Snapshots #400: Eponymous Songs (Volume 2)

Back in July 2021, we did an edition of Snapshots about song titles which featured the name of the singer or band performing them. It was high time for a sequel...

20. Like a Sonic Youth offshoot. 

Ciccone Youth was a side-project of Sonic Youth. This is Louise Ciccone, first name...

Madonna - Bitch, I'm Madonna

19. At His Majesty's pleasure...

Fun Lovin' Criminals - The Fun Lovin' Criminal

18. Mulligan's paddy wagon.

Carey Mulligan in a black mariah...

Mariah Carey - Me. I Am Mariah…The Elusive Chanteuse 

Not actually a song, but that might make it a better listen.

17. Scritti & Doris.

Scritti Politti was led by Green Gartside. Doris Day.

Green Day - Green Day

16. Chronic Youth.

His most famous album was The Chronic.

Dr Dre - Still DRE

15. Neither atheists not agnostics.

They were definitely Believers. And Daydream Believers.

(I know, they'd lost their heads on that day.)

The Monkees - Hey, Hey, We're The Monkees

14. If it's too late for goodbye, how will you bear up?

How will Julian (Lennon) cope?

Julian Cope - Julian H. Cope

13. Bristow, abbreviated... and a junior griffin.

Eric B(ristow) and William Michael Griffin Jr...

Eric B. & Rakim - Eric B. Is President 

Well, he couldn't do a worse job that the current guy.

12. Betty's last word.

Boop-boo-be-doop.

Doop - Doop

Don't listen to that. Just don't.

11. Hilarious, in her later years.

She would grow up to be a Funny Girl.

Barbra Streisand - My Name Is Barbra

10. A resident and a nadir.

A tennant and a low...

Pet Shop Boys - We're the Pet Shop Boys

9. The Cure singing Sugar Sugar.

Gothic Archies - We Are The Gothic Archies

8. Parliamentary subdivision. 

Funkadelic were another of George Clinton's backing bands gone rogue...

Funkadelic - Mommy, What's a Funkadelic

7. Financial aid for US loos.

(Linda Thompson featuring) John Grant - John Grant

Linda wrote a song about John for her latest album. As she can't singer herself anymore, she got John to sing it. 

6. Sobule + Nugent + 7.

Jill (Sobule) + Ted (Nugent) + John (Grant).

Jilted John - Jilted John

5. 6 & 7, as helpless as a kitten up a tree, Dad.

Two Johns, "as helpless as a kitten up a tree" is from Misty, Dad is Father.

Father John Misty - The Night Josh Tillman Came to Our Apt.

FJM's real name is Josh Tillman.

4. Top Gear.

Motorhead - Motorhead

3. Smelly squat.

B.O. + Diddley Squat.

Bo Diddley - Bo Diddley

2. Me: Chico Jr. But I may be wrong.

"Me: Chico Jr." was an anagram.

Jim Croce - You Don’t Mess Around With Jim

1. Albert Buster Caspian.

Prince Albert, Prince Buster, Prince Caspian...

1. Prince - My Name Is Prince

Ironically, when this record was released, he stopped calling himself Prince. But he was still funky...

Do we really a Snapshots #401? Maybe it's time to let you have your Saturday mornings back...

Product Placement #25: Weetabix

Hands up if you had your mum buy Weetabix just so you could get the free gifts?

I found a website that details all the free gifts given away inside a packet of Weetabix, from the 1930s to the present day. I remembered quite a few of them from the 70s and 80s. 

They don't have free gifts inside Weetabix anymore. Further evidence, if evidence were truly required, that life was so much better when we were kids. 

As discussed last week, I couldn't eat Weetabix with cold milk, so I had hot milk (which made them dissolve into a paste) and a large spoonful of Golden Syrup to make them palatable. Sam eats his with just cold milk, nothing else. He's a much healthier child than I was. 

Here are some songs that mention Weetabix, starting, of course, with Mark E. Smith...

Real ale, curry as well - sophisticate!
Spanish guitar doesn't get far
In computer teaching job
His dreamgirl sings adverts for the Weetabix
A fancied wit that's imitation of Rumpole of Bailey

The Fall - Mere Pseud Mag. Ed.

The Seahorses were John Squire's band after he fell out with Ian Brown. I see John's working with Liam Gallagher these days. He obviously has a penchant for collaborating with Neanderthals.

Please, may I leave the table? I don't think that I'll be able

To swallow your family values again today

Because a giant squid, he stole my wife and kid

Full story and pix, ten pence off your Weetabix, yeah, yeah

The Seahorses - Suicide Drive

Louise is gluten free. She has, on occasion, tried that dietary alternative to Weetabix. Although these guys don't recommend it...

I would rather die than eat gluten-free Weet-Bix!

Tutant Meenage Neetle Teetles - Gluten-Free Weetbix

For many people though, Weetabix are symbolic of the start of the day. This probably rings a bell for a few people...

Kids to school, waking up at 6

Half asleep and making baby bowls of Weetabix

Now dogs keep barking and the neighbours start shouting

And next thing I know my eyes closed, just despairing

Ghostpoet - Longing For The Night (Yeah Pause)

At least Jilted John gets a bit longer in bed...

I got up at half past six

And had two Weetabix

And then I put my Parka on

And went into the street

Jilted John - The Paperboy Song

For Lindisfarne's Alan Hull though, Weetabix is part of a much bigger breakfast...

Intimate breakfast scene: sausage, egg and beans

Weetabix, jam, lightly grilled brown ham

Alan Hull - Breakfast

Greedy git. These days, I just have a coffee. And some of us are struggling with our budgets, Alan - take this dude, for instance...

I want to dine out in style but I'm bloody skint

I've got 27p and a Polo mint

And a natural aversion to another buttered Weetabix

MJ Hibbert & The Validators - Good Cooking

While Poly Styrene appears to be a bit confused about what Weetabix are for...

My mind is like a plastic bag

That corresponds to all those ads

It sucks up all the rubbish

That is fed in through by ear

I eat Kleenex for breakfast

And use soft hygienic Weetabix

To dry my tears

X-Ray Spex - Plastic Bag

My most important discovery today was that Goths like Weetabix too...

Tune into the horror

This is Dracula's daughter

There is a coffin and crucifix too

And then just after the struggle

With the good and the evil

There's a Weetabix advert to view

Lestat - Awake & Watching

We end with the closing track from Robyn Hitchcock's debut solo album from 1981, Black Snake Diamond Röle. It's a Love song...

The gnomes are moving through the night

They sing and fiddle with delight

And we eat Weetabix and sing

About the joys that love can bring

Ah, ah, ah, ah - if they ever come...

Have you had yours?

Random Friday: Carol

I was very pleased to discover that SWC, one of my old blogging heroes, has come out of retirement with a new blog. Kicking myself that it took me so long to discover this fact, but I'm over 50 now; I'm surprised I can find my teeth most days. Anyway, at the beginning of the week, SWC was waxing lyrical about a track by Swedish "death pop sextet" Agent Blå. Well, he had me at "death pop", but like SWC, I was also impressed by the song's fine use of four letter words. Because at heart, I am a 14 year old and I still think swearing is cool and grown up.

Anyway, this made me want to post the track below: Carol, by Aussie punk band The Peep Tempel. It's a bitter tale of jealousy and swearing. The "plot" is summarised below, minus the four letter words, in case you're easily offended. Nevertheless, it makes me smile whenever I hear it. 

I don't want to be so sanctimonious

I don't want to be such a negative jerk

But I'm the one who's been helpin' you through the divorce 

Carol

And I don't think Trevor is good for you

I don't think Trevor is good for you

I don't think Trevor is good for you 

Carol

Shades of "Gordon is a moron" right there.

My Top Ten Paper Round Songs

I never had a paper round when I was a kid. I did, however, have a special fascination with the newsagents where I bought my weekly Spider-Man comics... I even went and interviewed the owner, Mr. Hudson, about his job, for a school project.

Here are ten songs about getting your papers delivered... which, I guess, not many people do these days. Bloody internet.

Special mention to Eli 'Paperboy' Reed, someone who's definitely worthy of further investigation, if Name Calling is anything to go by.


10. Jilted John - The Paperboy Song

Graham Fellows never fails to make me laugh. I love his description of getting his papers from the newsagents...

I walk into the paper shop
And say good morning, Keith
"Good morning, Keith!"
"Good afternoon!" Keith would shout.
Keith marked the papers out
A boy called Gary helped him
But he just pissed about.

9. The Marvelettes - Paper Boy

Not content with pestering the postman, The Marvelettes also went after the paper boy...

8. Soft Cell - Kitchen Sink Drama

A lonely housewife who imagines herself as Elizabeth Taylor has an eye on the paper boy while her husband's out at work. Does exactly what it says on the tin. 

7. The Courteeners - Take Over The World

He's only a paper boy from the north west, but he scrubs up pretty fine in his Sunday best.

Liam Fray may be a bit of an egomaniac, but he does know how to write a good song.

6. July Talk - Paper Girl

OK, here's my discovery of the week. While researching this post, even though I had loads of songs to go at from my own collection, I couldn't think of any that featured Paper Girls. So I did a little search and came up with this Canadian alt-rock band who are pretty amazing. In fact, I just bought their first album. Can't afford their second one (from last year) just yet, but it'll be on my wishlist if the tracks I've heard so far are anything to go by. Love the mix of vocals by Leah Fay and Peter Dreimanis, who sounds not unlike this next gentleman...

5. Tom Waits - Saving All My Love For You

Not the Whitney Houston song... but wouldn't it be cool if Tom covered that?

Anyway, here he gets up so early that everyone's sleeping but the paper boys... poor kids are gonna be scared out of their wits if they bump into Tom on their round.

4. Guillemots - Made Up Love Song #43

My favourite Guillemots song. I love its theme of finding magic in the everyday, even if it can't help but remind me of the end of American Beauty.

You got me off the paper round
Just sprang out of the air
The best things come from nowhere
I love you, I don't think you care

3. Morrissey - I Have Forgiven Jesus

Much has been made lately of the fact that Morrissey is actually a bit of a dick. Even my (local) poetry hero Simon Armitage, on his recent 6Music show, after saying how Morrissey and Dylan were the two songwriters he felt were closest to being actual poets... then went on to remark, "Morrissey, who I had the great pleasure of meeting earlier this year... hmm." Never meet your heroes, Simon!

Anyway, despite all this, Moz will always be the second most important songwriter in my record collection, and I'll always love him for songs like this... which at the time of its release spoke to me more than just about any other song I'd ever heard.

I was a good kid,
I wouldn't do you no harm,
I was a nice kid, 
With a nice paper round
Forgive me any pain,
I may have brung to you,
With God's help I know,
I'll always be near to you...

Don't worry, Moz. I'll always forgive you. 

2. Don McLean - American Pie

There are whole websites devoted to the lyrics of American Pie. I'm not sure why, its meaning seems pretty straightforward to me: the British Invasion stealing away the American monopoly on rock 'n' roll soon after Buddy Holly's death. It all begins though with a very young Don delivering the fateful headlines that mark "the day the music died". No wonder February made him shiver. 

1. David Bowie - Modern Love

Of course, we should never take Bowie's lyrics literally. However, the intro to Modern Love always puts a very specific image in my head of the Dame chasing after his paper boy, presumably for chucking his copy of the Observer into the rose bushes outside Bowie Towers one time too many. He knows when to stay in; he knows when to go out... he definitely knows how to catch a paper boy.

If your paper round went past David Bowie's house, you'd have probably wished he would chase after you. That'd be the equivalent of having Prince turn up on your doorstep on a Sunday morning with a copy of Watchtower.




Which one gets ink on your fingers?

My Top Ten Fish & Chip Shop Songs

What are you having for tea on Friday night?

Here's ten songs about Britain's great national dish... and the shops that sell it.


10. Denim - Fish & Chips

From Lawrence's middle-period (between Felt and Go-Kart Mozart), and the great "lost" album (until they re-issued it) Back In Denim.

9. Bill Bailey - Unisex Chip Shop

Bill Bailey does an excellent Billy Bragg impersonation / homage / mickey take... so good, if you close your eyes, it could be Billy himself.

I wanted to free her
In my dreams, I would see her
Running naked through the woods round Rainham
If I had some tigers, I'd train 'em
To protect her
From the sexual fascism that was lurking
Round the gherkins

 Mr. Bragg was a fan... he even joined Mr. Bailey on stage to duet on this very song. 

8. The Specials - Friday Night, Saturday Morning

In which Terry Hall pops into a chip shop very late on a Friday night... but only for a pie...

7. Eddie & The Hot Rods - Fish & Chips

...Eddie, on the other hand, knows exactly which Friday night food to choose.

6. Elvis Costello - Fish 'n' Chip Paper

I think it's a shame Elvis Costello got a bit sniffy about his early pun-littered lyrics, because he wrote some absolute belters - and often threw them away on album tracks. This is a typically bilious rant against the tabloid press, probably only bettered by Billy Bragg's Scousers Never Buy The Sun.

If you've got something to hide, if you've got something to sell
If you've got somebody's pride she might kiss and tell
Or wind up with a fight fan in the Hammersmith Hotel
You better speak up now if you want your piece
You better speak up now
It won't mean a thing later
Yesterday's news is tomorrow's fish and chip paper

5. Relaxed Muscle - Battered

Dark and scary, it's Jarvis returning to his Sheffield roots, along with The All Seeing I's J.P. Buckle and Richard Hawley on guest guitar. They're all off on a dangerous night out in South Yorkshire, where it's not only the fish that'll get battered.

4. The Lancashire Hotpots - Chippy Tea

Being a full-blooded Yorkshireman, I can only grudgingly award this song fourth place. If I lived a few miles in the other direction over the Pennines, I might have made it Number One. But look, I let them win against Sheffield, just this once... because the first ever Fish 'n' Chip shop was in Oldham. 

3. The Hold Steady - Chips Ahoy!

This one's a bit of a cheat since Chips Ahoy! is the name of a racehorse in the song, not a chip shop. But it would be a great name for a chip shop and this is one of my favourite Hold Steady songs. So until I get around to compiling a chart based around Horseracing Songs...

2. Jilted John - Jilted John

It's still one of the greatest lyrics in the history of music (and arguably the best punk song ever), courtesy of the man who would become John Shuttleworth...

I was so upset that I cried all the way to the chip shop...

Bathos has rarely sounded so good. London Lee even named his blog after it.

1. Kirsty MacColl - There's A Guy Work Down The Chip Shop Swears He's Elvis

Ah, Kirsty. We miss you so much.

Although They Don't Know had been a big radio hit a couple of years earlier, it failed to hit the chart due to distribution shenanigans. Which makes this, two years later, Kirsty's first chart smash. It always felt like a country song to me (despite the very British location: re-recorded for American radio as There's A Guy Works Down The Truck Stop...), but just to confirm that, Kirsty also recorded a full on yee-haw version. They don't write 'em like this anymore...

He’s a liar and I’m not sure about you...

Do you want bits with any of those? (Or scraps, if you're not from round these parts.)