Compiling my Top Ten Instrumental TV Themes was a pretty easy job. Most of you agreed with at least some of them. Much harder has been the long hours of consideration I've given my Top Ten Sung TV Themes. It'll probably prove a far more divisive list too. But as with everything else on this blog, it's just one man's opinion, reflecting my age and youthful viewing habits, and I don't claim it to be worth any more than the cyberspace it's written on.
To make the job easier, I had to draw up a few rules...
1) Only original compositions were allowed, i.e. songs that were written and recorded specifically for the show. So I haven't allowed the theme to The Sopranos (Alabama 3) or The Wire (Tom Waits) or The Wonder Years (Joe Cocker) or True Detective (The Handsome Family) much as I might like the songs in question.
2) No kids' TV shows - I might save those for a separate list. The hardest thing of all was banning the Spider-Man theme tune from this list.
(Maybe I'll do a Top Ten for each of the above one day.)
I rejected the following memorable theme tunes because...
The Protectors : Avenues & Alleyways is a great Tony Christie romp, but it's absolutely the only thing I remember about this show... and then I discovered it was produced by Gerry Anderson, which I'm afraid was a mark against it. At least it didn't feature puppets.
Red Dwarf : Always makes me think of Landslide Of Love by Transvision Vamp.
M*A*S*H* Though I remember it as the sung version of Suicide is Painless, they only ever used the instrumental on TV.
Ditto Twin Peaks, which Julee Cruise only sang in the show, never on the opening credits.
All of which leaves me with this rather odd collection. A few of these I would count as great TV shows. The rest were nowhere near as good as their theme songs...
10. The Dukes of Hazzard (Waylon Jennings)
While many of my schoolmates were big fans of The Dukes of Hazzard, I never really got the appeal. You can't argue with a Waylon Jennings theme tune though, composed specially for the show.
9. Happy Days (Pratt & McClain)
Goodbye grey skies, hello blue... if ever there was a show that convinced us 50s America was as good as it got, Happy Days was it. Eyyyyyy!
The theme song had a rather convoluted history. Written by film & TV composers Gimble & Fox, it was originally recorded by session musician Jim Haas, although for the show's first two seasons the song was only used on the closing credits: Bill Haley's Rock Around The Clock was the opener. By the time I started watching the show regularly, Happy Days the song was all-encompassing. It was re-recorded and became a hit record for Pratt & McClain. Then Fonzie jumped over a shark on water skis and it was all over.
8. The Greatest American Hero (Joey Scarbury)
I vaguely remember watching this cheesy superhero action comedy on a Saturday morning when I was a kid, but even though I only saw a few episodes, the theme tune really stuck in my head. Up until compiling this post, I was under the mistaken belief that the song was composed and performed by John Sebastian of The Lovin' Spoonful, but it turns out it was actually written by A Team composer Mike Post (with lyrics by Stephen Geyer) and sung by Joey Scarbury.
(John Sebastian sang the theme to Welcome Back, Kotter... a great song, but I don't remember that show ever airing in the UK.)
7. Moonlighting (Al Jarreau)
I've written before about my deep love of Moonlighting, and how it led me to buy my first ever single. Al Jarreau's theme tune sounds very 80s soul now, but it's impossible for me to hear it without remembering my obsession.
At least they didn't use the Leo Sayer song...
6. It's Garry Shandling's Show (Bill Lynch)
Around the time of the late Garry Shandling's pre-Larry Sanders sitcom, I was really into postmodernism. I was a teenager. It was a phase. Anyway, I found much to appreciate about a sitcom character who knew he was in a TV show - knowledge he didn't share with his supporting cast. The theme tune reflected this perfectly...
"This is the theme to Garry's show, the opening theme to Garry's show, this is the music that you hear as you watch the credits..."5. The Monkees (The Monkees)
The one that blurs the rules a little bit. Was it a pop song? Was it a hit record? Were they actually a group? Does it matter? The Monkees were brilliant.
4. Minder (Dennis Waterman)
"Write the theme tune, sing the theme tune..." What a true Renaissance Man was Dennis Waterman. Really though, if you want a theme tune to get you revved up for a big night out, it's hard to beat a good strong blast of "I could be so good for you!"
Of course, as previously discussed here, Dennis didn't actually write the theme tune. Never mind. He'll still love you like you want him to...
3. Monk (Randy Newman)
When I first heard this theme, I scoured the net for Randy Newman's original, convinced there must be a full length version out there to enjoy. Apparently not, 90 seconds is all you get.
People think I'm crazy, 'cause I worry all the timeOnce upon a time, I almost convinced myself I was a cross between Adrian Monk and Gregory House (whose dull Massive Attack theme failed to make either list). Yes, I was 'Mouse'. But certainly not 'Hunk'.
If you paid attention, you'd be worried too
You better pay attention
Or this world we love so much might just kill you
I could be wrong now, but I don't think so
It's a jungle out there
Monk wasn't a big hit in the UK, but it lasted 8 series in the States and I watched them all, wherever the BBC buried it in the schedules. It was easygoing, feelgood TV at its best. Monk was a genius detective who nobody took seriously because he was seriously OCD - this was a high concept pitch (Sherlock Holmes meets Rain Man with a splash of Columbo) that hit gold through Tony Shalhoub's sensitive, layered performance. I still miss it.
2. Cheers (Gary Portnoy & Judy Hart Angelo)
Cheers remains my all time favourite sitcom - because it was the bar where everybody knew your name. There's a theory that great British sitcoms involve situations no one would ever want to be in, and all the characters want to escape from - whereas great American sitcoms are exactly the opposite. Who wouldn't want a bar like Cheers at the end of their street? Anytime you liked, you could pop in for a cold one, share a friendly greeting with Woody, talk shit with Norm and Cliff, watch Sam hitting on some babe or squabbling with Diane or Rebecca, hear Frasier spouting his pompous opinions... and just feel welcome. "You wanna go where you can see troubles are all the same..." Don't you?
If you've never heard it before, here's the full-length version.
1. The Fall Guy (Lee Majors!)
I probably have more affection for The Fall Guy than is healthy. Is that down to Lee Majors and his sardonic eyebrow? Douglas 'Howie Munson' Barr and his unique brand of tree trunk acting? Heather Thomas, who stirred many a pre-adolescent boy in strange and unprecedented ways?
Or could it all come down to this song...?
Well I'm not the kind to kiss and tell
but I've been seen with Farrah.
I've never been with anything less than a nine, so fine.
I've been on fire with Sally Field
gone fast with a girl named Bo.
But somehow they just don't end up as mine.
It's a death defying life I lead I take my chances.
I'd die for a living in the movies and TV.
But the hardest thing I ever do is watch my leading ladies
kiss some other guy while I'm bandaging my knee.
I might fall from a tall building
I might role a brand new car.
'Cause I'm the unknown stuntman
who made Redford such a star.
I never spent much time in school but I taught ladies plenty.
It's true I hire my body out for pay. Hey Hey!
I've gotten burned over Cheryl Tiegs
blown up for Raquel Welch.
But when I wind up hittin' the hay, it's only hay. Hey Hey!
I might fall from a tall building
or Tarzan from a vine.
'Cause I'm the unknown stuntman
who made Eastwood look so fine.
Over to you guys. What did I miss?
