My Top Ten Car Theft Songs



Car theft is no laughing matter, as anyone who's ever had their car stolen will tell you. Doesn't stop people writing songs about it though...

Here's ten of the best.


10. Babybird - Too Handsome To Be Homeless

We are not cool
We are not crazy
We steal cars
Because we're lazy

Well, that's one explanation.

9. Alice Cooper - Steal That Car

Vincent, on the other hand, just has no shame.

It just ain't fair I was put in that position
Somebody left their keys in the ignition
I saw the unlocked door and made my decision
I just can't help myself

8. Teenage Fanclub - Don't Look Back

Could there possibly be a sweeter lyric about car theft than this?

 

I'd steal a car to drive you home

7. Kirsty MacColl - Bad

I want a brief encounter in a stolen car

A hand on my buttock in a Spanish bar

We need more pop songs that feature the word "buttock". I'm tempted to compile a Top Ten.

6. Big Star - In The Street

Steal your car, and bring it down

Pick me up, we'll drive around

Wish we had

A joint so bad

They don't write 'em like that anymore.

Don't drive stoned, kids.

5. Elvis Presley - In The Ghetto

He buys a gun

Steals a car

Tries to run

But he don't get far...

...and the hearts of a million Elvis fans crack open.

Or, if you prefer, try Blue Suede Shoes...

Well, you can burn my house

Steal my car

Drink my liquor

From an old fruit jar

Well do anything that you want to do

But uh-uh, honey lay off of my shoes!

4. Beth Orton - Stolen Car

Forgotten how good this was. For a while there, Beth was the natural heir to Joni's crown.

One drink too many and a joke gone too far

I see a face drive like a stolen car

Gets harder to hide when you're hitching a ride

Harder to hide what you really saw

3. Bruce Springsteen - Stolen Car

Regular readers might have exected this to be Number One. So did I. Then I remembered the two songs below. Still, this is bloody marvellous. Question though, Bruce fans... do you prefer the album version above... or the piano-heavy re-interpretation / original from Tracks? I'm torn. I reckon that version actually sounds more like Bruce, whereas the version included on The River is Bruce doing Dylan.

And I'm driving a stolen car

Down on Eldridge Avenue

Each night I wait to get caught

But I never do...

Got to recommend the Patty Griffin version too.

2. Pulp - Joyriders

For the second time this week, Jarvis almost makes it to Number One... story of his life, I guess, considering Common People may well be the best Number Two ever. This song  is perfection: makes you wonder what could be better, doesn't it?

We can't help it, we're so thick we can't think,

Can't think of anything but shit, sleep and drink.

Oh, and we like women;

"Up the women" we say,

And if we get lucky,

We might even meet some one day.

Mister, we just want your car,

'Cause we're taking a girl to the reservoir.

Oh, all the papers say,

It's a tragedy, but don't you want to come and see?

(Oh, and I'm very sorry, but I just couldn't find room for Roxette's Joyride. I know you were expecting it!)

1. Billy Bragg & Johnny Marr - Greetings To The New Brunette

Shirley stole today's top prize - Billy and Johnny were so good together, it makes you wonder if they'd have lasted longer and been even more cherished than Johnny and that other bloke. If only they'd made more music together...

The people from your church agree

It's not much of a career

Trying the handles of parked cars

Whoops - there goes another year!

Whoops - there goes another pint of beer!

Here we are in our summer years

Living on ice cream and chocolates kisses

Would the leaves fall from the trees

If I was your old man

And you was my missus?

What's in the tape deck of your stolen car?