In my increasingly irrelevant quest to find lyrical references to obscure ephemera, here's a new series in which I dig out songs that mention old TV shows. I realise I'm about to reach Peak Series, or Theme Overload, but it's got to be preferable to any more posts with me whinging like Marvin The Paranoid Android. Hasn't it?
"Dispatch. We have a 9-11. Armed robbery in progress. See Surplus Store, corner People's Drive, 121st Street."
Mike Post's theme tune to Hill Street Blues deserves a post all on its own. Post originally wanted to write something gritty and action-packed, but ultimately decided to go in the opposite direction and compose a "beautiful and serene" theme that took you away from the brutality of life on the Hill. It's one of the most effective and memorable TV themes ever recorded; a Top Ten hit in the US, Top 30 in the UK.
From "beautiful and serene"... to a right old racket.
We're gonna have a TV party tonight All right! We're gonna have a TV party, all right Tonight! We've got nothing better to do Than watch TV and have a couple of brews Don't talk about anything else We don't want to know We're dedicated to our favorite shows That's incredible! Hill Street Blues! Dallas! Fridays!
Next up, here's something that screams EIGHTIES at the top of its lungs. A Jive Bunny-esque Megamix of a bunch of old 10cc songs by Kevin and Lol with added 80s-style rap, because... that's what the kids will love.
I blame the advent of the 12" single for much of this tosh...
I went to a party at the county jail All the con's were dancing, they began to wail They were in the street, dancing in the street But that was indiscreet (what'cha gonna do about it?) The band was playing, there was plenty of booze So they called Furillo at Hill Street Blues There's a riot going on (What'cha gonna do about it? What'cha gonna do about it?) Furillo and his men made it to the jail You should have heard those sirens wail
To clean your palate after that, here's some hard-rockin' Americana... direct from Portugal. Not to be confused with the former Scottish football player who used to play for Wolverhampton Wanderers.
I don't wanna smell your dirty shoes Raise me up and sit me on the window Please take me to the Hill Street Blues Mama sold me as a wind-up toy
Finally, some Swedish rock from a band I was very into back in the late 90s... so that's, what, 25 years ago now? Sigh. Still, I started watching Hill Street Blues 40 years ago...
Love that video. I'd visit my local greasy spoon more if Chrissie Hynde worked there.
2. Weather breeder, like Prince Albert.
I'm sure I've probably used Prince Albert before, although this time it has nothing to do with piercings... just the old "Have you got Prince Albert in a can?" joke.
This is actually a repost from my old blog, originally posted back in 2010. It was requested by Martin - probably the only person (apart from JC) who remembers the old blog. Anyway, Martin posted a link relating to one of the shows on this list recently and it seemed a good time to dust this off... particularly as I'm on holiday this week so had to pre-prepare all my posts.
When I originally decided to compile a list of my favourite TV themes, it quickly became apparent that these break down into two distinct categories - those with vocals, and those without. So I did a list for each. I may have to revise the vocals one before reposting it (if anyone's interested) as I don't agree with all my original choices now, but I'm pretty happy with the list below so I think I'll leave it as it is.
It should go without saying (except this is the internet, and you can't ever be too careful) that this isn't a list of my favourite TV shows. In fact, there's only one show here which would get on that list... wonder if you can guess which? On the other hand, my all-time favourite TV show has a theme tune that sounds like someone from Stomp banging a bunch of dustbin lids together... so there's no correlation between a great theme tune and a great TV show.
The majority of my favourite theme tunes hail from the 70s and 80s. One or two are from even further back. What does that tell us? Theme tunes were much better when we were kids... even if TV shows weren't. (Or maybe some of them were... but most of the ones on this list have aged pretty badly and can only be viewed with a nostalgic eye these days.)
At the time of compiling this list, I suggested a few runners-up, including The Avengers, Blakes 7, Dallas, Dr. Who , Star Trek and Starsky & Hutch. I think I should have included Taxi on that list too. I can't think of any memorable TV themes from the last 10 years or so... but that may be because I fast-forward through the credits on most shows I watch these days. The TV theme tune is a lost artform then, and these were some of the greats...
Harry South's theme to The Sweeney spells out the name of the show musically. "The Sweeney - the Sweeney - doo doodoo doo doodoo... etc." A number of Hammer Horror films used the same technique, as did The Return Of The Saint and the "Tucker Jenkins" motif from the end of the Grange Hill theme. "Shut it!"
Was there ever a sadder image than poor old 'David'* Banner shrugging his backpack over his shoulder and walking out of town, thumbing a lift while nobody stops? That was all down to Joe Harnell's Lonely Man Theme, which closed The Incredible Hulk every week.
(*They called him David, not Bruce, on TV, allegedly because the producers thought Bruce sounded "too gay". Ah, the 70s: the decade when offensiveness became an artform.)
My love of Lalo Schifrin's Mission Impossible music was tainted slightly when Tom Cruise and those muppets from U2 got hold of it. Still, if I close my eyes and picture Peter Graves and Martin Landau, everything's all right.
The only problem with the A Team theme is that it takes so long to get going. Yes, I know we need that famous talky bit first, but hurry up with the nobody-gets-hurt car chases already! The first Mike Post theme on this list...
...followed immediately by the second Mike Post theme on this list.
I took piano lessons for almost ten years, but I was never very good. The theme to Hill Street Blues was one of the only things I could ever really play. And that's easy! Simple, but effective - and quite unlike most other cop shows of its time. Let's be careful out there...
Three Mike Post theme tunes in a row! The man is a genius. This was a Top 10 hit in the States back in 1975.
When I was a kid, Jim Rockford's answering machine seemed like the ultimate in futuristic, high-tech innovation. You just know that if they ever do a remake, Jim's gonna be on Twitter.
TC's helicopter swooping down over a crystal blue sea, the smirk on Tom Selleck's face, Higgins being a prissy English cliche... the Magnum theme tune conjures up so many memories. There's a lot going on in this theme - it's like three tunes in one. I'm also convinced the Manic Street Preachers nicked one of them.
Possibly one of the most iconic TV themes ever recorded - and yet it's so simple. "Doo-doo doo-doo..." has entered the cultural language in the same way as the "der-der der-der" from Jaws. I reckon there's people who "doo doo doo doo" and they've never even seen The Twilight Zone. Which is a crying shame. Because it's still brilliant, even after all these years.
The theme was written by Bernard Herrmann, the man responsible for many of Hitchcock's most famous film themes (including North By North West, Vertigo and eek!eek!eek!eek! Psycho).
1. Hawaii Five-0
The prime example of a theme tune that transcends its show. What else do you remember about Hawaii Five-0? "Book 'im, Danno!" If you ever find yourself watching this show again, you're almost certain to find it deathly dull. But that theme tune - even forty years on, it's one of the most exciting things I've ever heard coming out of a television set.
I've never seen the remake - perhaps it's a much better TV show. Apparently they originally tried a different version of the theme tune on that but quickly decided that you don't mess with perfection and got some of the original session musicians back in the studio to re-record it exactly as it originally was... only shorter, for the shorter attention spans of today's TV audiences.
This theme was written by Morton Stevens, a former musical director for the Rat Pack. Unlike Mike Post and Bernard Herrmann though, he appears to be a bit of a One Hit Wonder in the theme tune stakes. Still, as I always say, if you're only gonna have one hit... make it a belter!
