Another one of Richard Herring's Emergency Questions to arm yourself with the next time you're forced to make dinner party small talk...
Have you ever had a near death experience?
I suppose it depends on your definition of a near death experience. Luckily, I've never walked down a tunnel towards a shaft of light only to get yanked back at the last second... maybe you have? (I hope not.) So I'm going to answer this in terms of "have you almost nearly died?"
Taking that definition, I've probably had more near death experiences than I realise. Every time I drive to work, I encounter a handful of Audi drivers intent on killing me and them. In their fast German cars, I'm sure they're convinced an airbag will save their life...
Beyond these everyday life-threats though, the closest I ever came to death was probably the time I blew up the electric meter in our holiday cottage when I was a kid.
In our home, I grew up with an open fire. As this was the 70s, before they invented Health & Safety, I would often lay the fire, light the fire, and mess about with a hot poker to my heart's content, from a very young age. For example: I had a Star Wars figure that I didn't really like - he was a bit boring - so I melted bits of him with the poker and he became much more interesting to play with.
Every year we went on holiday to a cottage at Reighton Gap near Filey. The cottage didn't have an open fireplace, it had a three bar electric fire... but there was still a poker next to it, for decorative reasons. One day, I wondered what would happen if I touched the poker against the coils of that three bar fire... and I thought I'd give it a go to find out.
The answer to that question is that sparks will fly. The electricity will also travel up the metal poker into your arm. And - if you're lucky - the resulting power surge will short out all the electricity in the bungalow. If you're unlucky, it won't do that and the electricity will continue to flow up the poker, into your arm, and... gkkkkkkk.
I was lucky that day. Until my mum and dad discovered what I'd done.
Here's a song about a Near Death Experience by J. Spaceman and his mates. Thankfully, I didn't Hold On that day...
Have you ever had a near death experience?
Does electrocution, near drowning or two serious car crashes count? (they did not all occur at the same time)
ReplyDeleteIf I didn't know otherwise, George, I might think someone was out to get you.
DeleteI did electrocute myself once, in the BHS lighting department, but it was a very low current, so no damage done. Nearest to actual death was very nearly stepping out in front of a fast-moving lorry. Oh, and as a cyclist who commutes, I've nearly being flattened by too many cars to mention (not all Audis, you'll be pleased to hear).
ReplyDeleteAlmost electrocuted in the BHS lighting department, at a very low current, sounds like the start of an Alan Bennett monologue.
DeleteNot sure it was strictly near death, but lost consciousness for 5-10 minutes after falling off the back of a bus and fracturing my skull.
ReplyDeleteOuch.
DeleteBeing a teacher, I feel inclined to ask, "Where you mucking about?"
Not on this occasion. It was one of the buses with the open platforms at the back. I was still in the process of getting on and not holding on to anything when the driver decided to pull away from the stop.
DeleteI have fallen off the back of a pickup due to mucking about but I landed on my ample arse so no harm was done.
Being a teacher, I should know how to spell "were".
ReplyDelete