Tuesday, 2 April 2013

My Top Ten Chocolate Bar Songs

Ten songs about chocolate bars... well, they could be. I saved this one till Lent was over because I knew some of you were being good. 

Special mention to The Drifters, Aerosmith, The Mars Volta and, ahem,  Thom Yorkie. 

10. The Crookes - Two Drifters

Greedy buggers - one's not enough for you?

9. Thea Gilmore - Brother, Can You Spare A Dime?

Thea may be down on her luck but she still hankers after a crunchy butter-almond chocolate treat from Sweden.

8. The Ataris - I.O.U. One Galaxy

So that's about, what, 75p? I'll let you off, lads.

7. Baxter Drury - Picnic On The Edge

Ian's son prefers to eat his in dangerous situations. Suede aren't much better - they eat theirs By The Motorway.

6. Orchestral Manouvres In The Dark - Walking On The Milky Way

Seems a waste of a perfectly good sweet you can eat between meals without ruining your appetite

5. Animals That Swim - Kit Kats and Vinegar

Not the most appetizing of combinations, but apparently it helps their mate get off his head (on the cheap).

4. John Grant - Caramel

Or you may prefer the equally delicious Suzanne Vega song of the same title. Or Take It Easy by The Eagles, which must have been about the same thing. 

3. Half Man Half Biscuit - Dickie Davies Eyes
God, I could murder a Cadbury's Flake,
Then I guess you wouldn't let me into heaven.
Or maybe you would 'cause their adverts promote oral sex!
See also Flakes by The Mystery Jets (which made its way into my Top Ten Breakfast Menu Songs).

2. Heartless Bastards - Marathon

I know, they're not called Marathons anymore, they've not been called Marathons for years. But until someone writes a song as good as this one and calls it 'Snickers', they'll always be Marathons to me.

Not that I ever liked Marathons. I hate peanuts.

1. The Undertones - Mars Bar

Time to raid the Spar, Feargal Sharkey needs to work, rest and play. (Although he has had ten so far.)
To anybody out there who still eats Twix
Anybody on packets of Buttons
I gave them up when I was six
I hope your teeth are rotten
Genius. See also, Marz by John Grant, which might not specifically be about the chocolate bar... but does mention lots of other sweet treats.

Which one is your guilty pleasure?


  1. I guess Careless 'Whispa' by George Michael doesn't count?

  2. One of our cats is called Wispa, after the chocolate bar. When Louise named it, she had no idea what a piercing meow it'd turn out to have.

  3. Since it is so close to Easter anyway, my pick would be Tom Waits Chcoclate Jesus....."
    Well I don't go to church on Sunday
    Don't get on my knees to pray
    Don't memorize the books of the Bible
    I got my own special way
    I know Jesus loves me
    Maybe just a little bit more
    I fall down on my knees every Sunday
    At Zerelda Lee's candy store"

    Just gotta find that srote and all will be (ahem) sweet!

  4. Store...gotta find that STORE...


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