Don't wander round all weekend trying to get snapshots of aliens or gorillas in the mist. Stay home instead of being a working girl, and play this game. Identify ten tunes and their tunesmiths... go!
Thanks to all of you who left comments last week to say you were playing along at home. Good to know there are so many of you out there puzzling over this nonsense every Saturday.
10. Repetitive male title can't get Minogue right.
9. Double Tutu for holy people.
8. Sounds like a pink loft... or what happens to Neil Diamond after he stops talking and starts getting emotional.
7. Wedlock between two fellas creates powerful medicine woman.
6. Unlikely weather forecast threatens us all with death.
5. Dustin Hoffman meets girl with axe, by muddled, rackety aunt.
4. Bumbled horses cross the line every time.
3. Sovereign & subject together promise a brighter future.
2. Most babies are: it's the amniotic fluid. The hell, you say!
1. Flawless relation found beneath pitch.
Answers tomorrow morning. Until then, this is Ripley, last survivor of the Nostromo, signing off.
Watching the last episode of The Affair last week, I was once again confronted by my own mortality.
The Affair isn't the kind of show I'd normally be drawn to, but I initially started watching it because it featured Dominic West (fresh from The Wire) and Ruth Wilson (the best thing in Luthor... until they brought her back for that very silly episode which ruined her character in the most recent, shark-jumping, series). Although both actors were excellent in the show, the best performance (and best character) came from Maura Tierney (aka Nurse Abbey in E.R.) as West's estranged wife. The show was extremely well-written (for the most part - occasionally it became a bit silly, but all the best shows do that at times), balancing drama and humour really well and creating some really complex, three-dimensional characters along the way. The hook was to tell the same story from different character's perspectives and this allowed viewers to both sympathise and vilify the same people within the same episode. It often made me think about how others see us, how our actions are viewed or misconstrued by others, and how truth is extremely subjective.
The last episode was very satisfying to me. I was rather worried throughout the final season that the writers were about to throw Dominic West's character under a bus and make him out to have been a bad guy all along, but instead they chose to redeem him rather spectacularly, and the final scenes which showed him as an old man in the 2050s, dancing along to his memories of his daughter's wedding alone on a clifftop, were poignant and uplifting. (Mike Scott must have made a tidy sum from the final season of The Affair as The Whole of the Moon by The Waterboys has been featured repeatedly.)
Anyway, to the point of this post. Prior to his clifftop dance, we saw West's character sitting at his wife's graveside, reading to her. On the gravestone it's revealed that Helen (Tierney's character) was born in 1972, the same year I crawled out onto this earth. And this was rather shocking to me. Because the characters in The Affair all seemed to much... if not older, then certainly more mature and worldly -wise than I myself feel. In my head, I'm not 47, I'm just not that grown up. I was rather relieved then when I googled Tierney to discover she is actually 7 years older than me in real life, while West is 3 years older. (Ruth Wilson is ten years younger, but I can accept that.)
All this got me looking further into famous people who are the same age as me. I made a list and asked myself for each of them: do I really think I'm as old as they are? Are they older than me in my head... or younger? It's an interesting game to play.
My "I'm as old as..." Top Ten
1. Ben Affleck
I've known that Affleck and me are the same age for years now, so I guess I've come to terms with it. From Good Will Hunting onwards, we've kind of grown older together. He looks roughly the same age as me now too (a similar number of grey hairs, anyway)... though I think I've (thankfully) had a bit less drama in my life over the past few years.
2. Billie Joe Armstrong
I guess I can handle being the same age as Mr. Green Day too, having grown up with his band. I think I dress my age better than he does, though Louise may disagree.
3. Eminem
In my head, Eminem will always be a snotty 20-something. Having said that, he's looking a bit like grizzled truck-driver in the photo above, so I guess he's growing old as disgracefully as you'd expect.
4. Dwayne Johnson
We should all look as good as The Rock does at 47. I dunno though, he always seems kind of ageless to me. It'll be interesting to see him in another 10 years.
5. Cameron Diaz
I first saw Cameron Diaz on screen in The Mask, which she filmed back in the early 90s when she was 21. Back then, she seemed a lot older than me... because at 21, I still felt like I was 16. Sad to hear she's retired from acting: it's a shame that Hollywood isn't always as kind to actresses once they hit their late 40s as it is to their male equivalents.
6. Toni Collette
Contrary to that, we have Toni Collette, an actress who seems to get more interesting and challenging roles the older she gets. I think I'd have fancied Toni Collette if we'd been in the same class at high school... though she would obviously have been far too cool to give me the time of day.
7. Idris Elba
Speaking of cool, here's another 1972 birth who just seems to get cooler with each passing year. So he must be older than me. (Actually he's 6 months younger.)
8. Liam Gallagher
Liam reminds me of some of the knobheads I went to school with. So yes, sadly, I can see that we'd be in the same year together.
9. Gwyneth Paltrow
Regrettably Gwyneth also reminds me of some of the "I'm so much better than you mere mortals" egomaniac dullards I went to school with, especially in the Sixth Form.
10. Brad Paisley
On the other hand, one of the reasons I like Brad Paisley so much is that I know exactly which era he grew up in. As perfectly demonstrated in my favourite Brad Paisley song, Last Time For Everything.
I'm quite surprised by this Top Ten. When I came up with the idea, I was certain that I would have felt younger that the stars who shared my birth year. Looking back at it now - though they're all obviously far more successful and (ahem, Liam) talented than I'll ever be - I can pretty much accept every one of them as a contemporary.
Here's one more person who was born in 1972... and even wrote a song about it: Travis Morrison.
Feel free to steal this idea for your own blog... or leave a comment to let me know who else is as old as you. Hopefully it won't be too depressing for you.
Apologies. I got two thirds of the way through this countdown before life got in the way. But I don't like leaving things unfinished, so the Hot 100 is back... maybe not every week, but whenever I get the time. Your suggestions, as always, are very welcome.
Wretch 32, pictured above, is a popular grime star, apparently. We used to have grime round these parts, then we got a new window cleaner.
Way back in July, George wondered whether the unsavoury lyrics in this oldie might make it unpalatable...
And here's the Charlatans with the same song... but not The Charlatans you and I know, the Manc band fronted by Tim Burgess, no, this is the original Charlatans...
And that was it for your suggestions. But what did my record collection throw up? Let's see if we can go even lower than Mr. Mister to start with, and climb up from there, shall we?
(I loved Chris's idea that "I'd avoid web" suggested this wasn't from Spiders-era Bowie. I wish I could claim to have been smart enough to come up with that myself.)
2. Dick & Spencer - 2 blokes in a Lambo.
Dick & Spencer Tracy are 2 blokes - a chap and a man.
