Saturday Snapshots #76 - The Answers

You know that it would be untrue. You know that I would be a liar. If I were to say to you... I can't remember the answers to this week's Saturday Snapshots. Although, I did have to puzzle over some of them myself this week: I blame to post-viral lethargy. Or maybe they were particularly fiendish.

Mathematics proves impossible when your head is full of gunge, so I can't work out a winner this week, though everyone had a good go. Thanks for playing as always.


10. Pork from the top of the world leads you into a talent competition.

Far North Ham? Far N Ham?

There's no pleasing some people.

John Farnham - You're The Voice

9. Count down four places to discover Barbie takes 1000 heavy swings to get round the golf course.

Dolly's par is a ton, see? Easy when you know how.

Dolly Parton - 9 To 5

8. Climbing beanstalks after 10 leads to a sad, horny godson.

After 10 is 11, so that would make him Jack 11. If you're going to tell me it's pronounced Lee-ven, I'm going to say: it's a visual pun, not an auditory one.

Jackie Leven - The Sexual Loneliness Of Jesus Christ

7. Gracie's singular song is a let down.

Gracie Fields. In the singular would be Field. A song is music.

Field Music - Disappointed

6. Clock - e = belt fastener + y. Bluebottle.

Time - e = Tim. Buckle + y = Buckley.

Tim Buckley - Buzzin' Fly

5. Neon Robert, cured, follows Duran Duran to the sand.

The chemical symbol for neon is Ne. Add Robert Smith.

Mike Nesmith - Rio 

(Far superior to the Duran Duran song.)

4. Sweet on your tongue, a dancing football chant.

At football matches they (apparently) shout "Oggy Oggy Oggy". This is one of the many reasons I do not attend football matches.

The extra clue I gave involved a line from Smokey Robinson's I Second That Emotion, in which Smokey sings "A taste of honey is worse than none at all".

A Taste of Honey - Boogie Oogie Oogie

3. Found in a sound gallery, where Black Sabbath meets Woody's ex. (Low bridge not pictured.)

Art of Noise would be found in a sound gallery.

Black Sabbath sang Paranoid.

Woody Allen's ex is Mia Farrow.

The low bridge, not pictured, was this virtual gentleman, who provided the vocals to this odd 80s novelty tune...

Art of Noise (featuring Max Headroom) - Paranoimia

2. Wet Wet Wet, Heaven 17 and Elvis Costello can't tell the difference between rugby, soccer and ten pin bowling.

Wet Wet Wet, Heaven 17 and Elvis Costello all sang about Temptation.

The Temptations - Ball Of Confusion

1. Solipsistic gangsters don't wake up.

Solipsistic gangsters would say "I Am The Mob" since they would believe that only the self exists and thereby not believe in any other gangsters. Which then begs the question why they would need to be gangsters in the first place, and that is today's homework.

Anyway, if they couldn't wake up, they may be catatonic.

Ah, Cerys, were we ever that young?




This Is The End, Beautiful Friend... at least until next Saturday.

Saturday Snapshots #76

This ain't no country club
And it ain't no disco
This is Saturday Snapshots, and if all you wanna do is have a little fun before you die... well, you came to the right place.

Identify ten artists and ten top tunes from the clues below, please... but only If It Makes You Happy.


10. Pork from the top of the world leads you into a talent competition.

9. Count down four places to discover Barbie takes 1000 heavy swings to get round the golf course.

8. Climbing beanstalks after 10 leads to a sad, horny godson.

7. Gracie's singular song is a let down.

6. Clock - e = belt fastener + y. Bluebottle.

5. Neon Robert, cured, follows Duran Duran to the sand.

4. Sweet on your tongue, a dancing football chant.

3. Found in a sound gallery, where Black Sabbath meets Woody's ex. (Low bridge not pictured.)

2. Wet Wet Wet, Heaven 17 and Elvis Costello can't tell the difference between rugby, soccer and ten pin bowling.

1. Solipsistic gangsters don't wake up.

Everyday Is A Winding Road leading us to the answers, tomorrow morning.

The best laid plans...

The plan was to hit 47 on the Hot 100 Countdown on the day I turned 47 years of age... and all was going to plan until I was struck down with the lurgy on Sunday night. Spent the whole of yesterday in bed, and though I managed to drag my aching corpse out of the pit long enough to take Sam to school this morning, I'm heading straight back there now.

So no Hot 100 countdown today and I doubt you'll see much else here for the rest of the week, barring a miraculous recovery. Luckily Saturday Snapshots is prepared well in advance so even if I'm not back on my feet by the weekend, that should go ahead as normal. Otherwise there'd be a revolt.

This seems appropriate...

Monday's Long Song: This Is My First Day And I'm Indian And I Work At A Gas Station

I could basically put a Mark Kozelek song here every Monday until the end of the year and it would fit the bill... he's not known for his brevity, certainly not in recent years.

It's been a weekend and I haven't the energy to write much more than you'll either love this (maybe 5% of you) or hate it (everybody else). And Mark Kozelek knows that too...

Saturday Snapshots #75 - The Answers

"It's All Coming Back To Me Now," you'll be able to say to your grandchildren, many years from now... "the day that Saturday Snapshots finally jumped the shark. The day Rol had a picture of Celine Dion at the top of the page..."

Give me a break: you try finding two different pictures of pop stars holding cameras every week. It's not as easy as it looks, you know. (Although I do have a few more in the bag.) Perhaps the day I run out will be the day I finally call it quits. Until then... My Heart Will Go On.

A very closely fought game yesterday, between Lynchie, Chris, Alyson and C in particular. I think Lynchie just got the title. Well done to Charity Chic, Rigid Digit, George and Martin (Come Together... as one... like George Martin) for mopping up the hard ones.


10. Beautiful Persian queen makes Pilgrim's Progress via choo choo.

Vashti was a beautiful Persian queen.

John Bunyan wrote Pilgrim's Progress.

Vashti Bunyan - Train Song

9. Seabirds, get your guns - we must go now!

Guillemots are seabirds.

Annie, Get Your Gun.

Guillemots - Annie, Let's Not Wait

That's a top song, that is.

8. Only knobs allowed in this club... listening to Pleasant Valley Sunday.

Members Only?

The Members - Sound of the Suburbs

"Same old boring Sunday morning"? Oy!

7. Lexicon of French internet + giant killer.

A lexicon is full of words.

French websites end .fr.

David killed a giant.

FR David - Words

(That sounded a lot better in my head than it does in reality. How memory plays tricks on us...)

6. The French New Wave... kind of.

Nouvelle Vague - In A Manner Of Speaking

5. Improv theatre game for jazz geeks... if you've been playing this game a while, you should get this.

An improvised theatre game is known as a Harold.

Jazz is often on the Blue Note label.

"A Melvin" is another name for a geek or nerd.

I put this week's quiz together a few weeks back. It took me ages to work out the clues for this when it came to write out the answers.

Harold Melvin & The Blue Notes - If You Don't Know Me By Now

4. Start your new job with a sharp piercing stab.

Yes, that is Mick. With a comedy "Grizzly Adams" beard. A hipster long before there were hipsters.

Jagger - a sharp, piercing stab.

Mick Jagger - Let's Work

Video of the week ahoy! What were they thinking?

3. Players depart.

Cast - Walk Away

The reverse of #7. A lot better than I remember it being.

2. John Wayne's looking for hearts in the dustbin.

John Wayne was in The Searchers.

The Searchers - Don't Throw Your Love Away

1. What the Beach Boys read... with Julie Christie & Alan Bates.

The Beach Boys read Surfing Magazines.

Julie Christie & Alan Bates were in the movie adaptation of LP Hartley's novel The Go Between.

Because You Loved Me... Saturday Snapshots will be back next week.

Saturday Snapshots #75

Tell me... Why Can't This Be Love?

Because we Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Love... we're talking about Saturday Snapshots!

Identify 10 top tunes and the artists that recorded them from the clues below, please.

When I say: Jump!


10. Beautiful Persian queen makes Pilgrim's Progress via choo choo.

9. Seabirds, get your guns - we must go now!

8. Only knobs allowed in this club... listening to Pleasant Valley Sunday.

7. Lexicon of French internet + giant killer.

6. The French New Wave... kind of.

5. Improv theatre game for jazz geeks... if you've been playing this game a while, you should get this.

4. Start your new job with a sharp piercing stab.

3. Players depart.

2. John Wayne's looking for hearts in the dustbin.

1. What the Beach Boys read... with Julie Christie & Alan Bates.

Tomorrow morning... I get up, and nothin' gets me down... because that's when the answers arrive!

The United Kingdom of Song #23: Chatteris

It's hard to believe that I've managed 22 of these posts already and not yet stopped off in the parish of Chatteris, Cambridgeshire. Equally hard to believe that today's band has yet to appear in this feature, considering their frequent habit of name-dropping various parts of the country in song.

I couldn't really find any famous residents of Chatteris beyond a couple of boxers, a trombone player and Bricstan, the miracle monk. (No, you look him up. That's what google is there for.) Neither could I think of any other songs that give this town a lyrical nod. But let's face it, nobody else could compete with this, arguably the Biscuit's finest 2 minutes...

One way system – smooth and commendable
Go by bus – they’re highly dependable
The swings in the park for the kids have won awards
The clean streets, acknowledged in the Lords
But what’s a park if you can’t see a linnet?
A timetable if your journey’s infinite?
My bag’s packed and I’m leaving in a minute
For what is Chatteris without you in it?

Car crime’s low, the gun crime’s lower
The town hall band CD, it’s a grower
You never hear of folk getting knocked on the bonce
Although there was a drive-by shouting once
But there’s a brass band everywhere
And I don’t drive, so I don’t care
And as a nightingale sang in Berkeley Square
What’s Chatteris if you’re not there?

Like a game-bird reserve short on pheasants
Weavers’ cottages devoid of tenants
A market town that lacks quintessence
That’s Chatteris without your presence

Three good butchers, two fine chandlers
An indoor pool and a first class cake shop
Ofsted plaudits, envy of the Fens
Prick barriers at both ends
But what’s Chatteris if you’re not there?

What’s Chatteris if you’re not there?
What’s Chatteris if you’re not there?
What’s Chatteris if you’re not there?
What’s Chatteris if you’re not there?
What’s Chatteris if you’re not there?

I may as well be in Ely or St Ives…