Too tired for puns this week, all I can offer is a nice picture of Gemma Arterton, one of the better actresses of her generation... still waiting for that huge role that will make her a household name, I guess.
You know the rules by now. Identify the artists below from the clues. Then work out the connection between their songs. Then identify the songs.
Note - there is one red herring in here, which doesn't include the link in the song title... but it does feature prominently in the chorus / hook.
10. Part of a barber's pole.
9. Australians cut Monday short.
8. So fast, they lose a C.
7. Dapper zero.
6. Beg or borrow baby talk.
5. Horatio, of the Black Pig.
4. Moore & Ogilvy look like they've seen a ghost.
3. Who sings like Marilyn's man?
2. Nowadays people just ask for money instead. Or give you a list.
The above tweet, which has gone viral over the past week, pretty much explains why things are quieter than normal around here at the moment.
I can't begin to tell you the farce of this year's predicted grades situation - particularly the last minute expectations that have been dropped on teachers everywhere, for things which would only ever have been truly possible if we'd been able to plan and prepare for them from the start of the year.
And as usual, nobody wants to take responsibility. Or give you a straight answer. Even the people setting the agenda obfuscate wildly and pass the buck when asked direct questions about interpreting the meaning of the rules that they have set down.
Every year, my job becomes more stressful. This latest episode though... it's enough to break me.
And don't even start me on the management response...
Here's another song from that Harald Thune album, The Bouncebackability of Humans, which is about the only thing keeping me going at the moment... the idea that I might one day bounce back.
Listening to this, you can see why Kris Kristofferson is a fan. It's a bleak tale of a drunken overreaction to a situation ("I hit the wrong man!") followed by bitter recriminations ("I'm a waste of space, I'm a god-damn dog..."). At least someone's having a worse day that me...
Ben: One of my supervisors lives in Hebden Bridge. I'm going to forward it to him.
Ha. It is full of wankers.
Then again, so is Holmfirth.
Well.
You moved there.
You set that one up too easy.
I live in Scholes. Proper Local Shop territory, this.
You live inside Paul Scholes?
I have no idea who that is.
He played football in the 90s. My football knowledge spans a year in the 90s to the football comic "Shoot".
And to Tony Curry. Who apparently was a good Sheffield United player because every kid who had their birthday at United's ground had Tony Curry come out at the end and sign a football.
"Ooh, kids, there's a special guest soon". Always Tony fucking Curry.
And some of the kids always lost their mind.
It's like, were you not paying attention the last six birthdays we came to here?
No joke, at my parents I have a small stack of signed Tony Curry photos.
More evidence for why you need serious drugs to help you sleep.
He doesn't live in my house.
My dad's mates with this local boxer, Kell Brooks.
He took my dad to a match in the celeb suite a few years ago.
Guess who he saw there?
Tony sodding Curry
Imagine seeing this face, every time you close your eyes.
It's not fair.
I'm glad I'm not your psychiatrist.
I've been spelling his name wrong, that's how little I know. It's Currie!
Is this the boxer?
I don't believe so.
I don't know sports.
That's Kelly Brook.
Does she box?
Well, you might end up with two black eyes if you got too close to her.
Thisshows how many autographs he does... There's no market for it.
Got to respect that entrepreneurial spirit.
Unless you're a Marxist.
I think they keep him alive in a cupboard, feeding him pies and pints of mild. Let him out on matchday and kids parties.
It's another world.
He starts getting excited when he hears the opening chords to Annie's Song.
So do I.
But he's excited for the United version.
Means he gets to have a fresh pint of mild.
Rather than the keg they keep in the cupboard with him that's stale.
Some football gits have stolen Annie's Song!? That proper fills up my senses...
Like a greasy chip buttie...
Nooooo!
I am never clicking that link.
I'm not saying it's any good, just showing that it exists.
I believe you. Just another reason to despair in the human race...
You're gonna love this song. Sums up your opinion...
Fair point. And I prefer that to the bastardisation of Annie's Song.
I think you'll like the new Manchester Orchestra album from Telepath onwards. It settles back into the Americana again from that point on.
Albeit with syncopation.
If by syncopation, you mean drum machines...
I mean syncopation. I'd have said syncopated drum machines if I meant that.
Is it dance music?
No. Syncopation is just varied rhythms coming together.
At the same time.
Sounds bollocks to me.
Good Time Roll by the Cars is a good example of syncopation.
The rhythm is *off* the main beat.
The reason the term is synonymous with dance, and as such, electronic music outside of music theory is that it has to rely on syncopation to create that movement.
It forces a rhythm over melody. Cuban music in the 50s and 60s that's completely danceable is due to it having syncopated rhythm.
Don't make snarky comments about things then I won't have to give you a music theory lesson.
I used to play in a brass band, so I know what syncopation means in principle. I just wasn't sure how you were applying the term.
Please tell me it was a colliery band.
Were you in Brassed Off?
What was Pete Postlethwaite like?
How I spent my teenage years, before I got into radio. It was all very Brassed Off.
Were you trombone? Or a saxophone?
Or did you put your tall body to comedy effect with a cornet?
I have so many questions.
I played tenor horn. Mid size. There are no saxophones in a brass band.
You could have been a maverick.
Did you have a nickname?
Why would I have a nickname?
It endears the audience to the narrative.
Did you enter competitions?
Did you win?
We entered lots of competitions, but we were only the junior section of the main band. At first, anyway. By the end, I was in the main band.
Best thing was at Christmas, we went round all the pubs in the village and played carols to drunks.
Long before I drank myself.
I'm going to turn this into a film where you sit in front of a fire and tell people about your youth.
Channel Five, Bravo and Men and Motors are interested.
Only because I missed it out a couple of weeks back.
To be fair, it's not much of a track on its own, just the opener to an album of the same name. But it stopped me having to include Good Morning, Good Morning by The Beatles, which I find rather annoying.
