Once again, the finger pointed firmly in the direction of our brains, and I immediately figured our old friend the amygdala might be responsible. However, it turns out there’s another suspect in the frame: the hypothalamus!
The hypothalamus is a tiny little blob of gunk deep within our brain which takes charge of our heart rate, body temperature, hunger, and the sleep-wake cycle. It does a bunch of other jobs too, notably mucking about with our social behaviour – including sex-drive and aggression. How does it do this? By releasing hormones! And which hormone is responsible for our obsession with what other people think of us? Dopamine.
Last week, we closed with a quote about “externalising our self-worth”: in other words, seeing ourselves as others see us. Take Tiberius – when someone smiles at him, even a stranger, he feels a little better about his day. If a colleague or peer compliments him on his work or tells him he’s doing a good job, it makes him happy. And if someone reads his blog or leaves a nice comment… well, it’s cartwheels time! Because every time one of those things happens, the hypothalamus in Tiberius’s brain releases dopamine… the “feel good hormone”… the “happy hormone”… the “pleasure hormone”. You’ll find many similar sobriquets applied to dopamine online. Because dopamine is also the hormone that’s released when we eat, have sex, and take drugs… anything that feels good. (Even if it's bad for us.)
Anything that gives you pleasure will trigger the release of dopamine. This can range from a fun activity you enjoy, like dancing or cooking, to sex, shopping, and even certain drugs. Dopamine activates the reward pathway in the brain, leading you to desire these activities more. For this reason, dopamine can play a role in addiction.
For example… if being smiled at by a stranger gives Tiberius a mini dopamine hit, why doesn’t he go out of his way to be nicer to strangers? Or... does he pick and choose which strangers he would rather be nice to, because, frankly, their smiles are worth more to him? Other factors outweigh the dopamine hit in certain circumstances. A smile from a little old lady in the supermarket who’s asked Tiberius to reach for a tin on the top shelf… that’s worth it. But he’s still not going to wave at that Audi driver and let him pull out, even if the Audi driver might smile back… is that because Tiberius believes the Audi driver won’t smile back, or does he get more of a dopamine hit by denying the Audi driver, by causing him a little inconvenience? There are, I presume, certain circumstances where being mean will grant you more of a hit than being nice? It all depends on who you’re interacting with in any particular moment.
Speaking for myself, rather than Tiberius, I can report a recent incident when I was on the motorway, driving at the speed limit in the fast lane, with an Audi driver behind me, far too close, desperate to get past. When it was eventually safe to pull back into the middle lane, I did so. My hands remained at ten to two on the steering wheel, but I carefully extended the middle finger of my right hand as the Audi accelerated past. Up ahead now, the Audi swerved erratically as he opened his own car window and raised his own hand / fist / finger up into the air in a furious gesture of aggression. And then he was gone. But the fact that he’d clearly noticed my subtle bird flipping, and that it had aggravated him so very much... this gave me a much greater dopamine rush than any stranger’s smile could have done. Call me petty, but I was buzzing on that for the rest of the day.
The world needs people like you and me Who've been knocked around by fate 'Cause when people see us They don't wanna be us And that makes them feel great
Going back to Tiberius, I’m sure that positive feedback from his colleagues – and the feel good hormones released as a result – encourage him to keep trying his best in the workplace. It’s interesting to note that some scientists believe a shortage of dopamine might be responsible for all manner of medical and psychological complaints, from autism to Parkinson’s, but that you can boost your dopamine by eating more protein (because that’s what it’s made from, apparently). Another reason to keep chomping brazil nuts… if I needed one. Better yet, Healthline tells us...
Listening to music can be a fun way to stimulate dopamine release in your brain.
Next week, we’ll talk about one of the biggest dopamine boosters on the planet – and, as a result, one of the most addictive drugs you will ever come across. Worse still, it’s perfectly legal and children are becoming exposed to it at an increasingly younger age these days… with all kinds of horrific consequences.
I’m talking about social media.
Oh, the horror.
If you could see the you that I see
When I see you
You would see things differently
I assure you
I wish I could hire Henry Rollins as my motivational coach.
Oh, would some
Power the gift give us To see ourselves
as others see us! It would from many
a blunder free us, And foolish
notion: What airs in dress
and gait would leave us, And even devotion!
So ends one of Robert Burns' most famous poems (well, the English translation of it anyway, which I'm sure will horrify some of you), in which Burns writes about seeing a louse crawling on a woman’s bonnet in church. At first
he’s disgusted by the sight, though by the end of the poem he turns more
philosophical. If we could see ourselves through other people’s eyes, he argues,
we would lose all our pretensions and realise that no one person is better than
anybody else…
Nice idea, Rabbie, but many of us spend far too much time
worrying about how other people see us. Welcome to FOPO – Fear of Other People’s
Opinions. Here’s a for instance…
Someone I know – we’ll call him Tiberius – finds it hard to
make small talk with colleagues or discuss his life outside work. He can handle
more formal discussions about work-related matters in a relaxed fashion, making
jokes when appropriate, and generally feels like his opinion and experience is
valued in those circumstances. But when everyone starts chatting about what
they did last night, what they’re doing at the weekend, what they’re watching
on TV or what music they like… he clams up. If someone raises a topic he has an
opinion on – say they mention a TV show he’s actually watched or a band he has
some knowledge of – he’s not afraid to chip in. What he won’t do is set the agenda.
He won’t mention a show nobody else has been talking about, and he certainly
won’t tell them he’s been out to see Craig Finn or Lucinda Williams over the
weekend. (In case you’re wondering, Tiberius goes to a lot of the same gigs I
do. We don’t go together because, to be honest, I find him rather tedious company.)
Why won’t Tiberius tell his colleagues about the great time
he had watching Craig or Lucinda? Why would he rather pretend he’s done nothing
at the weekend? Why won’t he ask them if anybody’s watching the final series of
Curb or if they saw Fargo Season 5 – the best one yet? Well, only Tiberius
would be able to answer those questions for sure. But here are a couple of
suggestions…
1. Tiberius doesn’t feel that his own life would be of interest
to anybody else. (There’s a huge irony here in that Tiberius spends a great
deal of his time chronicling said life on a blog that very few people read – I’m
not linking to it, to spare you the agony. But he does that, he claims, purely
for his own mental health, and it’s a bonus if other people read it, though he
really can’t understand why they would.)
2. Tiberius does not wish to be judged by his own interests
or opinions. If he tells people he watches Curb, they might think he’s a sociopathic
misanthropist like Larry David. And mentioning any kind of musical interest
outside the mainstream is a certain way of finding yourself stereotyped or
pigeon-holed, labelled and tagged. You like country music, Tiberius? Yee-haw!
You like ROCK? Do… I… need… to… talk… more… slowly… so… you… understand? You
like Taylor Swift too? Sad old man desperately trying to cling onto his youth
by appearing hip? Bruce Springsteen? I never liked Born In The USA… too
jingoistic for me. No, expressing any kind of musical preference just opens one up to stereotyping, prejudice and general all-purpose ignorance… and the last
thing Tiberius wants is to get into an argument defending his tastes… because
that would just make him look touchy.
Why does Tiberius care what other people think? To answer
that question, I turned to our old friend Mr. Google, who directed me towards psychologist
Michael Gervais at The Harvard Business Review. Gervais has written a couple of
articles that jumped out at me, one called How
to Stop Worrying About What Other People Think of You and one called Stop
Basing Your Self-Worth on Other People’s Opinions. The first of those is a
bit too Inspirational for me – it concludes by suggesting we tackle self-esteem
issues by cultivating our own “personal philosophy” or mission statement… but
then, this is The Harvard Business Review, and Gervais’s clients do include “world
record holders, Olympians, internationally acclaimed artists and musicians,
MVPs from every major sport, and Fortune 100 CEOs”… so what do you expect? (Clearly he's overcome any of his own self-esteem issues a long time ago.)
Still, best
not to consult Dr. Gervais if you're a mediocre loser like Tiberius. His article did
however reiterate something we’ve discussed here before – how the monkey brain
fears being ostracized by the “tribe”.
Unfortunately, FOPO is part of
the human condition since we’re operating with an ancient brain. A craving for
social approval made our ancestors cautious and savvy; thousands of years ago,
if the responsibility for the failed hunt fell on your shoulders, your place in
the tribe could be threatened. The desire to fit in and the paralyzing fear of
being disliked undermine our ability to pursue the lives we want to create.
The second article was more enlightening, particularly when
it discussed the core principles of self-worth, and how everybody judges
themselves by a different yardstick. For some, academic prowess trumps everything
else. For others, it’s physical appearance. It could be financial stability or sporting
ability or just being a nice, caring person… we all have an internal barometer
of success, and they’re all attuned to a slightly different wavelength. Which,
when you think about it, makes seeing ourselves through other people’s eyes a
bit of a non-starter. Someone with an athletically-attuned mindset might look
at Tiberius and think, you’re getting a bit flabby, mate, isn’t it time you hit
the gym? But if that doesn’t match Tiberius’s own metric… he'd rather people thought he was a good writer and a genuine human being... so what’s the point in
even trying to make a comparison?
Other people's lives Seem more interesting 'cause they ain't mine
Gervais gets to the crux of the matter when he discusses “externalising
your self-worth”, in other words, trying to conform to other people’s metrics.
Externalizing our self-worth,
when it works, can yield short-term benefits. We get emotionally and chemically
rewarded when we succeed. Our hypothalamus produces dopamine, often referred to
as the feel-good neurotransmitter. Our self-esteem gets lifted, leaving us
feeling safe, secure, and superior.
But dependency on external validation
and social approval has a dark alter ego that reveals itself over time because
outsourcing our self-worth undermines the basic human needs of competence,
autonomy, and relatedness.
Woah. There’s quite a lot to unpack there. I fear we may
have to return to Tiberius next week…
When Ben messaged me to say that John Hyatt had passed away last week, I mistakenly thought he meant John Hiatt. But it wasn't the American singer-songwriter who had left the stage, it was the singer from 80s post-punk politicos The Three Johns. This John balanced his "pop" career with a day job teaching fine arts at Leeds Poly.
Benjamin Zephaniah
Ben was also the first to inform me of the death of writer, musician and poet Benjamin Zephaniah. Ben remarked...
I think anyone who knew the alternative 80s and 90s scenes, or was involved in English teaching, had a positive view of him.
Very true. Ben and I have both taught English, and Khayem commented in his own tribute that...
...it was an inspirational English teacher at secondary school who burst our predominantly white working- & middle-class suburban bubble by incorporating the poetry of Benjamin Zephaniah and Linton Kwesi Johnson into our studies, a life changing moment for me.
Coincidentally, I'd just featured a track by the poet in my Self-Help For Cynics post on Responsibility when I heard about his death. And here he is again...
Dean Sullivan
Khayem was also responsible for alerting me to the death of actor Dean Sullivan a couple of weeks back. I was a huge Brookside fan in the 90s, and despite his many flaws (drug addiction & dealing, manslaughter, digging up Trevor Jordache), Jimmy Corkhill was my hero. For a jukebox tribute, I did consider that his brother Billy gets name-checked here...
...but in the end, this seemed like a far better song to play.
Tony Allen
The moment I heard about the death of the "godfather of alternative comedy", one song... hell, a whole album... came immediately to mind.
In 2011, Luke Haines, Cathal Coughlan and Andrew Mueller released an album called The North Sea Scrolls. It was purported to be an alternative history of the United Kingdom, as told to them by the "actor" Tony Allen. I'm a huge Luke Haines fan, and I think this may well be the best thing he's ever done. I've no idea what Tony Allen thought of it.
Finally, three more familiar faces to say goodbye to...
Brigit Forsyth
Still most famous for her role in Whatever Happened to the Likely Lads?, though she went on to appear in many other films and TV shows, including Boon and Still Open All Hours. Brigit was also a musician and singer. Here she is with her band The Fircones...
We used to have a teacher who, if he noticed a couple of students in his class making googly eyes at each other, would loudly whistle the theme tune to Love Story. It became a shorthand for youthful romance in my head. I'm not sure I've ever seen the film myself since someone gave away the ending. But my favourite Ryan O'Neal movie is What's Up Doc? with Babs...
Well, I looked in the mirror can you guess what I saw?
It wasn't Ryan O'Neal kissin' Ali MacGraw
It was me
It was me
Shirley Anne Field
Another actress not just famous for treading the boards...
However, Shirley Anne's biggest influence on the world of music must surely come through her role in Karel Reisz's adaptation of Alan Sillitoe's novel Saturday Night and Sunday Morning, a film which may have inspired a live album by The Stranglers...
And, most important of all, the best thing Stephen and Johnny ever did together. Another line from the film, "Why don't you take me where it's lively and there's plenty of people?", spoken by Shirley Anne herself, led Morrissey to pen those famous opening lyrics...
30 Seconds To Mars are the band illustrating this week's post. A band that I've never been able to listen to because... I'm very sorry... Jared Leto is a tool.
Anyway, onto your suggestions...
Martin was first out of the traps, with a track that has already featured here twice, getting its final outing this week...
Rigid Digit jumped in to tell us he loved the first two Wonder Stuff albums but doesn't rate them after that. Contrary as ever, my favourite Wonder Stuff record is their fourth one. Still, RD reckons their new song sounds like Jon By Jovi, so I might have to give that a try. ;-)
"Lyrically," Martin concludes, "you'll be here all day." (We probably will be anyway, thanks to Douglas, so I kept out of the lyrics search this week, unless you suggested them.) "I might as well get it out of the way and be the first to reference 30 years of hurt in..."
As you know, I have little time for the Glorious Game, but I do like The Lightning Seeds. So as football songs go, this is one of the only ones I have any time for.
Next up, Rigid Digit had a couple of suggestions of his own...
He makes records too? What, like he doesn't have enough money already?
Alyson wondered if both her suggestions would be disqualified because they're times. No, because if I disqualified them, I might also have to disqualify this week's runner up...
Thanks, Jim. I think I'll stick with Robert Downey Jr.
And then came Douglas.
Take a deep breath folks, because he's in it to win it this week...
"I was surprised how much tougher a round number like 30 was to find in my collection than I would have though. The best I could do pulled up some pretty great songs, but with references to 30 that were a little bit of a stretch, such as the time reference in
"Now, I have never been the greatest BNL fan, despite their origins from the streets of my own home town of Toronto and the leg-up the received in airplay and support from our then-mighty local alternative independent radio station CFNY. But they have pulled together some amusing lyrics from time to time, and I have always found the above description of compulsive record shopping very poignant and pointedly relevant to myself and my closest friends of the time."
I think we can all relate to that, Douglas. I can take the BNLs in small doses. Particularly One Week and that lightbulb song.
Well the judge and the jury came into the court room
About 9:30, the 23rd of Jun
Now we're all here to try your crime
To see if we'll set you free or make you serve your time
Very early Bruce. Great bit of guitar.
"Perhaps more directly a 30 reference is in The Beautiful South's The Rocking Chair, where it expresses the disappointment and dissatisfaction with the situation one finds one in after the passage of years:"
So I'll take these high-heeled shoes
And yes I'll take these traditional views
I'll take this deep despair
Of a 30 year old square, to the rocking chair...
Paul Heaton went through a phases of writing some great songs about growing old, about 20 years ago. He doesn't seem to do that anymore. Too close to home?
Now, Douglas had one other suggestions, which we'll come to in a moment. Because I've a feeling that some of you may have already guessed that it's this week's winner.
I reckon George must have guessed I'd go for it... which is why he desperately searched his record collection for any alternative he could find...
"And The Auctioneer by Leroy van Dyke mentions a 30 dollar bid," George adds, in a final, Canutian attempt to head off the inevitable.
Thanks, George. I've lost count of how many times that track has been suggested in the course of this feature. And it's a special favourite of mine since my dad was an auctioneer when I was a kid.
OK, before we get to the winner, what other 30s were clogging up my hard-drive?
But there could only be one winner, and although I had thought The Supremes would take it this week, Douglas's persistence finally paid off...
"Perhaps y'all will forgive me when I mention that when I thought of the (Beautiful South's) use of "30" to express lost hopes and dreams of youth it immediately put me in mind of a song I recall went the rounds of my grade-school playground, lyrics being parroted uncomprehendingly by innocent young uns who must have heard it on the radio, for it did reach number 8 on Billboard's Top 40 in 1978:
Her name is Lola, she was a showgirl
But that was thirty years ago, when they used to have a show
Now it's a disco, but not for Lola
Still in dress she used to wear
Faded feathers in her hair
She sits there so refined, and drinks herself half-blind...
"Now after mentioning that, I think I will go off and drink myself half-blind as well, for I feel sure that is the first and only time Barry Manilow will be mentioned on these pages..."
However, as Douglas quickly discovered, that was not actually the case...
"Okay, I feel better now. After writing the above, I thought to do a search of the blog and found that what I said about Manilow was not true, and our esteemed author himself wrote in 2014, "...I'm not ashamed to say there are Barry Manilow records in my collection, or that I enjoy getting them out from time to time..." and in 2016, "I've never felt guilty about enjoying a bit of the old Bazzer boogie...". And "Copacabana" itself has been featured more than once in "Top Ten" lists, once reaching the giddy heights of No. 2! So perhaps, just perhaps, he may have a chance of bringing me victory at long last, and I can stop practicing my Marlon Brando voice, saying "I could have been a contender!""
A contender no more, Douglas. You are a champion! Although you did cut your lyrics short before they go to the best bit...
She lost her youth
And she lost her Tony
Now she's lost her mind...
From 30 Seconds To Mars to the Copacabana. That's this blog in a nutshell.
The most famous of all murdered pop stars. The Cranberries give a voice to his killer, Mark David Chapman, but their sympathies remain with the Walrus.
I never quite got Chumbawamba's message here, other than that - in their opinion - famous pop stars are hypocrites for getting involved in charity appeals. (By their calculations, Live Aid, Band Aid and Sport Aid raised less than half of Michael Jackson's "personal amassed fortune", "or about the same as the world spends on arms every two hours, forty minutes".
Most of the lyrics just do what it says in the title, but they do nail Cliff Richard to a cross towards the end... and there's another version where they do the same to John Lydon, for balance.
Poor old Rick Astley. Back in the late 80s, I hated him in his role as SAW poster-boy, but I've developed a weird respect for him over the years. Even Nick Lowe feels bad about writing these lines in All Men Are Liars now...
Well do you remember Rick Astley?
He had a big fat hit it was ghastly
He said I’m never gonna give you up or let you down
Here's Leonard turning the gun on himself... in reaction to his own critics.
"This song is for my critics and for my judges and for those who give marks to us everywhere, who evaluate our performance whether it is in the courtroom or the cloakroom or the bedroom. This is for the judges."
Paul Heaton's trick is to get someone with a much sweeter voice to sing his most poisonous lines, hence Jacqui Abbott's the one who gives voice to this hugely topical song (even more so today than when it was written 5 years ago) about the perils of Little Britain's fake-nostalgic jingoism which ends up making a figurehead of Mr. Collins, esquire.
Simon & Julia don't actually want the notorious Libertine to drop dead. This is more a comment on media vultures and a public over-obsessed with celebrity death. Apparently.
1. Chris T-T - Dreaming Of Injured Pop Stars
A similar sentiment powers Chris T-T's somewhat dated (pop-reference wise) yet still ESSENTIAL Number One (sorry, CC). Always raises a smile in this house anyway...
The bit about the Stereophonics is my favourite. Poor old Kelly Jones.
Got any pop star hit lists of your own? Share with the group.
38 Special are a Southern rock band formed by Donnie Van Zant, the younger brother of Lynyrd Skynyrd singer Ronnie.
As Martin identified in last week's comments, loads of songs make mention of the Smith & Wesson .38 Special, and though he chose not to mention them "in the spirit of gun control", that didn't stop the rest of you! I was metaphorically blown away by the following fully-loaded suggestions from...
All roads lead back to Nick Lowe. Going with "Me and My .38" by Carlene Carter off of 'Blue Nun' from 1981. This one was co-written and produced by then husband Lowe. She's backed by Lowe's band at the time... Paul Carrack, Martin Belmont, James Eller and Bobby Irwin. Love this album. Tough broad. When she leaves the key under the mat, you better show up or you'll have a double date with her and her .38.
I wish I could find that somewhere online, Brian, because it sounds like a cracker. Sadly, the internet let me down. However, I'll see your Nick Lowe suggestion and raise you this...
I'm not putting that into google translate, but I bet it's mucky.
Back to Martin then, who clearly thinks he's identified a smart way of winning this game: just choose songs by my favourite artists. (Although Lynchie's still smarting that this tactic didn't work for him last week.)
(Yeah, I know that last one would get quickly disqualified if one of you suggested it, but it's still a belter if you like Jeff Lynne shamelessly ripping off the Beatles.)
But, I'm sure it comes with great relief that Douglas saved you all from having to listen to Jon Bon Jovi's boob-inspired lyrics this week by suggesting this cracking story song from his oft-requested Canadian heroes, The Tragically Hip. I have a weakness for story songs, particularly when they involve breaking out of prison.
I had to use a spreadsheet to work out the winner yesterday, and I'm still not entirely sure I got it right. I think Lynchie just took it, ahead of a sterling performance from Chris, with Charity Chic coming in third, but only after being awarded bonus points for, as George put it, "showing off. Alyson, Rigid Digit*, George and Ramone666 hoovered up the rest.
(*By the way, if any of you haven't yet read Rigid Digit's latest post, I recommend you do so immediately... it struck a lot of chords with me.)
Thanks for once again proving his quiz has got plenty of Razzmatazz! Here are this week's answers...
10. What do football players say to the ref at the start of a match? Clan named ? loses an atom.
Finally finished watching Breaking Bad last week. Yeah, only ten years behind everybody else. This tune features heavily in one of the closing episodes.
3. Thankful when it gets dark and you can hear the Greenwich Time Signal even though you're on your way to see the satellites?
Tortuous clue that. When you're glad it's night, you can hear the pips from GMT, and you're taking the late train to see the Georgia Satellites?
