Before you start grimacing at the picture of Ed Sheeran above, we should all try to be nice and polite to him. It's not his fault. Also, he's made so much money over the past 20 years or so, he really doesn't care what you think.
Instead of dwelling on the negative then, let's concentrate on the people below. Who are they and how are their songs connected?
15. A Jug with a Stone on it.
14. Electric can opener?
13. Emergency response team.
12. Bloke on the Steps takes a number of high jumps on his skateboard.
11. Came through extremely difficult circumstances - without a Mark on him.
10. ICE out! No border patrol needed here.
9. Harold! That's a nice nose, did you...?
8. Armless Adrian can still get in an altercation.
7. Get up, everybody, and sing!
6. Gave up on his PhD.
5. Arctic Alex, on the back of a bike.
4. I'd be lucky to afford a deck chair.
3. Clearly they're not a Sisterhood.
2. When a day that you happen to know is Wednesday starts off by sounding like Sunday, there is something seriously wrong somewhere.
1. Who's going to pay Cinderella's bail after this mix-up?
We’re back to listening to the in-car CDs I’ve created over the past 12 years to introduce my son to as wide a range of quality pop music as possible... before I lost him to Imagine Dragons and Juice WRLD.
Ernie was the next to suggest a CD number for me to go through track by track, and (given that I advised people to only choose a number between 30 and 150) he picked one of the earliest compilations available. This means, of course, that the following CD will feature more obvious radio hits and serious pop “bangers” than either of the CDs we’ve looked at so far. Although there might be a few surprises along the way…
Track 1: Queen – Flash
I’m going to try as hard as I can from now on to avoid commenting on other people’s musical prejudices and pretend that everyone likes everything I do. Besides, I’ve probably expressed my disappointment, frustration and bewilderment at the Anti-Queen Bias that exists in many areas of the blogosphere too many times before, and you can't change the course of mighty rivers by using nice words.
Flash, then. The theme tune to the 1980 movie version of Flash Gordon, starring former American footballer Sam J. Jones, with some actual acting support from Max Von Sydow, Topol, Timothy Dalton, and… of course… Brian Blessed. I was eight when this movie came out, so I’m pretty sure I saw it at the cinema and thought it was great. In retrospect, it’s not a classic, but the average eight year old isn’t Mark Kermode, is he?
When my sister bought me Queen’s Greatest Hits a few years later, Flash was nestled away in the middle of side two. Because that was the first album I owned, I played it till the grooves wore out, till I knew every song by heart, till they were indelibly scratched into my psyche. Soon after I began tracking down the albums these songs originated from… and of those, Flash was the biggest disappointment. Because it’s a soundtrack album really – it shouldn’t have been marketed as Queen’s 9th Studio Album. Most of the tracks are instrumentals, not full songs, designed as exciting background music to the film, but not really what a teenager wants to listen to in their bedroom when they’re used to proper Queen albums like A Night At The Opera or New of the World. No wonder Flash was the only single released – it’s the only proper song, although even then that's mostly down to John Deacon's bassline and the occasionally flash of Mercury/May overkill.
There’s also a liberal peppering of dialogue from the movie, which brings us to the best thing about this song… and probably the best thing about the whole flick: Brian Blessed. As Prince Vultan, ruler of the Winged Bird-Men, he gets to bellow* the iconic two word line: “GORDON’S ALIVE!” and even Freddie Mercury has to take a back seat to that.
(*Actually, in our memories, that's a bellow. But actually, it's more like a whisper. Except... well, it's a Brian Blessed whisper.)
Finally, if you can’t bring yourself to listen to this song because of Years of Insidious Indoctrination by the Arbiters of Cool, here’s another fine tune with the same title, but no obvious connection to the Alex Raymond comic strip…
"Flash! Flash I love you, but we only have fourteen hours to save the Earth!"
Track 2: Toni Basil – Mickey
Children of the 80s rejoice! Here’s one of the best pop songs of 1982, criminally held off the Number One spot by Tight Fit. It was originally, as I’m sure you’re all aware, a track from Racey’s 1979 album Smash and Grab, where it sounded like this…
(As an aside, I think it’s curious that Racey only ever released one studio album, but have since released half a dozen separate Greatest Hits collections. Talk about milking a dead horse.)
Whenever I hear Mickey, I’m ten years old again. I wasn’t a huge muso at ten*, but this was everywhere in 1982. I’m guessing even Terry Wogan must have been playing it.
(*"Clearly!" cry the Cognoscenti.)
Track 3: Timbuk 3 - The Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades
Another huge 80s One Hit Wonder, and one I remember buying on 7” when I was 15, helping it achieve the mediocre chart placing of #21 in the UK. It managed a couple of places higher in the US, but really deserved better.
Timbuk 3 were husband & wife duo Pat & Barbara MacDonald, and together they released six albums between 1986 and 1995, after which they got divorced and pursued solo projects. Considering how much I like this track’s quirky indie rock sound and lyrical playfulness, it’s a wonder I’ve never investigated any of their other material. That’s gone on my To-Do list.
In the US, The Future's So Bright was embraced as a college graduation theme tune, but Pat MacDonald claims the song has a much darker subtext, about a Nuclear Scientist who saw a very bright future indeed… one that even the best UV-filtering sunglasses wouldn’t protect us from.
Unlike Toni Basil’s hit, you won’t have heard this tune in any adverts, since Pat and Barbara have resolutely rejected all offers to license it for promotional purposes. Now that’s what I call principles.
This scores bonus points for the harmonica.
Track 4: The Zombies - She's Not There
You will have heard this one in a TV advert though, one for Chanel perfume, starring Keira Knightley, back in 2014. Let’s not hold that against the Zombies, eh? Poor lads have got to eat.
She’s Not There was The Zombies’ debut single in 1964, and according to bassist Chris White, it may well be the first proper song Rod Argent ever wrote. Imagine writing this as your first song!
A tale of adolescent angst, featuring a young man who’s been burned by a relationship with a girl who wasn’t what she seemed, this is arguably The Zombies’ finest hour. He’s still in love with her, not with the actual girl, just the idea of who he thought she was. Colin Blunstone’s yearning vocal is perfect for this kind of thing…
Well, let me tell you about the way she looked The way she acts and the colour of her hair Her voice was soft and cool, her eyes were clear and bright But she's not there
Was it Norman Osborn, the criminally insane businessman who liked to fly around on a motorised bat, dressed in a green and purple Goblin costume? He was the one who tossed her off the Brooklyn Bridge, laughing maniacally as she plunged towards the icy waters of the East river.
The Daily Bugle, of course, would immediately claim that Gwen was killed by Spider-Man... and for a while, the evidence did point towards him. Grief stricken, the young man behind the mask appeared to admit his culpability to police before fleeing the scene. And there are still those who believe it wasn't the fall that killed Gwen, but the sudden jolt of being caught by Spider-Man's web as he desperately tried to save her.
In truth though, Gwen's killer was neither of the above. It was 21 year old comic book writer Gerry Conway, the young man given the daunting responsibility of taking over from Stan Lee on the Amazing Spider-Man comic back in 1972, when he was still a teenager. Some say comics grew up when Gwen Stacy died, and while that's a little too dismissive of the work that preceded this issue, it's certainly true that they were never the same again.
Gerry Conway went on to create The Punisher, Ms. / Captain Marvel, and many other important characters for both Marvel and DC, before moving on to work in TV. The Spider-Man stories he wrote, both in the 70s, and when he returned to the character in the late 80s, are such a big part of my life, it's hard to express their impact. Thank you, Gerry... and I've forgiven you for killing Gwen, even if some people still hold it against you.
Welcome to International Noise Awareness Day, a day which seeks to highlight the detrimental effects of living in a noisy place. Now obviously, I like a bit of noise from time to time, but just imagine if every second of every day sounded like a mash-up of these...
Sometimes, you just need a bit of peace and quiet, yeah?
Loud environments don’t just overwhelm the ears. They can raise blood pressure, disturb sleep, and even slow down how well children learn. Many studies warn that constant noise wears down both the body and mind.
Today then is a day to turn the volume down and enjoy something a little gentler on the ears...
