Teacher Songs #8: The Return Of Mrs. Tebb

I've written about Mrs. Tebb before.

She was the primary teacher, you may recall, who insisted I drink my free school milk even when I told her I didn't drink milk because it made me throw up. And Mrs. Kaye never made me drink it last year! "Drink your milk," ordered Mrs. Tebb. 

So I did. And I threw up.

The Beach Boys - Be True To Your School 

Maybe this set the tone of our relationship and explained why Mrs. Tebb didn't like me for the rest of the year. She thought she knew better than a 7 year old, but actually... guess what, Mrs. Tebb... sometimes you don't.

The Lemon Twigs - The Student Becomes The Teacher

Then last week, while discussing knocking down walls in Emergency Questions, Alyson jogged my memory about another incident - one in which I was far more culpable - which cemented the animosity Mrs. Tebb felt towards me. The time I pushed Andrew Lodge through the classroom wall.

I'm pretty sure it was Andrew Lodge, but I might be wrong about that. Either way, my apologies to him. And my apologies for the time that he attended my birthday party and I threw a dart in his eye, almost blinding him. Believe it or not, Andrew Lodge was a good mate of mine in junior school. But these things happened. 

Supertramp - School

Mrs. Tebb didn't have a classroom in the main school. She taught her class in a portacabin out in the school garden. It was a very nice portacabin in a very nice garden (we had school chickens too, provided by my mate Simon, whose dad was a chicken farmer). Far be it from me to suggest that the Head had arranged it that way to keep Mrs. Tebb away from Gen-Pop... or the other teachers... but if he had done that, I could easily understand why.

Jim Bob - The School Is Not The Building (It's The Children)

Anyway, as you entered the portacabin, there was a small cloak room, then a door that led into the main classroom. One morning, I was messing around with Andrew Lodge (or someone else whose name has been lost to antiquity, but Andrew Lodge is taking his place), playfighting, and... y'know, I had a bit of a temper when I was a kid, and maybe things got a bit out of hand... so I pushed Andrew Lodge straight through the cloakroom wall (which to be fair, was obviously made of an amalgam of tissue paper and spit) and into Mrs. Tebb's store-room. 

Looking back, I'm starting to understand why Mrs. Tebb didn't like me. She was never going to teach me love, to quote Rockpile...

Snapshots #252: A Top Twelve Signs Of The Zodiac Songs

The Zodiac is all about reading the stars in the sky... so here's David Starsky...

Look, I couldn't find a picture of Mystic Meg with a camera, all right?

Well done if you predicted the ten artists below... 

12. Roman Empire, Berlin Wall, House of Usher.

The Fall of...

The Fall - Two Librans

11. Inside the house, Charles still gets a tan, somehow.

Inside the house, Charles still gets a tan, somehow.

The Charlatans - Taurus Moaner

10. Heroic Bum. 

Supertramp - Aries

9. Perception minus commodities.

Sense less things.

Senseless Things - Leo

8. Muddled, in a moron's RV.

"In a moron's RV", muddled up, gives you...

Van Morrison - Virgo Clowns

7. Sven Magnus Øen Carlsen and Barry Allen feel all pent up.

Sven Magnus Øen Carlsen is the current world chess champion.

Barry Allen is The Flash. (Look it up.)

If you feel all pent up, you're angry. Pent also means five, as in pentagram.

Grandmaster Flash & The Furious 5 - Scorpio

With Metal Mickey on guest vocals.

6. Bloody emus!

Anagram!

Moody Blues - Gemini Dream

5. Rubber Duck.

See Convoy.

Kris Kristofferson - Jesus Was A Capricorn

4. Instigator of Temptation.

One of the founding members of the Temptations.

Eddie Kendricks - Son of Sagittarius

3. Gregorian Horse.

Anagram!

George Harrison - Pisces Fish

2. Colin Firth hates them.

Regular readers will get the reference.

Eels - Cancer For The Cure

1. Height, width, depth, time...

Height, width, depth, time... are the first four dimensions. As I'm not a physicist, I'm not going to try to explain the 5th.

The Fifth Dimension - Age of Aquarius

The stars tell me there will be more of this nonsense next week. 

My Top Ten Spock Songs

There are some cultural icons who will never / can never / should never die. For my generation, and the one before it (and many of those who followed), they are our living legends.

I already posted one Top Ten today, but I guess that's lost to history now. There are some I have to write - and post - immediately. It's only logical.

RIP Leonard Nimoy. Live long and prosper in our memories. I have been, and always shall be, your friend.

(Special mention to Spock's Beard.)



10. Leonard Nimoy - The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins

Let's start with the man himself, and possibly his most infamous musical moment. Derided in some quarters but still more watchable (shorter, at least) than any of the Peter Jackson movies. It's not the best song he ever recorded - he does a really nice version of Ruby, Don't Take Your Love To Town that's almost up to Kenny Rogers' standards - but the video is out of this world.

9. William Shatner - You'll Have Time

 It seems only fair that having heard from the great man himself, we also hear from this guy. I'm of the opinion that Shatner has recorded a great many fine records (don't worry, I'm on tablets), but this seemed most appropriate today...

Live life like you're gonna die...
Because you're gonna!

8. The Firm - Star Trekkin'

You probably ought to have been 15 in 1987 to appreciate this one.

It's life, Jim
But not as we know it...

7. Adam & The Ants - Friends 

Adam is a friend of Mr. Spock... and a bunch of other people too.

6. Old Gray - Vulcan Death Grip

A very nice noise, introduced by a famous soundbite from the man himself.

5. Paul Gilbert - Mr. Spock

Paul Gilbert used to be Mr. Big. But don't hold that against him. This is a great little spock-rock song.

4. Spizzenergi - Where's Captain Kirk?

Spock pulls them through.

3. Nerf Herder - Mr. Spock

Of course, strictly speaking, a nerf herder is from another galaxy, far, far away...

You don't want a boyfriend...
What you want is Mr. Spock!

2. The Beastie Boys - Intergalactic

If you try to knock me, you'll get mocked
I'll stir fry you in my wok
Your knees'll start shaking and your fingers pop
Like a pinch on the neck of Mr. Spock

See also Sneakin' Out The Hospital, where Adam claims to be smarter than Spock. Never!

1. Supertramp - The Logical Song

Well, it had to be, didn't it? In the end, it was the only logical choice.

When I was young, it seemed that life was so wonderful,
A miracle, 
Oh it was beautiful, magical.
And all the birds in the trees, 
Well they'd be singing so happily,
Joyfully, playfully watching me.
But then they send me away to teach me how to be sensible,
Logical, responsible, practical.
And they showed me a world where I could be so dependable,
Clinical, intellectual, cynical.

Those were my Spock songs. Which is the logical choice for you?