My Top Ten Songs About What Men Are...

Some time ago, I put together a Top Ten Songs About Bad Women. It's been awhile coming, but here's ten about bad blokes... or what makes us bad.


10. Curve - Men Are From Mars; Women Are From Venus

And we won't be happy till we kill each other, apparently. Always good to start cheerfully...

9. Rosemary Clooney & Marlene Dietrich - (Men Are) Good For Nothing

Rosemary and Marlene haven't met a good man yet...

He will swear he's seeking
Your love for ever more
And then he comes home reeking
Of perfume you never wore

You'll maybe wanna shoot him
But he isn't worth the shot
And you can bet the other woman
Has found out he's not so hot

8. Jefferson Airplane - Milk Train

You know that old "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" guff? Here's what Grace Slick makes of that...

Some men just talk me dry
Some men are just liquid in the mind.
Some men are absolutely rigid
Some men are easy feeling but they're hard to find.

7. Babybird - All Men Are Evil

Not really sure what Stephen Jones is getting at it, but it's typically bitter.

6. Neil Diamond - Men Are So Easy

When Neil Diamond speaks, I listen...

A boy becomes a man
And in the time he learns to stand
He finds a way to build a wall
To hide behind if he should fall
He grows to be a man
And show the world that he can stand
Not knowing fear
Or even pain while
Underneath when you look deep
A boy remains

5. Beulah - A Good Man Is Easy To Kill

Yeah, we've all met a few blokes like this...

When they drilled holes in your skull
And screwed that halo to your head
Did you think you could fly?

4. Aztec Camera - How Men Are

Why should it take the tears of a woman to see how men are?

P.E.R.S.P.E.C.T.I.V.E.

3. Nick Lowe - All Men Are Liars

Nick is of the opinion that our words are worth no more than worn out tyres. Furthermore, he has something to add about Rick Astley...

Well, do you remember Rick Astley?
He had a big fat hit, it was ghastly.
He said I'm never gonna give you up or let you down.
Well I'm here to tell ya that Dick's a clown.
Though he was just a boy when he made that vow,
I'd bet it all that he knows by now:

All men are liars...

Dar Williams does a great of this too, but I couldn't find it on youtube.

2. Jimmy Webb - What Does A Woman See In A Man?

So what does the godlike genius of Jimmy Webb reckon about men...?

He stinks to high heaven, half covered with hair
And grunts just like some old orang-utan
While she smells of clean skin and a trace of jasmine
And speaks like a first rate librarian

His stomach hangs out, there's a hump on his back
He eats like Conan the Barbarian
While she keeps herself trim, and her posture is prim
Her manners are quite cosmopolitan

He laughs like a donkey and farts in the bed
And flips cigarettes in the can
But she always acts nice, with no visible vice
Tell me, what does a woman see in a man?

And that's just the beginning!

1. Grand Popo FC - Men Are Not Nice Guys

Leave it to those crazy French to sum up the biggest problems with blokes...

Drinks, finks, football and drugs,Business suits and newspapers, arguments, work, cable TV.Laziness, cars, lungs, size... don't you know what girls say sometimes?Men are not nice guys

...although we can probably think of a few bigger ones, if we try.



Then again, nice guys finish last, don't they? And all the good girls love a bad boy. Really, none of us can win...