Last week, when Alyson revealed that she had 83 blog post ideas pending, I was forced to check my own drafts folder. I was ashamed to discover 345 posts waiting to be completed. Some of them are no more than a title and a couple of songs, others are drafts of posts I've already published (so they need deleting) and others I've been reluctant to tackle because I was finding it hard to narrow the list of songs down to just 10.
Well, I'm going to try and tackle a few of these over the summer, to see if I can cut my drafts down to a least... I dunno, 330? Let's start with ten songs about spies... with a special mention, of course, to the very first Billy Bragg album, Life's A Riot With Spy Vs. Spy, from which this is a superb way to kick off your recording career...
And now, onto the real spy songs. Be careful... they're watching you!
She's one of a dozen Yet you've seen the state Of the other eleven So hold onto her Stay focused Don't let your eyes stray low And watch her with interest Keep the springtime at bay
She's got spies and they're looking out for me But it's not like the KGB, it's just a game we play She's got hooks meant for catching fish at sea And she's casting them out and about to catch me unaware
Some kind of kinky role play thing going on there.
That Martin Rossiter could be a bit creepy at times...
Honey are you listening? I'll make you stay at home Can't afford the risk I want us to go on As a sign of my love I've a spy in the clubs So I'll know if you go I will know
...then again, he was probably just trying to keep his lady safe from this lot...
It has to be said that Pulp's ultimate Spying Song is Babies, in which Jarvis hides in the wardrobe of his mate's sister and spies on her until she discovers him. There are a couple more twists in that story.
But I Spy is pretty special too. And once again, only Jarvis Cocker could get away with lyrics like these...
And it's just like in the old days I used to compose my own critical notices in my head "The crowd gasp at Cocker's masterful control of the bicycle Skilfully avoiding the dog turd next to the corner shop"
Imagining a blue plaque Above the place I first ever touched a girl's chest
But hold on You've got to wait for the best You see, you should take me seriously
Very seriously indeed.
Cause I've been sleeping with your wife for the past sixteen weeks Smoking your cigarettes Drinking your brandy Messing up the bed that you chose together
And in all that time I just wanted you to come home unexpectedly one afternoon And catch us at it in the front room
You see I spy for a living And I specialize in revenge On taking the things I know will cause you pain I can't help it I was dragged up
My favorite parks are car parks Grass is something you smoke Birds are something you shag Take your "Year in Provence" and shove it up your ass!
As mentioned earlier, I could easily have gone another ten of those. Which top secret tunes would you have included?
I have to admit, when I started this Top Ten, I didn't immediately think of King Creosote. It took Charity Chic to give me a gentle reminder that his real name is Kenny Anderson. One of the reasons KC didn't immediately jump to mind is that he's been on my Get Round To Listening To Eventually pile for a while now. That pile's one step over from the Bottomless Wishlist Pile: it's for those artists I've actually got round to acquiring music by... just not got around to listening to yet. Am I the only one who does this? Acquire more music than it is humanly possible to consume? Is it a sickness? Why can't I set myself some ground rules: don't buy any new records until you've listened to all the ones you've not listened to yet? Would that be so hard?
The weird thing is, I actually own more songs by King Creosote than I do by Kenny Loggins, Kenny Wells and Gerard Kenny put together. Bloody hell - I better start listening to some of them.
Well, I've done just that. And they're pretty good. But as I've just discovered King Creosote has released over 40 records, it may take me a while to work my way through the rest. Thanks for that, CC.
I've chosen the following track because I have cats and first thing in the morning, when there's furballs on the kitchen table, urine on the floor and a very bad murder in the litter tray, I often want to jump on at them. Plus, it makes me smile. (The song, not the litter tray.)
