Celebrity Jukebox #67: Brigitte Bardot (Part 3)

OK, I realise this is a cheap way of filling blog posts on my first week back at work, but don't blame me - blame all these songwriters who were obsessed with the late Ms. B.

Last lot today, I promise. Though I did leave a load out... and probably missed a bunch too.

We'll start with a suggestion from The Swede, which I'm kicking myself I didn't remember...

Will Serge's own 'Initials BB' will be making an appearance?

And the reason I'm kicking myself? I'm a big fan of the Mick Harvey version...

On with the show... and I suppose we have to get this one out of the way...

The Bollock Brothers - Brigitte Bardot

Now let's move up to something with a bit more class.

I'm in love with Sophia Loren
I'm in love with Bridget Bardot
I'm in love with the whole dumb scene

The Psychedelic Furs - We Love You

Zig-zag, walk like Marilyn Monroe
Zig-zag, talk like Brigitte Bardot
No stone gonna be unturned
When you're out there, walkin' and a talkin'
Baby, doin' the Zig-Zag Walk

Foghat - Zig Zag Walk

You know what, you're a supersonic flight
A song by Lennon and McCartney
A Mohammed Ali fight
You're like Brigitte Bardot
No way Danny La Rue...
But most important of all
You are you

Gilbert O`Sullivan - You Are You

Marilyn, Sophia, Danny La Rue... who else might Brigitte get compared to?

She smiles like Richard Nixon
Walks like Brigitte Bardot
And I love her, but I can't trust her

The Bad Examples - She Smiles Like Richard Nixon

That's the problem with being an icon. You can choose your lyrical bedfellows. Still, given what C said about Brigitte's latter-day politics, maybe she'd appreciate spending time with Tricky Dicky?

Well you may not look like Brigitte Bardot
But you got rhythm in your big black toe

Colin Blunstone - Pay Me Later

That's got to be the weirdest lyric yet. Can Noddy beat that?

I get weird imaginin's about all different kinds of things, but I always try
To get fantasising thoughts, maybe Bardot in her shorts, like a natural guy
So I took a trip to Tutankhamen's tomb
He was alone and said he hoped I'd come back soon

Slade - I'm Mad

Of course he can.

Bobby boy's full of bravado
His girlfriend looks like Bridgette Bardot

You know, I wouldn't normally lower myself to the Menswear level, but credit where it's due - that's one of the better rhymes I've seen since starting this list.

Menswear - Stardust

Can anyone find a better rhyme for Bardot?

I should be raising the bar high, avoiding the bar low
I'll write a million songs for you as if I was Barlow
'Cause you're my Bridget Bardot, my precious cargo
I'm tryna speak my mind but I don't get very far though

Example - Millionaires

Alright, show-off. After that, let's go for a really basic one...

The first time that you saw Bardot
Inside you really glow
But I feel better than that
(I feel better than that)

Miles Kane - Better Than That

Lots of blokes squeezing her into their songs? What about a lady for a change?

Every time I see you, I see Paris in your eyes
A hint of the forbidden, Brigitte Bardot style
Every time I dream of you, I dream that distant land
Where I once held tomorrow in my hand

Janis Ian - Paris In Your Eyes

And another female perspective... from a male songwriter.

'Cause when I was a little girl, you'd dress me like Bardot
And the hallway'd become a catwalk, and you'd watch me go to the show
Said, "All the little girls were pretty, but I was pretty like fresh flowers"
I was a superhero, mama, with superpowers

Kevin Morby - US Mail

And to close - this really is the end of our Bardot tribute, I promise! - here's the theme to Eurotrash, by Francis Lai... and a certain Ms. Bardot.

Product Placement Friday #11: Ready Brek

I honestly thought they'd given up making Ready Brek, so I was surprised to see that it's still being churned out by the Weetabix people. Clearly they've changed the recipe to make it less radioactive, but us kids of the 70s and 80s were happy to down a bowl of nuclear slag if it kept us warm on our way to school. Kids nowadays are too soft by far.

Rapper Example (real name Elliot John Gleave) was born in 1982. His guest on the track below, Doc Brown (not the one with a Delorean, the one who recorded Equality Street with David Brent), was born in the 70s. So they're just about old enough to wax lyrical about the good old days...

I knew Elliot in the days of Ready Brek and Teletext

Never knew where we'd be shellin' next

Nowadays it's a brave new environment

Just for Example, I came out of retirement

Example & Doc Brown - Eye To Eye

Carl Barât from the Libertines was born one year after Doc Brown (1978, for those of you who're trying not to feel too old). Here he is with his other band, the one not fronted by an obnoxious junkie...

I used to have a future 

But now I don't know 

Just dependence and repentance and a Ready Brek glow

Dirty Pretty Things - You Fucking Love It

Next, how do you fancy some Scottish hip hop? You know you do...

I react like a bull to a red rag

'Til I glow around the edges like the Ready Brek man

With the heavyset slang to make many heads bang

And yi can chase yirsel for that bed tax

Stanley Odd - Chase Yirsel 

And then there's this...

The Weathermonger - Ready Brek Kid

Answers on a postcard.

Finally, here's a song from Richard Dawson about working in the civil service. It might ring a few bells for some of you...

Open your eyes, time to wake up

Shit, shower, brush your teeth, drain your cup

Wolf down a bowl of Ready Brek

Fasten a tie around your neck

All over the city we arise, arise

For a job we despise, despise, despise

I don't want to go into work this morning

I don't think I can deal with the wrath of the general public

And I don't have the heart to explain to another poor soul

Why it is their Disability Living Allowance will be stopping shortly

Little bit of politics to enjoy with your Ready Brek. That'll give you a warm glow...

Product Placement Friday #5: Curly Wurly

As has previously been discussed in my Mars Bar post, I no longer have any time for confectionery that sticks to my teeth. Hence, Curly Wurlys (as appears to be the preferred plural) were pretty far down my list of priorities for this series. However, George demanded them, with the promise that, "If this series includes the Curly-Wurly you will definite join the ranks of my Top Ten favourite music blogs by middle-aged (and older) men." How could I resist an offer like that? Especially when it gives me the chance to open with The Boss!? I'm sure George will approve...

And Go-Cart Mozart was checkin' out the weather chart to see if it was safe to go outside

And little Early-Pearly came by in her curly-wurly and asked me if I needed a ride

Two points of order, I suppose.

1. Yes, that was also recorded (and made into a hit) by Manfred Mann's Earth Band, but really, who wants to hear their version when you can have the original? Certainly not George.

2. I don't actually think that Bruce (or Chris Thompson, who sang vocals of MM'sEB US #1) is referring to a chocolate bar in the lyrics above. However, the internet isn't really clear on what they are referring to. The best it can offer is "a helicopter", which I've never heard anyone else refer to as a curly wurly, so until I know better...

As you'd expect, lots of rappers are also partial to an odd Curly Wurly. Here's an Example...

I know that in that bag there's ginger beer and Curly Wurlys

It's kinda hurly burly but you must believe my story

Example - Today I Met Myself

Meanwhile, here are some Housey Doingz from 1996...

Housey Doingz - Curly Wurly

Quite a few dance producers seem to be chomping Curly Wurlys in the studio, given the number of times "Curly Wurly mix" cropped up in my search. Here's the best of the bunch...

Morcheeba ‎– Ray Payola (Curly Wurly Mix)

If dance music isn't your thing, perhaps you'd prefer a little jazz?

Too Noisy Fish - Curly Wurly Napoleon

Nice.

Or how about some roots reggae?

Macka B - Curly Wurly

I'm not convinced all those songs are about the chocolate-coated treat whose "shape resembles three flattened, intertwined serpentine strings" either. But this one definitely is...

Batfoot! - Gimme Back My Curly Wurly

Then, of course, we have Mark E. Smith, a big fan of the Curly Wurly... though he does object to how much they cost these days.

At a British shop

Take it down easy

During a lull in his attack

3 little girls with only 50 pence

Had to take, had to put

The Curly Wurly back

The Fall - Slang King

But it's another Mark E. who closes our tribute to the curliest and wurliest of snacks... Mark E. Nevin, formerly of Fairground Attraction (he wrote their big Number One, Perfect). 

Suggestions for products to appear in this series are always welcome, but I can't guarantee you'll like any of the songs...