Self-Help For Cynics #2: Everybody's Happy Nowadays

Bet you are tired of being upset

Always wanting something you never can get

Life's no illusion, love's not a dream

Now, I know just what it is

The Buzzcocks - Everybody's Happy Nowadays

Except they're not, are they, Pete? I'm sure if you googled it, the statistics would show there's more unhappiness - coupled with anxiety, stress and anger - than ever before. The statistics will prove it, like they always do. I don't need to list the reasons why. 

Ev'rybody's gonna be happy

Which means you and me, my love

The Kinks - Ev'rybody's Gonna Be Happy

You're not helping either, Ray. Actually, for many years I thought he was singing "Everybody's gonna be happy, except you and me, my love", which made more sense to me. But I'm trying to change that attitude, that's the whole point of this series. 

So I'm not googling unhappiness statistics - they're bound to make me unhappy! Instead, I googled "Why am I so unhappy?" And I found so much advice, I could keep this series running every day for the next ten years. How happy does that make you?

For a start, I found a list of 50 Things That Drain Your Happiness. There's lots of useful answers in there, and not too much unicorns and rainbows bullshit. I'll be dipping into that Top 50 a few times over the next few weeks, but let's start with this one... 

You hang out with unhappy people.

Hmm. Rob... what do you make of that?

What came first, the music or the misery? People worry about kids playing with guns, or watching violent videos, that some sort of culture of violence will take them over. Nobody worries about kids listening to thousands, literally thousands of songs about heartbreak, rejection, pain, misery and loss.

Chicken or egg? I think the easiest answer to that question returns us to something I wrote about a few months back, the idea that the unhappiest people are the ones who think too much. Those same people are probably going to be drawn to pop music that thinks too much. And they'll probably find their own thoughts echoed in the thoughts of lyrical philosophers, which in turn will make them connect to those artists and stick around to hear more and more of their miserable mumblings. 

And you even spoke to me, and said:

"If you're so funny

Then why are you on your own tonight ?

And if you're so clever

Then why are you on your own tonight ?

If you're so very entertaining

Then why are you on your own tonight ?

If you're so very good-looking

Why do you sleep alone tonight ?

I know...

… 'Cause tonight is just like any other night

That's why you're on your own tonight

With your triumphs and your charms

While they're in each other's arms..."

Didn't take me long to get to this bloke, did it?

The Smiths - I Know It's Over

Alternatively, you could switch onto the hedonism of dance music which has nothing to say lyrically, but instead taps into more positive vibes. Here's FreQ Nasty, aka Darin McFadyen, a DJ and producer who's worked with the likes of Fatboy Slim, Santigold and Roots Manuva... 

I believe that there is a connection between the exalted states on the dancefloor and the spiritual states achieved in meditation...

Music and meditation both allow a fuller and richer experience of our emotions: They stop our incessant and often negative mental chatter and offer us an opportunity to inhabit the present moment more fully and meaningfully. These are all important for good health and happiness in human beings.

So that's where I've been going wrong all these years! I need to get into dance music. 

Sadly, that boat has sailed. 

But I'm being facetious for comic effect. (Who, me?) Because I do get everything from my own musical choices that Mr. Nasty describes above, even the miserable stuff. Here's a song that's made me very happy recently...

The expert says...

If your friends are constant sources of negativity in your life, it may be time to find more positive people.

But I don't think I agree. So my quest continues...

To close, here's a cheery thought to take home with you.