This post was inspired by a new song from Stephen Wilson
Jr., an Americana artist I’ve only recently discovered. He’s worthy of further
investigation if this sort of thing is your bag.
Anyway, the chorus informs us, “There ain't a
lot of boys named Gary these days”, a reminder of how birth names fall in and
out of fashion. (Amusingly, they’ve got the actor Gary Sinise to star in the
video… although it doesn’t end well for him.) This got me thinking about
the names of the kids Sam goes to school with… versus the ones I went to school
with.
I have a nephew called Gary. He’s about ten or twelve years
younger than me. But there are no Garys in Sam’s school. Neither is there a
Neil or a Sean, the names of my other nephews.
I started to think about the most common names of kids I
grew up with.
Sam doesn’t know any Richards. No Ricks or Rickys either.
And while he probably knows a few dicks… there are definitely no Dicks.
The weird thing is, I didn’t go to school with a single one
of those. In fact, if you’d asked me when I was a kid, I would have told you
they were all old men names. Harry Bamforth was an old farmer who lived across
the fields from us. So was Arthur Lockwood. And Frank Shaw. Albert Tatlock and
Alf Roberts were old blokes on Coronation Street. Eli and Isaac were names I
only read about in Old Testament RE lessons.
I wonder if, in another 20 years’ time, the classrooms will be full of Garys, Darrens and Daves again? There probably won't be many Donalds... but I could be wrong.
A final word today from Nigel (no Nigels in Sam's school either)...
A woman who described herself as "a little bit 'Bridget', A little bit 'Ally', a little bit 'Sex and the City'" And chose to call her baby boy Fred As a childishly rebellious attempt at a clever reaction To those who might have expected her to call him Julian or Rupert Bit of advice, call him Rupert, it fits, and besides it's a good name Don't be calling him Fred or Archie With all its cheeky but lovable working class scamp connotations Unless you really do have plans for him To spend his life in William Hills waiting For them to weigh in at Newton Abbot
In case you're wondering - yes, there will be a follow-up to this post about girl's names.
At the top of the page yesterday, we had a picture of Nick Rhodes, keyboard player with Duran Duran. Today we have him and all his mates... because Duran Duran are named after a scientist in the movie Barbarella with the same name twice. Although he was called Durand-Durand.
Anyway, here are some songs with the same name repeated...
15. There's a great future in plastics.
"There's a great future in plastics," is a quote from a famous movie starring Dustin Hoffman...
I liked the Snapshots last week with the two references to Feargal Sharkey.
While on the topic of Feargal I thought you might like this from Viz magazine about a year ago, Frugal Sharkey, some great references to My Perfect Cousin.
I still buy Viz, still has some great stuff in it.
Jim.
Thanks, Jim. Despite being a long-time comic reader - and the fact that a friend of mine now regularly draws for it - I've never really got into Viz. Still, I'm always happy to have a free post, and this is fun...
So*... that's why Peter Gabriel helped launch yesterday's quiz... and why he turned up again this morning with the answers. He knows a thing or two about a Family Snapshot...
Here are 15 songs about relatives...
(*More apologies to CC.)
15. One third of Annabella's band had a typical tempo of 115–130 bpm.
Annabella Lwin was in Bow Wow Wow. A third of that is Bow. House music has a typical tempo of 115–130 bpm. Bow + House =
12. Without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep.
A quote taken from early on in Genesis. This is later Genesis though... I figured you'd probably prefer them without their heads. Shoot me - I always liked this song.
He's here, and at this week's Number One. The extra F is how bloggers of a certain vintage refer to him... you'll know why if you fell victim to his anti-blog campaign back in the day.
That said, he made some great solo records after leaving the Undertones. And I'd completely forgotten this one... mustn't have heard it in 40 years, but it still sounds good.
4. The name of my first cat. (I realise that's a pretty niche clue, but think of your standard cat names and you might get it.)
My first cat was called Fluffy. We had another one at the same time called Frisky. Remember that in case I ever post a picture of a band with that name.
I’m thinking back to when I worked in radio. When I moved
into the advertising department, there was a guy already working in there who
everybody liked. We’ll call him Kevin, because… no, I did that joke last week,
didn’t I? He wasn’t called Kevin. But Kevin was the exact opposite of Bob, the
guy everybody agrees is a dick. Kevin was wonderful.
He was so witty and charming and talented and kind… seriously, you’d love him.
The problem was, I didn’t take to Kevin at all. I just
didn’t get what everybody else saw in him. I mean, he wasn’t a Bob-level dick,
but out of everyone in the office, I found him by far the hardest to warm to,
and definitely the least welcoming. He seemed a bit stand-offish, and I
clearly got the impression he thought that he was better than me and that I
didn’t deserve to be working in the same department as him. This was never
overt, and you could well just put it down to my infamous paranoia, but I don’t
think it was purely in my imagination.
Putting aside the (possibly paranoid) idea that Kevin
treated me differently to everyone else he met, why else might I not like
someone everyone else thought was great?
To try to answer this, I waded once more, neck-deep, into
the sewers of the interweb, and the first link to come floating past was this
one from Headspace: What happens
in the brain when we dislike somebody?
Guess where the finger of blame gets pointed almost
immediately?
Yep, it’s our old friend the amygdala. When we decide we don’t
like some, “’there
is preferential activation of the amygdala’,” which means the brain region
associated with fear and aggression flares up. This visceral, emotional
reaction can spark a long-term pattern of dislike when it’s validated by
action: if you perceive that someone has hurt you, your fear of them becomes
rational.”
Essentially, we’re back to the storytelling brain creating
neural pathways in reaction to negative stimuli – it’s why I learned to hate
New Order all over again. But this isn’t really answering my central question –
why I dislike Kevin, when everyone else thinks he’s Superman.
When you instantly dislike someone, you’ve made a snap
decision that they’re threatening based on minimal information.
Ah ha – tell me more!
And they do… with six different
suggestions as to why I disliked Kevin…
1. He’s different.
Humans are wired to like and bond with their own tribe.
This one is the basis for all forms of prejudice, especially
racism. It’s about instinctively not liking anything that looks or appears different to
you. Many of us are able to overcome this in-built reaction because we teach
ourselves (or someone older and wiser has taught us) that it’s bullshit.
Of course, using your conscious mind, you can overcome
this bias. This is why education is so valuable.
That’s what I was trying to say.
Anyway, I can’t really
apply this to Kevin. He wasn’t particularly different from me – we had the same
skin colour, hair colour, similar height and weight… he wasn’t even a particularly
good-looking dude for me to feel inferior to. And he liked or was interested in
many of the same things as me. We were definitely from the same tribe, so there
was no reason to take against him on the surface.
When you get that bad ‘vibe’ from someone without knowing
why, it could be that they reminded you of a previous negative experience.
Again, I’m not sure I can make this fit. I’d encountered a
lot of unpleasant people by this point in my life, but Kevin didn’t really
remind me of any of them. Apart from people I’d met previously who everyone
else seemed to like… hmm. Could that be a clue?
This one’s more about suppressed memories of someone you’ve
met before. Like, say, you meet the school bully twenty years later in a
completely new context and you don’t even recognise him, but your subconscious
mind does, and it’s this which sets your amygdala screaming.
Which is fair enough, but I’d never met Kevin prior to starting
in the department. I’d seen him round the building, but that was about it.
Except…
when I had seen him around, I guess I’d seen him talking and laughing and
getting on with other people… yet he’d never made any attempt to talk to me.
Could it be that he’d taken an instant dislike to me? Did I remind him of
something threatening? Was the problem with Kevin’s brain, not mine? I guess
I’ll never know the answer to that one…
OK, so, this is where it becomes murky. Because I was going
to work in the advertising department with literally no previous experience. I
had recently passed my English degree and was writing on a regular basis – I
could easily evidence creativity, which is what got me the job… but I was new
to the concept of using creativity to sell things. Kevin, on the other hand,
was seen as the star writer in the department. He’d won awards!
Jealousy is often a big reason for disliking someone for
no apparent reason. Jealousy results from upward social comparison. You see
someone who’s better than you or has what you want, and you feel jealous.
That stings. That really stings. But I have to accept it as
a possibility for why I didn’t like Kevin. Although it doesn’t really explain
why he didn’t like me. Unless that was all in my imagination.
Or… prior to going for that job in advertising, I had made a
(small) name for myself in the station on air. (This was prior to the
arrival of my nemesis, the programme controller I referred to as “Tim Allen”
during my
long-running series about my days in commercial radio.) The show I
co-presented featured quite a lot of creative content – comedy sketches and
characters that went down well with the listeners, though I’m sure I’d cringe
myself to death if I heard any of them again today. Anyway, I’d been on air doing
all this “funny” stuff for a few years prior to my move into commercial
production… and chances are Kevin had heard some of that. Maybe he’d formed an
impression of me from that (“he’s just not funny”) or maybe – longshot, I know,
but we need to cover all bases in answering this question – maybe he was a teensy bit jealous of me. Yeah, he’d been winning the awards,
but only for writing ads. He hadn’t been doing the funny stuff just for funny’s
sake. Maybe he was angry I’d had that opportunity and he (being clearly much
more talented) hadn’t. Anything’s possible.
People tend to hide their flaws and ignore the qualities
they need to develop. So, when they come across someone having the same flaws
as them or having the qualities they want, they hide again.
For example:
You lack confidence, and confident people put you off.
Nail, thy head is hitteth, you might well be thinking.
And it’s perfectly feasible that this is the answer: Kevin
was a confident guy and I hated his confidence. Although it’s equally possible
that he was just as insecure as I was, but much better at hiding it and coming
across as confident. Which would link back to my longshot from #4… but this is
all supposition, there’s no science to it at all.
When we meet people, we’re constantly making snap
judgments about them. If they display welcoming and open body language, we feel
good. If they show closed body language, we feel off.
Clearly, this is the case with Kevin – he actively went out
of his way to get on with everybody else in the office, but stayed cool around
me. And that’s still the case to this day when I bump into him in the book of
faces. One of my (friendly) old colleagues will post a photo or a memory from
our past and various people will leave a nostalgic comment… and there’s me and
Kevin in the same (virtual) room all over again, talking to everybody else but
ignoring each other.
We’re quick to put people in the ‘friend’ or ‘foe’
category because, again, the mind doesn’t want to take any chances. It makes
these critical decisions based on minimal information gleaned from body
language, facial expressions, and voice tone.
The ironic thing is, Kevin left soon after I joined the department (was it me?) and went on to a successful career writing for TV comedy shows. Despite many attempts to follow in his footsteps, that never happened for me. Maybe that’s because he was more talented than me… or maybe it’s because he was more confident. It doesn’t really matter in the end: he won. And here I am, thirty years later, still fretting over this, while I doubt he's given me a second thought...
When Ben messaged me to say that John Hyatt had passed away last week, I mistakenly thought he meant John Hiatt. But it wasn't the American singer-songwriter who had left the stage, it was the singer from 80s post-punk politicos The Three Johns. This John balanced his "pop" career with a day job teaching fine arts at Leeds Poly.
Benjamin Zephaniah
Ben was also the first to inform me of the death of writer, musician and poet Benjamin Zephaniah. Ben remarked...
I think anyone who knew the alternative 80s and 90s scenes, or was involved in English teaching, had a positive view of him.
Very true. Ben and I have both taught English, and Khayem commented in his own tribute that...
...it was an inspirational English teacher at secondary school who burst our predominantly white working- & middle-class suburban bubble by incorporating the poetry of Benjamin Zephaniah and Linton Kwesi Johnson into our studies, a life changing moment for me.
Coincidentally, I'd just featured a track by the poet in my Self-Help For Cynics post on Responsibility when I heard about his death. And here he is again...
Dean Sullivan
Khayem was also responsible for alerting me to the death of actor Dean Sullivan a couple of weeks back. I was a huge Brookside fan in the 90s, and despite his many flaws (drug addiction & dealing, manslaughter, digging up Trevor Jordache), Jimmy Corkhill was my hero. For a jukebox tribute, I did consider that his brother Billy gets name-checked here...
...but in the end, this seemed like a far better song to play.
Tony Allen
The moment I heard about the death of the "godfather of alternative comedy", one song... hell, a whole album... came immediately to mind.
In 2011, Luke Haines, Cathal Coughlan and Andrew Mueller released an album called The North Sea Scrolls. It was purported to be an alternative history of the United Kingdom, as told to them by the "actor" Tony Allen. I'm a huge Luke Haines fan, and I think this may well be the best thing he's ever done. I've no idea what Tony Allen thought of it.
Finally, three more familiar faces to say goodbye to...
Brigit Forsyth
Still most famous for her role in Whatever Happened to the Likely Lads?, though she went on to appear in many other films and TV shows, including Boon and Still Open All Hours. Brigit was also a musician and singer. Here she is with her band The Fircones...
We used to have a teacher who, if he noticed a couple of students in his class making googly eyes at each other, would loudly whistle the theme tune to Love Story. It became a shorthand for youthful romance in my head. I'm not sure I've ever seen the film myself since someone gave away the ending. But my favourite Ryan O'Neal movie is What's Up Doc? with Babs...
Well, I looked in the mirror can you guess what I saw?
It wasn't Ryan O'Neal kissin' Ali MacGraw
It was me
It was me
Shirley Anne Field
Another actress not just famous for treading the boards...
However, Shirley Anne's biggest influence on the world of music must surely come through her role in Karel Reisz's adaptation of Alan Sillitoe's novel Saturday Night and Sunday Morning, a film which may have inspired a live album by The Stranglers...
And, most important of all, the best thing Stephen and Johnny ever did together. Another line from the film, "Why don't you take me where it's lively and there's plenty of people?", spoken by Shirley Anne herself, led Morrissey to pen those famous opening lyrics...
If you haven't watched The Bear, you're missing the best show on TV at the moment. I don't care if you haven't got Disney+ - get the trial offer and binge-watch the first two series. Do it now. Well, after you've finished reading this post anyway.
The Bear is about a chef who inherits the management of a busy Chicago sandwich shop after his brother commits suicide. He decides to turn it into an up-market restaurant, using the same staff who worked in the sandwich shop. It's a very tense show - it really gives you a feel for what it's like to work in a fast-paced food service environment (lots of shouting) - but it's also very funny. Lots of big name actors want to appear in it - Jamie Lee Curtis, Olivia Coleman, Will Poulter and Bob Odenkirk all pop up in Season 2 - clearly recognising the strength of the scripts. But something occurred to me while I was watching the most recent episodes... one of the show's main themes is mental health.
All the characters in The Bear are damaged in one way or another. Jeremy Allen White, who plays lead chef Carmen Berzatto, is an expert at showing inner turmoil with little more than a twitch of his brow. But the real star of the show for me is Ebon Moss-Bachrach who plays Carmy's cousin Ritchie, a character who quickly begins to feel out of his depth as his workplace transforms around him. Ritchie is full of bluster, but it masks a deep, deep insecurity. I have a lot of time for Ritchie, out of all the great characters in The Bear, he's the one I relate to the most.
The episode that really brought this home came midway through the second series. Sensing Ritchie's disquiet, Carmy sends him to work for a week in one of the top restaurants in the country. He starts by cleaning forks, a job he thinks beneath him, but by the end of the week, he's virtually running the restaurant floor. It's never explicitly stated in the script, but what happens over the course of that episode is that Ritchie learns to respect himself, and in doing so earns the respect of his colleagues. A grumpy, middle-aged man singing along to a Taylor Swift song has never sounded so sweet...
It's not a complete transformation: he's still Ritchie at heart. He just likes himself a little more, and finds a purpose and value in what he's doing. He commits to a change and he feels better because of it. A number of things in my life triggered this blog series, but I honestly think that this episode of The Bear was an epiphany. It made me realise I can't just sit around waiting for the world to change to make me happier. Instead, I have to change the way I see the world. If that sounds like bollocks, then yeah... I'd have thought the same thing a few months back. And maybe I still do, deep down. But I'm trying not to. And that's a start.
I've always been content to take the pieces
That I've been given
Make a mess with the results
Justify it all
Everybody's using all their breath telling everyone else
Some of the many causes of low self-esteem may include: Unhappy childhood where parents (or other significant people such as teachers) were extremely critical. Poor academic performance in school resulting in a lack of confidence. Ongoing stressful life event such as relationship breakdown or financial trouble.
But I look at those potential explanations and I can't see any that fit me. My childhood, in particular, I remember as a mostly very happy time. I grew up in a loving home and while I didn't have loads of friends, I was OK with the ones I had. There was a recurring bullying situation in my early teens which left some emotional scars, but no worse than a lot of people. So why do I have such a downer on myself? Maybe the why doesn't matter, just that I'm finally trying to do something about it.
Mind offers all kinds of tips for improving self-esteem, though they are keen to stress that "different things work for different people at different times. Only try what you feel comfortable with."
I think I'll skip past this one...
Say positive things to yourself. Some people like to do this in front of a mirror. It can feel strange at first, but you may feel more comfortable the more you do it.
But you listen to those lyrics and you realise that the reason they find The Greatest Love Of All "easy to achieve" is because they already respect themselves. What about the rest of us?
If you don't love yourself, you won't be happy with yourself. If you can't love yourself, you can't love anyone else. You can't make anyone love you without loving yourself first.
But where I come from, Kemi, there's nothing worse than someone who loves themselves. We call that arrogance, egomania... or being just like Kevin.
Girls try to attract his attention But what a shame, it's in vain, total rejection He will never be left on the shelf 'Cause Kevin, he's in love with himself
In my head, loving yourself goes hand in hand with not giving a shit about anyone else. And I've spent my whole life fighting against people like that. Or at least getting exceedingly pissed off by them.
How then to find the right balance? Well, much as I would like someone to send me to work in a top restaurant for a week so that I can learn how to like myself, it's probably not going to happen. Mind says, "Try to avoid comparing yourself to others." So I'll put Cousin Ritchie out of my mind.
I started this post with the original version of Respect Yourself by The Staple Singers. It's a fine song. A classic. But you know what? The 1987 cover version by Bruce Willis means much more to me. As I've mentioned before, it was the first 7" single I ever bought. Many people are ashamed by their first record purchase and make excuses for it, saying things like, "I was really young and I hadn't developed my musical taste..." I could say the same... but honestly, I listen to this now and it still makes me smile the way it did when I was 15. And I guess I respect myself at least enough to admit that to you.
Louise has made us sign up to Paramount+ so that we can watch Yellowstone. I've got a lot of time for Kevin Costner, but this show is basically Dallas with more random plotting, and Costner is hardly Larry Hagman. Actually, he's more of a Jock. His daughter Beth is probably the closest we get to J.R. It's moderately interesting, but there has to be a big unexpected drama in every episode that's completely unrelated to the main plot. I'm not sure I can handle 5 seasons of it, though I'm a little more intrigued by the prequels, one starring Harrison Ford & Helen Mirren, the other featuring the great Sam Elliott.
The reason I mention this is because it's inspired my new Friday feature. Every episode flashes up a parental warning at the start, informing us that the show will likely contain: Sex & Nudity; Violence & Gore; Profanity; Alcohol, Drugs & Smoking; and Product Placement. I kind of like that they've started warning us about that, since it's the only one on the list above which really bothers me. (To be honest, you get very little of any of them.)
Anyway, a series of songs featuring blatant product placement will follow. Starting with the greatest product placement song ever, naturally.
The humble Mars Bar was created by Forrest Mars Sr, son of American candyman Frank C. Mars. I know you think I'm making this up, but I'm not. Honest.
I used to like the occasional Mars Bar, but nowadays I find them too sweet and don't like the way they stick to your teeth. Mick Jagger was a big fan though, as gets referenced in a number of rap songs I won't include as I don't want to bring the tone down.
Here's a few lyrical mentions to whet your appetite for the main event, starting with a band that were very big down under...
I'm surprised Mars Incorporated didn't get onto Feargal and his mates. On the other hand, why did Mars never pay them to use this in all their advertising?
