Conversations With Ben #6: Precious Time

Ben:  This article came up on my Google news feed. I feel it has won the award of most pointless article to ever be farted into existence.

Rol: It's an advert.

I have a Casio digital watch that costs £10. I replace it maybe every 7 years.

My watch broke and I haven't replaced it. I still look at my wrist though. I tell the time by how 

much my hand is shaking.

I don't understand watches.

That's because time is not that important to you.

Ben replies with a tune...

Van The Man? I wouldn't have put him in your cornucopia.

Yet here we are.

I like Van because he's a grumpy old git. I feel a certain kinship. Although he should still wear a mask.

He's a dick, but I like his songs.

Which brings us back to our recurring theme...

Why do Jefferson Airplane start out so incredible then write the most mediocre song of all time?

Well, they were a very different band by the time they released We Built This City. 

(Many suggested answers to your question can be found here.)

I don't hate it. You had to he there and be 15.

Richard Ashcroft has just covered John Lennon's awful pun-protest song "Freda Peeple". That title sums up everything I hate about Lennon.

I believe Mark E Smith was just doing performance art channelling Lennon.

Is that why he was so thoroughly unpleasant?

That's the joke I was making.

Apologies. Sometimes I have to clarify the subtlety of your wit.

There's not a single interview or video of Lennon where I don't think he's a massive tool. I don't have time for ego.

But Genesis, on the other hand, just aged like a fine single malt.

Don't start with the Collins love.

The Collins love has no beginning and no end. It's is the one true constant.

But Collins is a massive Tory.

Again, not him personally. But that 80s pop. Yes, please.

And his Disney Tarzan soundtrack too.

I suppose that was your childhood. I bet you like Circle of Life too.

I'm very confused by your relationship to the 80s. What year were you born again?

I lived 9 months of the 80s.

Arguably the worst 9 months.

Well, I wasn't truly conscious, so I can't speak to my experience of it.

I wasn't blaming you. When's your birthday again - 15th?

I thought the 15th was yours? I know it's in close proximity to mine.

19th.

21st.

Oh. I thought it was before mine.

First day of spring. Until about 5 years ago when they started saying that the 20th is the first day of spring. That annoyed me.

How can they change that?

The LIBRUL MEEEDEEEEYUH R LYRS.

When they mention Istanbul on the news, Sam sings Istanbul (Not Constantinople). I consider my work done.

That is a good job.

At least Lady Gaga got her dogs back.

Did she? Was the dog walker OK?

He's "forever a hero".

And are the FBI still investigating?

Now Trump is gone, the FBI have time on their hands.

Well, they started an investigation as they believed it may be a retaliation for her singing at the inauguration.

Or just a retaliation for her singing?

Wasn't the dog walker shot? Or did I misread something?

He was shot but will make a full recovery.

That's something.

I'm still trying to work out how you can offer any defence for Another Day In Paradise.

(No reply is forthcoming.)

This, on the other hand is the funniest thing I saw all week...

To be honest, I'd be happy with people who support Ian Brown not being around. I'm sure there's a big crossover with those who wear Stone Island, are football hooligans and knobs.

And we're back to 1989 again...

I'm no clown, I won't back down

I don't need you to tell me what's going down

Down down down

I'm standing alone, I'm watching you all

I'm seeing you sinking

I'm standing alone, you're weighing the gold

I'm watching you sinking

Fool's gold