Guest Post Thursday #9: Top Ten “Mary Magdalene” Songs

If this is published it must mean that no-one else wants to write for Rol. So the poor bloke has three choices: (1) accept more drivel from me, (2) not post anything leaving Thursday blank (just as Len Shackleton did in the chapter of his autobiography devoted to football directors’ knowledge of football), or (3) write something himself.

I am titling this My Top Ten “Mary Magdalene” Songs. My partner informed me that my belief about Mary Magdalene is incorrect, so I am rather scurrilously repeating, well, implying, a falsehood. Anyway, maybe after this Top Ten you will be able work out what they all have in common.

1. Iron Maiden - Charlotte The Harlot

First, from the only album I’ve ever had autographed by a member of the band. Actually, that’s not true, the one I got signed, I then swapped with my friend Euan. He wanted that signature. He was more into his Metal For Muthas thing than I was, I think I just got caught up in the hysteria in I&N’s record shop in Dundee and bought the album. I’ve just pulled the album out, next to Iron Butterfly, and it’s signed by the author (Dave Murray) of the song

2. O.C. Smith - The Son of Hickory Holler's Tramp

Some songs have a very off-putting title. For me the title suggests some sort of crappy nursery rhyme song. Well, once I got beyond the (idiotic) title, I discovered a great soul song, when sung by O. C. Smith.

It’s also a country song, in the hands of, amongst others Sanford Clark.

3. Queen - Killer Queen

I bought this single in Woolies in Broughty Ferry, after a visit to the dentist (whose surgery was literally across the road). About 27 years later I bought the album, which I’ve played no more than 5 times, I suspect three times, and the third was due to this article.

(I've played it enough for both of us. - Rol.)

4. David Bowie - Cracked Actor         

I was thinking of including the version from David Live, but on hearing again I’ve changed my mind.

5. Morrissey - Piccadilly Palare

I had no idea what this song was about before my brief research for this piece. No idea what the second word of the title meant. I do now.

(How bona to vada, George. - Rol.)

6. PJ Harvey - The Whore's Hustle & The Hustler's Whore

On reading the lyrics to this one I suspect it’s an off-topic song.

(Like that's ever stopped me. - Rol.) 

7. The Velvet Underground - There She Goes Again

Lou Reed sneers his way through song very effectively. It’s a bit too realistically delivered.

8. Tubeway Army - Our Friends Electric

And from an album that easily meets that fine category of Second Is Better Than First. I got it for £1. And that was £1 better spent than on the atrocious Pictures At An Exhibition. It was a great song in 1979 and it still sounds great

(I had no idea what this song was actually about. - Rol.)

9. Jethro Tull - Cross-Eyed Mary

And where would a Top Ten list be without The Tull. Every collection should have one of their albums. From a concept album about the distinction between religion and god. They just don’t make records like this anymore. Well, they do, Big Big Train (fronted by a lovely bloke, ex-colleague of mine) are into prog. concept albums in a big big way.

10. Status Quo - Mystery Song

Best ‘til last. It’s the only song of The Quo’s I like. And I really like this. In some places I believe it’s illegal to not play this loudly.

The allegedly hardest boy in my  year group in secondary school was a big Quo fan. So he scratched the band name on a desk. Well, he actually scratched Status Que. We (i.e. my group of friends) were too scared of him to take the piss to his face.

 And here’s Mary Magdalene in action!

(That's the second time George has inflicted Jesus Christ, Superstar on us. I blame Charity Chic for this.)

Songs that came close were two offerings by Elton John. When he was good, namely Island Girl and Sweet Painted Ladies. I also considered Trick Of The Light by The Who, which came very close to replacing Morrissey. And NO! Nothing by The Police, it’s a terrible song.

(When George asked me about doing this Top Ten, I encourage him to take the piss out of Sting more than that, Then again, Sting does a good enough job of that himself, I guess. And these guys do an even better job... right down to the cod-reggae.)

Thanks to Rol for posting this. I suppose you all know what the theme was, but I did not want to use any risque words for those of you doing what you should be doing, i.e. reading this at work. And now I’m feeling slightly foolish as song number 6 blows that out of the water.

I'd like to thank George for another excellent contribution to Guest Post Thursday. I actually thought I'd done a Top Ten Prostitute Songs at some point in the past, but it must have been one of those I never got round to finishing. George did an excellent job on what could be our last Guest Post Thursday...

...unless you say differently.