Saturday Snapshots #119 - The Answers

Mork calling answers... come in, answers!

Nanu nanu.


10. Poet stuck in the bog? Typical human being.

Shelley, up to his neck in the peat?

My favourite Mark Lamarr joke: "It's like the Buzzcocks without the buzz."

Watch the video and marvel at what strange times the 80s were.

Pete Shelley - Homosapien

9. A couple, in three movements? Child's play!

A couple are often lovers.

A concerto comes in three movements. (According to iffypedia.)

Children play with toys.

The Toys - A Lover's Concerto

8. Labelled middle-class? No worries.

Bourgeois Tagg - I Don't Mind At All

7. Too much superglue.

Too much is an excess.

If there was too much superglue between us, you would never tear us apart.

INXS - Never Tear Us Apart

6. Ode to a Phoenix, from a menacing anchorman.

Ode to River Phoenix?

Dennis was a Menace.

Bob Wilson was an anchorman. 

Well, I’d like to meet Stephenson the engineer

And I’d like to meet Faraday and buy him a beer

And I’d love to meet the bloke who had the bright idea of

Bob Wilson – anchorman

Dennis Wilson - River Song

5. Last dingo does Alan Partridge impression.

"Last dingo" is an anagram of Santigold. Although she was originally called Santogold, so that would make her the last dongo.

Santigold - Say Aha!

4. Second Goddess, electric smut.

We used to call smutty movies "blue". How quaint we were back then.

The second planet from the sun has the name of a goddess...

Shocking Blue - Venus

3. I am the... opposite of Frank Black. You are... the only one in the race.

I am the Walrus of Love.

The Bloodhoung Gang sang that they were "not black like Barry White, no I am white like Frank Black is".

The only one in the race would be the first, the last... pretty much everything.

Barry White - You're The First, The Last, My Everything

2. Creepy, kooky dad in police custody.

The Addams Family (creepy, kooky and altogether ooky) dad was Gomez.

Gomez - Get Myself Arrested

1. Jill and Sam's other halves enjoy sliced fruit in a tent.

Jack & Jill.

Sam & Diane. (One for Cheers' fans.)

Enjoy a melon slice at camp.

Cougar not pictured.

One of the best songs of the 80s...




O Captain, my Captain: Saturday Snapshots will be back next week. Carpe diem!

My Top Ten Operator Songs

Many, many years ago, when they had such things, my mum used to be a switchboard operator. The stories she could tell about the things she heard! Do we even still have operators? I can't imagine too many people dedicating a song to a pre-recorded "virtual switchboard". Press one for "the romance is dead".

Special mention to Operator Please, the band who recorded the amazing Just A Song About Ping Pong and The Operator by The Coral, which is actually about getting kidnapped and operated on by a bunch of psycho surgeons. Or something.


10. Gladys Knight & The Pips - Operator

As if calling her boyfriend to apologise for all the bad things she's done wasn't enough of a chore... poor Gladys has to go through the operator too!

9. Pete Shelley - Telephone Operator

Ever fallen in love with a video you shouldn't have?

Wikipedia informs me that if you play the arcade game Dance Dance Revolution, you get to dance to this song... in an arcade. Glad I don't believe anything I read on wikipedia.

8. Talking Heads - Dream Operator

Probably has nothing to do with making a telephone call... though you can never be sure with David Byrne. Still: quite lovely.

7. Nick Lowe - Switchboard Susan

How many telephone puns / innuendos can one songwriter squeeze into one song?

When I'm near you girl, I get an extension
And I don't mean Alexander Graham Bell's invention

6. Jim Croce - Operator (That's Not The Way It Feels)

Or, if Jim's moustache is too much for you, can I recommend the rather fine Jesse Malin cover version?

5. Chuck Berry - Memphis, Tennessee

I make no apologies for the fact that this was already featured in my Top Ten Memphis Songs. It's a stone cold classic.

4.  The Rah Band - Clouds Across The Moon

In space, the intergalactic operator can't hear you scream.

If the future really looks like the Rah Band imagined it would in this video, I'll want my money back.

Never mind. I'll try again... next year... next year... next year...

3. The White Stripes - Hello, Operator

Actually, I wouldn't be surprised if Jack White's phone still had an operator. He probably refuses to use any of them new-fangled ones.

2. Dr. Hook - Sylvia's Mother

Dennis keeps trying to get through to Sylvia. Her mother just wants him to leave her alone. The operator keeps demanding "forty cents more" to continue the conversation "for the next three minutes".

1. Tom Waits - Martha

I almost gave this one to Dr. Hook, which would have been suitably anti-cool of me. But then I remembered
this...

Operator, number please
It´s been so many years
And she´ll remember my old voice
While I fight the tears
Hello, hello there, is this Martha ?
This is old Tom Frost
And I am calling long distance
Don´t worry ´bout the cost...

Tom Waits sounds like a weary old man on this recording. The scary / crazy thing is, he was 24 years old when it was released...



Those are the songs that get me calling the operator - but which one would be your hold music of choice?