Product Placement Friday #1: Mars Bar

Louise has made us sign up to Paramount+ so that we can watch Yellowstone. I've got a lot of time for Kevin Costner, but this show is basically Dallas with more random plotting, and Costner is hardly Larry Hagman. Actually, he's more of a Jock. His daughter Beth is probably the closest we get to J.R. It's moderately interesting, but there has to be a big unexpected drama in every episode that's completely unrelated to the main plot. I'm not sure I can handle 5 seasons of it, though I'm a little more intrigued by the prequels, one starring Harrison Ford & Helen Mirren, the other featuring the great Sam Elliott.

The reason I mention this is because it's inspired my new Friday feature. Every episode flashes up a parental warning at the start, informing us that the show will likely contain: Sex & Nudity; Violence & Gore; Profanity; Alcohol, Drugs & Smoking; and Product Placement. I kind of like that they've started warning us about that, since it's the only one on the list above which really bothers me. (To be honest, you get very little of any of them.)

Anyway, a series of songs featuring blatant product placement will follow. Starting with the greatest product placement song ever, naturally.

The humble Mars Bar was created by Forrest Mars Sr, son of American candyman Frank C. Mars. I know you think I'm making this up, but I'm not. Honest. 

I used to like the occasional Mars Bar, but nowadays I find them too sweet and don't like the way they stick to your teeth. Mick Jagger was a big fan though, as gets referenced in a number of rap songs I won't include as I don't want to bring the tone down. 

Here's a few lyrical mentions to whet your appetite for the main event, starting with a band that were very big down under...

Skyhooks - This Is My City

Well, I'm back in the land of second chances

And rock'n'roll shows where nobody dances

Back in the land of chicken and chips

Mars bars and roadside tips

Here's Sia. (I think that rhymes.) She wants to warn us against buying chocolate bars from other companies...

Sia - Sweet Potato

He brushes thoroughly

He knows she likes fresh breath

He rushes to the station

He waits atop the steps

He's brought with him a Mars Bar

She will not buy Nestle

And later he'll perform

A love-lorn serenade, a trade

Meanwhile, I'll take any excuse to play this one...

I, Ludicrous - Preposterous Tales

I once ate six Mars Bars in half an hour

Slightly less full of themselves...

Get Cape, Wear Cape, Fly - A Song For

And I've got a Mars Bar that says

That you're never going to write a song as good as the one that's on the internet

And here's an ode to the place where Mars Bars are made, John Betjeman's favourite town...

The Tiger Lillies - Slough

Well it's grim up north

But it's grimmer than that in Slough

I'll sing you a song

If you drop a bomb on Slough

Driving about in your car.

Making another box of Mars Bars

In Slough, Slough.

Finally, a smattering of titular mentions, starting with one for all my Scottish pals...

Sqeepo - Battered Mars Bar

The Pre New - The Mars Bar Within You

Smile And Burn - High Five At A Mars Bar Party

Now, before we get to the one you've all been waiting for, a little trivia.

Gerry & The Pacemakers were originally called "Gerry Marsden and the Mars Bars"... until a certain chocolate manufacturer objected. 

Gerry & The Pacemakers - I Like It

I'm surprised Mars Incorporated didn't get onto Feargal and his mates. On the other hand, why did Mars never pay them to use this in all their advertising?

There's glucose for energy

Caramel for strength

The chocolate's only there

To keep it the right length!

To anybody out there who still eats Twix

Anybody on packets of Buttons

I gave them up when I was six

I hope your teeth are rotten!

Work, rest and play

Time to raid the Spar...