Snapshots #464 - Shoe / Footwear Songs

These boots are made for singing...

15. They'll confuse you with their aged tricks.

Anagram!

Stackridge - The Last Plimsoll

14. What B.B. played.

The King Blues - Nike Town

13. Divine Announcements from an Idol.

"The Book of Joel is a Jewish prophetic text containing a series of divine announcements."

And Billy was an Idol.

Billy Joel - Stiletto

12. They fiddled about on the slopes.

Violinski - Clog Dance

11. Where you'll get a bargain on defective smart speakers.

In an Alexaei Sale.

Alexei Sayle - Dr. Marten's Boots

10. How you'll get to the MGM Grand after the floods.

The MGM Grand is in Vegas.

Vegas Water Taxi - Birkenstocks

9. Who's on bass?

John Entwistle - Roller Skate Kate

8. Are you a newish me?

"You a newish me" was an anagram.

Amy Winehouse - Fuck Me Pumps

7. Couldn't hear the Bow Bells on their birthday.

Cockney Rejects - Flares n' Slippers

6. Yin, not Yang.

The Big Yin.

Billy Connolly - Stainless Steel Wellies

5. They suck the life out of Saturday... but avoid Sunday like the plague.

Vampires don't like the sun.

Vampire Weekend - Oxford Comma

4. Rock On, Jenkins!

Rock On Tommy / Tucker Jenkins.

Tommy Tucker - Hi-Heel Sneakers

3. Abdul meets Lloyd.

Paula Abdul meets Lloyd Cole in Cowboys Boots.

Paula Cole - Where Have All The Cowboys Gone?

2. Came between Tom's sword and his trombones.

Tom Waits had some Swordfish Trombones.

Fish - Big Wedge

1. Devil May Care Joggers.

Run-D.M.C. - My Adidas

Lace up for more Snapshots next Saturday.

The Enigma of CD87: Part #5

More tracks from the 87th in-car CD compilation I made for my son, Sam, in order to introduce him to as  wide a variety of old pop music as possible in his formative years, before I lost him to Young Boy With A Broken Neck et al.

Track 15: The White Stripes – The Hardest Button To Button

Watching this video, which uses stop-motion to make Meg White play an endless line of drums – a new one appears after every beat – I started to wonder what had happened to Meg once the band broke up and Jack ploughed on with his solo career.

Remember how back in the day, there was a big mystery over whether Meg and Jack were brother and sister or husband and wife? I’m not sure they’d be able to maintain that level of mystique in this day and age. It finally transpired they had been married in the early days of the band’s career, but divorced before their breakthrough in 2001, staying together for the music. Jack’s only called White because he took Meg’s surname when they married… his real name is Jack Gillis. (Neither Louise or I changed our names when we tied the knot last week, in case you were wondering.)

The White Stripes broke up in 2011, not through any major disagreement, but purely to preserve their legacy… and maybe because Meg had had enough. She hated the limelight, was always a very shy person, and suffered from both acute anxiety and low self-esteem. It’s a miracle she was able to get up on stage for as long as she did, and I hope she’s found some peace and prefers her life as it is now. It’s kind of incredible that she’s considered one of the best drummers of her era, yet she only learned to play when she first met Jack in 1997.

Track 16: Billy Joel - You May Be Right

This would normally be the point where I get all defensive and start trying to justify my love of Billy Joel… but sod it, if I’m not bored with all that by now. Listen without prejudice, as I’m trying to teach my son to do, or be damned. I ain’t changing my position.

You May Be Right was a Top Ten hit in the US and Canada but didn’t chart at all in the UK. It’s from the 1980 album Glass Houses, and the single that everyone remembers from that one is It's Still Rock and Roll to Me, but there’s plenty more great songs. I’m not sure when my Billy Joel obsession began, but I bought all his albums on CD (though I’m pretty sure I had Storm Front and Greatest Hits on vinyl, so that suggests it was 88/89, probably not long before I got my first CD player).

I’m part-way through watching a Billy Joel documentary that came out recently, and it’s refreshing to see so many people discuss his work with respect. Almost makes me feel justified. Then I checked out a couple of the sniffy reviews for Glass Houses that are referenced on iffypedia, and I could feel my hackles starting to rise again. The Rolling Stone critic at the time remarked, “Billy Joel writes smooth and cunning melodies, and what many of his defenders say is true: his material's catchy. But then, so's the flu.” Way to turn a positive into a negative, you dick. Meanwhile, self-confessed muso-snob Robert Thomas Christgau bleats, “it's all rock and roll to [Billy], but to me it's closer to what pop meant before ironists and aesthetes, including yours truly, appropriated the term. Closer than any skinny-tie bands, that's for sure: gregarious, shameless, and above all profitable. Of course, if it doesn't make up in reach what it lacks in edge, ironists and aesthetes needn't notice it's there.” Careful there, Bobby, you almost said something nice, but I think you managed to pull it back at the end by reminding us that you’re above this sort of thing, so we probably should be too. God, I hate music critics. Or, to quote Billy himself…

You may be right
I may be crazy
But it just may be a lunatic you’re looking for

I know I certainly was, but unlike some people - Robert Thomas Christgau - I’m not ashamed to admit it.

Track 17: The Fountains Of Wayne - It Must Be Summer

Another artist that fills me with unashamed joy whenever I hear them, New York power-pop heroes The Fountains of Wayne, named after a garden furniture store in New Jersey that sadly closed in 2009…

 

That joy is tempered with sadness though, since half the band’s driving creative force, Adam Schlesinger, died of COVID-related unhappiness a few years back.

It Must Be Summer is taken from the band’s second album, Utopia Parkway from 1999. It’s the perfect summer anthem – sunshine mixed with sadness – and if it’s a little power-pop-by-numbers in the tune department, well, we can forgive that because power pop is ace.

Oh, and remember what I was saying about music critics? I only hate them if I disagree with them. Here’s a quote from the Entertainment Weekly review of 1999: “Oasis would give up a week's worth of pints for any one of these pop hooks, though they'd never manage the humour or warmth.” That’ll do, pig.

 

Track 18: John Lee Hooker - Boom Boom

I probably don't need to tell you anything about Boom Boom, other than it was written after something a bartender kept saying to John Lee Hooker when he was consistently late for a gig.

Being a child of the 70s/80s, my first thought whenever I hear this is... of course... Basil Brush. Boom Boom, Mr. Rodney / Mr. Derek / Mr. Roy / Mr. Howard / Mr. Billy*.

(*Delete as appropriate, depending on your age.)

Snapshots #363: A Top Ten Songs Featuring Cities That Have Changed Their Names

It's Prince, of course, because he knew a thing or two about changing his name.

Here then are Ten Songs Featuring Towns Or Cities That Changed Their Names. Yep, another snappily titled Top Ten. Sadly I had to leave out the town of Fugging in Austria, which up until 2021 was known by a slightly different name...

One of the reasons they changed the name was that people kept nicking the sign.

10. Switched off the TV.

He abandoned his Television after only two albums (not counting the 1992 "let's-get-the-band- back-together-for-dollars comeback record").

Tom Verlaine - Stalingrad 

It's now called Volgograd. What did Stalin do wrong?

9. Tangled up cello? Solve its mystery!

"Cello... Solve its" was an anagram.

Elvis Costello - New Amsterdam

So good, they named it once.

8. Ron Moody, Martin Jarvis, Nicholas Lyndhurst, Ben Whishaw.

Four actors who have played the part of Uriah Heep in David Copperfield.

Uriah Heep - Salisbury 

As well as being a city in England, Salisbury was also the original name of Harare, the capital of Zimbabwe.

7. Swears he never had any matches.

He did not start the fire!

Billy Joel - Leningrad 

Now Saint Petersburg. I would also have allowed...

Billy Joel - Goodnight, Saigon

...although a gentleman below also had that answer.

6. Found in red and yellow swill. I am simply not going looking for it!

...red and yellow swill I am simply...

Andy Williams - The Peking Theme (So Little Time)

Peking, of course, is now Beijing. I'm still waiting for them to change the name of our local Chinese restaurant.

5. Changed, to protect the innocent.

A rather apt band, and clue, given today's theme...

The Names - Calcutta

4. A diamond in the rough.

That was the name of his second album. John isn't an easy man to come up with clues for...

John Prine - Saigon

...and it's Ho Chi Minh City these days.

3. Rich studs.

Golden Earring - Bombay

Mumbai, if you please.

2. Awake, but not taking part.

Surely the most un-Cerys picture of Cerys on the internet. The 90s have a lot to answer for.

Catatonia - Londinium

1. Try to unravel Betty's thigh enigma.

"Betty's thigh enigma" was an anagram, you say? No way!

They Might Be Giants - Istanbul (Not Constantinople) 

Only one choice for Number One this week...

Self-Help For Cynics #38: Mr. McGee, Don't Make Me Angry...

I believe I've passed the age of consciousness
And righteous rage
I found that just surviving was a noble fight
I once believed in causes too
I had my pointless point of view
And life went on no matter who was wrong or right

Billy Joel - Angry Young Man

OK, it’s time to grasp the nettle.

So far in this feature, I’ve looked in detail at all manner of negative emotions, including sadness, anxiety, low self-esteem and paranoia. But there’s one emotion I’ve danced around confronting face on, possibly because it’s the one that scares me the most – in other people and in myself.

Anger.

Anger, can make you old 
Yes it can 
I said anger 
Will make you sick children, 
Anger - destroy your soul 

Marvin Gaye - Anger

I knew this was going to be a big one, and I knew it was going to take some serious investigation to understand and… well, we’ll have to see whether management is possible. That’ll come further down the line, I guess. Let’s start with an attempt at understanding. And who better to help me get to grips with this most unpleasant and destructive of emotions than our old friend, sweary Dr. Faith? Her book Unfuck Your Brain certainly made my grey matter less opaque, so I figured she might be able to offer similar insight with one of the follow-ups…

fiREHOSE - Anger

Almost straight away, Dr. Faith pointed me in another direction, towards the work of Dr. R. Douglas Fields, a neuroscientist who sought to find an answer to the anger inside him after he beat up a pickpocket who tried to steal his wallet while he was on holiday in Barcelona. When I read about his research, I couldn’t help but be reminded of this guy…

Since his creation in 1962, the Incredible Hulk has remained one of the most consistently popular comic book characters because he appeals to our most primal emotion: the desire to have a big tantrum and smash the shit out of everything when life isn’t going our way. Unlike most other superheroes, the Hulk doesn’t want to save the world, avenge the death of a loved one or help those less powerful than he is. All he really wants is to be left alone.

Spearmint - Leave Me Alone

And when he doesn’t get what he wants?

Talk about comic books as wish-fulfillment fantasies! You don’t get any more rudimentary than that.

Bill Callahan - The Ballad Of The Hulk

But… Dr. Faith say: “Hulk Smash: BAD!”

As I tell my clients, “you are allowed to be crazy, but you aren’t allowed to act crazy. Being irritated as fuck because someone jacked the parking spot you were waiting for? Totally legit. Going postal over it? Not so helpful. Not so helpful to everyone around you, not so helpful to greater society, and – for purely selfish reasons – not so helpful to you.

Editors - When Anger Shows 

As we've discussed in previous installments of this series, emotions are just the brain's way of sending us information designed to make us take action. However, our brains were designed for the primitive world - a world where everyone thought and spoke like Hulk, and fighting or fleeing were pretty much the only responses available if we were faced with saber-toothed tiger or another neanderthal from the tribe down the track who carried a bigger club. Sadly, we don't live in those times anymore, much as our brains might like to think we do...

Technology has evolved faster than humans, so we have bodies adapted for simpler times. Instead of hunting, gathering, cuddling, and napping, we are crossing more terrain on a daily basis, interacting with more people, and taking in far more information than we are built to manage. It’s a continuous overload.

Gina Birch - I Am Rage

How do we deal with that overload and stop Hulking out at every little thing that doesn't go our way? That's what I'm going to try to figure out over the next few weeks (though it could actually take months - there's a lot to digest). Because I don't want to be angry all the time, for the reason Bill Bixby explained in the simplest terms possible, back when I was a kid. "You won't like me when I'm angry." And we all want to be liked, right?

Neverending Top Ten #6.4: Modern Songs

What are you doing at the party, Sam?

Karaoke.

Yeah? What are you going to sing?

Some of my favourite songs that are modern and you won't know.

Huh. You want modern songs? I'll give you modern songs, son. Look, I made you a CD!

The Jam - The Modern World

The News - Modern Toys

Boomtown Rats - She's So Modern

The Strokes - The Modern Age

Crashland - Modern Animal

Meat Loaf - Modern Girl

Idlewild - A Modern Way Of Letting Go

Neil Diamond -A Modern Day Version Of Love

Ben Kyle & Romantica - How to Live in a Modern World

Art Brut - Modern Art

Terry, Blair & Anouchka - Ultra Modern Nursery Rhyme

Sleeper - The Modern Age

The Crooks - Modern Boys

Be Bop Deluxe - Modern Music

Jesse Malin - In The Modern World

Sondre Lerche - Modern Nature

Generation X - Modern Boys

Daryl Hall & John Oates - Method of Modern Love

Charm School – Excerpts from the Modern Song

The Humdrum Express - The Curse Of The Modern Musician

Belle and Sebastian - This Is Just A Modern Rock Song

David Bowie - Modern Love

Beck - Modern Guilt

The Mekons - Ancient & Modern

Lou Reed - Modern Dance

Jefferson Starship - Modern Times

The Courteeners - Modern Love

Billy Joel - Modern Woman

Bloc Party - This Modern Love

Actually, wait, seriously... here's a song that was only released last week. You don't get more modern than that, do you?

Bleachers are from New Jersey. They're the brainchild of guitarist and producer Jack Antanoff, who used to be in Fun. They have featured here before, but this is their latest single, and it's pretty damned good for a modern pop song... even though it does harken back to the 70s and 80s, like most of their stuff.

Snapshots #307: A Top Ten Songs Named After Boats

All aboard!

Ten songs with boat names in the title...

10. Known for spreading their seed.

Jethro Tull invented the seed drill.

Jethro Tull - The Flying Dutchman

9. Plucked from the Ashes.

That's Charlotte Hatherley, former guitarist in Ash...

Charlotte Hatherley - Dawn Treader

The Dawn Treader is a boat in CS Lewis's Narnia novels. 

8. Hallyday Hears A Who.

Johnny Hallyday + Horton Hears A Who...

Johnny Horton - Sink The Bismarck

7. From the harbour, through the turnstiles, onto the bridge.

Coldspring Harbour, Turnstiles & The Bridge are all albums by...

Billy Joel - The Downeaster Alexa

6. Kisses on the Liffey.

The Pogues are Irish kisses; the Liffey is in Dublin.

The Pogues & The Dubliners - The Irish Rover

I never get tired of watching a young Shane McGowan perform.

5. Churchwarden very angry inside bathroom. 

Inside "Churchwarden very angry" you will find den-ver. The John is the bathroom.

John Denver - Calypso

4. Copacabana, Bathsheba or Omaha, lads? 

They're all beaches, boys.

The Beach Boys - Sloop John B

3. Cornershop.

Bodega - Jack In Titanic

2. I forgot old thong.

Anagram!

Gordon Lightfoot - The Wreck Of The Edmund Fitzgerald 

1. This is the day of the expanding man.

That's the opening line of Deacon Blues by Steely Dan. 

Set sail for more Snapshots next Saturday...

Product Placement #16: Old Spice

When I was a small boy, I drank a whole bottle of Old Spice aftershave and had to go to hospital. Or so the story goes. I'm not entirely sure how this was possible, since in my memory, Old Spice bottles only allowed a few drops out at a time, so I must have been sucking on that white plastic teat for ages. You might well ask "Was Old Spice so delicious to a 3 year old that he wanted to keep on suckling that bottle till he'd drained it dry?" To which I have no real response. An easier question to deal with is, "Where were your parents?" We all know the answer to that one: it was the 70s. 

I do wonder if this early escapade put me off alcohol and stopped me joining the teenage drinkers in High School... I was vehemently tee total until I turned 21. Made up for it in the 90s, then quit at the turn of the Millennium for health reasons. Haven't touch a drop since: booze or Old Spice.

Back in the 70s, men only really had the choice of two aftershaves, as far as I can tell. It was Old Spice or Brut... which cost more, because you had to "splash it all over". Old Spice was my dad's choice back then, and it definitely had the classier advert...

The music was O Fortuna, the opening section of Carl Orff's Carmina Burana, which (like many people, it seems) I always thought was used in The Omen. It wasn't, but it was later used in The X-Factor, so there's definitely a satanic connection.

My dad stopped wearing aftershave when I was a teenager. But the scent of Old Spice still takes me back to my childhood... thankfully not my trip to Casualty.

Here are some songs that mention Old Spice... none of them are about Victoria Beckham or Geri Halliwell. (That gag wouldn't have worked for Emma.) This first one is particularly apt... 

Sometimes I think about my daddy
And his Old Spice grin
Cleaned pressed shirts, and a farmers tan

Slaid Cleaves - Flowered Dresses

Time for a slightly less fragrant memory... 

I can smell his cousin's Polo mixing with his grandpa's Old Spice and the
Swedish meatballs look so tempting that his two fat aunts might even fight

Less Than Jake - Pete Jackson Is Getting Married

Wait - the smell gets worse!

And I can taste the bleach on your breath 
Covering the Old Spice and cigarettes 

Cheap Meat - Marigold Moon

The businessman beside me smelt like Old Spice and gin

The lady to the left was talking about her grandchildren

Two kids behind me were screaming for their mom

She was screaming back, I wonder how come

Arrogant Worms - Worst Seat On The Plane

I've known some arrogant worms in my time. I'm sure you have too.

Splashing on the aftershave was part of the ritual many young men performed in order to prepare for pulling... or trying to pull. 

I took a fresh pack of Luckies
And a mint called Sen-Sen
My old man's Trojans
And his Old Spice aftershave

Billy Joel - Keeping The Faith

Often it was the scent of desperation. 

There they go again,

Covered in Old Spice,

They think they will get the girls,

'Cause they smell nice!

The Toy Dolls - Dig That Groove, Baby

Still, whatever you think of Old Spice, it's got to smell better than Lynx. One more reason to treasure the good old days.

Drapes and quaff are all in place

Old Spice splashed on a fresh cut facе

Putting on a tie of the old boot lace

Creepеrs and a 30 inch waist

Fairport Convention - Shuffle & Go

Even if the Old Spice did help you find romance, there was no guarantee it'd last...

Here's a little Old Spice you can put it on your pillow
In the spot where I used to lay my head

Ricky Van Shelton - Baby, Take a Picture

And even if it did, you'd probably stop wearing it after awhile. How long then before the infidelity sets in...?

You come home all hours of the night 
The fragrance on you ain't Old Spice 

Dolly Parton - If You Need Me

You got that guilty look in your eye

And you smell like Old Spice on your skin

So there ain't no way that you can lie

Glenn Frey - Who's Been Sleeping In My Bed?

I guess in the days of Paco Rabanne, Ralph Lauren and Johnny Depp's Sausage, Old Spice is old hat. What do the young people have to say about it?

You old Old Spice wearing

Short chain wearing

Dress shoes and jogging pants wearing

Church sock wearing...

Kanye West - Mama's Boyfriend

I don't know if I have more respect for Kanye, knowing that he's sampled Billy Joel, or not. Also, "young people" - dude is 46 now. Almost as old as another artist I'll always think of as a "youngster", even though she'll be 50 next year...  

Old Spice is nice

But sweat is better

Jewel - U & Me = Love

Here's a random sprinkling of tunes that named themselves after my beverage of choice as a toddler...

Lucky Millinder And His Orchestra - Old Spice

Creed - Old Spice

I don't think that's actually the famous Creed, though to these uncultured ears, they sound pretty much the same.

Space Needle - Old Spice

And second to last, but not second to least, some rare XTC...

They sailed in the shallows now they've paid the price

The captain drank the champagne but it tasted like Old Spice

How can we free, how can we free

The ship trapped in the ice

XTC - The Ship Trapped In The Ice

But it's John Grant who wins the prize today. A year's supply of Old Spice is winging its way to Iceland... don't drink it all at once, John.

You'd better watch out sugar, 'cause I'm about to get my Old Spice on

John Grant (featuring Midlake) - Chicken Bones

There is a video for that tune, but it breaks the song up to create a (very entertaining) narrative, so I linked to the album version instead. He still gets his Old Spice on in the video though. 

 

Memory Mixtape #18: TV In Your Room

Here's another random photo I found of the house I grew up in. There's an Indiana Jones sticker on the door, and a bunch of Return Of The Jedi stickers on the side of the wardrobe to the left of the picture. I don't know what all that crap is underneath the dressing gown; I guess that's just the corner where I piled random shit since I never really used that wardrobe: there's another one to the left, out of shot. It was quite a big bedroom - you can see the foot of the bed in the bottom right hand corner and it's a double. Through the door is the landing, which was in the middle of the house, with doors leading off to the bathroom, shower, and toilet (yeah, they all had a separate room... I have no idea why). My parent's bedroom was at the other side of the house. Anyway, the landing had no windows of its own, which is why there's an internal window from my room to let a little bit of daylight through.  

The thing I appreciate seeing the most in this picture is the TV set. It was an old second hand one, but it was colour (before that, I'd had a black and white portable) and depending on which way I turned the ariel on top, I got could either Yorkshire TV or Tyne Tees. Sometimes they showed different films late at night, and sometimes the Tyne Tees films were better. But I did have to sit through news bulletins about Newcastle before I got to watch them.

I was maybe 14 when I got that TV. I remember watching Moonlighting on it, and the first season was made in 1985, though I doubt it premiered in the UK until 1986. There was often a long wait before American TV shows made it across the pond. Friday night, I'd always watch Cheers. And then whatever horror or sci fi films they showed on BBC 2 at the weekend. They used to have seasons of the old Universal Horror films, Hammer, and 50s sci fi like The Day The Earth Stood Still. And I'd watch them all, loving every minute. No choice fatigue like there is now. There were 4 channels (only just - it took a while till Channel 4 was available in Yorkshire), 5 if you counted Tyne Tees. Occasionally I'd catch a film that had a bit of sexy-time in it, and what a bonus that was... but that seems incredibly tame when you consider what kids these days are exposed to. 

I don't remember my parents ever coming in to tell me it was too late, that I should turn off the TV and go to sleep. School nights, I seemed to do that for myself anyway. Weekends, if I was watching the late horror films... maybe occasionally I'd end up dozing off, and waking up in the wee small hours to static, long after the National Anthem played. 

I miss those days. As children of the 80s, I imagine we were the first generation to get TVs in our rooms... I dunno, were any of you 70s kids so privileged?  

This is from 1980, when Billy Joel was older than a teenager, but still using his TV to help him get to sleep...