Name That Tune: Our Top Ten Edward Songs

 

A picture of Eddie Cochran obviously, said Charity Chic in response to my request for songs with the name Edward, Eddie or Ed in them. And as he wrote obviously rather than "obvs", I went with his suggestion.

Of course, there were many other famous musical Edwards I could have gone with, including the recently departed Eddie Van Halen, Ed Tudor-Pole, Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeroes (from George), Edward Ball, Eddie & The Hotrods, Eddie Vedder, Eddie Floyd, Eddie Boyd, Eddie Jones, Charles & Eddie (from Alyson), Eddie Rabbit, Eddie Kirk, Eddie Fisher, Eddie Holland, Eddie Money (see this week's Saturday Snapshots), Eddie Kendricks... the list goes on and on. But did any of them ever record a song as iconic as this...?

Eddie Cochran - Summertime Blues

All due respect, but I don't think so.

And yes, George, Eddi Reader was disqualified for being a girl. Harsh but true.

Eddi Reader - Patience Of Angels

Oops. How did that get in there?

Also disqualified were any Teds or Teddies... which I take as being short for Theodore. Either way, maybe they'll make an appearance here one day.

Lynchie, however, offers the oddest musical Edward...

Principal Edwards Magic Theatre - Over and Out

Trippy.

Whereas Swiss Adam directs us to Edward Barton, the poet responsible for this little ditty, originally recorded by his girlfriend Jane (long before Opus 3 got their mucky dance paws all over it)...

Jane - It's A Fine Day

That's quite lovely.

Anyway, that's not why we're here. We're here to celebrates songs about Edwards (or at least songs that mention them). So let's get cracking, because there's loads to go at...

Let's start with Jim in Dubai...

Nine Steps to Ugly - Eddie Lopez Lives in Slough 

John Hegley - Eddie Don't Like Furniture 

The Cult - Edie (Ciao Baby) 

Does this count?

No, but it's a great tune.

The Medium - Edward Never Lies 

Four brilliant suggestions... but, incredibly, they weren't the best Jim had to offer. Keep reading to hear those!

Lynchie, meanwhile, gave us this beauty. 

Drive-By Truckers - Where's Eddie?

Jason Isbell's ex-wife, Shonna Tucker, on vocals there. Sadly, she left the Truckers a few years after Jason did.

Rigid Digit, meanwhile, was quite restrained this week, offering only this little gem...

Now, every time I see him, well, he looks so grim

I guess it really must suck to be a rock star like him

What a pain in the butt to have so much success

Spending all his time moping and avoiding the press

But my girl can't get enough of his sullen demeanor

Like he's some big tortured genius

And I'm some kinda wiener

Well, my baby's in love with Eddie Vedder

She's got a thing for that Eddie Vedder

Tell me, what can he do that I can't do better?

Now my baby's in love with--

I said I said I said my baby's in love with Eddie Vedder

Head over heels for that Eddie Vedder

I can't believe it, now she's knittin' him a sweater

Cause my baby's in love with Eddie Vedder

Well, I don't wear Doc Martens and I don't wear flannel

And I don't boycott the music video channel

And I just can't compete with all that money and fame

But I know two can play at this kinda game

Well, let's just see how jealous she'll get

When I start stalking Alanis Morissette

Weird Al Yankovic - My Baby's In Love With Eddie Vedder

And continuing on a pretty-boy rock star vibe, RD added...

Iron Maiden's omnipresent/ever changing mascot is called Eddie. He has given his name to a Maiden-based video game and a compilation album (both titled Ed Hunter)...

Coincidentally, my millennial hipster politico friend, Ben, recommended this (from the album Ed Hunter) as his favourite Maiden track this week. 

Iron Maiden - The Trooper

Ben also put forward this...

NoFX - Eddie, Bruce and Paul

...which... well, I hope you'll excuse me if I steal an explanation from elsewhere on t'internet...

This song tells the story of the beginnings of British heavy metal band Iron Maiden, personified as a gay love triangle between original lead singer Paul Di'Anno, Eddie (“Eddie the Head,” the band’s mascot who appears on their album covers, and in this song represents the band as a whole), and Bruce Dickinson, the band’s second singer who replaced Paul in 1981.

Fat Mike explains:

I was just thinking that some of their songs are so good and they were just so cool when they had Paul Di’Anno in the band. Then they got Bruce Dickinson, this falsetto fuck, and for me, it just ruined everything.

Charming. Poor old Bruce D. 

Anyway, while we're here with my millennial hipster politico friend, Ben... well, he obviously had some spare time on his hands this week. His short-list was almost longer than mine...

Small Faces - Eddie's Dreaming

(Also suggested by Walter, who seems to have a scarily similar record collection to MHPF.)

Curtis Mayfield - Eddie, You Should Know Better 

That was on my list too.

Grizzly Bear - Dory

Which was disqualified because it only makes lyrical reference to a watery eddy. And also, I remain unconvinced by Grizzly Bear.

The Vandals - The Legend of Pat Brown  

My weekly punk submission.

If you really want to know who Patrick Edward Brown was, you'll have to read this. 

Blind Willie McTell - King Edward Blues 

If you've not got a ragtime song in your list, is it even a good list?

Are you sure that's not a song about potatoes? I guess I shouldn't be surprised, suggested as it was by a vegan.

Of Montreal - An Introduction for Isabell 

I'd like to introduce you now to Isabell Iam 

Present owner of the Edward Iam Wax Museum

I was about to file that with Grizzly Bear, but it wasn't half bad.

Propagandhi - I Was A Pre-Teen McCarthyist 

Second punk song and also very timely.

I told you he was a politico. Not a bad song though. However, I think the lyrical reference is to a surname, which are disqualified.

Death Grips - Black Quarterback 

Have to live up to this idea you have of me as a hipster!

Is that what hipsters listen to then? My current (not for much longer!) next door neighbour is a hipster and he blasts out Snow Patrol. I'm not convinced hipsters have set musical affiliations. I may be wrong.

Anyway, I have no idea what Death Grips are on about, but there were quite a few Eddies in there. Including the great Ed 'Lou Grant' Asner. God knows why.

John Mellencamp - American Son 

Now this is why I keep Ben around. Because in the middle of all his hipster suggestions, he'll throw in a b-side by The Small Faces or an early John Cougar song, a track even the internet can't quite decipher the lyrics to, although most sites tend to agree that are a couple of Eddie references in there.

Ghostface Killah - Three Bricks 

Biggie did this as well but... Wu Tang forever.

Sigh. Millennials.

Edward Scissor hands them grams...

(Walter prefers the Biggie version.)

Ah, but wait, the mention of Edward Scissorhands allows us to zip over to Canada, where Douglas has a related suggestion...

Just one to put forward for your consideration, to prevent the lost from getting out of hand: the always delightful Lucksmiths with the song "Edward, Sandwich Hand". Delightful wordplay and a whistling riff to hook you into the chorus.

The Lucksmiths - Edward Sandwich Hand

Back to Ben's long list...

The Jam - Private Hell 

Think of Emma, wonder what she's doing

Her husband Terry and your grandchildren.

Think of Edward who's still at college

You send him letters which he doesn't acknowledge.

Almost breaking the Song For Whoever rule, that one.

Bomb The Music Industry! - Bike Test 1 2 3   

Any opportunity for Jeff Rosenstock!

Jeff Rosenstock is someone who Ben introduced me to a while back. He produces some very cool tunes (if occasionally a little too loud for these aged ears) and has a strange attitude to the music industry in that he seems not too interested in making any money out of it. For example, you can get his latest collection of songs from Bandcamp... but he doesn't want your money.

Please do not feel obliged to spend money on this music. I do not intend for it to be monetized. Any money that comes in through Bandcamp for these songs will be donated to charitable causes, but less money will get taken out if you just do that directly on your own - which I encourage you to do if you can afford it. And if not, it's cool.

Anyway, there's another Edwards Scissorhands reference in the track above, if you can dig it out.

Which brings us, finally, to Walter, who also appeared to have a bit of spare time on his hands this week... 

Latin Quarter - Eddie

All I know by them is Radio Africa, but I liked that.

Beastie Boys - 3 The Hard Way

Fresh dressed 'cause I shop at Models

Deep in Brooklyn I rode the Ls

Used to ride the D to beat the morning bell

At Edward R. Morrow out on Avenue L

Sparks - In My Family

There you got your Rockefeller

There you got your Edward Teller

J. Paul Getty is a splendid fellow, but

None of them would be in my family

TV Personalities - Bright Sunny Smiles

There's me and there's Edward, there's Joe and there's Mark

We're playing in the garden and we stay out till dark

And we've all got bright sunny smiles

(That's a little scary.)

Leo Sayer - Moonlighting

His blue Morris van is parked in an alley
Just by Montague street
His friend Eddie he did the respray
So he couldn't drive it all last week
And it cost most of the money
That he had saved up
To pay Eddie's receipt
But he figures it's worth it
Cause the disguise is a must
When they go missing
They're gonna look for the van first
She whispers slowly "it'll be alright"
I took some cash from my building society
And my monthly check came in just right
If only they knew they weren't giving it away

That came very close to making the ten, Walter. As did this...

The Smiths - Suffer Little Children

Edward, see those alluring lights ?
Tonight will be your very last night

Don't worry though, some of your other suggestions really hit home. But no, Ed fROMOHIO, singer and guitarist of fIREHOSE doesn't get a mention, if only because of his abuse of the CAPS LOCK key. 

OK, time to scrap the barnacles off the side of the boat. Here's the rest of the long-list from my hard-drive this week...

Saint Etienne - Edward Undecided

Emmy The Great - Edward Is Dedward

The Divine Comedy - Edward The Confessor

Everywhere - Eddie

Kris Kristofferson - Eddie The Eunuch

But now Eddie the Eunuch is a rock and roll critic
Sucking like a super star
Slicker than a shoe-shine
Quicker than a two-time
Eddie what a thang you are
Eddie makes a damn good livin', baby
Putting other people down

Ah yes, songs hitting back at music critics... there's got to be a Top Ten in that somewhere.

Styx - Eddie

I almost put this one in the Top Ten just to irk the musos.

Jason Ringenberg - Eddie Rode The Orphan Train

The Darkness - She's Just A Girl, Eddie

The Crystals - I Love You, Eddie (but so does Betty!)

Meat Loaf - Eddie's Teddy (from The Rocky Horror Picture Show)

The Teen Queens - Eddie, My Love

Ben Folds - Eddie Walker

Ist - The Wreck Of The Eddie Fitzpatrick

Give that one a spin because it only has 13 views on youtube and it deserves more.

Kooks - Eddie's Gun

Son of Dork - Eddie's Song

The Glam Chops - Tell Us, Are You Ready, Eddie?

Featuring Eddie Argos from Art Brut and David Devant (minus His Spirit Wife). Only available on MySpace, it seems. (I know, I didn't even know MySpace was still a thing either.) 

Tin Machine - Goodbye, Mr. Ed

I would much rather have heard David Bowie singing "A horse is a horse, of course, of course..." Sadly, it was not to be.

Jack Lukeman - Ode To Ed Wood

Larrikin Love - Ed Would

But which Edwards made this week's Top Ten?

Let's find out...

10. The Fall - Ed's Babe

Let's kick off with this one, as suggested by Swiss Adam, seconded by George, and thirded by my MHPF, Ben.

Quality Fall track, Adam, said George, and who am I to disagree?

Edward lived with Mary

Like sister and brother

Till one night

Men are this

Men are this

(DIY)

Women too

[DIY]

[DIY]

Then there was three

DIY? Is this an ode to putting up Ikea furniture?

Maybe not...

9. Heinz - Just Like Eddie / Stray Cats - Gene & Eddie

I'm cheating a bit putting these two together, but Charity Chic suggested them both and they complement each other very well. 

8. The Pixies - Ed Is Dead

Nominated by Swiss Adam. 

Ben, added...

Pixies (after they lost the definitive) - Another Toe In The Ocean 

Merry making with the fairies

Going down to the onion patch

To you and me to shining seas

I see the lights of Edward Thatch

7. Wayne County & The Electric Chairs - Eddie & Sheena

Oh and there's 'Eddie & Sheena' by Wayne County & The Electric Chairs, says C, one of the first bands I ever saw down at our little local club when I was 14 (Wayne was quite something to behold, especially in 1978) and they gave everyone a free Eddie & Sheena badge at the door - soon to be defiantly pinned to my school blazer of course!

Top suggestion, C, from the band that also brought us If You Don't Wanna Fuck Me, Baby - Baby, Fuck Off. Which was apparently the first ever record Jools Holland played piano on.

6. It's Immaterial - Ed's Funky Diner

One of my fav songs, love it, says Jim in Dubai.

They didn't just drive away from home, you know!

5. Tom Waits - Poor Edward

The tale of Edward Mondrake, the "man with two faces", sympathetically chronicled by Tom.

Suggested by Walter and Ben.

Did you hear the news about Edward?

On the back of his head he had another face

Was it a woman's face or a young girl?

They said to remove it would kill him

So poor Edward was doomed

4. Smack - Edward Fox 

Jim wins the prize for Best Song I've Never Heard Before Today With The Name Edward In It.

Keep 'em coming, Jim!

3. Billy Joel - Scenes From An Italian Restaurant

I'm always too late here nowadays, says Alyson, so will get in quick with a name-check. Brenda and Eddie - Scenes From An Italian Restaurant by Billy Joel.

A seemingly throwaway suggestion, though in the process Alyson has stuck a pin in one of my all-time favourite Billy Joel songs. (I feel my love of Billy Joel has recently been vindicated by Hughie in The Boys. If you know, you know.)

You have to wait for the tempo change, but Brenda and Eddie play an important role in this song...

Brenda and Eddie were the

Popular steadies

And the king and the queen

Of the prom

Riding around with the car top

Down and the radio on

Nobody looked any finer

Or was more of a hit at the

Parkway Diner

We never knew we could want more

Than that out of life

Surely Brenda and Eddie would

Always know how to survive

2. Sleeper - Nice Guy Eddie

I'll obv(iou)s(ly) go for Sleeper - Nice Guy Eddie, said Martin (courting disaster with his barely hidden attempt at evoking the yoof-speak I banned last week), and not just because I'd listen to Louise sing the phone book ;)

Nice Guy Eddie, of course, turned out to be not such a nice guy after all...

Most weeks this would have been Number One, as I share a similar devotion to the divine Ms. Wener as Martin. However...

This week's winner is going to be one of those where I'm biased and play to my favourites, but thankfully Walter was with me...

1. Bruce Springsteen - Meeting Across The River

Amid all the rock 'n' roll bombast of the greatest album of the 70s comes this quiet slice of desperate lowlife storytelling set over a haunting, noirish solo from jazz trumpeter Randy Brecker. And Roy Bittan's characteristic piano playing and another jazz musician, Richard Davis, on double bass.

It doesn't sound like anything else on the album (although lyrically, it follows similar themes), but it's perfectly placed as an intimate pause for breath as the penultimate track on side two before the epic finale of Jungleland.

Hey, Eddie, can you lend me a few bucks

And tonight can you get us a ride?

Gotta make it through the tunnel

Got a meeting with a man on the other side

Hey Eddie, this guy, he's the real thing

So if you want to come along

You gotta promise you won't say anything

'Cause this guy don't dance

And the word's been passed this is our last chance

We gotta stay cool tonight, Eddie

'Cause man, we got ourselves out on that line

And if we blow this one

They ain't gonna be looking for just me this time

And all we gotta do is hold up our end

Here stuff this in your pocket

It'll look like you're carrying a friend

And remember, just don't smile

Change your shirt, 'cause tonight we got style

Well, Cherry says she's gonna walk

'Cause she found out I took her radio and hocked it

But Eddie, man, she don't understand

That two grand's practically sitting here in my pocket

And tonight's gonna be everything that I said

And when I walk through that door

I'm just gonna throw that money on the bed

She'll see this time I wasn't just talking

Then I'm gonna go out walking

Hey Eddie, can you catch us a ride ?

The obvious E for a girl's name would have been Emily, but it turns out I already did that here...

My Top Ten Emily Songs

And so...

NEXT WEEK: OUR TOP TEN EMMA SONGS