Snapshots #454: Settlement Songs

Welcome to a list of 15 songs about places we might choose to make a home in...

15. Mourning turtles and dodos.

Doves - Kingdom Of Rust

14. Mimosa.

Those of you who enjoy a nice cocktail will know that a Mimosa is another name for...

Bucks Fizz - The Land Of Make Believe

13. Strictly - new meets half of old.

Those of you who like watching celebrities dance on TV may well be horrified to have learned that the new Strictly host is Josh Widdecombe. Not a patch on the former host, old Wink' (Claudia Winkelman).

Josh Wink - Higher State Of Consciousness 

12. Novel prize and contemporary currents, tripled.

Booker Prize. New berries. (Yes, currants are berries. I googled it.)

Booker Newbury III - Love Town

11. What's Ben's tomato worth, under the current exchange rate?

"Ben's tomato worth" was an anagram.

The Boomtown Rats - Banana Republic

10. Glaswegian Manga.

Urusei Yatsura - Strategic Hamlets

9. Stewart, Dean and Joyce.

James - Hymn From A Village

8. Hymn to making her doubt her own sanity.

Gaslighting is not big and not clever.

The Gaslight Anthem - Biloxi Parish

7. Not an imaginary hatchback.

No, it's a Real Estate!

Real Estate - Municipality

6. The first search engine found rhymes for campanologists.

The first search engine was (apparently) called Archie. 

Archie Bell & The Drells - Soul City Walk

5. Deliver them from email.

The Postal Service - The District Sleeps Alone Tonight 

...or you could have had...

The Postal Service - Brand New Colony

4. Swollen Cindy needs to unwind.

"Swollen Cindy" was an anagram.

Edwyn Collins - Nation Shall Speak Unto Nation

3. From Sunnydale to Martinique.

Buffy came from Sunnydale. Sainte Marie is in Martinique.

Buffy Sainte Marie - I'm Gonna Be A Country Girl Again

2. Oddities.

Space - Neighbourhood

1. Fancy pants in Ginger.

Kenny sang about Fancy Pants, with Ginger Rogers.

Kenny Rogers - Coward of the County

Come back to the Snapshots settlement next Saturday.

Snapshots #395: Hot & Cold Songs

The temperature's been zooming up and down so much lately that it robbed half of Spain and Portugal of electricity... and we hate to think of our Portuguese correspondent without the necessary means to read this blog.

Here are some hot songs and some cold ones... let's see if we can arrive at a happy medium before summer.

15. A can of #3.

#3 is Big Joe Turner, a tin a'...

Tina Turner - Steamy Windows

14. Billy's sad sea or Frank's mucky pond?

Two Oceans, both blue in their own way...

The Ocean Blue - Frigid Winter Days

13. Typical!

The Normal - Warm Leatherette

12. Eccles, in a hurry.

Jennifer Eccles, in a bit of a Rush.

Jennifer Rush - Ring Of Ice

11. Freeman's crane.

A derrick is a crane, for Morgan Freeman...

Derrick Morgan - Blazing Fire

10. It's in the air tonight, Einstein!

Little known fact: Phil Collins wrote In The Air Tonight, 'specially for Albert Einstein.

Albert Collins - Frosty

9. Hell's Bile III: This time it's perplexed.

Hell's Bile III was a perplexing anagram.

Billie Eilish - OverHeated

8. Church, Hatherley, Bronte.

The Charlottes - Cold

7. The man in the gabardine suit was a spy.

That's a lyric from America by S&G.

America - Molten Love

6. Filthy weasel.

Blue Mink - Melting Pot

5. Spasmodic fools. 

The Jerks - Cool

4. Mottled church.

A roan is a mottled horse...

Chappell Roan - Hot To Go

3. Large coffee for #15!

Cup of Joe for Tina...

Big Joe Turner - The Chill Is On

2. Book that will increase in value, thanks to a saxophone in the key of G... and 80s bin man.  

Kenny G played sax... Ted Rogers had a Dusty Bin...

Kenny Rogers & The First Edition - Something's Burning

1. Morally pure and chaste.

Or not, as the case may be.

Madonna - Frozen

The heat is back on next Saturday... cool!

Snapshots #274: A Top Ten Law Songs

Two TV lawyers have opened proceedings this weekend. Raymond Burr's Perry Mason yesterday and Harry Hamlin from LA Law today. I would have preferred a photo of his colleague, Susan Dey, but I couldn't find a shot of her with a camera. And I spent a long time looking...

Here's ten songs about the law.

10. Close range.

Point Blank - That's The Law

9. The Blair Wife Project.

Tony "War Criminal" Blair was called Cherie.

Cheri - Murphy's Law

8. The Bump... and grind.

Kenny sang about The Bump. Work out the rest yourself.

Kenny Rogers - Long Arm Of The Law

7. Mouse + Lemon Drops.

Mighty Mouse + The Mighty Lemon Drops...

Mighty Mighty - Law

6. Band you don't want to receive in the mail.

Remember when people were sending anthrax in the mail? I'm expecting some myself if I don't cut down my hedge.

Anthrax - I Am The Law

5. English captain's team.

Harry Kane is the England Captain. Look at me with the football!

The Kane Gang - Gun Law

4. Under Boris, life began.

Life begins at 40, not UB.

UB40 - The Day I Broke The Law

3. Belly fur / Boob fur.

Anagram!

The Bobby Fuller Four - I Fought The Law 

2. Filly of fish.

A filly is a horse. Fish live in the sea. Seahorses are fish.

The Seahorses - Love Is The Law

1. Leave no trace. Hide your face.

Lyrics. From Temptation by Heaven 17.

The law decrees more Snapshots next Saturday.

Negative Songs For Negative Times #1: Molly

My old friend Sally bought me the above book many years ago when we worked in the same commercial production department. We shared a love of morbid songs that got us through the horrors of that job. (I now look back fondly on the "horrors" of that job, of course: further proof that life only gets worse.)

The book tells the story of some of the most depressing songs ever written - from Tell Laura I Love Her to One by Metallica. Alone Again (Naturally), Seasons In The Sun, Hurt... a great read, though it always rankled that the author hadn't chosen a Smiths track. Bruce is in there though, with The River, and Billy Joel, with Captain Jack, which I always thought was about masturbation, but the author insists is a drugs dirge. Anyway, it's a fun read - the author keeps his tongue firmly in his cheek throughout, and it has persuaded me to hear a fair few tunes with fresh ears over the years.

The other day I stumbled across a song I'd never heard before, but I immediately had to send it to Sally. It's by Bobby Goldsboro, who does make the above book with Honey... although the song below takes the melodramatic misery to a whole different level. Like Ruby (also chosen by Tom Reynolds), it's the story of a soldier who comes back from war, no longer the man he once was.

Tissues at the ready...

No, no, wait for the talky bit... the talky bit will always get you... if only for its needless exposition...

My Top Ten Kenny Rogers Songs

Being that I was brought up (musically, at least) by Terry Wogan, Kenny Rogers was an ever-present figure in my childhood. By the time I became properly aware of him, his best years were over. In the late 70s, he switched from hard-bitten country storytelling to schmaltzy silver-bearded fox. It was a financially astute move, but creatively his early years are where it's at, particularly his time with The First Edition.

Here's ten of his best... the Top Five are, for my money, indisputable.


10. Making Music For Money

We'll start with the ironic one, bearing in mind what I said above...

My agent he just called me

And told me what I should be

If I would make my music for money

Instead of making music for me

He said that people only buy the love songs.

Rock and roll is not too long

He said son you got to be commerical

If you want to turn the people on.

And I said turning on the people

Now that's a beautiful place to be

But if I spend my time makin' memorable rhyme

Well who's gonna turn on me?

I said I know that this may sound funny

But money don't mean nothin' to me

I won't make my music for money, no

I'm gonna make my music for me

To be fair, this was a Jimmy Buffet song first... and I guess Jimmy practice what he preached.

9. Lady

Kenny, on the other hand, starting making multi-million selling songs like this... which I have a shameless fondness for, despite its shovelfuls of schmaltz. Terry played this one quite a bit.

8. Elvira

This, on the other hand, is more like it. With the First Edition, it gleefully rhymes the titular lady with "my heart's on fire-a"... and then throws in some giddy ups and hi ho silvers for good measure.

Sam likes this one.

7. Reuben James

Tackling Southern racism and professing love for the "no-account, sharecropping coloured man"... the First Edition had no fear.

6. Islands In The Stream 

With Dolly, obviously. Maybe this one's been ruined for you by bad karaoke and Rob Brydon. If not... it's a peerless country ballad, written by the Bee Gees... originally for Marvin Gaye! That's some pedigree.

5. Lucille

Adultery and sorrow-drowning writ large...

You picked a fine time to leave me, Lucille

With four hungry children and a crop in the field

I've had some bad times, lived through some sad times

But this time your hurting won't heal

You picked a fine time to leave me, Lucille

4. Coward of the County

A complete revenge Western in a 4 minute pop song.

You could've heard a pin drop when Tommy stopped and locked the door...

They even made a movie out of it!

3. The Gambler

You've got to know when to hold them

Know when to fold them

I guess if ever there was a time to fold them, Kenny, it's right now.

2. Ruby, Don't Take Your Love To Town

You've painted up your lips and rolled and curled your tinted hair

Ruby are you contemplating going out somewhere?

The shadows on the wall tell me the sun is going down

Oh Ruby, don't take your love to town

Heartbreak in a can.

1. Just Dropped In (To See What Condition My Condition Was In)

Because The Dude abides.

And somewhere in the darkness

The gambler, he broke even

But in his final words

I found an ace that I could keep.

Saturday Snapshots #128 - The Answers

Sad to hear of the passing of Kenny Rogers yesterday. If I get chance, I'd like to run a Top Ten Kenny Songs... although they will probably be the obvious ones. Always had a lot of time for Kenny. I guess he knew when to fold them...

Here's yesterday's answers...

10. Sadder than a rug cutting Walrus.

Sad = blue. The Walrus (of Love) was Barry White. Cutting a rug is dancing.

Barry Blue - Do You Wanna Dance?

9. Once upon a time... the end. Peanut ballads.

Once upon a time... the end... that's cutting a long story short.

Peanut ballads is my anagram of the year!

Spandau Ballet - To Cut A Long Story Short

8. Martin Luther ♡ $6,000,000 Man.

Martin Luther King adores The Bionic Man.

King Adora - Bionic

Don't worry if you don't remember them. They weren't that good. Although the NME thought they were the second coming for about a week.

7. Read Butler's smoking pal his rights and pour on the paraffin.

Butler's smoking pal is Lambert.

Your get read your Miranda Rights.

Miranda Lambert - Kerosene

6. Panic in the green streets leaves me wanting.

Panic In Detroit.

Emerald green.

Detroit Emeralds - Feel The Need In Me

5. Related to #1; wants to get to Homebase.

#1 is... explained below. Getting to home base is slang for going all the way.

Sly Fox - Let's Go All The Way

4. Small openings for ordinary ladies.

The Slits - Typical Girls

3. Albert's brother, perhaps, without his cereal, catches 40 winks.

Albert Hall's brother?

Without his (John) Oates.

Daryl Hall - Dreamtime

2. Yo, Dad, Sir... accept your fate.

"Yo, Dad, Sir" is an anagram.

Doris Day - Que Sera Sera

1. Pressured by Blur? Can't handle it? Call for an ancient French trickster.

Blur sang about Pressure On Julian.

Can't cope?

The ancient French trickster is Reynard The Fox.


Stay safe and well till next Saturday.