Self-Help For Cynics #28: Writing To Reach You

Elvis Costello & The Attractions - Everyday I Write The Book

I was up in my mum's attic a few months back and I found a load of my old writing. Novels, TV scripts, comic book scripts... all things I wrote before I owned a PC, so I guess it dates back to the late 80s and early 90s. Everything I've written since getting a computer has been saved on memory sticks and external hard-drives, but back then all I had was a crappy word-processor with a tiny screen that used an early form of floppy discs to save my work. (Prior to that, I wrote on a huge, clunky old typewriter... those really were the glory days.)

Fionn Regan - The Underwood Typewriter

I've been scanning these old texts (many of which are not very good at all, though they still mean a lot to me) so that I can keep them digitally - I haven't got room for all this mouldering old paper that's been stuck up in an attic for 30+ years... but I wouldn't want to throw any of it away without preserving it somehow. 

Father John Misty - I'm Writing a Novel

This process has reconfirmed for me the fact that writing has always been something I've used for Self Help (therapy!): to help me work out my feelings, deal with life experiences, try to make sense of the big mystery. 

The Good Rats - Writing The Pages

Back when I spent hours and days and weeks of my teenage and twenty-something life writing all this fiction, I told myself the goal was to be published (or produced)... the mental health benefits I received by putting my words down on paper were an unwitting bonus. I didn't realise how much writing was helping me, but clearly it was - everything I wrote had my own thoughts, feelings and life experiences as its core (no matter how fantastical other elements of the plot might have been), and the sheer amount of time I spent on it speaks for itself. 

Lynyrd Skynyrd - All I Can Do Is Write About It

The University of Bolton tells us...

Writing can be a self-care method for many; helping to unwind and de-stress. 

Writing about difficult situations can help us release our feelings in a healthy way. In a study conducted by psychologist James Pennebaker, researchers encouraged individuals to write about their darkest emotions and thoughts regarding a terrible incident. The findings revealed that individuals who wrote about their encounters had considerably fewer physical problems, such as migraines and gastrointestinal issues than those who did not write at all.

The Rare Earth - When I Write

This makes me wonder what might have happened if I hadn't spent so much of my youth writing. Would I have been significantly more depressed? Would in turn that have led to physical symptoms? Or... might I have spent more time with friends, trying to build more of a social life and immerse myself in the tribe? Would I have pinged off on a different tangent altogether? 

Paul Simon - Rewrite

Creative writing forces you to arrange your ideas and put them into words. This can assist you in putting things into perspective and making better judgments. Writing also assists you in becoming more conscious of your own ideas and emotions. 

It's worth pointing out that while I was doing all this writing, I wasn't a complete hermit. I did have friends and a facsimile of a social life - just not as wild/busy/varied as many teens and twenty-somethings enjoy. I even stumbled into a couple of romantic relationships. I fit the writing around all that. But I definitely lived in my head - and on my pages - far more than the average bear.

Lloyd Cole - Writers Retreat

However, the boffins from Bolton continue...

Some may also use creative writing as a way of connecting with others. Sharing tales and perspectives while also learning from, and supporting one another.  

Stevie Nicks - Has Anyone Ever Written Anything for You?

Back when I spent so much of my life writing those stories, they were rarely read by anyone else. Occasionally I'd submit one as part of my English degree (the tutors weren't my biggest fans) and one or two other people might have read something I wrote. 

John K. Samson - When I Write My Master's Thesis

And then there were all the agents, publishers and production companies I collected rejection letters from. But I'm not sure they count - clearly they didn't read my submissions in the correct way, otherwise I'd be talking to you while sitting on a huge pile of cash right now.  

Jerry Leger - She's the Best Writer You've Never Heard Of

(That was a joke, by the way. Even when I was an aspiring writer, I was aware that published writers often don't make a lot of money. That never stopped me, so clearly financial reward wasn't high up my list of aspirations. I just wanted to earn enough that I could keep on writing, and make it my life.)

Joe Henry - I Will Write My Book

The exception to the "Nobody reads my writing, but I keep on doing it anyway" rule that I lived by back then were the small press comics I put out. These did have a readership, and a particularly vocal one too. I had about 30, 40 regular readers from all across the country, having made a name for myself in the small pond of amateur comics and used the limited outlets available for self-promotion in the pre-internet days to the best of my abilities. 

Deborah Harry - Comic Books

Many of these readers would provide written feedback - I use the term "fanmail" very loosely, but a few folders of glowing handwritten correspondence was among the treasures I discovered in my mum's attic. I even ran a letters page in my most successful book,The Jock, and this would often run to 5 or 6 pages of tiny-typed feedback and discussion. By contrast, when I returned to making small press comics in the new Millennium, though the internet made it far easier to promote your wares and the print quality was far superior to the grainy black and white photocopies of the 90s, I hardly received any written feedback on my work. I sold more copies, but hardly anybody had anything to say about what they'd read - even though an email would have taken far less effort than posting a handwritten letter... such is the world we live in now. 

The Gaslight Anthem - Handwritten

Back to the University of Bolton for one final word about the mental health benefits of writing...

It can make you feel better about yourself as it allows people to see what's going on within your thoughts. You may even earn praise from friends and family after sharing anything you've produced with them. If you don't share your writing, then writing about yourself and the events in your life provides an artistic outlet to express your thoughts without fear of criticism from others. Writing about yourself allows you to ponder on who you are as a person and how much importance each human being has.  

Stars - Write What You Know 

Which all sounds great, doesn't it? This writing malarkey sounds like a true panacea - the cure to all our ills! Why isn't everybody doing it?

Gilbert O'Sullivan - I'm A Writer, Not A Fighter

And this is where we have to take a step back, to last week's post, and the week before's. Remember our old friend Tiberius? Remember how worried he was about other people's opinions? Remember how we discussed "externalising his self-worth", how Tiberius received a tiny little feel-good dopamine hit every time someone smiled at him or complimented him on his work? Remember that article from the Harvard Business Review that advised Tiberius to Stop Basing Your Self-Worth on Other People’s Opinions? Well, here's a little more from that...

Externalizing our self-worth, when it works, can yield short-term benefits. We get emotionally and chemically rewarded when we succeed. Our hypothalamus produces dopamine, often referred to as the feel-good neurotransmitter. Our self-esteem gets lifted, leaving us feeling safe, secure, and superior.

But dependency on external validation and social approval has a dark alter ego that reveals itself over time because outsourcing our self-worth undermines the basic human needs of competence, autonomy, and relatedness.

Bill Callahan - Writing

If, as a writer, you live for your readers' responses, that way lies madness. Because what if they don't like what you've written? I was lucky back in my small press comic days, because almost all the letters I received were positive or at least offered constructive criticism. The folk who didn't like my writing, frankly, couldn't be bothered to go to the trouble and expense of mailing me a kicking. Meanwhile, the rejection letters I received from publishers and agents... while every one of them was a heartbreaking kick in the balls... most went out of their way to be bland, neutral, faintly encouraging and inoffensive. 

OV Wright - I Could Write A Book

Nowadays, the only writing I have the time, energy or inclination for is this nonsense right here. I still get all the mental health benefits mentioned above, along with the added dopamine hits of a tiny group of discerning readers who occasionally drop me a kind word in the comment's section. But if I was in a small pond when I was self-publishing comics, I'm in a miniscule lagoon right now... though it's a relatively safe and warm lagoon, compared to the vicious, unforgiving ocean of the internet at large. Many people - especially young people - are living their whole lives on the cruel seas of social media, desperate for a bright wave of dopamine, but ever too often pulled down into the murky depths of... well, you get the picture. I extended that metaphor much further than I intended to. Hack writing.

Gerry Rafferty - Whatever's Written In Your Heart 

When SHFC returns after its Easter break, we will finally confront THE MENTAL HEALTH TIME-BOMB of Social Media. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Because my inside is outside
My right side's on the left side
'Cause I'm writing to reach you now
But I might never reach you
Only want to teach you, about you

Self-Help For Cynics #27: Dopamine

The Fixx - Opinions

Last week on SH4C, we met Tiberius, a “friend” of mine who worries constantly about other people’s opinions. 

And we asked the important question: Why do we care what other people think?

Major Parkinson - The Age Of Paranoia

Once again, the finger pointed firmly in the direction of our brains, and I immediately figured our old friend the amygdala might be responsible. However, it turns out there’s another suspect in the frame: the hypothalamus!

The Divine Comedy - Who Do You Think You Are?

The hypothalamus is a tiny little blob of gunk deep within our brain which takes charge of our heart rate, body temperature, hunger, and the sleep-wake cycle. It does a bunch of other jobs too, notably mucking about with our social behaviour – including sex-drive and aggression. How does it do this? By releasing hormones! And which hormone is responsible for our obsession with what other people think of us? Dopamine.

The Hormones - Don't Let Them Get You Down

Last week, we closed with a quote about “externalising our self-worth”: in other words, seeing ourselves as others see us. Take Tiberius – when someone smiles at him, even a stranger, he feels a little better about his day. If a colleague or peer compliments him on his work or tells him he’s doing a good job, it makes him happy. And if someone reads his blog or leaves a nice comment… well, it’s cartwheels time! Because every time one of those things happens, the hypothalamus in Tiberius’s brain releases dopamine… the “feel good hormone”… the “happy hormone”… the “pleasure hormone”. You’ll find many similar sobriquets applied to dopamine online. Because dopamine is also the hormone that’s released when we eat, have sex, and take drugs… anything that feels good. (Even if it's bad for us.)

D.R. Hooker - A Stranger's Smile

Healthline tells us…

Anything that gives you pleasure will trigger the release of dopamine. This can range from a fun activity you enjoy, like dancing or cooking, to sex, shopping, and even certain drugs. Dopamine activates the reward pathway in the brain, leading you to desire these activities more. For this reason, dopamine can play a role in addiction.

The Good Rats - Does It Make You Feel Good?

This opens up a whole bunch of questions for me. 

For example… if being smiled at by a stranger gives Tiberius a mini dopamine hit, why doesn’t he go out of his way to be nicer to strangers? Or... does he pick and choose which strangers he would rather be nice to, because, frankly, their smiles are worth more to him? Other factors outweigh the dopamine hit in certain circumstances. A smile from a little old lady in the supermarket who’s asked Tiberius to reach for a tin on the top shelf… that’s worth it. But he’s still not going to wave at that Audi driver and let him pull out, even if the Audi driver might smile back… is that because Tiberius believes the Audi driver won’t smile back, or does he get more of a dopamine hit by denying the Audi driver, by causing him a little inconvenience? There are, I presume, certain circumstances where being mean will grant you more of a hit than being nice? It all depends on who you’re interacting with in any particular moment. 

The Wonder Stuff - Happy:Sad

Speaking for myself, rather than Tiberius, I can report a recent incident when I was on the motorway, driving at the speed limit in the fast lane, with an Audi driver behind me, far too close, desperate to get past. When it was eventually safe to pull back into the middle lane, I did so. My hands remained at ten to two on the steering wheel, but I carefully extended the middle finger of my right hand as the Audi accelerated past. Up ahead now, the Audi swerved erratically as he opened his own car window and raised his own hand / fist / finger up into the air in a furious gesture of aggression. And then he was gone. But the fact that he’d clearly noticed my subtle bird flipping, and that it had aggravated him so very much... this gave me a much greater dopamine rush than any stranger’s smile could have done. Call me petty, but I was buzzing on that for the rest of the day.

The world needs people like you and me
Who've been knocked around by fate
'Cause when people see us
They don't wanna be us
And that makes them feel great

Avenue Q Cast - Schadenfreude

Going back to Tiberius, I’m sure that positive feedback from his colleagues – and the feel good hormones released as a result – encourage him to keep trying his best in the workplace. It’s interesting to note that some scientists believe a shortage of dopamine might be responsible for all manner of medical and psychological complaints, from autism to Parkinson’s, but that you can boost your dopamine by eating more protein (because that’s what it’s made from, apparently). Another reason to keep chomping brazil nuts… if I needed one. Better yet, Healthline tells us...

Listening to music can be a fun way to stimulate dopamine release in your brain.

Adam Green & Binki Shapiro - Just To Make Me Feel Good 

That'll do me!

War - The Funky Music Makes You Feel Good

And that third thing I mentioned that gives Tiberius an instant dopamine hit? Online blog feedback? Hoo boy. We’ve opened a real can of worms there...

Richard Thompson - I Feel So Good

Next week, we’ll talk about one of the biggest dopamine boosters on the planet – and, as a result, one of the most addictive drugs you will ever come across. Worse still, it’s perfectly legal and children are becoming exposed to it at an increasingly younger age these days… with all kinds of horrific consequences.

I’m talking about social media.

Oh, the horror.

If you could see the you that I see

When I see you

You would see things differently

I assure you

I wish I could hire Henry Rollins as my motivational coach.

Self-Help For Cynics #15: Perfect

It's got to be perfect
It's got to be worth it, yeah
Too many people take second best
But I won't take anything less
It's got to be, yeah
Perfect

Fairground Attraction - Perfect

I hate dealing with car repairs and mechanics. I always feel like they’re going to be patronising, supercilious and out to rip me off every chance they get. Unfortunately, due to the amount of mileage I do these days, my dealings with car repair “specialists” have increased… and any such encounter I can drive away from without a hole in my pocket or a bigger hole in my ego gives me cause for cheer. Actual turn up the radio, thump the steering wheel, whoop for joy jubilation. Survived another one! Got out with my wallet and my dignity (mostly) intact!  

There were bad times when my tank was running dry
And my machine couldn't shift into its gears
And on cold days it would stall
So I almost junked it all

The Good Rats - Mr. Mechanic

In her book Don’t Feed The Monkey Mind, Jennifer Shannon identifies three “assumptions” which our stressed out amygdala loves to accentuate. Last week I talked about Fear of Uncertainty… this week: Perfectionism.

The Orchids - Striving For The Lazy Perfection

I don’t think of myself as a perfectionist. I'm too lazy. Of Dr. Shannon’s three assumptions, this was the one I'd almost ruled out from the start. Until I read the chapter and realised that perfectionism goes hand in hand with something else which I am extremely familiar with: fear of failure. The expert explains…

While others find motivation from challenge, a higher purpose, a promised prize, or simply the joy of doing the thing itself, if you are a perfectionist, your motivation is fear of failing. Your mantra is: don’t screw it up! Only when you’ve completed the social interaction or task without making any mistakes will you be able to relax.

Skinny - Failure

This explains the whoop of joy I let out on escaping the maw of the mechanic, unscathed.

This also explains why I never asked a girl out in my teens, and only really stumbled into relationships in my 20s when the green light was showing and the welcome mat was thrown at my feet.

Chad & Jeremy - Teenage Failure

As I’ve grown older, I have learned to take more risks, step outside my comfort zone, force myself to flirt with danger if the prize was really worth having. That’s how I managed to get out of my old job… but I had to be backed into a corner by the firing squad to do it.

And this is the place where failure goes
If your dreams won't die
This is where all your hopes survive
If they're not a lie
This is where all the might-have-beens
Triumph and forgive
This is where all the star-crossed loves
Have the chance to live

Rupert Holmes - The Place Where Failure Goes

Dr. Shannon continues…

Perfectionists hedge their bets, only doing things they know they’ll be good at. If you do get saddled with something you aren’t good at, you may just put it off until the last minute, where you’ll have an excuse – not enough time – to be less than perfect.

Sound familiar? Or is it just me again?

Chip Taylor - Fuck All The Perfect People

The argument goes that really successful people achieve their goals because they’re unafraid of failure. They fall off the horse... then they get back on and try again. Eventually they get where they want to be. I’ve often argued that the reason I didn’t make it as a professional writer is that I didn’t push myself enough. Every rejection letter was a kick in the teeth. Many of my contemporaries who did succeed in that field lost all their teeth but just kept growing new ones. I don’t believe they were better writers than me. They were just better at recovering from a kicking, or as Jennifer Shannon puts it…

…relatively few high achievers expect perfectionism from themselves.

Just everyday problems
Find a way of bringin' you down
But if you want it bad enough
Find a way of turning it around
You find a way of turning it around

There's one thing that'll beat failing
That's trying
If anybody tells you different
They gotta be lying

Bobby Womack - There's One Thing That Beats Failing

A former colleague (notably more successful than me in most aspects of her life, but also a major screw-up in certain areas) used to swear by a popular self-help book of the late 80s / early 90s called Feel The Fear & Do It Anyway. She adopted the book’s title as her mantra and it appeared to serve her well. Cynical moi used to pour scorn on the very notion, but the more I read about the way our brain works against us, the more I’m coming to accept the wisdom in that mantra. 

Oh baby, here comes the fear again, oh-oh
The end is near again, oh-oh
A monkey's built a house on your back
You can't get anyone to come in the sack
And here comes another panic attack, oh
Here we go again

Pulp - The Fear

One final word from the good doctor…

When we allow for some risk, we give ourselves more choices and we prepare ourselves for when things go wrong. If we deny ourselves the privilege of being wrong or failing, we’ll be unable to take the risks that are necessary for meeting our personal goals. This is why, in addition to anxiety, perfectionism is associated with depression, procrastination, addiction and low self-esteem.

Failure hurts though. It’s not just a metaphorical kicking, it can feel as painful, as brutal, as any physical assault. I remember when I was applying for my current job. There was a moment when an obstacle was placed in my way which seemed insurmountable. All the hope I’d placed in this one opportunity, this lifeline escape from the mental misery of The Bad Place… and now it looked like it was all a pipe dream. I actually collapsed on the floor like I’d been punched in the stomach. I remember sitting there in abject despair… feeling actual physical pain.

I get knocked down... but I get up again

Chumbawamba - Tubthumping

Somehow though, I managed to pick myself up and try to find a solution. I still don’t know where I found that impetus. It doesn’t come naturally. Maybe for some people, you only get it when you hit rock bottom.

Failure is always the best way to learn,

Retracing your steps until you know,

Have no fear, your wounds will heal.

Celebrity Jukebox #48: Spencer Tracy

Spencer Tracy’s middle name was Bonaventure. I think we can stop there, can’t we? 

No? 

He was born in 1900, and appeared in 75 films between 1930 and 1967, the year of his death. He was also the first person to win a Best Actor Oscar two consecutive years running. The only other actor to do that… we won’t mention, because he brings me out in hives. Let’s just say he’s no Spencer Tracy.

Like Cary Grant, Spencer Tracy enjoys international renown, even today. So let’s start our brief journey through his musical mentions in Sweden.

Bo Sundström is the lead singer of Swedish pop-jazz band Bo Kaspers Orkester. Today, he’s left the Orkester at home…

Bo Sundström – Spencer Tracy

Jag kommer aldrig bli kär
Jag kommer aldrig bli kär
Jag kommer aldrig bli kär
Som Spencer Tracy

I initially thought this might translate as “I will never be a man like Spencer Tracy”, but it seems “I will never fall in love like Spencer Tracy” seems more likely. Either way, Bo’s probably right.

Meanwhile, in Germany…

Nils Koppruch – Stadt In Angst

Es gibt kein Bett in der ganzen Stadt
Dass Lee Marvin nicht gemietet hat
Verloren in der Wüste und der Arzt ist krank,
Genau wie Spencer Tracey in die Stadt in Angst

My universal translator may be on the fritz here (see what I did there?), but this seems to suggest there’s not a bed in town that Lee Marvin hasn’t rented, that he’s lost in the desert and the doctor is ill, and as a result Spencer Tracy comes to town in fear. Make of that what you will.

No translator needed for The Good Rats, as they hail from Long Island. They have featured on this blog a number of times before, as I’m particularly fond of their song Advertisement In The Voice. This comes from the same album, Ratcity In Blue…

The Good Rats – Tough Guys

Tough guys
Always been my kind of man
Doin' the things that I can't
Tough guys

Let's not ignore
The greatest of all
Ladies and gentlemen
Spencer Tracy!

From Long Island to Long Fin Killie, a band I’ve never heard of before. Apparently they’re Scottish and came along at the height of my musical heyday in the late 90s, so I’m surprised I never stumbled across them after all these years down the mines.

Long Fin Killie – Valentino

And this is why I wish I could be
Just like Spencer Tracy
But I don't have the build or the poise
And I'm a few pounds shy

If I were more like Spencer
I might not carry this handful of broken fingers
Just 'cause I saw Valentino smoking under the streetlight

From Salford, here’s someone we’ve all heard of…

Elkie Brooks – When The Hero Walks Alone

I've been staring at the late show
Instead of holding you
Watching lovers learn to let go
The way that heroes do

Had my heart on Spencer Tracy
But I got Bogart in the cold
It can drive a woman crazy
When the hero walks alone

Now here's a band who didn't make many records, but are still firm favourites with certain parts of the blogosphere...

Tallulah Gosh – Bringing Up Baby

Thinks storms are lovely weather
She says, "What day is it John?"
"What day is it?"
And they begin
To think of them as one person
Really the girl and Spencer Tracy
Cheekbones you could cut
La la la la la la la la la la la

Carlos Perón was a founding member of Yello. He quit to pursue a solo career just before Dieter Meier and Boris Blank hit the big time.

Carlos Perón – Los Alamos

Harold M. Agnew’s elbows
Make a pair of wings for his head
On top of which his hands fold in a clasp
He looks like Spencer Tracy now…

That last line might be familiar to you, as it’s also the title of my favourite Spencer Tracy song, from Deacon Blue’s debut album, Raintown. That's what I'll leave you with today. Thank you for your kind attention.

Monday Morning Blues #3: Coo Coo Coo Blues

I don't know why I have the blues. Maybe it's just my disposition.

The Good Rats came from Long Island New York in 1964. They've been around in one form or another ever since, although none of the original members are still playing. They've featured here before with the amazing Advertisement In The Voice (in which they start to get the blues around 3 o'clock, coincidentally). Today, they have a warning about chatting up the wrong girl in a bar, especially if your name is Coo Coo Coo...

I hope your week goes well.

My Top Ten Radio Shows (Right Now)

"I'd sit alone and watch your light

My only friend through teenage nights..."

It's a cheesy old line, but Roger Taylor was onto something there. I've always listened to night time radio to help me through the long lonely hours, to stop my mind racing at 3am, to take comfort from music and a friendly voice.

A few years back though, radio was supplanted by streaming. Although there were a couple of shows I listened to, I found myself losing interest in a lot of night time radio (or my favourite old shows were one by one taken off the air and replaced by bland, airbrushed blah... i.e. Radio 2 over the past five to ten years.

Night time radio's a tricky one, because it can't be too loud. I loved Peel, but rarely listened to his show to calm my troubled mind or help me get to sleep. Because you never knew when he was going to play some screeching unlistenable toss to shake you out of your slumbers.

Recently, and largely due to the increased anxiety of these uncertain times, I've listened to a lot more radio. These are my favourite shows right now to keep me company through the wee small hours. Thanks to BBC Sounds (the iPlayer was better, but... progress), I can listen to any of these whenever I want. The majority are on the BBC purely because I can't listen to commercial radio. Don't even start me on the sorry state of that medium. I worked in it for 25 years and it breaks my heart what they've done to it. Besides, there's nothing relaxing about your late night radio being interrupted by an ad break. Take it from one who used to write the bloody things.

I record these here for posterity, for my own memories, to remind me of what gets me through the nights, as Mick used to sing. A sample track is given for each.


10. Gimme Country Radio

 Only just discovered this because Chuck Prophet is one of the DJs. Free streaming country music. If you like that sort of thing. Which I increasingly do.

Leon Russell - Jambalaya

9. Radcliffe & Maconie

Only at number 9 because I don't really listen to them at night time. I do catch up with them on a weekend morning though, comfy as an old pair of slippers. Back in the day, Radcliffe meant as much to me as Peel did to an earlier generation. I'm glad he's still doing what he does best: wittering on the wireless. And Sam has liked Stuart Maconie ever since he won on Richard Osman's House of Games.

Nice to hear this on the radio last weekend.

Cinerama - Dance, Girl, Dance 

8. Ralph McLean

Stumbled across Ralph on BBC Radio Ulster and got rather addicted to his Country and Rock & Soul shows. Only an hour and a half (they've cut him down recently, which is a shame) but he's a similar age to me and even more addicted to music. Often does themed shows - last week he did 90 minutes of Otis Redding and other people singing Otis's songs. It was a bloody good listen.

Otis Redding - Hard To Handle

7. Huey Morgan

Huey's early Saturday morning Radio 2 show is still an essential download. They took it off the air for a few months during lockdown and I really missed it. It's not as good as it used to be when he was on at 3am, or even midnight, and you can tell he's toned his act down in recent years to keep the Radio 2 bosses happy. But he's still a good radio friend, even though he breaks the "talking directly to you" DJ rule by continually addressing his listeners as "ladies and gentlemen". His 6Music show is also a good listen, but too loud for nights. His favourite Queen song is Dragon Attack and he plays it every three weeks or so. It's not one I care for that much, but I like that he gets away with it. Plus it's the place I first heard this beauty...

The Good Rats - Advertisement In The Voice

6. Roddy Hart

On Radio Scotland - which is basically what Radio 2 should be, and confirms for me once again that I have far more in common with my Scottish pals than many of my own countrymen. Roddy is a singer songwriter in his own right (he's played with Kris Kristofferson, so credit where it's due) and that's his bag on the radio. He likes a lot of the same obscure indie songwriters I dig, and has introduced me to a few new ones. Always worth dipping into.

Bill Callahan - Pigeons

5. Iain Anderson

The king of late night Scottish radio, though I never knew him when he was at his peak. Glad to have discovered him in the last few years though. Radio like it used to be. Plus his lyric quiz frequently gets me wracking my brains. I used to think I was pretty good with spotting lyrics...

Jim Croce - You Don't Mess Around With Jim

4. Guy Garvey's Finest Hour

Laidback Sunday afternoons, and the only 6music show that doesn't try too hard to be hip. Guy's natural northern delivery really does feel like a friend chatting to you in the pub. Now with added Simon Armitage, so what's not to love? (As Radcliffe always says.)

Tiny Ruins - Me At The Museum, You At The Winter Gardens

3. Bruce Springsteen - From My Home To Yours

Already covered here. Basically my dream radio show.

Childish Gambino - This Is America

2. Another Country With Ricky Ross

I used to get pissed off with pop stars becoming radio hosts... almost as though they were doing professional DJs out of their jobs. Thankfully, pop stars are now doing a great job of saving radio... and they generally get left alone to play what they want rather than having to conform to the shackles of playlists like Rex Bob Lowenstein did.

Anyway, Ricky Ross. The bloke out of Deacon Blue. Turns out he loooooves country music. And he knows how to separate the wheat from the chaff.

Blaze Foley - Clay Pigeons

1. Natasha Raskin-Sharp

If you'd told me a few years ago that my favourite radio show would be presented by a woman from TV's Bargain Hunt, I'd have laughed in your face. But I am addicted to Natasha's Thursday evening Radio Scotland show... I usually listen to it on Friday and Saturday nights and to say it's a highlight of my week is really no overstatement.

I'm not sure I can explain why. Natasha is a good 15 years younger than me, unlike most of the presenters above who are either my age or older. And unlike a lot of the shows above, I reckon I usually know between 30 and 50% of the songs she plays. But no other presenter I can think of captures the eclecticism of Peel (without the loud bits - so perfect for my ageing ears), moving effortlessly from Television to Chicken Shack, Yo La Tengo to Can, Dawn Penn to Devo. I never know what she's going to play next, only that I'll like it. This is what radio should be. Long may she reign, the Queen of (my) late night radio...




Guest Post Thursday will return soon... otherwise, you might have to put up with more of this waffle.

You know what to do.

My Top Ten Humphrey Bogart Songs

Another new feature. I pick a famous actor or actress, then find ten songs which link to them one way or another... and try to explain the link in as few words as possible.

We're starting with Humphrey Bogart because he is a legend. Not the greatest actor ever, but certainly one of the greatest movie stars. This guy had charisma, attitude, presence by the bucketload. He was a tough guy, sure, but he knew how to take a beating too. And while the kids of today probably wouldn't even know his name, the songwriters of yesterday couldn't stop writing about him. I could probably have made this a Top 20, just from songs that mention him by name (I won't be as direct with every star I choose), and I didn't even have to go to Nik Kershaw.


10. Peter Hammill - No More (The Submariner)

Get ready to have you brain fed through a Van der Graaf Generator. Prog off!

Oh! To be King John or Douglas Bader,
Humphrey Bogart or Victor Mature!
Which one is false and easy?
Which one harder?

9. Hall & Oates - Heavy Rain

Anyone who doesn't dig Hall & Oates, well... when you're slapped, you'll take it and like it.

We've seen a million faces
All staring at you and me
But just like Humphrey Bogart said
Before he passed out on his bed
Here's looking at you kid
And the rocky road ahead

8. Melissa Etheridge - Watching You

Probably one I should haved saved for volume 2 of My Top Ten Stalker Songs...

Sure I'm alright
No I'm not very cold
Every now and then I can feel the subway heat
So go on inside
I'll leave you alone
Anyway Bogart's on in the window down the street
And I gotta do something

7. Roxy Music - 2HB

2HB? To Humphrey Bogart. Thanks, Bryan.

Here's looking at you kid
Hard to forget
Here's looking at you kid
At least not yet
Your memory stays
It lingers ever
Will fade away never

6. The Good Rats - Tough Guys

Lots of famous tough guys from the golden age of Hollywood pop up in this Good Rats song, but Bogie takes centre stage...

Bogie, I've always dug your crowd
The fat man and Peter
And Claude and the rest

Play it again, Sam
These falcons have gone
To their nest
Oh, yes

5. The Beautiful South - I May Be Ugly

I pulled this one out for My Top Ten John Hurt Songs, but it's too good to ignore here...

He dreamt of those old-fashioned movies
Where Bogart gets the dame
But a lorry load of Lorre
Is still the score of pain

"A lorry load of Lorre"... that's some top alliterative punning right there.

4. Suzanne Vega - Freeze Tag

Two kids mucking around in a playground as winter draws in...

You stand
With your hand
In your pocket
And lean against the wall
You will be Bogart
And I will be
Bacall

3. The Donnas - Pass It Around

But there's always someone who's gotta spoil it for the rest of the gang
You're such a little Bogart and I'm sorry but you just can't hang

Why don't you pass it around
Don't bring the party down
If you don't pass it around
We'll run you right outta this town

I had to Urban Dictionary this one...

"To keep something all for oneself, thus depriving anyone else of having any. A slang term derived from the last name of famous actor Humphrey Bogart because he often kept a cigarette in the corner of his mouth, seemingly never actually drawing on it or smoking it."

See also Little Feat - Don't Bogart That Joint.

2. Al Stewart - Year of the Cat

On a morning from a Bogart movie
In a country where they turn back time
You go strolling through the crowd like Peter Lorre
Contemplating a crime
She comes out of the sun in a silk dress running
Like a watercolor in the rain
Don't bother asking for explanations
She'll just tell you that she came
In the year of the cat

Definitely Al's finest moment. (I wonder if I could have managed a Peter Lorre Top Ten?)

1. Bertie Higgins - Key Largo / Casablanca

Two for the price of one. Another couple I owe to Wogan, I suspect. No idea how else I'd remember these songs. The interweb informs me that "Bertie Higgins is one of China's most requested American entertainers". Good for him.

We had it all
Just like Bogie and Bacall
Starring in our old late, late show
Sailing away to Key Largo...

If you think I've missed any obvious ones out... they might crop up in volume two of this series... so you might be able to guess who's coming next.

Feel free to leave a comment, but remember: people lose teeth talking like that. If you want to hang around, you'll be polite.

January #1: Is There Really Such A Thing As A Good Rat?

1. The Good Rats - Advertisement In The Voice

I've been wanting to feature this track for a while now but I kept holding off because I have half an idea I'll feature it at some point in a Top Ten Lonely Hearts Column Songs. To be honest though, I'm struggling a bit with that one, so any suggestions beyond this and Escape (The Pina Colada Song) would be gratefully appropriated.

Anyway, The Good Rats. This is one of those songs that I fell in love with the second I first heard it. It was in the middle of the night and insomnia had struck, so I was listening to Huey Morgan's show on Radio 2. I love Huey's selection of music: although he does like a lot of cool stuff as all 6Music DJs do, he doesn't shy away from the uncool and, being American, he has a different perspective on a lot of tracks the NME would have frowned upon back in the day... because, unlike most other 6Music jocks, he didn't grow up reading the NME. But much as I enjoy his 6Music show whenever I catch it, his ridiculously timed Radio 2 show (3 - 6am on Saturday morning) is where the Fun Lovin' Criminal really lets the eclecticism fly. Rock, blues, salsa, indie, dustbowl folk, rap, disco, show tunes... he genuinely knows no limits. And yet he somehow keeps it all passably Radio 2, which is probably why I dig it more than his 6Music show... because he's far less likely to play Supertramp on there.

Oh, sorry, I was supposed to be talking about The Good Rats, wasn't I? They had me with that piano intro... but then the story kicked in and: Oh my god! What is this? I actually sat up in bed, flipped open the tablet and turned to Huey's playlist to find out...

I teach a class of forty principles of mathematics
In a fine Northeastern school
I've read the great philosophies of Plato, Christ and Socrates
And I live by most their rules

But at three o'clock I start to get the blues

I read your advertisement in the Voice
Seeking some companionship to pass the lonely days
You made no stipulations, and only signed it "Friend"
Oh it's three o'clock, and I'm alone again

I love to listen to the melodies of Bach and Beethoven
And I think Bowie's a gas.
In '68 I worked for Gene and helped bring down the big machine
And I prayed that it would last

But at three o'clock I start to get the blues

I read your advertisement in the Voice
Seeking some companionship to pass the lonely days
You made no stipulations, and only signed it "Friend"
Oh it's three o'clock, and I'm alone again

I have a nine room house completely furnished in the best of taste
And I drive a brand new Porsche
I have a Quadraphonic system with complete access to tapes
And I could be a Santa Claus

But at three o'clock I start to get these blues

I read your advertisement in the Voice
Seeking some companionship to pass the lonely days
You made no stipulations, and only signed it "Friend"
Oh it's three o'clock, and I'm alone again...

Look, I don't often quote the whole song, do I? And it's really OK, because I know you haven't read all the lyrics anyway. But maybe you will if you listen to the track. Here is the perfect lyrical balance: minutiae of detail suggestive of a much bigger story. It creates a character, essays loneliness incredibly well, and makes me grin whenever I hear that line about his music system. Seriously, what else do you want from a song?

The Good Rats were from Long Island, and have been in the go since 1969 (they still are, though lead singer Peppi Marchello passed away in 2013). They were a local band to New Yorker Huey and he probably heard this particular track a lot when he was a kid. It's from their third album, 1976's Ratcity In Blue, which I recently downloaded in full from emusic. It's a varied batch of songs, many quite a bit rockier than Advertisement... but there's not a bad track on there and I'll be investigating some of their other records soon. I really don't know why I love it as much as I do, but it's just one of those songs that as soon as it ends, I have to skip back to the beginning and listen to it all over again...

My Top Ten Songs (Volume 2: May 2015)

Here are the worms that have been tickling my eardrums this month...


10. Ash - Cocoon

After 2007's Twilight of the Innocents, Ash claimed they were done with albums and would only release singles from now on because the internet was changing the way we consumed our music and kids were shit. Or something. Eight years on, thankfully, they've changed their mind, with a brand new album onomatopoeiacally titled Kablammo!

Judging from the opening single, there are no great leaps of innovation here, just hard & fast rock 'n' roll in the traditional Ash style, sounding like they never went away. It's good to have them back.

9. Modest Mouse - Pistol (A. Cunanan, Miami, FL. 1996)

Modest Mouse are a band I occasionally love, but never for an entire album (even when they rope in Johnny Marr, as they did last time round). Their latest long player, Strangers To Ourselves (like Ash, their first in 8 years: lazy gits), has some pretty good tracks, but only one that blows my socks off.

Pistol is told through the voice of serial killer Andrew Cunanan, the murderer of Gianni Versaci (and four other people). Taking place one year before his tragic killing spree, it's disturbing and exhilarating: like Natural Born Killers on warped vinyl.

8. Christopher Cross - Arthur's Theme (The Best That You Can Do)

Dudley Moore's Arthur is not a great film...don't try and convince me otherwise. It is, however, undoubtedly one billion times better than its dire 2011 remake featuring the execrable Russell Brand. Anyway, the best thing about Arthur is its theme tune, composed by the combined might of Chris Cross (not to be confused with Kriss Kross), Peter Allen, Carole Bayer Sager and Burt Bacharach. Yes, it's cheesy 80s soft rock of the kind many lump under the "guilty pleasures" banner these days... but I don't believe in guilt when it comes to music. Class is class.

Heard this again playing on a Gold station in the local café. Made my day.

7. LunchMoney Lewis - Bills

Look, kids, a quirky novelty rap record (with piano!) from the current pop hit parade... yes, they actually still have that. Anyway, LunchMoney (Gamal to his mum) will no doubt go on to a glittering career as another bland Kanye wannabe (without piano), but right now he's cool and different. And I still like his tune... although give it another couple of weeks and I'll probably be heartily sick of it. Such is the law of novelty records.

6. Juicy Lucy - Who Do You Love?

If there's a recurrent theme to this particular post, it's that I still discover a lot of music through (a choice selection of trustworthy) radio shows... and that when I hear a song I like that I haven't heard before, I often jump to wildly inaccurate conclusions. Like when I first heard this, I thought it must be a new Nick Cave record. Turns out it's a cover of an old Bo Diddly track, recorded in the early 70s by a British blues rock band who were previously known as The Misunderstood but changed their name in honour of a prostitute from Leslie Thomas's novel The Virgin Soldiers (filmed in 1969 with an uncredited cameo from David Bowie).

Anyway, this rocks like your mum's socks and doesn't sound like it's well into it's 40s. But then, neither do I.  (Or maybe I do. Make up your own minds.) Also, for those of you who are interested in such things, the album cover features various images of "a burlesque dancer named Zelda Plum, naked except for a covering of fruit". Ah, the 70s...

5. Used To - We Can Deal With The Details Later

Heard Jarvis playing this on 6Music and had to track it down. Cynical, world-weary indie, it could have been Luke Haines before he went batshit crazy. Apparently the band have an album coming out soon called 'Festival of Disappointment' which is a good enough title to get my money. Can't find anything out about them on t'interweb though, and they only appear in the video with giant mirrors on their faces. You know, I wouldn't be surprised if this was another bizarre Luke Haines side-project. We'll have to wait and see.

4. Kool & The Gang - Get Down On It

Sam's first earworm. "Get Down... On It" has become his catchphrase over the last few weeks. We've even got him boogying to this... although he has a disturbingly Miley-esque twerk to his dance style that I'm hoping he grows out of before he embarrasses himself at the play group disco.

3. The Good Rats - Advertisement In The Voice

One of my favourite radio presenters at the moment is ex-Fun Lovin' Criminal Huey Morgan. He's on 6Music every Saturday morning but also does a bizarrely scheduled 3-6am show earlier on the same day on Radio 2. In the past, this'd mean his only listeners would be insomniacs and graveyard shift workers... but in the 24/7 world of takeaway i-Player programming, it means I can listen to him whenever I like. Which is good, because he plays a great mix of music (rock, funk, soul, hip hop, MOR), much of which I've never heard before... but I certainly want to hear again.

I've heard him play this achingly nostalgic ballad by The Good Rats a couple of times over the last few weeks and I was wondering whether it was a new release... until I did a little digging and discovered that it's from the band's 1976 album Ratcity In Blue. For those of you who've never heard of them before (myself included), The Good Rats came from Long Island, New York, and while they never quite made the big time, they did open for Springsteen, Meat Loaf and Ozzy (among others) and put out a good few records that are now on my Wants List.

Advertisement In The Voice will crop up here again if I ever do a Top Ten Lonely Hearts Column Songs. It stars a man who's got a good job, a nice house and all the trappings of wealth... but no one to share them with. And if I'd listened to those lyrics a little more attentively at first, I wouldn't have mistaken this for a new release...

I have a nine room house completely furnished in the best of taste
And I drive a brand new Porsche
I have a Quadraphonic system with complete access to tapes
And I could be your Santa Claus...

Ah, yes, 1976: when having complete access to tapes was the height of technological sophistication...

2. Elbow - What Time Do You Call This?

A new Elbow single is always a cause for celebration and this is Elbow at their most heartwarmingly anthemic. Sadly, it's not the precursor to a new album (though Guy Garvey's solo album should be out soon), instead it's a standalone "single" taken from the soundtrack of Simon Pegg's new romcom Man Up. As always, Garvey's lyrics perfectly mesh bittersweet romanticism with amusing northern colloquialisms to breathtaking effect...

Call me out on all my lies
Hold my ticker with those eyes
Weather every winter while
Check my spelling, ring my bell
Don't expect tender sex
Check my spelling, ring my neck
Separate me from my breath
Kiss me nearly half to death, ohh
(What time do you call this?)

1. Blake Shelton - Austin

I first came across Blake Shelton - and his debut single, Austin - a couple of years back while I was compiling My Top Ten Answering Machine Songs. I liked it enough that I bought his greatest hits package; but while there are many fine songs on that collection, my admiration for Austin just grew and grew. It's a great story - girl leaves boy, goes back home to her folks, realizes (after a year) that she's made a mistake, calls him up again as a longshot... and gets a surprise from his answering machine. But it's the minutiae of detail that make it so affecting, the inference that this guy is filling his life with activity - bowling, the Friday night ball game, weekends at the lake - to fill the hole she's left in his life. And though her response is cheese on a stick, if you don't get lump in your throat when you hear that last verse... you've no right to call yourself a hopeless romantic.

All that said, the one thing I can't get out of my mind is this: if this guy really is leaving details of his entire social calendar on his answering machine on a daily basis... it's to be hoped no burglars are calling.




So, those are the tunes that have been on high rotation in my head this month. What's been gnawing at your tympanic membrane?