Introducing C's guest post yesterday, we had David MacCallum, a one-time Invisible Man. Today, C sent me a lovely photo of Pauline Murray, without her Invisible Girls. And here they are reunited...
I couldn't let this series close without mentioning "the most amazing motion picture of our time", starring Michael Landon, presumably before he found God in Highway To Heaven...
Tobe Hooper's The Texas Chainsaw Massacre was banned during the video nasties scare of the 80s, so it became something of a holy grail to teenage horror fans like myself, desperate to see it. When it was finally re-released in 1998, I rushed out to see it. The film does contain one of the most disturbing scenes I've ever seen... yet it's nothing to do with the infamous chainsaw, or even Leatherface himself. Instead, the bit that got me was the dinner party scene when they fetch Grandpa down from the attic...
The Tyla Gang formed in 1975 following the dissolution of Sean Tyla's previous band, Ducks Deluxe. I suspect there's more than a whiff of bandwagonary going on here...
The other classic horror film banned throughout my adolescent video shop days was Mark Kermode's favourite: The Exorcist. Hard to believe it's 25 years since the censors finally allowed me to watch that...
The less said about the 2005 remake of House of Wax, starring Paris Hilton, the better. The 1953 original though, with Vincent Price, was one of the first mainstream Hollywood movies to be filmed in 3D. I generally hate 3D movies, but I reckon it'd be worth seeing this one again with the glasses on.
I found a whole bunch of songs named after this flick. Here's a smattering of wax on wax...
Nothing beats a good haunted house story for me though. And that one to beat in that genre is the 1963 version of Shirley Jackson's The Haunting of Hill House, known simply as The Haunting.
Whatever you do, do NOT watch the 1999 version with Liam Neeson and Catherine Zeta Jones. It's one of the worst films I've ever seen.
Here are some post-Shane Pogues... so no way as scary as they used to be.
Sadly, I couldn't find any songs named after the best haunted house movies of the 21st Century, the Paranormal Activity flicks, but I'm closing today with the film that got me hooked on horror movies back when I was a kid. I was obsessed with the Amityville Horror, reading all the books, watching all the films, and even looking favourably upon Lovebug Starski...
Louise sent me the above image, which she'd found on the book of faces, in response to the news that David Cameron is rising from the dead, like a Marvel super-villain, ready to resume the reign of terror and destruction that led to his previous downfall. I mean, he's going to have to go some to beat completely destroying the country, but bad guys always like to think big, don't they?
Anyway, I was rather amused by the aged cultural reference, so I shared the image with my work colleagues on our Whatsapp group. Being teachers, they're a bunch of politically-minded so-and-sos who regularly carp on about the malevolent excesses of the Tory regime, so I figured they'd find it funny.
Only one person got the joke though. Everyone else just thought I was sharing a picture of a naked David Cameron. If they didn't think I was weird already...
In despair, I decided to consult another young person about my faux pas. So I messaged Ben.
I should also point out that a few days earlier, I'd sent Ben a disgusted message regarding the Hollywood remake of 80's TV favourite The Fall Guy, starring Ryan 'as much charisma as a plank of 2x4' Gosling in the Lee Majors role and Aaron 'Oh my god, why does this guy keep getting work?' Taylor-Johnson as Howie Munson. To say I was horrified at this desecration of my childhood is a gross understatement.
Ben replied that he'd never heard of The Fall Guy. Worse still, he was less than complimentary when I sent him a video of the opening credits featuring the classic Lee Majors-sung theme tune. Frankly, he's lucky I was still talking to him.
Rol: As a 30-something who's never seen The Fall Guy, do you understand the cultural reference in this?
Ben: David Cameron at uni with his pig-lover in the shower?
So you're not aware of Bobby Ewing in the shower and what that represents?
Dallas or Dynasty? Is that the who shot JR bit?
I'm aware of these things existing in a loose form.
Or is it the this is all a dream bit?
Dallas. They killed Bobby off. He was dead for a whole series. Ratings dived, so they brought him back to life. The explanation was, yes, the previous season had all been a dream. His resurrection happened with his wife waking up and finding him in the shower.
I kinda got there with some help.
Did the ratings return?
For a while, yes. But a lot of people were pissed off that they'd watched a whole season that was just a dream.
I'm sure I had my dinner watching something on TV There's not, I think, a single episode of Dallas that I didn't see
Thanks though. You answered my question about how well this would be understood by a young person.
Hate to break it to you, but as I'm in my mid 30s, I'm not sure I class as a "young person".
You'll always be a young person to me.
Someone asked me, "Why is youth Wasted on the rude and uncouth? Blinded on cheap vermouth A would be poet in Duluth Long on time, short in the tooth Fantasies of John Wilkes Booth Come back when you're younger
See you had that, but I grew up in the early days of the internet where shock tactics were the shared things that are now cultural flagstones. Ask anyone my age what "goatse", "lemon party" or "meat spinner" are and you'll get nostalgia for an internet before it became corporatised. None of those are pleasant things but it represents the wider culture of the internet as a mysterious entity prior to it becoming standardised. The rise of these standardised sites can be attributed to places like blogger, Tumblr and myspace who sought tohomogenise how the internet looked and was consumed before the rise of the true current social media spaces. You just got shit telly.
That last line is a complete reduction, but I felt it hit as a good punchline.
Blow up your TV Throw away your paper Go to the country Build you a home Plant a little garden Eat a lot of peaches Try an' find Jesus on your own
I won't. But I feel like I've just seen a Lynchian glimpse behind a curtain I don't want to look behind.
Was it like the dark web?
I think dark web is exaggerating quite a bit, yet excessive gore, violence and stuff of a sexual nature was pretty much everywhere. But it wasn't for consuming content the way we use the internet now, it was just for shock. If that makes sense?
So people weren't hunting it down for kicks, it was just randomly placed to cause upset?
I spent a lot of time online in the early days of the Web. Why didn't I stumble across this shit?
The websites were passed along like folklore. The internet wasn't monetised at that point so there was no impetus to drive traffic.
Was this widely shared by your whole generation though? I wonder if it's comparable to the collective consciousness from my generation regarding the TV shows of our youth, even the ones we didn't watch.
Because there was far less choice, there was much more shared cultural knowledge back then.
These things were the early version of memes. Links sent to others in msn messenger, written on each other's schoolbooks, typed into a friend's computer in the computer room at school (before siteblocking).
Because you have to remember, my generation is the one that grew up in the world you mentioned whilst also growing up in the early days of widespread internet, meaning the habits from the former informed the way we used the internet.
Sam's generation however will experience a curated internet.
Not quite the same then. I'm consistently surprised by the lack of a shared cultural knowledge by today's teenagers. Like how many of them don't know who Homer Simpson or Indiana Jones or Darth Vader are. I know they're all older generation examples, but I knew about John Wayne and Humphrey Bogart when I was a kid. Everything is fractured now, little pockets of knowledge but very few shared cultural touchstones.
Look, the internet now is curated along two distinct lines...
1) a company wishing to monopolise visits to the internet (i.e the platform).
2) content curated by the ways in which Sam will view the internet ( i.e. logarithms).
I feel like you're just sending me pages from your thesis now.
My last point ties directly into yours though: the internet now is so curated towards likes and viewing habits (down to how long on average we stay on a single image or video, so as to then recommend more of the same to keep us engaged) that a level of shared culture isn't possible anymore.
Is this why nobody reads my blog?
The internet doesn't show you content about what you *think* you want to see anymore. It gives you stuff that you *do* engage with (positively or negatively). It needs you to stay engaged. And the data which it uses to provide you with this is based on hundreds of thousands of hours of billions of people's viewing habits.
So whilst it sounds utopian, it's not driven by enjoying, just engaging. You take a second to read how terrible that Daily Mail headline is on your Google news feed? You engaged with it. It'll show you more. But it needs time to work out why you engaged with it. So it shows you soft politically biased things in that area to see if you engage with those. If you do, you might get some alt-right stuff. It knows you're male based on how you view and men engage with alt right stuff more than women. Not engaging with that stuff enough, it'll move to testing your engagement with things until it finds where you are.
This is how so many young men end up engaged with alt right stuff. Once they begin, it'll start flooding their feeds with it. Cars - sports cars - luxury cars - alpha mindset - Andrew Tate. Comic books - whining about certain aspects - woke comics nowadays - anti woke - Andrew Tate. And it's not set up to force people into certain beliefs, but because of how we engage with the internet and the "need" to monetise it, it's the conclusion.
Populist beliefs have become far stronger across the western world since the late 90s and increase year on year. That means it gets engagement so is viewed more. And on the internet, views = money, so notoriety and fame are the same thing. As a result, people who want to be successful express extreme opinions. Those get views. People want to make money, so they replicate those views.
By no means am I saying Sam is destined to end up with those views. You're too decent a person and I know he'll learn from you. But he will be exposed to it. A lot of it. Without ever searching for it. His friends will. And some will identify with it. And people are trying to blame particular websites or certain heads of the hydra instead of dealing with having to have difficult conversations with their kids.
Is this why nobody reads my blog?
It's more that it's not monetisable, so the people who do read it or come across it will always be a small group, but they will have a level of interest in the subject matter that equals yours.
I had a message from a former colleague at The Bad Place last week, asking me to provide him a reference for a job. I was happy to oblige, and even happier when I heard that he'd got it. (I don't take credit for that, I'm sure he'd have got it without my reference, he is an excellent teacher.)
Understandably, he was over the moon to have found a way out of The Bad Place, and filled me in on some of the things that had been happening there since I left. Needless to say: bad to worse. Just hearing about what was going on there though, imagining myself having to deal with it, I felt the old anxiety coming back. And this time it was mixed with something else, something I can only characterise as survivor guilt. Like those lucky few who got a lifeboat on the Titanic or escaped the Twin Towers before they fell... you can't help but feel terrible for the ones who didn't (yet) get away. My former colleagues and friends, going down with the ship. I know many of them are looking for a life raft or escape tunnel too. I hope they find one soon.
I thought about playing some Survivor to accompany this post, but they only really have one great song, and the beret always bothers me. Instead, here's some Curtis. You can't go wrong with Curtis.
Ben: Great card. Mrs. Ben's always really great at birthday stuff so yesterday I asked her what would be my worst nightmare birthdays and she answered, "dinner with your family or a surprise party".
She was right.
I can't think of anything worse than a surprise party.
I like being able to leave a party.
To be the subject of a party would be horrible.
That's why Louise & I never got married.
Did you get anything nice?
Hold Steady CD. Coffee. David Gedge book.
Open Door Policy?
Good coffee?
"How I did the Wedding Present"?
Yeah x3.
One of the first bands I was in played a full set of Wedding Present covers once.
I imagine they all sounded pretty much the same.
No way. Jose.
And I think ODP is best Hold Steady album since Stay Positive.
I've only listened to it a couple of times online, but lyrically it has a bit more depth, like his solo stuff.
I can't remember which review but one said that it was only a matter of time before the solo stuff married with THS and it did it in the best way. They're never going to write another Boys and Girls but it's still great.
Expecting bands to live up to previous glories is always a recipe for disappointment.
And the lowest point will always be Finn's first solo album.
Yeah, that was a bit dull. The next two were great though.
His solo albums since that first one have been phenomenal.
Whilst Boys and Girls might be objectively the best, Separation Sunday is my choice.
Thank you. The only way that could have been better is if you swapped out Bolton for lovely Sally Phillips.
Why Sally Phillips? Random.
Because Sally Phillips is the only celebrity I have ever had a crush on. And it grows each and every day.
I hated Michael Bolton when I was younger. I used to quote Denis Leary whenever his name was mentioned.
(Leary did a routine in the 90s which culminated in the line "Bring me Michael Bolton's head on a stick". The internet has no reference to this though. Maybe I imagined it.)
It warms the cockles of my heart to see what his career has come to... and yet, I have a grudging respect for him doing that, as it shows he doesn't take himself too seriously.
When I was 12-15 I'd only listen to music that was recommended by Kerrang! And some of the heavier indie on MTV 2. But I had a copy of Leave Right Now by Will Young. And still think it's a great tune to this day. Now I don't have time to hate on people when they're good at what they do. Bolton knows what he is and I dig that he's comfortable with that.
I pretty much just hate Bono and the Gallaghers these days. Everyone else can just carry on with whatever they're doing and I'm happy.
I don't even think U2 like Bono. Adam Clayton writes stuff then fucks off whilst Bono records it.
I also strongly dislike (though not as much as Bono) The Hedge. Purely based on his name.
As much as I hate U2's music, I have a lot of respect for the Edge as a musician. He is very innovative and you can only understand just how good he is when you try to use delay. He's got a mastery over it.
Delay is what we used to use to stop people swearing on the radio. Presumably the Hedge uses it to stop people calling Bono a #@$* all the time.
There's four knobs on a delay pedal: ping (in milliseconds), volume, repeats, and decay. It repeats the notes and you alter how it deals with the input. Quite hard to get properly if using more than a simple scratch delay (think rockabilly).
There's 5 knobs on it if the Hedge is using it.
Some do have more options.
Trying to work out if you missed the joke on purpose.
Well, the Empress pedal has a fair few more...
I got my favourite album on vinyl for my birthday.
Curtis, 1970.
Ah yes, the Tony Curtis solo album. A classic. Not as good as Richard Harris.
He's everything Marvin Gaye wishes he was and everything that reporters claimed What's Going On was.
That's a very muso verdict. I think there's room for both, though Marvin did his best work as a straight pop star rather than when he was trying to be a serious artist.
One of the things I love about Prince is that he exclusively used Boss pedals.
Are you back on this again?
They're a set of solid, well built ones but each one is only at the £100 price point. He was just an excellent musician.
Later that afternoon, Ben received another delivery...
This you?
No, that's Bruce Springsteen. I can understand your confusion.
You know what I mean.
It's less a birthday present than a thank you for helping cling to the tattered remains of my sanity over the last 12 months.
That said, I appreciate there's a certain arrogance or vanity in sending someone a gift you like yourself, and it's a practice full of pitfalls, so I won't be upset if you don't like it.
However, there's a certain amount of vicarious pleasure attached , since I don't have a record player or any vinyl anymore.
Thus ends the sincerity. I'll go back to taking the piss now.
Thank you. I genuinely appreciate it. it's a thoughtful gift and I get the gesture.
Now for my taking the piss response. Wow. Project much?
If it makes you feel any better, you've been a help this year too.
I've actually got a gift for you lying around until the next physical time we were going to catch up. Let me know your new address and I'll send it over.
If it's The Dream of the Blue Turtles, you can keep it.
If you Don't Like Mondays and often find yourself wondering whether the Russians love their children too, here's the perfect post for you. The Sunday answers to Saturday Snapshots come around Like Clockwork and will leave you feeling like an Englishman in New York... probably.
Good team-work yesterday, folks. I think Lynchie just clinched the win, but Chris, C, Rigid Digit, Alyson all worked well together to solve the rest.
If you've never seen Disney's Cars trilogy, you wouldn't have stood much of a chance with this clue. I, however, have watched Disney's Cars trilogy more than any other film in the last five years... not entirely through choice.
Put on your bright suit Billy, and head for the right side of town next Saturday morning when I'll be Spreading A Little Happiness once again...
(Note to self: don't use a picture with two big stars in it again.)
Can't believe I've never thought of doing this one before. Ten songs dedicated to The Dude... or his Dudeness... or Duder... or El Duderino, if you're not into that whole "brevity" thing. Because... he abides.
I don't know a lot about Scatterbrain and I've no idea where I first came across this track. Described by iffypedia as an "American thrash metal band", this is probably their most poppy and commercial number - a Top 20 hit in Australia back in 1990. They're a band with an obvious sense of humour... and that always wins my attention.
Who is it That ain't got time for foolish talkin'? Who is it That looks so clean you can't ignore him?
Featuring Michael Jackson, James Ingram and Patti Austin on backing vocals, they don't get much dudier than this one!
I'm a stone cold taker, I'm a piggy bank shaker, An' I don't waste my time talkin' trash... So if you go to my school, You gotta learn this rule — Don't let your mouth write a check That your body can't cash!
Poor old Crispian Mills, forever cursed to be known as Hayley's annoying Britpop son. Give Kula Shaker some credit, musicologists - they were far less derivative than Oasis! This is their biggest original hit (their only other Number 2 was a cover of Deep Purple's Hush) and it stands the test of time pretty well.
The album this came from, Pretzel Logic, is currently on rotation in my car. Great driving music - keeps the road rage at bay... unless you find yourself face to face with a wild squonk along the way.
Have you ever seen a squonk's tears? Well, look at mine The people on the street have all seen better times
A squonk, in case you're wondering, is a mythical Pennsylvanian creature that looks a little bit like a turd on legs (according to google images).
Originally titled 'Cruisin' For A Lady', Steven Tyler was persuaded to change the title by openly gay songwriter Desmond Child (Tyler thought it'd be offensive to the gay community, Child said 'bollocks' to that). Apparently the inspiration came when Tyler saw a hot blonde in a bar that he was about to hit on... until he realised it was Mötley Crüe vocalist Vince Neil...
Never judge a book by it's cover Or who you gonna love by your lover Sayin' love put me wise to her love in disguise She had the body of a Venus, Lord imagine my surprise!
The Dude's own personal favourite (until his car is broken into and they steal his tape deck AND his Creedence); some may dispute its inclusion here since the "dudes" of the chorus are often interpreted as "doo doo doos". But after The Big Lebowski, it's impossible to hear it any other way. I really hope The Dude got his tape deck back. And his Creedence.
1. Mott The Hoople - All The Young Dudes
If anyone ever pauses to question the prolific genius of peak period Bowie, consider this: one of his best songs, and he happily gave it away to save the career of Mott The Hoople. ATYD begins with one of the most memorable guitar hooks in the history of rock before the triumphant end of the world as we know it lyrics kick in - but we feel fine. A rallying call for a generation that rejects the Beatles & Stones in favour of T-Rex, this had to be re-recorded for BBC airplay because Wendy stole her clothes from Marks & Sparks. (It was the advertising they didn't like, not the shoplifting.) Apparently there's a version where Wendy steels her clothes from unlocked cars... but I don't think I've ever heard that.
Those were my favourite Dude songs. Which one takes you bowling?
Still no time to write new Top Tens and my backlog is dwindling. When I post My Top Ten Pigeon Songs (the one I always hold in reserve), you'll know the barrel has been well and truly scraped.
Meanwhile, here's ten top tunes that live beneath the surface.
Even though it isn't strictly Britpop (trip-hop?!?), this reminds me of that era when I worked in a radio station record library, got loads of free CDs, and went to many free gigs. 18 years ago... yes, I'm still feeling my age.
Kimya's head is about to explode and kill everyone in close proximity. Great lyrics.
So I tattoo instructions on my ass That say "don't ever put this body in a casket Burn it and put the ashes in a basket And throw them in the Puget Sound I don't ever want to be under ground" Oh no, oh no
What begins as a terrifying vision of a future world driven underground after destroying its home on the surface... becomes something entirely different, in a dark, sightless world where everyone is suddenly equal.
A great song about feeling like you don't belong to any of the cool scenes.
Who's got the looks? Who's got the brains? Who's got everything? I've got this pain in my heart That's all Hey you, with the long and lonely face There's gotta be something else...
You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows...
1. The Jam - Going Underground
Some people might say my life is in a rut...
Well, what else could it have been?
The Jam's first Number One single has an interesting story behind it. Originally, Going Underground was meant to be the b-side, but a cock up at the factory meant it became a double a-side with Dreams of Children. DJs got to choose which track they played on the radio (ah, those were the days!) and Going Underground won out. It entered the chart in the top spot, something that happens all the time these days but was pretty rare in 1980. Putting that into further context, the Number One before it was Together We Are Beautiful by Fern Kinney... and it was followed by The Detroit Spinners: Working My Way Back To You.
Of course, this isn't the Jam's only undergound-related song... and I'd argue that Down In The Tube Station At Midnight is even better. But I'm saving that for another chart.
God, Weller looks young in this video!
You choose your leaders and place your trust As their lies put you down and their promises rust You'll see kidney machines replaced by rockets and guns And the public wants what the public gets But I don't get what this society wants
...probably more marks than you get for calling your band Zoey Van Goey. Still, that's not to say you can't earn those marks back by writing cracking songs. Great video too.
I do the dumbest things for you
Why do I do the dumbest things for you?
I almost broke my collar bone
I didn't care; you were the most exciting thing I'd every known.
This record is 2 minutes 10 seconds long (plus 7 seconds of karate kicks at the beginning). Which is a hell of a lot shorter than the songs in my last post.Yet it's better than all of them (with the possible exception of the Gershwin).
It may only be June, but I'll be hella-surprised if Pale Green Ghosts isn't my Best Album of 2013 come December. The bar has been set pretty high by John Grant, can anyone top it?
What you got is a black belt in B-S But you can't hawk your pretty wares up in here anymore Hit your head on the playground at recess Etch-a-sketch your way out of this one, reject
1. Carl Douglas - Kung Fu Fighting
Had to be, didn't it? For a novelty record, this still sounds fresh. Or perhaps I've just been hit in the head a few times too many. And if this isn't cool enough for you, check out Robyn Hitchcock's cover...
Hiiiiii-ya! Which one makes you want to walk the earth like Caine?
