Paloma Faith introduces our final selection of songs about ladies whose name begins with P, giving me an excuse to play another tune we used to perform in my brass band days...
No, we weren't going with the Jonathan King version.
Before we go any further, I will admit that I couldn't find any songs addressed to Prunella... but I did find a band named after everyone's favourite Sybil...
Don't judge me. That's one of their better offerings. If The Verve had recorded that song (and I can hear Richard Ashcroft singing it), we'd be calling it a classic. Much as I dislike Gary Barlow, he can write the odd decent pop tune.
Stevie Wonder and Paul McCartney sang Ebony & Ivory, about black and white living together in harmony on the piano keyboard. If Stevie were on his own, it'd just be...
Sad to hear of the passing of Kenny Rogers yesterday. If I get chance, I'd like to run a Top Ten Kenny Songs... although they will probably be the obvious ones. Always had a lot of time for Kenny. I guess he knew when to fold them...
Here's yesterday's answers...
10. Sadder than a rug cutting Walrus.
Sad = blue. The Walrus (of Love) was Barry White. Cutting a rug is dancing.
The management of My Top Ten does not endorse killing your spouse and takes a very dim view of pop stars who advocate such deplorable behaviour.
(There will, naturally, be quite a bit of country in this top ten, since most country singers - especially the women - are homicidal maniacs on the quiet.)
Bearing in mind that Miranda Lambert wrote this a good few years before she hooked up with Blake Shelton... you've got to say he was a pretty gutsy bloke to leave her for Gwen Stefani. He must be watching his back every night...
Standing in the bathroom with a gun in my hand Pulling on the trigger just as fast as I can I can hear her scream as she reaches for the lover beside her
Married by the Bible, she was only sixteen
I was fresh from prison trying to follow my dream Who'd ever thought I'd be the judge and the jury that tried her?
Blood splattered all over the wall The gun still smoking as I watch it fall
Not quite sure whether if Sarah really wants her old man to put her out of her misery... or if she wants him to dig a grave she can then sneakily push his useless corpse into. Either way, I don't think he should be messing with her.
In which Eminem kills his ex-wife Kim and sticks her body in the trunk of his car, while singing a bastardized version of Just The Two Of Us to his little girl who's come along for the ride. Not the first time he's done something like this; I'm sure it won't be the last...
Written and recorded by Garth Brooks (but don't let that put you off), this song tells the story of a worried woman waiting for her husband to come home on a stormy night. She's terrified that something's happened to him so when he rolls up in the driveway, she rushes out to hold him... and smells another woman's perfume.
That's where Brooks's version ends... but there's a third verse in Tanya Tucker's recording of the song...
She runs back down the hallway and through the bedroom door She reaches for the pistol kept in the dresser drawer Tells the lady in the mirror he won't do this again 'Cause tonight will be the last time, she'll wonder where he's been
A drunken wife-abuser takes it way too far one night and walls up her body to cover up his crime. She's gonna haunt him till he cracks...
Cry freedom for the woman in the wall Cry freedom for she has no voice at all I hear her cry all day, all night I hear her voice from deep within the wall Made a cross from knitting needles Made a grave from hoover bags Especially for the woman in the wall
A lady discovers her husband has been sleeping with someone else, so she gets the other woman's number and gives her a call. The only time they ever meet is at his funeral...
It was the first and the last time they saw each other face to face
They shared a crimson smile and just walked away
And left the secret at the grave
I really wouldn't mess with Carrie Underwood. Check out what happens to the abusive husband in Church Bells... or hear the warning she gives a cheating partner here.
In an album called Murder Ballads - in which every track drips blood - the opener is perhaps the darkest of all. Imagine a strange doctor turned up on your doorstep late at night and told you a story about how his wife and three children had all been murdered while he was out on his rounds. He quotes Milton, breaks off into bursts of "La la la la la"s and then asks if you've got a room?
Earl sounds like a right git, to be fair. He is played by one of my favourite actors - NYPD Blue's Denis Franz - in the video, though, so I don't like to see him get rolled up in a tarp like that. The dancing Zombie Earl at the end is worth sticking around for though.
Little tip: if you're married to one of the Dixie Chicks and she cooks black-eyed peas for tea... feign a stomach ache.
Well, the weeks went by and spring turned to summer And summer faded into fall And it turns out Earl was a missing person who nobody missed at all
1. Jimi Hendrix - Hey Joe
Hey! Joe! Where you going with that gun in your hand?
I'm goin' down to shoot my old lady You know I caught her messin' 'round with another man..
That's not gonna end well, is it?
Not that I'm looking for them (I got into enough trouble with the other half when I posted My Top Ten Divorce Songs) but your suggestions are always welcome...
