TV On The Radio #14: Dynasty

We watched Dynasty back in the 80s, but nobody in the family really enjoyed it that much. It was always a poor man's Dallas, without a JR or a Bobby or even a Cliff Barnes to engage your empathy. Joan Collins was Joan Collins and the rest of them kind of faded into the wallpaper. Apart from Heather Locklear, but she was much sweeter in The Fall Guy.

The word "Dynasty" gets mentioned in thousands of songs, so I limited myself to references that were definitely about the show. Most of them pronounce it "die-nasty", as the Americans do, rather than our softer British "din-asty".

As a starter, I offer you Estelle...

I grew up in the 1980s

In a four bedroom house

My family, my grandma, three or four aunties

Uncles and brothers in and out of prison daily

Certain times when there was no heat you stay under covers

So then we moved up

Thought I was the Fresh Prince

Dynasty was re-runs and Dallas was faded

With three beds this time and six kids still

We got a dog and yes that dog loved to shit

Estelle - 1980

I think they edited the version on youtube to make that last line more radio friendly.

Next, here's Weird Al, with a parody of a Soul Asylum song (not the one you know)...

Think I'm losin' my sanity

I'm addicted to Regis and Kathie Lee

Forever I will always be

Glued to my TV

Love "The Partridge Family"

And "Dynasty"

And "Laverne and Shirley"

And "Hard Copy"

Weird Al Yankovic - Syndicated Inc.

John Kay was the lead singer of Steppenwolf, a band you probably didn't know were still going in the 90s... by which time, John had got his name on the posters.

I want the high life on TV

Just like they do on Dynasty

To live a life fit for a king

And have the best of everything

John Kay & Steppenwolf - Sign On The Line

Here's a song I really didn't like in the 80s, mainly because Karel Fialka got his young step-son in to do some of the vocals, and as a teenager, "I hated little kids".

I see Dallas, Dynasty, Terrahawks,

He-Man, Tom and Jerry, Dukes of Hazzard,

Airwolf, Blue Thunder, Rambo, Road Runner,

Daffy Duck, The A-Team, The A-Team, I see the A-Team.

(That's the next 12 weeks sorted.)

Karel Fialka - Hey Matthew

More 80's PTSD flashbacks right here...

Dallas dollars limousines

Debutantes and Dynasty

Here's a dream that money buys

Late to bed and late to rise

Sigue Sigue Sputnik - Success 

Shout out to Linda Evans, Joan Collins' arch nemesis on the show...

She told her friends that one day she would be the movie queen

Like Krystle Carrington

And pay her weekly visit to the top beautician

Erasure - Like Zsa Zsa Zsa Gabor

And to Joan herself, of course...

Alexis Carrington wouldn't give her love to Blake

Without a warning sign, no

So what makes you think that I

Would give my love to you one more time

Klymaxx - Divas Need Love Too

And here's one for old John Forsythe...

Girls on the block call me a black Blake Carrington

Handsome as hell, I dress real swell

By the tone of my voice maybe you can tell that I

Shampoo with Prell and live life well

Nice & Smooth - Early To Rise

Once again, there was an obvious winner today...

You don't have to watch Dynasty

To have an attitude...

Looking for a perfect 80's pop song? I'm sure you'll agree this is hard to beat. Prince's record company didn't quite agree though. They didn't want to release it as a single. Which makes me want to start a new feature called, "Record Companies Are Idiots". That one could run and run.

    

Saturday Snapshots #136 - The Answers

If you're going out this weekend, don't go out. I mean, you can go out, but don't. Stay alert. If you're going out. Or if you're not. But don't go out. Even though you don't have to stay indoors. So you can go out. But don't go out.

Hopefully this week's Saturday Snapshots weren't quite so confusing...


10. Oy, Arnold (on Dover Beach), aka Ralph-like.

"Aka Ralph-like" was an anagram.

Matthew Arnold wrote On Dover Beach. (What? I'm an English teacher.)

Karel Fialka - Hey, Matthew!

I have to admit, that song used to annoy the shit out of me when I was a teenager. What kind of pop star gets his bloody kid to witter all through the song? I kind of appreciate it a little more now I'm a dad.

9. Crowned on 42, 59 & 110... sounds like a heartbreaker.

Dionne Warwick sang Heartbreaker.

42nd, 59th and 110th are all streets in New York (musical ones, at that).

Dion - King of the New York Streets

(Great to hear that again.)

8. Saint, on the Sabbath, brings deity down to earth.

Joan of Arc meets the lead singer of Black Sabbath...

Joan Osborne - (What If God Was) One Of Us

7. CIA junior headquarters finds a brilliant new hobby (with Hermits).

The headquarters of the CIA is in Langley, Virginia. The junior HQ would presumably be in a high school.

A brilliant new hobby would be getting into something good, just like Herman's Hermits sang.

The Langley Schools Music Project - I'm Into Something Good

(If you've never heard that before, I'd recommend giving the whole album a spin.)

6. Johnny shouts Hey! to the lorry driver and causes a crash that sounds like where #10 came from.

Johnny Cash shouted Hey Porter!

The lorry driver is a wagoner.

The singer in #10 sounds like a Carol. Where might he come from? What if there was a crash there?

Porter Wagoner - The Caroll County Accident

5. A Wainwright double negative.

Rufus was the Wainwright.

Ain't Nobody was the double negative.

Rufus (yes, yes, with Chaka Khan, yes) - Ain't Nobody

4. Pours... just like the guy below.

The guy below was in Orange Juice.

Oran 'Juice' Jones - The Rain

3. Swollen Cyndi lures rats with romance.

"Swollen Cyndi" is an unfortunate anagram.

The Pied Piper lured the rats away with magic, not love.

Edwyn Collins - The Magic Piper Of Love

2. Mr. White's nightwear identifies #1 missing person.

Mr. White was Harvey Keitel. In his PJs.

The missing person in the #1 photo this week was the Beach Boy who wasn't a Wilson brother (he was their cousin): Mike Love. Al Jardine was also missing, in case you're a pedant.

PJ Harvey - This Is Love

1. Triple your enjoyment on the shore, lads.

I'm sure this one was pretty self-explanatory...

Stay indoors until next Saturday when there will be more Snapshots heading your way. Unless you're going out...