Self-Help For Cynics #41: Life Or Death

I wanted to get back into this series, because there's still much to investigate... and if I don't have the excuse of writing the posts, I'm less likely to do the reading. I'm not going to even attempt to do it weekly anymore, but Cynical Self-Help will continue on an ad hoc basis. 

Before the break, I'd just begun to scrape the surface of anger: what it is, why we get it, and what to do about it. So let's jump straight back into that...

Dean Martin - Ain't That A Kick In The Head

Back when I worked in radio, I was attacked in the street. I've written about it previously: it was a violent incident that could have been much worse, but somehow I managed to talk my way out of it. 

E - I've Been Kicked Around

While I was lying there on the floor, about to have my head kicked in, I did not feel any anger. Fear, yes. But also a kind of calm resolve that helped me get through the situation in one piece. Other people might have got angry - they'd be completely justified - and tried to fight back. But as angry as I might get, I'm not a violent person, and I'm not sure I could meet violence with violence, even to protect myself.

The Barracudas - We're Living in Violent Times

'What is he wittering on about?', you may well ask. Well, the reason I bring this up today is because of LIFEMORTS. According to angry scientist David Banner R. Douglas Fields, writer of Why We Snap: Understanding The Rage Circuits In Your Brain, there are nine potential triggers which cause outbursts of uncontrollable anger. And because scientists love acronyms, the good doctor has created a clever one to help us remember each of these triggers. 

Elvis Costello - Little Triggers

LIFEMORTS stands for... deep breath... 

Life or death

Insult

Family

Environment

Mate

Order In Society

Resources

Tribe

Stopped

Plus, it's clever because mort is French for dead, so the acronym tells us anger is related to... erm... being alive or dead? Well, in a way, that's true, since anger is the brain's way of signalling to us that we need to take action to protect ourselves from a threat. And the first of these threats, according to LIFEMORTS, is clearly the most imperative: a life or death situation. 

The Surfing Brides - A Matter Of Life And Death

Over the next nine posts, I'm going to look at each of these triggers individually, but I have to admit I struggled a bit with the first one. Have I never been in a Life or Death situation? Well, thankfully not in any kind of Hollywood action movie way we might think of. The closest I could come was the scene described above, but then... as I said... I didn't react with anger anyway. I got the signals - thanks, brain, but I think I could have worked that one out for myself - but anger would not have resolved that situation, so a calmer response prevailed.

Stevie Wonder - Be Cool, Be Calm (And Keep Yourself Together)

But wait! Dr. Fields says...

Almost anyone will defend themselves in what is perceived as a life-or-death attack.

And he's not alone, because in her book Unfuck Your Anger, sweary Dr. Faith adds...

The brain's wiring is designed to say, "Hey, you are prolly gonna die right here, so kicking ass is probably your only way out. And even if you can't, you at least won't go down without a fight."

The Teardrop Explodes - ...And The Fighting Takes Over

Of course, fighting isn't the only option to the amygdala's anger / fear signal (and let's face it, in a situation like this, anger and fear are pretty much the same thing). Everybody knows about Fight or Flight responses, but there are two other ways we can react to those signals, as Web MD explains...

The Fight response is your body’s way of facing any perceived threat aggressively. Flight means your body urges you to run from danger. Freeze is your body’s inability to move or act against a threat. Fawn is your body’s stress response to try to please someone to avoid conflict. 

The Levellers - Fight Or Flight

When I reflect on that attack, fawn is probably the response I chose. I tried to be calm and appeal to my assailant's better nature and probably pleaded a little bit... and it got me out of there. I'm not sure trying to fight back would have led to the same resolution, even if I was Jack Reacher.

Billy Nomates - Fawner

I consider myself lucky to have reached the grand old age of 53 without ever being in a life or death situation where kicking ass was the only available response to my brain's warning signals. I wonder if anyone reading this has ever had to fight their way out of a life or death situation? You might not want to talk about it if you have. But in terms of the brain's anger triggers, I'm pretty much dismissing the first one as a non-starter. Because as Martin Luther King said...

Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars.

Or, as I might have said...

If I try and fight back, I'm just gonna get hurt even more. There has to be another solution!