new. I guess I've fought against what the doctors kindly call 'low mood' most of my life. I don't often write about it here, because this blog is self-indulgent enough as it is. But sometimes you just have to acknowledge it and move on. There's nothing else to be done. Maybe watch some Tommy Cooper. He never fails to raise a smile. Except thinking about him, or Morecambe & Wise, or any of the old comedians I watched when I was kid, inevitably leads to feeling old. Old isn't the same as depressed though. Sometimes I'm happy to be growing old. "More in the mirror than there is up ahead," as James McMurtry puts it. Sometimes you welcome that.
The new Bonnie Raitt album is called Just Like That. I doubt Bonnie Raitt has any idea who Tommy Cooper, is, but the title track stopped me in my tracks. You know I like a good story song, and this one has a twist that kicked me in the guts. I didn't see it coming and I found it really affecting. Maybe you will too.
Knowing there are people out there who have far more reason to suffer "low mood" than I do really should make me quit the moping. Usually though, it just adds to my feelings of self-reproach...
I had a lovely Father's Day - the selection of gifts above from Sam (via Louise) was well received. I saw my own dad on Saturday, but he's hard to have a lengthy conversation with these days. Struggling with his health, finding it particularly hard to walk great distances, he clearly misses his former independence, and as a result has closed in on himself. I like to see him, but it also makes me sad because I can tell he's unhappy, yet it's beyond anything I can do to help him. I guess he appreciated the John Grisham and the chocolate truffle fudge (he started reading and tucking into it almost immediately on receipt), but I wish I could do more.
Otis Gibbs has the Back In My Day Blues. I reckon my dad knows how they feel... then again, so do I.
Welcome, all you Goodmen and women. Thank you for joining me for another game of Saturday Snapshots. This is not 'Nam, this is Snapshots, there are rules. And the rules are - identify the ten popular music stars below, then work out what connects their songs.
10. Vigil was about these.
9. Found ten rules, lost 19th letter, my aim is true.
8. Roy, Rachael and Rick (?) enjoy the sunrise.
7. Advice given about getting over the wall.
6. Nobby lad.
5. Instructions to not remove something from the ship's wheel.
4. Unlike Nick's, this lot didn't go bad.
3. Gr8 joy.
2. Homer's Bonnie Prince.
1. Chris, Steve, George and Ricky call it Aciiiiid!
If trying to figure out the answers has you entering a world of pain... come back tomorrow morning.
